Spoke to GP

[BraveButShaking]

He is referring me for psychiatric help.
What does this mean? I thought standard was counselling.

It has never been so hard to be honest. I need a hug...anyone?

Thank you. You sound like a good friend. I'm so glad your friend is doing ok.

I'd really like to learn more about what my local unit's stay would entail (and when I say local it's actually quite far away as I live right on a county border), so I can make an informed decision, but I feel that if I ask lots of questions and then don't attend because it's just too hard to do with my existing responsibilities, the nurse will think I am not really motivated to change.

Don’t worry too much what others think, it’s hard to get it right! She may think you have an interest and will let her know when you are ready.

Hi OP
Private therapists’ prices vary hugely according to location and specialism.
In London you have to pay £100 for an hour of private therapy with an eating disorder specialist, in the country it can be £45.

I wouldn’t tell my GP about going private.

Only you know if you can keep it from them, if it’s added pressure (and secrecy) you don’t need then forget my suggestion.
I was just getting totally fed up with what the NHS has offered you so far and wanted to put it out there. Private therapy is much more affordable than people think and you are in control.

Day units are quite intense, I don’t think you will have any head space for work whilst there.
I did a group Schema therapy at the Priory once, years ago, it was one day a week for 12 weeks. I would not have been able to do anything else on those days.

I hope the New Year will be a much happier one for you. Remember you are strong and capable, you will get through this!

I'm in the country but really don't have £200 a month extra. I still trying to get back some financial security since my divorce wiped me out.

Back at home and work today and I have to say I am so much more calm for being back in my own space with control over what I do.

Many days over the break felt like a feat of endurance rather than the fun days they should have been. That's not to say I haven't loved seeing my family.

I feel sad that I'm glad to get back to the routine though, I've always been one to love school hols and a break.

I know exactly what you mean. Normally I hate this time of year but I'm feeling relieved to be back in a regular routine and, most importantly, being in control of what and when I'm eating. Life seems so much more manageable.

I relate to so much of what you're saying too. I find it hard to know if I'm really motivated to change or not - my therapist asked me this morning and I just shrugged. I seem to do quite a lot of that in relation to my ED.

Look after yourself.

So I went to running club tonight and one of my club mates said "gosh, you seem to lose more weight every time I see you". I didn't reply - what could I say? It was awkward. I probably have lost since he last saw me, but I didn't think it was so noticeable.

Also before Xmas I had dinner withy oldest friend who I hadn't seen for months. She didn't say anything at the time but txt me later that evening to voice her concern. She's a GP so spoke from a place of kindness.

I really can't see it myself

I know what you mean, I look at myself and don't seem that anything has changed even though I know intellectually that I have lost a significant amount of weight in a relatively short period of time and my therapist says that it's really obvious. Well not to me!

Yup, denial and a lack of courage to lose my coping strategies.

I do keep trying though.

How are you doing Brave?

Badly.

I'm so sorry . Have you got any appointments with your ED team coming up soon?

25th Jan (she's had some leave). I did call the ED team earlier this week when I was struggling and it was helpful and I appreciate them being available but of course she didn't know me at.

Good news though, she was able to tell me that I have been assigned someone for CBT. That's all she knew, so no idea how long I'll need to wait.
What's happened though (I think) is I've let my guard down knowing at some point I will get help in learning more healthy coping strategies, and the bad memories and flash backs have come back. I should probably bury them again until I know when my appointment is.

Psych appt 17th and I will go.

That's really good news about the CBT. I'm part of the way through the process and it's definitely helped my PTSD and flashbacks. Hasn't done anything for my ED but we've agreed that you can only really focus on one thing at a time. Take care

Still no news on when CBT will start, it's like a State secret.

Q. I had actually gained 800g at my last appt.

They seem to freak out at losing weight, which I understand, but if I am below the weight of my last appt but still higher than the one before will that be OK?

e.g
Weight in Nov 20kg
Weight in Dec 20.8kg

Weight in Jan (to be done next week) - more than 20.8kg = good
Less than 20kg = not good
Between 20 and 20.8 = ???

nb not my real weight!

How did the psych appointment go?

Yes I do. I just want to know what to expect....it's a control thing innit.

I ask here because me and the ED nurse are no fools.

I'm not suggesting you need to understand, I don't understand it myself.

Thank you for your input

I only just came across this thread but I identified with your OP - I'm the 'together, professional' woman too who would never admit there was 'a problem' - control? Control my looks, control my calories. all linked. also when the GP asks 'are you happy?' I would say yes. I mean, most of the time I do feel happy...and lucky not to have far worse problems like a lot of people do. but then, am I kidding myself because I wouldnt have BED if I was!?

I've got no answers of course, just wanted to say - me too.

Thank you edible

I saw the ED nurse today. I have gained 200g (woo).

Been chucked off the CBT list because after further discussion "they" agreed I am too low weight, thus not strong enough physically and emotionally to have what I need to take it on. It is time limited and needs to be effective. If it's not the right time the whole process will
be counter productive ie not having it at all is 'better' than having it and feeling I or it has 'failed'.

Disappointing, but I understand. So I need to get my shit together.
There has been very small, but significant positive changes in some things in my life so maybe that will give me the strength I need to be strong. I am asking friends to help me.

Just read the whole thread. Keep going Brave, you're doing really well. You will get there.