Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Trying.
I have binged/purged on and off (now down to once a month or so) for more than 30 years. No one at all knows and I've been married for 20+ years, I couldn't tell my DH. I don't find it as much of a problem any more, cutting out sugar helped for me, but I am now seeing a counsellor mostly because of my guilt and worries because I think my DD ( just left for Uni) has BED. I talked about my bingeing and it felt ok. Long way to go though and I'm still in a mess of stress about my DD.
I read this article about controlling mothers it seems horribly near to the truth for me. If any of you feel that this applies to you, what would you want your mum to do? Talk about it? Keep their distance? Apologise?
We have a close relationship but I recognise all my failings in that research.

I think it's definitely the shame, I've always had a bad relationship with food in general for atleast 15 years but it has taken a hold of me the last 18months. I think that my husband suspects as he has made comments as I'm not naturally good at hiding things but the thought of speaking about what i do fills me with so much anxiety. At the moment I'm about 1stone and a half over my normal weight as I've been binging like crazy the last month and a half and my husband keeps commenting on the wrappers and things like that I've hidden badly.

Thank you for making me feel welcome.

Mrsmargo I do feel so alone and just don't know where to turn sometimes.

Anotherguilty wow that's a very long time to hide it away, I thought the pressure of me keeping it in for aslong as I have was hard.

Welcome trying . I have to ask about your username...why did you choose it ? I ask because we have talked before on these threads about the pressure women are under wrt appearance and of course weight is a big part of that, all contributing to diet mentality and BED can be a consequence.

anotherguilty as a starting point to helping dd, can you put more emphasis on your own situation and how you recover? I know you worry and blame yourself for dd but although of course you will have influenced her, you weren't the only thing to make her the person she is now, just the same as you didn't develop your disordered eating as a result of one single thing/person. Why do you think you have the issues you do?

I know it sounds terrible but I feel like I purged as a practical solution IYSWIM, a way of having my cake and eating it. Less about emotional turmoil and more a way of trying to stay in shape. Being overweight is difficult for me, it makes me feel awful.
Having said that, that doesn't explain the binges. I wonder if that's all about control, if I have to eat something 'bad' (dinner party, social occasion) it just triggers me to eat loads of other stuff, as I might as well, then purge. I don't get upset or even feel terrible about it-but I really couldn't cope with others knowing.
You're right though, I can't affect her I can only sort myself.

Don't get me wrong another, I do think you can help her, but maybe you aren't in the best place to do that yet...I see it as sort of a 'get your own oxygen mask on first' type situation?

Have you looked at/tried Fairburn yet?

Hi all, I haven't read all of the thread yet but I'm wondering if I can join.

I have BED and have done for many years. I also have other MH issues such as borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety.
As I'm now in relatively high functioning none of my MH services really want to help me so I'm going it alone. My binge eating really has a big impact on the rest of my well being. I binge for a few weeks, feel disgusted and diet for a few weeks. The cycle continues.
I want a healthy relationship with food but I don't know what that looks like.

I've started reading reclaiming yourself from binge eating and that seems to make a lot of sense but I feel I need support too.

Welcome Crazy tell us some more about yourself

Fighting I'm so sorry, I never congratulated you on your official new status ! That's amazing. How are you doing?!

Thanks Sleep

I had a really good moment today though after reading some of this thread. I was hungry this morning and I was so close to buying food to binge on. I was able to stop and think about why. The reason was purely because I was hungry. I managed to talk myself (Literally) into walking away and having some breakfast at work to see if it passes. It did!! This is massive for me right now.

I have anxiety issues and I hate that nervous feeling. I have got into the habit of numbing it with food which I want to stop.

I sat on the train today reading the thread and you guys are amazing. It feels so good to know there is a safe place where I can talk honestly.

Thanks sleep I actually didn't realise the connection between my username and my issues but it definitely is part of my control issues. I'm still quite young (I don't want to give to much away but let's say under 30) and have 2 kids and sometimes I just feel like I'm trying to hold on to the old me whilst enjoying the new me at the same time my weight is a massive part of that as before I had children it was always very controlled but when I think about it I started to binge after I gave birth to my first.

Crazy, well done for pulling yourself or of it this morning this is something I'm struggling with at the moment, the binging is just constantly controlling me. I can definitely relate to you and the anxiety although I haven't suffered with it properly for a few years, it does get better trust me

Hello crazy - just wanted to say welcome to the group - the thread fluctuates a bit as people get busy etc but hopefully you've seen that you're not alone, and can feel free to talk about what you're going through.

At the moment I'm swinging between having really good weeks where binges are the last thing on my mind, to having terrible ones. I'm still trying to eat regularly, with no skipping of meals. And getting a good night's sleep seems to be a really important factor - I'm not doing very well at that right now.

How is everyone else? Fighting - are things at home still rumbling along nicely? And Jass, how is your meal delivery service working for you?

Trying I have struggled all through my 20's with MH issues and control issues. I can't wait to end my 20's and see if my 30's get any better so I think I have the opposite problem
I feel controlled by this, I hate it even more for that reason. I don't want anything to control me (I have been in abusive relationships so it is a sore issue) the hardest thing about this control is it is not an external thing. I can't just LTB.

Iron I can definitely relate to the good night's sleep and not skipping meals. I feel so much better when these things are in place but that happens so rarely. I am exhausted all of the time with my issues.

I have seen the word Fairburn a lot here but I haven't had time to read all of the thread yet. Would anybody mind explaining what it is?

It is this book Crazy.

[[http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Binge-Eating-Christopher-Fairburn/dp/0898621798 Fairburn book]]

Thank you it's a shame it's not on Kindle. I'll have to buy it and read some at night.

I had a good day yesterday but there were 100 easter eggs at work and they were eating some of them. This was torture for me as it's my trigger food. I decided not to have any as I knew I'd binge. Having that choice felt good though.

Crazy, you should be able to find a Kindle edition - I'll dig it out for you.

Are you at work today? It sounds mad at first but you could see how you feel just having one or two eggs...? One of the things I've been working on in recovery is to NOT deprive myself of any foods / food groups. What do you tend to avoid, other than those blasted eggs?! :)

Here you go - it's the later edition that's available on the Kindle. It's definitely a more discreet way of reading through it...

Hello Iron thank you for that. I'll definitely download it.

I haven't had a good day today. Well I didn't binge which is good but I restricted.
They have eaten so many eggs today and the smell was making me so unhappy.
I didn't have any, I knew I couldn't be trusted but I still hate myself for not being able enjoy chocolate like normal people. Why does it have to be 0 eggs or 100 eggs?
It's not just the smell but the packaging too. I have a bit of an obsession with sensory things and the colours, texture and familiarity of the packaging of the eggs reminds me of childhood. It's a comfort thing as well as that sugar high so I feel it's torture having it around me all day. It's been on my mind all day.

I'm trying to think of positive things that happened but the negative thoughts keep flooding back.
I went to buy some snacks as I was hungry yesterday and I just kept looking at calories and walked away. I went hungry instead.

I am sorry for the self pitying post

I think I've killed the thread.

How is everyone coping with the bank holiday? I know it's difficult when your normal routine changes. It certainly does for me.

No Crazy you haven't killed the thread. It does fluctuate. I did write a reply the other day but it didn't post as I loss internet connection - annoying!

To answer a few points:

Another I agree with sleep that you need to look at helping yourself first, but I think being willing to do what your DD needs - and that needs to come from her - is the main advice. My DM struggles to 'believe' in EDs (despite having BED herself I suspect) and has in the past focused a lot on my weight.

However, since starting my recovery, she has mainly respected my wishes of not focusing on it. As we all know 'our issues' are not really about the food or weight, but what is going on inside. But everyone is different. Is she back from Uni? How is it going?

Crazy sorry to hear about the affect the eggs had/have. I think Easter can be a confusing time for 'us'. It, like xmas, is a seaon where overeating is encouraged.

You asked about Fairburn, you need to read the book for the full effect but things I personally found useful:

• Eating regulary including snacks - for most this seems to be 3 meals & 3 snacks. I know myself that if I feel genuinely hungry it can lead to a binge.

• Being kind to yourself. Actually this was the first thing that fighting & sleep said to me on this thread. It is difficult to make positive changes when you are full of self-loathing.

• Accepting yourself as you are - just for now you need to drop the weight loss thoughts, which I know is very difficult but we need to address our relationship with food. And if we are constantly focsed on loosing weight it won't help us to look at what is going on with food, plus it will continue to contribute to our binges.

I honestly felt like he'd be reading my mind. Out of all the self-help books I have on the topic , it really is the one that has spoken to me.

• That the ED isn't really about the food. For me there are lots of elements that contribute to my behaviour - perfectionist, over organiser, low self-esteem...so recovery won't be instant.

My eating hasn't been great here & yes Easter is a bugger with all the choc & cakes knocking about!

However, on a more positive note...I have been making some changes to my tendancy to be the organiser in 95% of my relationships. I guess it gives me control but it also means I always have a large to-do list & the stress of trying to keep people happy. I also think people just take it for granted that "Margo will organise it" which means my efforts aren't always acknowleged and I am left feeling unappreciated.

As an eg I organised a gathering and one person complained about the location. Previously I might have offered to look for something else but she offered. So I left it to her and funnily enough she just decided it was ok afterall!

I am feeling v anxious about all the events & holidays coming up for my 40th (and that of friends). It is making me v focused on my weight. I am not getting on the scales for now, it just reminds me too much of dieting/the highs & lows of WW etc.

Still managing to get to a Pump class a week at least which I am pleased about. I want to try to start running regulary too, I think it will help my stress levels and it is quicker to do than going to the gym.

Work continues to be really busy, but hopefully it will lessen off in a month's time when a piece of work finishes. I really want to try to make it work on my own, but not sure if I am cut out for it. My perfectionism doesn't help.

Jass thinking of you, am guessing the security levels where you live are back up to v high.

Hope eveyone is enjoying the break of Easter? We have done some nice things including seeing a Gruffalo show which was really clever - just 3 actors on stage and dressed as human versions of animals.

Here I am. Sorry for being missing. I was on ski holiday last week,xonly to return home and find out that for security reasosn our offices remain closed down for the whole week ahead. Homewoeking - the BED disaster - clearly looming.......
On the other hand, all what is going on in central Europe right now makes me realise the whole weight issue is much more ridiculous than I have ever thought,even if I have theoretically made it clear for myself it is, since I resd overcoming overeating. Sadly it needs reinforcement, and the attacks in Brussels clearly do it.
Note - weight issue, not BED issue. And it makes me really angry that most of us have BED bcause of th bloody body image cult of the late last century. When I was young there was no Kardashian, no Amber Rose, and The Fattest Thing of showbiz was JLo, She is, maybe, a size 10? I hope younger generation has it better and we can hope that societal change helps them even if they are a bit scarred by our own generation BED issue.......

Will read back - meself, still using meal programming ehich tells me what to maje for my family so it is easy and healthy. But i am not resteicting us to it, if we want, we eat whatever we want. I have just used it to relearn what a normal meal might look like. It actually is much bigger than I would have previously thought,which is another proof that part of BED is eating too little of proper food and thus craving stuff because of hunger.....

Sorry fot typos, it is my i-pad..... No access to computer as it sits in the office...

Welcome new people!
Just read rhis link avout controlling mothers. i did not have one,,I had a negligent one istead. But I am perfectionist myself. A high achiever in every area of life. Thus I have BED because I needed to look so perfect.
I see where there might be a connection - if perfectionism is encouraged at home, kids can get ir. But I still think most perfectionist parents anyway have genes for it and give it to their kids, too. So hard to see whether it is behavioural or hereditary?

Thanks Margo Fairburn seems to speak sense.

Well done on letting go of being the chief organiser. I have to be in control because I panic if I don't know every detail. All of friends are so laid back with timekeeping and so relaxed. I wish I could be.

Jass sorry to hear about your work. It does definatley put things into perspective.
Good luck with the homeworking

I think being a perfectionist makes things so much harder not just BED.
My perfectionism just makes me give up. I wanted to be a high achiever but when I have no confidence it will be perfect I just quit.

I hope nobody has been badly affected by the storms. It's just wet and windy here. Although we had snow this morning

Wet and windy here too. Would prefer the snow:-)
Foodwise, homeworking equals snacking. Hopeless thing. But trying not to obsess, so far successfully.....