Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Margo, I meant to say I was very impressed by your speaking out - I had an incident a few weeks ago where I should have defended someone but didn't speak up because no-one else was (an older lady on the tube was sworn and shouted at for not moving far enough into the carriage). But I felt so guilty afterwards, I really wish I'd been less self-conscious and said something. Since then I've rehearsed it in my mind so many times that if it happened again I'd spring into action immediately!

first how you getting on?

I know I found eating regulary - 3 meals & e snacks - has really helped.

Interesting about sleep - lack of it is something that a few of us struggle with.

Maggie - thanks but it was a 'safe' complaint - to someone who works in a shop and is paid to listen to feedback. I worry about challening on the tube - you never know who you are dealing with.

Hi Fighting and Margo, I took on board what SleepwhenIdie said and on Thursday I had time to have scrambled eggs on toast for breakfast. It did make a difference in that I didn't get hungry till much later in the morning. Now I usually binge hungry or not but this day I didn't. I still ate far too much but I didn't binge.

Yesterday was a different matter though and again I feel uncomfortable. I have brought nice fruit drinks to keep at my desk (don't know why everyone thinks they have vodka in!) My thinking is that if I have something nice ready to hand it might keep me out of the kitchen at work (It's always someone's birthday/return from hols etc. and the associated goodies)

I have also bought myself a Bento box for my lunch and off to buy Japanese ingredients to make up some lunches. Maybe if I have something really special for lunch I won't binge....not sure where that logic comes from but i am willing to give everything and anything a try.

Thanks for listening

Sorry I've not really posted much. I'm feeling so awful right now. I had a huge anxiety attack this evening. My husband said it was like I wasn't there and that someone else had taken over my body as a screamed and shouted at him followed by not being able to breathe and gasping and crying etc. This was all in front of my little boy too and now I'm panicking that the neighbours heard and SS will come knocking. I had my first group therapy on Friday which was good. I'm starting a diary which is helping. I just feel lost. So so lost. I don't know who I am or who I was. I feel lost in a big wave of binges and anxiety where I'm constantly needed by so many people. I don't know who I am anymore. Apart from a fat freak who lashes out and loses control in front of her child. What a mother that makes me. So lost. Too many colours and things going on in my head and it just never stops. I feel like I'm not in control of my own self anymore. How can this get better? I'm in such a strange place..I just can't see a way out

mrsCK please go and see your GP today and tell them everything in your last post, get some help. Talk here as much as you like and keep journaling if it is helping you but these are things that take time to help - you sound like you need more support and also some time away from all the responsibilities pressing on you. Is there any way you can get that ?

Feeling a lot better today. Have been to the gp who has put me on sertraline again. Thanks for listening last night :)

Any time

I saw this today and thought it worth a link. All aspects of BED that have come up throughout the threads before but good reminders...www.healthline.com/health/eating-disorders/binge-eating-recovery-stories

Thanks sleep, always good to read the ones that ended well. As of Monday I apparently no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for BED, it was last day of our course. Its an odd but positive feeling to think after 22 years of one form or another, I officially don't have one! (Obviously subject to me continuing my regular maintenance and progress).

On that note I have just tweeted and emailed this morning, asking them to help raise awareness of BED and EDNOS, not just Anorexia! Had an auto response but will wait to see if they actually reply....

Missed out info they are talking about Eating Disorders Week on This Morning and didn't even mention BED, just the more well know two. So I thought it was worth raising with them.

Loose Women has covered Binge Eating but in a very specific way. They have Nadia who attends O.A. so info was only given about that. Its great if that works for you but I still felt a little disappointed that they didn't do more research. Did anyone else see it?x

MrsCK - glad the Dr was a help.

Sleep love that site - thanks. Like the Podcasts too. :)

Ooh that is a good step Fighting, do you agree with their view?

An yes EDW, I think we are meant to be wearing socks! I am not ready yet to embrace my ED in public and support it, maybe next year.

Well done for challenging This Morning! Are you ready to go on and tell your story!??!

I can't see myself wearing special socks, besides they are generally hidden anyway. Its a rather uncomfortable thought, going on TV not really for me but would be great to see better coverage for us all.x

I am guessing they chose socks as other clothes could cause issues/triggers? But they are not v inspiring!

Indeed!

How is everyone? Ready for the weekend? Am taking DD to an under 5s cook & eat in aid of refugees. I think it is going to be very 'hippy'. I am left-wing but maybe not that left-wing! She'll hopefully enjoy anyway.

Oh wow Fighting, that's amazing news - you must be so pleased. I'm super proud of you! And hope that's inspiring for any lurkers / new joiners.

I've had a couple of tricky days after a few good ones in a row, but keep reminding myself not to be too disappointed. I'm still not getting enough sleep but I know why that is and what I need to fix it.

Socks would be no good for me, I'd wear them once and never see them as a pair again. There's a hungry sock monster lurking somewhere in my house!

How is everyone?

Ok here. Have realised my last 2 binges have been related to actual hunger/gaps in food. Not sure I really believed that was an issue for me. I felt a physical 'click' when I got to a certain stage. Annoyingly I had the thought "I need to eat something" and then didn't as I was worried about it as it was at the cook & stay with DD.

The good news is that they were 3 weeks apart. And avoiding physical hunger can be prevented.

Also forced myself to prioritise booking a Dr appt instead of doing more work this am. I am still working far too much but continually trying to address this.

The UK media picked up a few ED stories last week, not many on BED.

Still here, but madly busy! Cheers to Fighting on "graduation".
Margo, good progress too.

I read the stories of newcomers and it makes me so sad we have to struggle with this horrible issue. But I hope that reading back on our thread helps to make a start to overcome the BED or maybe seek professional help. BED is overwhelming and even I tell myself daily there are far worse ailments, it does not help always. It helps though to think about BED as an illness.....

Thanks JassS its still a little surreal. This week has been hard, my depression is up high and I'm finding it hard to bounce back. I know the cause and its been coming for a while, so that's a good start to stop me slipping further.
I agree JassS, seeing others experiences is hard as we know all the emotions that go with it, I wish I could hug them all. Hopefully as we all progress and overcome each step we can show that it doesn't have to rule our lives forever.

Margo, your doing great, being able to pin point what was the trigger for your binges is good progress. Have you thought of / managed to put in place steps to avoid the hunger trigger?

I almost felt it happen today at work. When I got home I ate quite quickly but recognised I hadn't snacked enough. On my next shop I need to get more 'portable' non messy snacks.

I think this weekend I will re-read my docs from the course, its something I need to do regularly. My other plans for drinking water, moving more and sleep are going well (sleeping us probably my weakest area though, like my Netflix a lot! ).

As I was driving today it was nice to think about all the tiny steps adding up instead if the giant long jump I used to push myself into and feel miserable about myself. In another couple of years who knows how far we will all have gone?x

Nice to hear from you Jass.

Sorry to hear about the depression fighting. Can you address the issue or up your meds?

Are you able to exercise? I know it helps my mental health. Even DVDs at home etc?

The calorie obsessed Pump instructor today mentioned she used to be a few sizes bigger than she is now and it is down to Pump, which maybe explains her focus...

Well done the water & sleep. I think we need to take a holistic approach. I think it also signals that we are worth caring for - being kind to oursleves. The kind thing was the first advice I recall from you and it is just as vaild now.

I 'self-sabotage' in lots of ways, which I all think contributes to the stress that I alleviate through binging..

It has been a hard week with work. I am seriously thinking about finding a job. I find the feast & famine nature of self-employment so difficult to deal with.

When it is busy, it just leaves no time for anything else apart from the bare min functional activities, which feels like no way to live.

Happy Mother's Day for those of you in the UK.

I am having a lazy Sunday with lots of food. Part of me wants to describe this as a binge. Part of it thinks it is just a normal thing - you have lots of home-baked good stuff left over from party, so you eat and enjoy it.

Am I looking for excuses or is truly The Recovery? I feel very free, like you do when you unexpectedly get to leave school/work an hour early or something. Because I actually think what I am doing tlday is normal and enjoying it. There is the nagging doubt,but I feel happy eating. I know its only because really good food is around that I eat excessively.

Why I think this is normal behaviour? No idea really, but it feels like when I was a child and ate because there was good food available (oldies here may remember my childhood involved food deprivation). Am I rigth or lying to myself and it is a binge? I think not, as I am not hating myself or the food I eat today.....

Margo, if you can, set yourself a deadline for which you should start feeling more confident in self-employment. This way you can be patient with yourself while you struggle to make ends meet and not think about should-I-or.... According to the experience of my friends, it takes about 5 years to truly find their feet and create also some reserves so that lean periods may be enjoyed as holiday rather than dreaded. Self-employment is my dream, but my sector is rubbish at it....

Jass that does sound a bit like a normal morning, but obv difficult for us to judge.

It sounds like you are enjoy food - what a great experience. Go with it!

That is an interesting point about putting money away.

I have been doing it 5 years. However, during the first 4 I always had a regular contract as part of my month, which meant I generally had almost enough money to contribute my bit to the family pot. So when I earnt more than that, I was able to provide chunks of money for other things and didn't really worry about having a buffer pot as I knew enough was coming in from the contract.

This last year I have dropped all contracts like that, so it is all new in a way. The first 6 months were lean, so we dipped into my tax account never a good idea so since things picked up in the summer last year I have been paying stuff back. I am now straight and DH and I are looking forward to being able to put chunks of money towards stuff but actually what we need is to be putting stuff in a pot to cover my bit for a few months.

The money is only part of the problem, the workload feels like more of an issue. I just cannot see to balance it. Somebody on the freelance board said don't see it as work/life balance, but that times are busier and then not. However, it has been full on since the summer and whilst that is good in someways money) it isn't good in lots of ways including trying to recover from BED eg stress.

I had given myself this year to see if I can make the benefits outweigh the negatives, but me being ill (just a bug), then DH being ill (same bug) and me taking on a short contract that I am struggling to find the time to deliver have all contributed to a horrible couple of weeks. I am worried about my health (outside of BED), hardly sleeping & working all hours isn't good for your health etc.

Anyway, this thread is about BED not my career!

Hope you all had a nice weekend. Do post an update if you are reading/lurking.

Jass, enjoying good food without guilt sounds absolutely perfect - well done you

Fighting I love your long jump analogy! I naturally tend towards thinking about what more there is to be done, rather than reflecting on past achievements.

I’m trying to get better at that by keeping a diary, which is becoming more of a habit now. I have a few topics that I cover every day to give it a bit of structure, across things like Gratitude / Recovery / Priorities (e.g. 3 key things I want to have done by the end of the day / week).

Do you feel like you’ve reached a balance with your medication? I’m on ADs now and easing into a higher dose this week - I’m hoping it helps to feel a bit more settled. Re. portable snacks, I usually have an apple / Nakd bar in my bag which is normally a good mid-afternoon stopgap, but if it’s a ‘bad’ day they might not last for long…

Oh Margo, talking about your career is very much relevant here! It has such a huge bearing on every part of your life (Sleep has posted in the past about the ‘cairns’ model, where every rock in your pile has to be steady, or the whole thing comes crashing down). How often do you review your motivations for working for yourself? Do you think that you’d be any happier without the flexibility and autonomy that you have now?

I can see why your inner perfectionist would be more comfortable with a nice consistent income, but actually the fact that you’re able to plan ahead, and have a very supportive DH means that you can accommodate some ups and downs. Your feeling of a need to contribute financially is interesting – is that something that DH has suggested, or more of a personal motivation?

The way I see it, you’ve managed to build an incredibly successful business in 5 years (and have been a mentor and inspiration to goodness knows how many people – a secondary concern I realise, but important all the same!). It’s hard to say from afar but are there any tasks that you could stop doing, or delegate to DH / family or an employee?

I had a pretty good weekend food-wise – I was able to stick to a regular eating schedule and include some previously ‘banned’ food without any guilt so that’s a small success for me. I explained to DH my homework of eating sweets / chocolate every day and I think he was a bit confused by it all, but is currently following the strategy of nodding and smiling supportively

Hope everyone has a good, balanced week ahead!

Good for rating formely forbidden foods, Iron!

Margo, I guess as far as workload goes self-employment, unless you are really forming a business with pther ppl etc. have to mean higher workloads. Because you have to do all what surrounds the core business for one single perosn, whereas there is a certain fixed amount of surrounding tasks which have to be performed anyway (sales, taxes, bookkeeping, etc). The bonus is supposed to be the flexibilty and if you can sell what you do for good enough price then also more holidays, as not bound by stupid corporate minimums.

Is your price right for your cost structure, if you feel you have ro constantly overwork to make ends meet?

Hi ladies, I'm new on this board. I suppose I'm looking for some support, I've never spoken to anyone about my binge struggles, I've been binge eating for about 18months on and off, a terrible cycle that I just can't break. I eat really healthily and then crave and eventually give in and binge followed by the eventual making myself sick I just can not seem to stop. Does anyone else feel unable to speak about it with their DH or DP?

Welcome trying. It took me a long time to speak to anyone about it. It took me until mid 20's to realise that my behviour wasn't 'normal'.

I have spoken to DH about it but have only talked to others in the past year since being on this thread and doing an NHS CBT course.

I think for me there was confusion, shame, guilt etc....so it is no wonder we find it difficult to talk about it.

Have you ever talked to your GP? They might have good Eating Disorder services near you.

You are not alone.