Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Yes, yes, yes to everything in JassS' post from Sunday, what a lovely update - a fantastic example of what the journey towards recovery can look like.

CBigs, did you try the more protein/simply more food strategy?
I do not know about others but I can not touch any sugar before rather late in the evening at all. Otherwise it leads me to eat more than I think is needed. I still say "I think", as BED person I do not know after all what is needed. My brain is full of portions which are "good", but they are probably 300-400kcal worth, so three of these per day would actually be diet. I now try to eat as much as I can as breakfast (I learned breakfast only when I started fighting withBED, previously it was just a good opprorunity to save calries for later). Lunch is light, as I tend to be sleepy and tired afterwards if I had a proper lunch. Then evening is still about having the ball. But it does not seem to matter anymore what I eat and when I eat. Miraculously the weight is stable. I have now seen it for months - eat all I want and weight stable. Which means I starved myself to be bigger than I was before my first diet. You read it everywhere and think it must be wrong, everyone who is not resteicring must balloon. Appears like they do not, and I neither, if I can fight this BED for 6-7 years or so by non-resteiction. I am very astonished still that all this is true, or appears to be for me....

Hi ladies, (I do often wonder if we have any male lurkers who havent posted as this is definitely not a discriminatory issue).

I don't think we have ever talked so much before about food here and with such positive ideas as opposed to worries! I agree with you all that eating more helps, ironic when you think about the start of tackling BED and our thought processes.

Its close to something I haven't got round to posting on the blog yet, but I have decided on a new 'project' if you can call it that. The initial start of my recovery / containment (JassS In loved that description option ) was to stop binges and get to a better place mentally. Well I would say that has been achieved now, I'm off meds and happy with life, and don't binge at all.

What I want to is expand on the good feeling that I get now shopping for clothes, again much like JassS accepting the size is merely a way of getting something that fits conformably rather than an insult. I though maybe starting a new project over 12 months where I put ally effort and time into everything but food?

What made me think of this was a possible federal to Weight Management Services. I can see the positives of course but the overwhelming feeling is after 22 years of food, weight loss and excercise being the focus of my life, what would happen if I removed it? So no trying tonlose weight, getting out because I want yo and making myself buy clothes that look good. Could I, after a year or two, be over that inyemse need to be smaller too? So I'm going to try it .x

Guess who pressed 'post' instead of review oops. Terrible spelling in there...sorry.x

That sounds a lovely idea Fighting.

Maggie, as always so happy to see just how far you have come and how much your posting has changed to positive and insightful views .x

JassS your pain from running sounds bad but the revelation of being relieved is quite amazing. Does it feel like you have let yourself off the hook in a way? Reading through your posts gives me quite a happy feeling, you're quite an inspiration!x

Margo, how are things with yourself? I hope the weekend has started well for you.x

Reading all the other posts has been wonderful, there is a real sense of belonging from everyone, that's great! Cbigs I'm glad you feel able to chat here regularly, hopefully its helping.

I'm amazed yet another week has disappeared, I need more days I think!

Fighting, I guess it could be a good next challenge - always wear comfy staff you look good in. For me this has been part of learning "normality" . Not quite there yet in this sense that I am always happy if I can wear a garment which has a number starting with 3, not 4 inside or M instead of L, even if I know that different firms/continents do this very differently. In Japan it was different, I realised I have to wear their L, they are so tiny. But in Europe I still think about these things too much, even if I never by clothes which make me look like sausage (I did 10 years ago, sometimes).

So, I agree with you - next challenge is good-looking clothes! Me, too! And accepting that my body shape will look ridiculous in skinny jeans at whichever weight. And skinnys look ridiculous at my age, with any body shape, to start with!

We are preparing to move back to my home country and this has given me a great opportunity to throw our all unfitting clothes.

I hope all are finding weekend a good time to eat more of the healthy, homemade food and manage ro enjoy it, too!

Thanks for the encouragement JassS and Kind , it means a lot.

Kind as we haven't really had a chance to speak, thought I'd say hi .

Thanks Fighting

Hello all

fighting sounds like a great idea. And towards what a lot of ppl have as their normality/reality. All the online advice suggests not focusing on size is key. I love how you have managed to take such a long term view. So many msgs in the media suggest 'quick life changing' programmes.

Jass good luck with preparing for the move. Are you looking forward to it?

Ok here. Went to first of a spate of 40ths last night. Had invested in lovely dress which I was complimented on. Cringing a bit at a pic online. Wished I'd been in the middle of my friends, so you'd see less of me. However, part of me is rationalising that is actually me and it is ok to be photographed as I am.

It was interesting to look around at all the different shapes but everyone enjoying themselves.

On anothet note I am going to trial a desk in a shared office. I am not sure I am cut out being at home/on my own plus it gives me access to food and/or behviours which can then trigger binges.

My business coach was talking about how she found being a limited co helped her approach it all more professionally. And it got me thinking working away from home might help me build up a better boundary between work & home.

I am trying to focus on 3 meals, 3 snacks.

Unfortunately I seem to have swollen ankles on some days, which is probably due to being heavier than I was last year. :( It is making me v focused on size, but trying to combat unhelpful thoughts around diets/gastric bands!!

Hopefully off to a museum tomorrow with another family.

Enjoy the Bank Holiday Uk ppl.

Hi everyone! So much positivity on the thread it's really helpful and inspiring to read it all!

I'm not feeling so positive at the moment - it seems with this disorder that when you think you're on the right track and feeling like you're somewhat conquering it you can take a turn for the worse :(

I've slipped back into binging regularly and am so frustrated. I just feel exhausted from thinking about food all of the time.

I have my first counselling session today so will be interesting to see how it goes.

I've identified my 'danger time' for binging, it's definitely after work when I'm hungry and about to make dinner but can't quite wait so I end up overeating sugary snacks and completely ruining my dinner. Need to try to find a solution for this. Interesting reading recent posts about perhaps not eating enough. Maybe I need to have a really decent snack in the afternoon.

Just going to be gentle on myself today and eat when and what I need to. Hope you're all doing well.

Sorry to hear about a difficult patch Bonnie. The afternoon/late afternoon is difficult for me too. Maybe have 2 snacks spaced out? I think 3 meals & 3 snacks expects a certain meal time pattern which you/we/I might not follow.

I think 'recovery' is a journey and it is bumpy.

Good luck at yr session.

I do believe in 'getting it out' in terms of the thoughts that are driving the binges. Can you tell what is on yr mind at the time?

Bonnie
Please do not be upset with yourself.
First I think this is what anyone would easily do when they come home. It's so good that you have identified that.

That's why so many people come home and have a drink! Or eat a piece of cake or a bag of crisps.

I bet you may have gone much too long without eating.

Did you eat something with a little protein and some complex carbohydrate within 3hrs of having lunch?

Next, why not keep a small click box of nuts in your handbag and eat them before you come home. Or - a lot of shops like M&S have nuts now, and cafes too: Pret a Manger or Cafe Nero I know have nuts.

Powdered hemp protein/other vegan protein drink/you could keep a special beaker for this at work to top up between meals. if you are short of tie (must not replace food though)

DId you have a good breakfast, elevensees of a protein snacl plus carbohydrate and then lunch?

Have you read Fairburn who reccommends Five meals a day at least (some of these are snacks)
I know other advice recommends adding protein and fibrous foods throughout the day.

Hi Bonnie - well done for posting. I've been exactly the same - highs followed by extreme lows, and back again. I've been trying to eat more during the day too. As you say, a decent snack late-afternoon could be enough to tell your brain that it's ok to wait until dinner.

Hope the session goes well - let us know what they say...

I thought of these comments earlier and bought some food in a shop as opposed to travel home for 1.5.hours hungry. It helped remove the feeling. There was still part of me that felt I shouldn't be eating though

Liked this from Isabel Fox Dean (sp) today:

It is important to realize that ending binge-eating permanently is not something one does by making the “right” choices in the moment, but rather, is a natural result of a profound shift in thinking around food—away from dieting and towards food and weight neutrality.

Aprops of neutrality which Mrs Margot mentioned.

One thing worth considering is that hunger is survival related and as such driven by a deep, instinctive animal-like urge.

If the survival instinct part of the brain gets any hint that you are hungry or undernourished it will kick in in a very loud non-neutral way and seem to demand that you grab at the nearest quick energy food.

That is why, small, nutrient rich snacks throughout the day are such a fundamental help in giving people a chance against binge urges.

Fairburn's book, Bran Over Binge make it clear how important it is to eat enough.

Sorry, those are two books. I did not make that clear.

Thanks so much for all the support!

I'm feeling much more positive today.

Thanks so much for the suggestions about eating more and having more protein in my snacks, I think that should hopefully help with not getting too hungry.

I haven't been able to pinpoint any particular triggers or emotions around my binges as of yet which I suppose makes it quite hard to address them.

Anyway, counselling yesterday was brilliant! I touched on BED which is what initially led me to get help but the lady I saw (who was absolutely lovely!) said she thought my eating and low self esteem was most likely to do with emotional abuse and body shaming I suffered in my childhood. So lots of issues to work through!

It's funny, just one session and having someone else validate what you've been through and are still going through helps such a lot. Since my appointment I've felt better and more loving towards myself which has been refreshing.

Still lots of work to do but it's a start.

Kind - I have read the Fairburn book and found it quite useful. I think the problem with me is I get quite focused on the 3 snacks, 3 meals and feel 'bad' for feeling hungry outside of those set meals. Does anyone else find this? I'm currently reading Susie Orbach's 'on eating' which the counsellor recommended. Some useful points so far.

Hope everyone else has had a good day :)

Bonnie
It is very good that you liked your counsellor. It sounds like she is already helping you with the emotional abuse and body shaming you suffered in your childhood I am so sorry.

You mentioned
I get quite focused on the 3 snacks, 3 meals and feel 'bad' for feeling hungry outside of those set meals

Fairburn does not say that if those snacks have fibrous complex carbohydrate plus protein, it really helps massively to feel less hungry in the physical sense ( I know there could be emotional aspects for a confused sense of hunger).

So, physically speaking, if you have snacks like a tablespoon of cottage cheese on some brown bread, or a small handful of nuts and an apple, half an avocado and hoummous, it is surprising how you might find you naturally do not feel hungry between. Then you would still have your meals with some protein some vegetables etc.

When you say focussed is that in a worried or stressed way on the number? That would be a shame.

If you feel bad for feeling hungry outside those set meals, you shouldn't. It takes time to get balanced blood sugar levels which these frequent snacks/meals of this sort of food will definitely help you do bit by bit and you may find that naturally, in time, you will feel less hungry between.

Vitamin D, may help. Vit B with B12 zinc, magnesium,

Thank you for your reply!

Thinking about it now you've asked I don't think I'm eating enough. I think I still have weight loss in the back of my mind so I think that stops me from really filling up at snack and meal times - still have an idea of what my portions 'should' be like rather than how much I need to feel really satisfied.

With the 3 meals and 3 snacks I just think after so many years that anything that puts any kind of requirement on my eating makes me feel a bit restricted and rebellious.

I love the idea of intuitive eating but of course my hunger signals are sometimes emotional which confuses things.

I'm going to put my all into having filling enough meals and snacks today and see how it goes!

Glad the session went ok Bonnie. Sorry to hear about the reasons. Hopefully it will help you work out what your triggers are. Mine are generally based on feeling not good enough.

I sometimes have more than 3 + 3. I think Fairburn is suggesting that you need defined regular meals rather than "3 + 3" is the only pattern. As Kind says what you eat can also help.

I also personally found relief in Fairburn's comments that people with historic disordered eating will struggle with intutitve eating. I understand the concept, but it frightens me - I don't trust myself. I find eating v stressful/emotion filled, so I took really appreciated his 'permission' to eat 3 + 3.

I can absolutely see the link between getting over hungry and then binging in myself. I understand how difficult it is, when you feel like you should be smaller. You need to try to park those thoughts, just for now.

Are you writing stuff down? When you eat? It can help.

Thanks Margo, some really good points for me to think about.

Totally get what you mean about intuitive eating - it sounds great but sometimes the wrong thing for BED.

I haven't been writing things down lately but will start again and see if it helps me to try and pinpoint my reasons for bingeing. I suspect my trigger will be similar to yours.

This thread is so useful! My husband and best friend know about my disordered eating but understandably don't fully know what it's like, it helps so much to talk to people who truly know the struggles