Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

Gosh, it's been quiet here! Sorry for going AWOL for the last couple of weeks, I tend to steer clear of the thread when I'm struggling as I feel that I don't have much to add.

But how is everyone here? Jass, have you been allowed back into your offices yet?

Margo, I do hope you're able to enjoy your birthday. The people that are celebrating with you will be there because they love you and see the best in you - that should make for less anxiety rather than the other way round? Do you think you might have built up a mental image of what the "perfect" 40th looks like?

Fighting, I haven't seen you in a little while - are you feeling like things are on a more even keel at the moment?

And Crazy, how did you get on with the Fairburn programme? Does it seem like something that would help you?

Yes, back in the office. Interestingly, I did not gain any weight from working from home. The novelty wore off and as I was not restricting myself, eating all the time became kind of boring.
I think I an getting seriously close to not bothering to think about food too much, ortorexia-wise or BED-wise or any other weirdwise. I think I am becoming normal, maybe, as far as I can guess about what the normal might be. I juat eat three meals a day plus some snacks if I feel like it.

Glad you are back in your office Jass and that home working hasn't 'knocked' you back. Really sounds like you are near recovery - which so good...

Not great here. Really disappointed that I binged yesterday. Was doing well. Think I was tired. But had also been out with a friend who has lost weight. She didn't talk about it but I could see and it sparked diets/slim = good in my head and I just 'gave in'.

Also then read a blog about how wonderful it is to be a mum which sparked me off thinking about how I don't feel like that/didn't feel like esp when I had PND. I know blogs are written to portray a certain view.

Arrh. Negative cycle....haven't been to the gym either this week as my gym buddy is away.

I am also worried about DS. He tries to grab food (ie once he has already eaten) if we have said "No". I have memories of doing this.

Anyway, going to try to have a better week. I have a job interview, which might help me to think if I want to carry on with self-employment or not.

Anyway, hope you are all ok and having better weeks etc.

And Maggie thanks for the nice comments. Yes, I am hoping for my perfect 40th. My 30th was just before my wedding and I was much smaller, so that is weighing on my mind - excuse the pun!

MRsMargot, please do not feel bad that tou had a binge. It is rather that the binge had you, like flu or something. It is an illness, which only can be overcome by fearlessly ignoring it.

Are you still gaining weight or are you now stable? If you are stable, then I woul dnot at all worry. I note that if I think "I binged, now I have to make sure tomorrow is healthy", it is difficult. if I think I overate, good, tomorrow will rpobably feel less like eatong too much - it really happens this way. i find the all-important part is not to think about food, otherwise than planning a meal and then enjoying it. It is so hard to get there, even if sounds just so normal.

About DS, Do you have to say no if he wants something even after he has eaten? I think pointing out it is sometimes not OK to eat when you want to children is not maybe so good. Mine pig whenever they feel like it, I try to keep them doing a lot of sports so that it does not turn into excess weight. Of course I do not know why you feel it is necessary.....

Thanks Jass. I need to avoid a 'diet' mindset of 'tomorrow I will be good. However, I need to acknowledge how interconnected my BED is.

Today I went to Pump and it has been a good day. I suppose I want to acknowledge how wide reaching the impact of binging is....however I know that feeling bad about it can be a trigger.

Re DS. I am starting to think that. We made a big deal on Sun about not having sweets instead of ice cream - as if makes any difference.....

I have realised how controlling I try to be with him - not just food. We went out with 2 friends on Sat with similar age boys and they rarely 'picked them up'. I am being like my parents......arrhhhh

Thanks for responding and giving yr insights.

How is everyone's weeks going?

How has everyone's weekend been?

Hi, *I have had a " road to demascus " revelation in the last few days and have come to realize that I have a binge eating disorder. Is it ok to join this thread, I'm feeling lost with it all

Welcome, thattime! Sometimes we are not here so often, but it helps to read the thread(s). I hope you can find support and courage from our previous postings, as well.

MRs.Margot - indeed, not controlling your kids is hard. My daughter taught me how - She was very patient in explaining that She is independent, quite grown up and needs no advice from me in any aspect of her life. And if that changes, She will let me know. (IT did, She now asks my advice on breastfeeding, childrearing etc.).

So I learned to trust my bigger kids and ammuch more relaxed about little ones, too. I offer them good school,asmuch sport as they want, all reasonable gadgets, bikes, skates, skis, rollerblades, lots of fruit and veg, healthy meals. But if they do not want to eat, spend time on phones and make mess of their own rooms, I do not interfere. Their business. Of course, no chocolates if not eaten, mess has to be contained to their own room, everyone cleans own room, own dishes and irons own shirts, I am no ones slave, but I do not offer advice if not asked and do not try to make them live their life my way.

They generally participate in anything I invite them to do with me, but my parenting ends there, Also, I do not check their homework, they must remember their own gym/swim gear etc. they are 11 and 7.

Myself I feel I am very close to being cured of BED, as far as you can cure a cheonic disease. i really like food now. It poses me no dangers. And I have not eaten so much that it hurts for very long now. I overate last weekend in Dublin, because we had a really great meal and I did not wish to waste it, not because I could not finish eating. Next day I was very sick,which reminded me I probably have not hurt my insides with food quite long now, as previously that feeling was very often present thr next morning. I had always forgotten how it feels. This slightly acid ache as if you had overexcercised your gut..... I hate this feeling, and am happy I do not usually eat myself into that state anymore.....

Hello, marking my place. I am going to go back through the thread and have a good read. I have always had disordered eating given to me by my mother and have spent my whole life in battle with food. I adore food and am a real foodie so this has been hard. Have recently lost a couple of stone over a year but have started to have disordered eating again so am now going back to basics . Have restocked my favourite foods and am going to enjoy them if I am hungry for them. I'm a big fan of mindful eating too and do this but have just realised that I have cut out too many food groups in the name of "healthy eating". Need to read some of my old books

Welcome Thattime

It can be a horrible realisation - BED - but it also means you can address it and maybe that you aren't a "rubbish dieter" as I thought but actually ill.

Do you want to say more about you/your situ?

Welcome also Rosey. It sounds a struggle loving food but also using food in a disordered way. I have to say I have a very love/hate relationship with food. Sounds like you are trying to get the balance back which is good.

Thanks for your thoughts Jass. I intervened with DH earlier, he was stopping DS from having some sweets as he (DH) doesn't like the fact DS always wants 'pudding' after lunch or dinner. - something from nursery days.

We don't have sweets in the week - mainly for teeth health - so I feel he should be allowed a couple at the weekend. He helps himself and generally only takes a couple. I just don't like how DH just decides a new 'rule' or way without talking to me/DS first. I can just see it makes the sweets more desirable.

Ok here. Nearly finished my big work contract, so hoping I can have bit of time to myself to catch up. Went to a kid's party earlier. Saw ppl I only see once a year or less which I find diffcult, as I never know how to 'act' with them - ie how friendly etc. I always think they'll not remember me too!

I hadn't weighed myself since Jan as I was finding it too triggering. However, I felt I'd gains stones, so I weighed this weekend just to provide the reality. It is about the same which is better than I thought it would be. Hoping to get back to my counsellor next week too.

I am also going to try a cardio class at the gym, I love Pump but I want some cardio to provide a balance. They do 45min ones at 6.30am which I can just about squeeze in.

Anyway, hope you are all ok. Do post an update if you can. It is nice to hear how you are, even if things are difficult - a problem shared etc..

I'm reading my way through the thread. I overeat and need to stop, hoping to find support and advice about facilities that help, support etc.

see, Margo? You thought you had gained, but you had not. One generally does not if one does not restrict......it is hard, hard, hard to believe, but it is so......

Hello Dont

I saw this thread about BED myths which I thought was good and something I identified with.

How is everyone doing?

Yes Jass. It is a hard thought to hold on to...but good to see nothing terrible has happened by eating normally (well aside from a few binges).

Hi everyone, and newcomers. Hope everyone's having a good week?

Jass it sounds like you're in a really good place at the moment. Thanks for sticking with us! And Margo - stable weight sounds really good! How are you finding the cardio classes?

My problem at the moment is that binges have become VERY frequent (i.e. daily), although not quite as severe. I've been seeing an eating disorder therapist who suggested I eat a 'forbidden' food every day, and clearly I took that to heart, eating huge amounts of anything I like on a daily basis. Not what she meant, I'm sure .

At the same time, I've been very busy with work and not sleeping / training as much as I'd like. As a result, I've gained a lot of weight. I haven't weighed myself since last year so I don't know exactly how much, but I can't wear most of my clothes, and feel generally uncomfortable.

I've been having thoughts of counting calories even though I know full well that would be an unhelpful thing to do, and wouldn't work anyway. But I'm not quite sure what to do. Just ignoring it and buying larger clothes isn't really an option for me. Even if I just aimed for 2,000+ calories a day would that still trigger feelings of restriction? I think I might experiment with that for a few days - if I bounce back into a mega-binge I'm no worse off than I am now. I can continue to eat regularly and healthily at the same time, but just monitoring my intake more closely.

I also feel I should add a disclaimer to say I don't think this is a good thing to do - diets of any kind are generally accepted by all ED experts to be unhelpful to long term recovery. I wouldn't want this to encourage anyone to do the same, but if I come back on here to say I've failed miserably then I can serve as a warning to others instead. I'm just a bit desperate right now.

Looking forward to hearing updates from newcomers who've RTFT - we're nearly on our 4th!

Maggie, great for honesty! We all do this every now and then - secretly feel that there is no other option than count calories, go on a diet etc. And we do and fail. But it is all ok.
I found that when it started to get out of hand foodwise it was easier to restart the travel to normal by adding physical activity. Just go out, before you grab the food. Drop everything and go for a walk. This side attack to binge often helped, as doing something is easier than not doing, i.e. Going for a walk is easier than staying in and not eating. Maybe try?

I am in a good place mainly because I have stopped caring about my weight. I just can not be bothered. I like food, I like some wine and even beer, I like not thinking about any of these issues - it feels so free. i am injured, so no sports neither. And I findthis liberating, I have to tell. i can still walk and bike, but not run. I can roller skate. These are fun activities, just fun. No effort. But it is maybe easier for me as I am not technically overweight, even if I am not far from that. I appreciate it is more difficult if one is bigger, even if I think it is totally arrificial that at 25 BMI you are fine, but at 26 you cannot be.....

Maggie what an honest post - thanks for sharing.

Are you still meal planning? It sounded like really helped you before? Can you 'just' focus on that for a week and see if it helps? It might get you through this bingey period?

Can you also try to get more sleep? I know how easy it to say but not do....but I know Fairburn says that reducing tiredness can really help.

And please do see the success in having smaller binges. Small binges are surely on the right way to no binges?

Great to hear you talk like that Jass, it gives hope.

I have been thinking about slowing down how I eat. I rarely sit and enjoy a meal. I always shovel it in - it is like I want to get if over with. Maybe linked to not enjoying meals when growing up - being made to finish, distant/angry dad at the table.

So I have been googling about intuituve eating. However, I am anxious about being 'able' to do it. I found this article quite interesting - basically she says it is just eating! Which is a good way to look at it!

Also I came across some podcasts from Dieticans Unplugged. They focus on Healthy at Everysize & body positivity.

They have done a podcast about Oprah signing up to be a weightwatcher spokesperson.

It was a good reminder about the media messages that are sent - thin = good, fat = bad, must try harder. They were really disappointed that Oprah had 'sold out'.

dietitiansunplugged.libsyn.com/2015/12

I have a spate of 40ths coming up. I have decided to order a load of outfits in my actual size instead of ordering smaller and hoping it will somehow fit and hopefully find one that works. This feels like a bit of a step forward.

How is everyone?

Hi Maggie - great idea on wearing clothes that are comfortable NOW, I've only just realised how much I've been punishing myself daily with too-tight / unwearable clothes. Do it!

After a really dark patch (thank you for supporting me through it!), I've had a really good few days. I'm finally feeling balanced for the first time in ages - I just hope it lasts... I've been able to eat 'normally', do a good amount of exercise (including yoga), get some sleep, and had a few really good days with work. I don't know if this has made a difference but I've also stopped taking the ADs I was prescribed, as they were definitely making me feel zombified & dizzy.

Eating more slowly is such a good thing to do, BED or not. It's actually nice to make a ritual out of setting the table and sitting down to eat - when I can I like to take the time for a pot of tea afterwards (I've just bought the cutest little pot and infuser - makes tea such a treat!). DP has said he'll try to join me for meals more often, instead of eating on the run / in front of the telly like he usually does. Do you tend to have family meals?

Jass, sorry to hear about your injury - I hope it's not too serious!? The thought of being injured fills me with panic!

Haha just realised that should have been Margo not maggie - my new no proof-reading rule clearly isn't working for me

Hi everyone, sorry for the long absence again. I had a bit of an emotional crash after my DBT course finished, which became a depression dip. I scalled everything back and just gave myself time to recover.

Happy to report that all is good at the moment and I feel strong enough to offer support for others again.

Its so nice to see the familiar names and catch up on your posts. I hope you are all having a good weekend.x

Hello fighting great to see you. Buy sorry to hear things have been difficult. I think the end of any treatment brings it challenges.

Hope you can hang out a bit - we missed you.

Maggie - we do eat dinner together most nights. Eating more slowly going ok.

Glad you are feeling better. Hope this week is going ok too?

I read this article yesterday. The 'label' as a child thing struck a chord. I was often refered to as a 'handful' . Which I took to mean both in terms of personality but also size. www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/may/08/perfect-body-lie-believed-long-time-let-shrink-my-life-lindy-west

Sad stuff.

Sorry a bit abrupt ending, needed to get off the Tube!

Am trying to focus on 'one day at a time'. Challening any thoughts about weight/events/the future. We shall see.

Hope you are ok Jass.

Hello to any lurkers, do post if you are up to it.

Have a good evening.

Hi Margo, missed you all too. It's so easy to keep yourself tucked away, sometimes its not good but I feel better for it this time.

I have been reading a lot of Anastasia Amour's articles / posts lately. She has been a big help for me getting back 'out there'.

I agree, I think the last few weeks of the course we all worried what would happen. Its a grinding halt really, (even with 3 follow ups spread across the year). I thought I'd reconciled myself with the situation but I guess not. Anyway, I'm doing much better and feeling good.

It sounds like the 'label' area is an emotionally difficult one for you Margo. That's completely understandable and must feel very hard to shake off. We are programmed with so much through our early years, its almost engrained in us to respond and act according to those catagories. I do however genuinely believe we can slowly and eventually pull those labels off, like a sticker screw them up and bin them ( / mentally hurl them into the eye of those that slapped them on us ).

Have you had a chance to discuss how you feel about it in counselling at all?x