Binge Eating Disorder Support 3

[FightingBed2014]

Welcome, this thread is for those that have disordered eating / Binge Eating Disorder (BED) and need support. We are all working towards a better relationship with food, together. Everyone is welcome to join in and share as much or as little as you like. Our focus is on learning to be happy with who we are right now and moving away from our negative self image, thoughts and eating patterns one step at a time.

Previous threads can be found here:

Thread 1 March 2014
Thread 2 October 2014

My blog following recovery from BED can be read here:Fighting BED

Many of us are following Dr Fairburn's Overcoming Binge Eating Second Edition book Here This is also used by a lot of Eating Disorder services in their treatment programmes.

Although we have no rules, we would ask that people either avoid talking about or be mindful when it is necessary that the following can be a trigger for those with an eating disorder; asking advice on how to start a new diet, talking about specific weight and clothes sizes. Please also remember that those supporting you need support too.

This thread was started by a BED sufferer and the majority of contributors are Eating disorder sufferers and not professionals. As with any online forum, it is best to supplement support on here with real life support and advice from professionals

I'm sure that thing in your eye will go soon.

I think when we read or see things that make us cry, it reveals a lot about what's hidden and can help us to see why we use food. Letting the tears out at home can help a lot, even if you don't know why its happening. Sleep shared TED talks that are so revealing for me, she's made me cry a lot.x

Yes, the thing in my eye was out very quickly ??. I had to some food shopping and crying in the middle of the supermarket would have just been odd.
I think I'm going to start a blog. Not that I think that I'm so fascinating that the whole world should know about my life...but being a total exhibitionist online is somehoe strangely relieving and liberating

Hey all! Connecting. Day 4 binge free!

It's a miracle and I am finding these threads invaluable!!

tea, thats great! So glad you're finding it an outlet for emotions. I will look forward to reading (if you choose to share it with us).

Gum great news, well done. How are you feeling in general about it all now?x

Hello,,all the new people. Sorry that you are suffering from BED, it is such an underestimated health issue, but so real!

I wrote in the last thread that medical reasons force me off sugar and gluten. I have been not restricting for some years now and the feeling of the diet cycle was immidiate. What I did was I let myself binge on sugar and bread until I felt I was ready to give them up. It took a bit more than a week, but eventually I felt I was ready to go off them. I kept eating and hoping the moment will come. It did, even if I gained 2kgs. With post-mc kilos I am now 5kg heavier than my stable, non-restricting weight. I am now looking forward to see whether it will resettle, even if I have to do some restrictions. Or will the bingeing cycle return now that I am restricting. I am allowing myself to eat all the rest without restrictions, which may mean I will stay somewhat heavier even without sugar ans gluten. Thechincally I am now in the slightly overweight category, as my BMI is a bit above 25, so secretly am hoping no sugar nor gluten will get me some weight loss, but trying to make myself accept that it may not be the case.

The last couple of weeks have told me a lot about how predictable BED really is - it is all about being able to accept your weight might never drop and stopping the diet-binge cycle. Yes, there might never be a future where we are carefree ans slim if we stop restricting, but we can at least stop gaining and start being happier about food in general. It is a better place to be than trying to be "good" and trying to not binge and trying to restrict after binge just to compensate. After all, all the dieting has done is goven us BED, not the slim body at all.

It still seems to me the best strategy is to allow yourself to eat whatever you want and whenever you want and in whatever quantities.Important is not to miss meals, not to count calories, not to overanalyse. Of course initially we think that is the receipe for disatser, but it is not. Bodies finally realise diets are over and settle.....

thanks Fighting...making people cry! it's what I'm known for ] come to think of it, it does happen a lot!

Great posts Fighting, I don't know if you are at a point now that you'd agree bingeing isn't an entirely bad thing, apart from being a relatively benign coping mechanism (compared to, say, hard drugs or severe depression), if you can accept that it is part of you and it's like an alarm system telling us we need to tune in to our deepest feelings and needs then it can be very helpful. So recovery isn't about conquering it or banishing it, it's more about handling it with curiosity and self compassion so that it sits in the background and when you start being as far down the road as Fighting is, when the urge strikes you know you need to think about what is really going on and needs to be tackled.

I'd like to add some reading recommendations, whether following Fairburn or not. Fairburn is a very practical approach to recovery and I recommend reading it, but one area it doesn't go into in any depth is the emotional, more feminine aspect of disordered eating. So in addition you may want to check out these (I will link separately)

Nutritional Wisdom by Marc David - this looks at the way we view and use food, the way that in today's culture we try and adopt strict rules rather than listening to what works for our individual bodies at different stages of our lives. It will help you move away from black and white thinking when it comes to food and also look beyond purely nutritional information in terms of how we nourish ourselves.

Eating In The Light of the Moon - this amazing book by an Eating Disorder Counsellor uses mythical stories to provide insights into how disordered eating comes about. A very useful one for anyone in need of more self compassion, I love this book.

I've just finished reading 8 Keys to Healing from an Eating Disorder. Written by two ED counsellors, who are also recovered from anorexia/bulimia themselves, this provides a practical set of 'keys' (mostly journal long exercises) relating to food and weight and letting go of dieting and a section on the emotional/soul aspect as well. Highly recommended, not least because these two understand exactly the way people suffering from ED's think .

Links... 8 Keys (should have read 'journalling exercises' btw )

Nourishing Wisdom

Eating In The Light of the Moon

I just got Fairburn for my kindle. It wi no doubt take me at least a few weeks to get through it (ft job, toddler and DP working shifts..) but there is no rush.
Thank you

Thanks for the suggestions and links sleep.

To answer your question, yes I definitely see the binges as a warning system. I know now that if I am binging or wanting to, then I have unresolved emotions and need to asses whats going on.

I am much better at realising before it gets that far now but obviously it still happens, just not as often. I don't worry about them anymore or feel bad about it, unlike previously where I worriwd the whole world could see just by looking at me. I hadn't thought of describing it as part of me but it sounds appropriate, I guess BED has been part of me for a very long time.

tea I hope you have the positive experience myself and others have had with the book.

Thinking of you all and hoping yiu have a good day.x

Jass well done with the gluten and sugar, very tough process. I love the way your mindset about your weight sounds accepting and curious now. I'd be surprised if you didn't drop back down soon but it's great that you aren't attaching importance to it (which makes it even more likely, stress is terrible for making our bodies hold on to weight).

I agree jassS. Your approach to the challenge of cutting food out is well thought out.x

Three days without eating too much!!!
Just wanted to share because that's the longest I've managed in aaaaages.

Well done tea, it sounds like things are settling down for you.x

Thank you. I'm trying to avoid obvious carbs as much as possible during the day because they just make me want to snack more. And I'm doing my reading

Enjoy the book. When I read it, I felt like I suddenly belonged somewhere and as if he knew me. Odd description I guess but it was a huge relief. would still hug him big time if i ever met him. We did actually discuss at ine point writing to him, I may need to get round to that. Have a good day.

That is exactly how I feel. It makes such a difference to know that I'm not the only one struggling. It's weird but great at the same time.

Hi everyone, I'm finding it hard. My default is to numb anxiety with sugar and rubbish. Sitting with the anxiety is hard! But on the other hand I feel happy I'm faking with it

Gum it is hard, but I think it can be helpful to 'ride it out' as it shows you that you can. Are you able to identify the feelings/thoughts?

Will be back. Thinking of you all.

Gum how are you feeling this evening? Do you mind me asking if you are receiving help for the anxiety?

This week you have had 4 days where you felt your eating was improved. That is a wonderful start and in a period of change, remember that no matter what this is still a good week. As with any changes in life the road will be bumpy, don't be dismayed that they aren't all like that. Think of this as a long journey with many ups and downs rather than a straight line from A-B.

It is really good is that you know anxiety is trigger for you. Identifying what makes us use food is a big part of the puzzle.

When you wrote the post what were you concerns? Is there anything in particular that has triggered your anxiety? (I have GAD so understand there may not be anything specific).

Although we don't want to binge, sometimes if the urge is strong letting it happen, rather than fighting against it, can help. It may seem very scary to think that way, a sense of losing control can be panic inducing but sometimes when we let it happen the binge is shorter lived. Not having that All or Nothing approach to eating better means we put less pressure on ourselves which ultimately means we're happier and less likely to need the food.

It has helped me a lot to know I have a choice either way, rather than being controlled by rigid rules I must adhere to or be a failure. That isn't applicable to recovery, we either have good days or days where we learn more about ourselves. Keep talking about how you're feeling and we will be here.

Hi Gum, it is hard, but it's a necessary process unfortunately. Journalling your thoughts and feelings, however sketchily, can be hugely therapeutic and useful though, even if, as Margo says, you still end up bingeing.

On the subject of not always having to stop a binge, giving yourself permission to binge, however strange it sounds, can remove the fear and fight and therefore urgency from the situation. And therefore reduces the intensity and loss of control feeling of it. It gives you the chance to be curious and observant about what is going on. If you are going to binge then treat it like an occasion - if you are going to eat all the food you want, then savour and enjoy it. Sit down, serve yourself a small portion of food in a nice plate, eat and taste as slowly as you can and serve yourself as many helpings as you feel you want. See what difference it makes to how you feel, how much you eat, how you feel afterwards. Binges aren't going to stop overnight, learn from the ones that still happen

Tea it sounds like you are doing well . I expect the relaxed holiday feeling is helping your progress a lot - good timing!

sleep no holidays for me I'm afraid, work has been absolutely mental but I really am trying hard. It's only thanks to all of you wonderful people on here that I am somehow managing. I am a bit socially awkward at times and not used to people just being so kind to me, like you are here. It really is just so lovely to get all this support
I was bullied throughout the whole primary school and I've never really recovered from this. I always expect people to end up being horrible to me. So if I could, I would just hug you all on here, I'm so grateful.
soppy emotional mess

Oops, sorry , which poster was on hols ? Lots of new people! You are doing especially well then if work is crazy! We are all here for you

tea, I'm glad you feel welcome here.

I am the same with social situations and am very careful with making new friends too (people can be horrible sometimes). Here we accept you just as you are

Good we are making people feel good here!
Binges - I think we also need to start differentiating between what is a real binge and what is simply eating too much one day because you liked the food or had some emotional need necessitating the food support. I think when one starts getting out of diet-binge cycle and manages not to restrict and seriously shuts down the calorie counter in the head, then first what goes is the binge - the one when you eat so much that it hurts and you really feel physically sick when the binge ends.
The overeating still remains. Taken this way, I have not binged I guess for about half a year now. I have stuffed myself with unnecessarily big amounts of food and sometimes eaten far too often. But I have finally oveecome the actual binge. I just realised this today when out running. I have not eaten past confortable for ages. Whats the point, if you can eat all what is left tomorrow? But trick is, it takes some years to make your brain and body honestly believe that indeed, tmorrow will not be the start of a new diet. neither will the day after. It is possible to get there, but it means making oneself eat breakfast after huge binge previous evening, it seems. Next day comes again with the right for three nutritious, non-restricted meals, and it takes hundreds of these days before it is believable - after tens of years of diet-binge cycles.

All this ran through my head when I was doing my little run today. i have thought maybe more of these things this week, having to restrict sugar and gluten. Actually, so far it does not feel like something is restricted, as it is really easy to just eat the rest of the foods in the world! It may change any day, but so far it seems restricting without restricting is OK. I have dome it before - I went vegan for half a year, but that was not the same, it felt far too restricted! Having meat, cheese, fruit and veg seems OK for now....Cheese has always been my chocolate anyway.

Tea, I was only bullied the first year of primary and in my tennis group, but i think it stillmeans that my confidence will never be the same as for these people who never where! I act very confident and get ahead in the world, but it feels fake confidence. Inside I am horribly vulnerable....

jass if you asked any of my friends or colleagues, they would tell you I'm the most confident and cheerful person ever. It's amazing how good we can get at pretending to be confident.
On the subject of overeating, I've probably had a bit too much today. But it's only because I cooked a lovely dinner, it was mostly veg and I just fancied a bigger portion. But I totally agree that this is not a proper binge. Binge makes me physically sick or almost sick. I would like to deal with binge first. Then, if I ever manage to have a healthy relationship with food again, I would like to be able to retrain my brain and body to recognise what a healthy portion is. Because at the moment I really have no idea.
And then, maybe, only maybe, one day food will no longer be a problem or a reward.
That's my plan for next few years