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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided. All welcome. Thread 7

999 replies

kwick · 25/03/2017 10:51

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!

Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/donor_conception/2863056--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-Thread-6

Here is the link to the one before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2769549-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen-loadsofBFPs
Here is the link to the thread before that: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen
Here is the link to the one before that one: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome
And the one before that!: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1877198-Donor-IUI

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided.  All welcome.  Thread 7
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Karendvm · 11/04/2017 18:08

Wonderful news pez.

stork I think that it sounds like you should switch clinics. By that i mean is sounds like you are leaning in that direction, and I think you should follow your gut. It's a hard choice because of the distance, but I think if distance wasn't a factor you would likely switch quickly. I don't like clinics that are stuck on certain protocols. We are all different and our bodies are all very different.

pickle162 · 11/04/2017 18:30

Eeeeeekkkkk pez that's fab, 27th is when I stop my pill so I won't forget when ur scan is :)

Hi everyone:)

INeedNewShoes · 11/04/2017 19:07

Brilliant news Pez Smile

Hopeful25 · 11/04/2017 19:54

Fantastic news pez xxx

StorkAhoy · 11/04/2017 20:39

bearits 3hrs away. So would involve staying the night before and after egg collection and transfer. And yes I'd use a local sonogram clinic for follicle and lining measurements.

And yes all, I think a change is good.

pez, look at you! Yay!

pickle162 · 11/04/2017 20:52

Stork the wales clinic seem so much more open to try the best for you rather than the standard protocol robotics of the other clinic. Is it easy enough for you to get time off work to attend that far away?

My manager told me to book some time off so I can go away- I was like can't go abroad as won't know when I can fly unless do super last minute but have to book annual leave 6weeks in advance, and I am need my annual leave for goodness knows how many appointments I need. I just need a break from work but unless I'm away on holiday I just slob in pjs like a slug. U.K. Is so bloomin expensive to go anywhere-oh well dilemma for today....Hmm

INeedNewShoes · 11/04/2017 21:37

Stork - I agree with the sentiment that more eggs isn't necessarily better. After all you just need one good quality egg, and you have to wonder whether your body growing 18 eggs means that resources are being spread more thinly between them all (not that I have a clue whether there's any truth in that).

A change sounds like it could be a good plan for you, and you've already thought about how to make the logistics work with the clinic being that bit further away.

witchmountain · 11/04/2017 21:44

Shoes, I think it is true actually. My consultant said she wanted to avoid stimulating me to produce too many eggs because it tended to result in a lower proportion being of good enough quality. That was in the context of my slightly over enthusiastic ovaries, but I guess the same applies. I don't know how consistent the mathematical relationship between the two is - presumably it varies from person to person.

taydex · 11/04/2017 22:35

Great news Pez. So excited for you x

CautionHormone · 11/04/2017 22:57

Stork I agree with what everyone else is saying. A change is probably your best bet because different clinic = different ideas = maybe different results?! I know it's a ballache staying over post egg collection though - will anybody be going with you??
CARE don't sound like they're going to give you any wiggle room so maybe CRGW is the better option Flowers

Pez - that's fantastic news!!! So pleased you got a positive beta and that you've got a scan booked. The next two weeks will feel like another TWOT... Bless you!!

Latenightreader · 11/04/2017 23:24

Pezpezpezpez! So exciting! Countdown to the mini Pez scan begins. Question: when you give birth will this make you a Pez dispenser?

Latenightreader · 12/04/2017 00:16

Just typed a long message and it vanished...

I absolutely reserve the right to change my mind after ICSI 2! Money is a consideration - I've spent £20K already and I don't have a proper pension (really must get that sorted). The other is that I've found the last few weeks exhausting both physically and emotionally, and also very lonely. I feel pathetic for saying this when surrounded by so many strong women, but I'm not sure how many times I can go through it. I think a big part of this is that I had 19 eggs but only one made it to the good blastocyst stage (they also put in a mediocre one) and none are in the freezer. It feels like if my body can't grow healthy eggs now, what hope will I have in a year or so? Fingers crossed this is just the immediate post treatment down talking and the doctor will have some positive suggestions re: medication when I see her in May.

I desperately want a baby, and I'm sure my PMA will be back soon!

Karendvm · 12/04/2017 00:46

late I think we all go through lonely moments, I certainly do. And the money aspect can be crushing. Anything you start doing now will help your egg health. Acupuncture? Supplements? Good, routine exercise. It's hard to be positive after what you have just been through. It is a very emotional thing we are doing. I honestly don't know what I'll do if I lose this baby. There is worry every step of the way. Just know you DO have people out there who think about you.

witchmountain · 12/04/2017 01:31

Late, it definitely makes her a Pez dispenser :)

If only it was that bloody easy!

Don't feel pathetic. It's a huge thing to do anyway and doing it by yourself and via the means we have to use compounds that many times over. Having to rely on what clinics tell us, not really being able to control what happens, etc - it all makes you vulnerable and that's hard by yourself. Don't underestimate how much of the tiredness is due to the headspace this takes up and the grief about it not working - all that emotional work is far more exhausting than we give it credit for.

I remember thinking I AM DONE WITH THIS towards the end of the second cycle and that was despite the relatively good outcome from the first. I would have been totally deflated if the results had been less encouraging.

Karen is right though, we are all thinking of you and hoping with you and being sad with you. Whether it helps or not! Do you have any real life support? I have talked to my therapist a lot which has really helped. And friends and family have been supportive too, even ones I thought might not be.

Is there any chance of bringing your May appointment forward so at least you're not worrying about what will or won't come out of it? You can make healthy eggs because one got to blastocyst stage. The drop off from eggs to fertilised eggs to blastocysts is really shocking - a bit less so the second time.

Alternatively, can you give yourself a month off from thinking about it? Or is that impossible?

Hang in there Flowers

StorkAhoy · 12/04/2017 08:44

late, oh honey shall we be doubters together in terms of our eggs?! After 18 eggs and only one blastocyst the first time, then 8 eggs and only 2 x 3 day embryos the second time,I hit pretty much rock bottom. So I understand. In fact if I had just had my review with Care yesterday and not spoken to Wales I would still be feeling as desolate as I was 2 weeks ago.

Its your journey and you've got to feel it, whatever it is. Im pretty stoic. but this last one nearly broke me.

and did I tell you all that I went to see beauty and the beast with my BFF the week after the implant failure? I started bawling my eyes out when the feather duster died.... #whatamess!

and the money thing. Oh yeah, totally there with you.

so take your time, and go to a review, hell go get a second opinion! And decide what you want to do.

Im doing one more round with my eggs before hanging that hat up and moving onto embryo donation/egg donors. I figure Im limiting my pain by having a plan.

virtual hugs.

Pez82 · 12/04/2017 08:52

Ah ah I hope I don't give birth to tiny artificially flavoured sweets... do they even still sell this things!!?? I'll have a look next time I'm in France

Late, I know this is heartbreaking and right now I would be the same and feel very negative but I've read so many stories of couples who went through multiple ivf cycles and ended up with healthy babies. And yes the money element adds another layer to the whole emotional roller coaster...
I can't remember which clinic you're with but could you maybe check their embryology department has all the latest technology to safely develop embryos to blastocyst stage?
Also, Stork mentioned that the clinic in Wales mentioned changing meds from alkaline to acidic, is this something worth enquiringly about?
I know that if my cycle had failed this time I would asked to get tested for auto immune and inflammatory diseases as I have a long history of inflammation (which is the cause of the bone spur in my hand that I still need surgery for...). I know some women are put on steroids to help with these things.

Re loneliness, yes it's tough and what we're doing is the most difficult thing ever and sometimes hearing we're strong is not good enough. I know we're meeting on the 23rd but I'm here whenever you need - just shout if you need, seriously.

I really don't want you to give up. Bigs hugs xx

taydex · 12/04/2017 09:59

I can honestly say that our IUI journey was one of the toughest things I've ever done. It is mentally and emotionally so so hard at times. You are all superstars and amazing ladies. Always here for you guys, whatever you need.
Hang in there ladies, I can honestly say that the end result is totally worth the pain and agony along the journey. Keep your eyes on the prize. And good luck to you all, I hope your dreams all come true.
Big hugs (with a bit of a sicky shoulder, sorry about that. Yeah, you're really looking forward to this, aren't you?!). I can't wait to meet those of you who can make it next week.
TD xx

Munrowalker · 12/04/2017 10:22

@late hang in there. We are all strong and weak. Things will break us all and then we get back up again to fight another day.
The journey is horrible and heartbreaking. A total roller coaster.

Thinking of you

Everhopeful76 · 12/04/2017 10:41

late it is so hard, so so hard. I hate the word strong as well, as I don't feel that way a lot of time but our hearts so full of love demand we continue the pursuit. Perseverance and persistence and our time will come xxxx

PhoenixMama · 12/04/2017 12:04

Late I am thinking of you. I had a bit of a meltdown the other day for similar reasons, although I haven't been through multiple attempts. I think we are etched out and defined by these struggles. Its painful and uncomfortable but ultimately makes us who we are. I think motherhood is all about sacrifice, picking your battles and having to stand up for yourself (and your child!). You are doing all these things, and as such are preparing yourself for the journey ahead.

Have you done acupuncture? I know several people who have seen success after a series of treatment. But mostly I think we need to be gentle with ourselves. Its easy to see strength in others and very hard to see it in ourselves. I definitely think of you as strong!

Hang in there! x

CautionHormone · 12/04/2017 15:17

Late, I can only echo what everyone else has been saying. We all go through moments of loneliness I guess but that's what makes us stronger... You're a strong, independent woman and should be proud of what you've achieved so far, not feeling down about what you haven't yet achieved. Sending big hugs Flowers

Again, I'm so confused about my LG surge Angry I get close and it drops off!! I seem to get close late at night, around 9pm-ish, and then when I go to bed and do one around 11am ish (not with FMU) it's gone!! It's starting to build back up again but I changed OPK's and bought the ones pez recommended from boots... It's frustrating me so bad because I just can never seem to get a positive. I'll attach a photo of my most recent OPK - I'm on CD16, so it's getting a bit late, meaning my luteal phase will only be 11 days AGAIN Hmm This is two months in a row now!!

#makeithappen TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided.  All welcome.  Thread 7
Pez82 · 12/04/2017 15:53

Caution, you could have surged during the night and it was over by this morning or your surge could still happen this afternoon. Don't panic! Are you using concentrated urine?
If you struggle to spot your surge then it would be something worth mentioning to the clinic so they'll make sure to do some bloodwork to confirm your surge before the IUI. Your blood won't lie!! Apparently the opks don't work for some women

Snorkmaiden85 · 12/04/2017 17:55

Oh late, it is so tough. You are not pathetic at all. I haven't even properly begun yet and sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the 'yearning'ness of it all, and you've been through so much, a real emotional and physical ordeal. It's bound to take a toll. The other ladies are much wiser and more knowledgeable than I am and have all said wiser things than I can, but I want you to know you're not alone and that I think you're SUPER STRONG. Of course you feel fragile now, I would too. It's OK to let yourself feel those things, it's a process of extreme highs and lows, i can't think of anything else that compares in that respect. We can give you a massive group hug on 23rd (if that's not a terrifying rather than comforting prospect!!!)
Xxxxxxx

pickle162 · 12/04/2017 18:22

Ah late my darling, this is such a bumpy road. I think resilient is more the word that describes this journey, it's about getting back up when everything is on your back. You will have positive days and utter shit ones and we will be there for you all along the way. If I didn't have u guys and good friends I'd have been broken a long time ago, allow yourself some you time and don't feel guilty about feeling crap but don't let it eat you up. Big hugs sweetie 💐

Caution what day do u start testing on? Could u ask ur Gp for a blood test (can't remember what one it is-other peeps will know) to see whether your ovulating?

Taydex looking forward to meeting you too because you WILL be coming (stern look!!!) because we want u there!!!!

Stork the feather duster dying for devastating

My best friend had her 3rd baby today, it's like yayyyyy (but so jealous also)

lol love that pez will be a pez despenser 🤣I use to love pez. I still have some hello kitty ones somewhere

Karen when is ur next scan due?

Karendvm · 12/04/2017 18:35

Hi pickle. Next scan is on tuesday. Other then intense vomiting the other night I haven't been feeling too bad. Tired, but not as nauseous, which of course worries me. Hoping for good news at the scan. Then I'll have another for the nucheal testing. After that I'll hopefully be starting with my obgyn. So many hopes.

caution are you temping? They say it's to only real way to know if you are ovulating. Sometimes the strips don't work. Make sure it is concentrated urine. I probably would be contacting the clinic to see if they would do any blood tests. Knowing if you ovulate or not is an important step. Although I did my first iui without having a clue.....I did get a surge but that still doesn't mean you actually ovulate. Nothing stressed me out more than waiting for that stupid surge!

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