Late, it definitely makes her a Pez dispenser :)
If only it was that bloody easy!
Don't feel pathetic. It's a huge thing to do anyway and doing it by yourself and via the means we have to use compounds that many times over. Having to rely on what clinics tell us, not really being able to control what happens, etc - it all makes you vulnerable and that's hard by yourself. Don't underestimate how much of the tiredness is due to the headspace this takes up and the grief about it not working - all that emotional work is far more exhausting than we give it credit for.
I remember thinking I AM DONE WITH THIS towards the end of the second cycle and that was despite the relatively good outcome from the first. I would have been totally deflated if the results had been less encouraging.
Karen is right though, we are all thinking of you and hoping with you and being sad with you. Whether it helps or not! Do you have any real life support? I have talked to my therapist a lot which has really helped. And friends and family have been supportive too, even ones I thought might not be.
Is there any chance of bringing your May appointment forward so at least you're not worrying about what will or won't come out of it? You can make healthy eggs because one got to blastocyst stage. The drop off from eggs to fertilised eggs to blastocysts is really shocking - a bit less so the second time.
Alternatively, can you give yourself a month off from thinking about it? Or is that impossible?
Hang in there 