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Original poster

Rights of OW. Not married to my father. My parents not divorced.

266 replies

IdoHaveAName · 03/08/2017 17:12

Last year, my grandmother died leaving her house to my father. He already owns the farm as his father signed it over to him before he died.

I had reason to need to stay at my grandmother's house last year for a few weeks. My father was happy with this.

Anyway, I invited my own mother to visit me and the OW (who has been with my father 20 years) went apeshit.

Anyway, facebook was involved later that day. Consequently OW drove out to the farm/house to tell me with outstretched arms that 'I OWN ALL THIS'.

I told her that she was as thick as shit and my father is still married to my mother. She owns nothing.

My parents are legally separated but not divorced. Am I correct in thinking OW owns nothing but the shit on her boots?

OP posts:
TeamCersei · 03/08/2017 21:10

I hate this idea on MN that you can't think badly of the OW because "they don't owe you anything" or "they didn't make any legally binding promises" - basically people who say this seem to think it's ok to treat other human beings like shit on your shoe unless the law forces you to act decently. The idea that the default position is "cuntiness" - and "common decency" is for the minority is depressing as fuck.

I dont buy this 'OW are blameless' crap either
I've only ever heard people spouting it on MN.
I have yet to hear people say it in RL.

OP, the OW sounds like an evil, money grabbing cow.
What kind of woman encourages a man to desert his three children.

It's good that your mother has someone like you to set her on the right course, so that the gold digger doesn't get all the money.
And despite your father coming from a line of longevity, he could still die suddenly and unexpectedly) so something more concrete needs to be sorted out as to who gets what.

Bluntness100 · 03/08/2017 21:11

Op, your father and this woman have been together twenty years, that's a long time to love someone. In addition you were an adult when it happened and by my math are nearly forty now. Your mother has moved on, so has your father.

You know nothing of his affairs, yet you seem to know a lot about hers. Why still so angry at her and not him? Why if your parents can let it go , can't you? Calling her a cunt and all manner of filth, it's curious why you seem to be the only one who has held on to such terrible anger?

My father had an affair with a friends wife, and they are still together now. I blame him, but have moved past it. Although I am not close to her, we will never be friends, I don't hold and have never held any anger towards her, if I had to hold anyone responsible it would be him, but they have also been together 20 odd years and as such, I can't imagine having such anger for so long when all the other impacted parties have moved past it.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 21:17

OP can be angry is she wants, it's not for you to say. If she feels like the OW is a grade A cunt, I think we should assume she has good reason to think so.

Original poster
IdoHaveAName · 03/08/2017 21:17

She never stuck her oar in before until I suddenly found out that 'I OWN ALL THIS'. It only came to life what grabbiness she held in her soul at this argument.
My younger sibling has never met her.
My older brother tolerates her - he lives in a different country though so never has to deal with her.
I am the only one who has ever had dealings with her as such and I had accepted their relationship until she wanted to throw me out of my grandmother's house! She is no fucking relation to any of us.

OP posts:
itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 21:19

I;m Irish and I've never in my life called anybody a walking cnt. So I agree it seems misogynist*

It's not remotely misogynist, a man can be called a walking cunt just as easily.

Original poster
IdoHaveAName · 03/08/2017 21:23

I agree bollox

I call many people cunts lol

OP posts:
SecondRow · 03/08/2017 22:15

How sure is your mother that her assets are protected, if as a PP said she were to die first? Why doesn't she want to divorce? Wouldn't it annoy her for him to potentially get that marital home back instead of her children?

Also, what about OW's two children - were they living with them both/was your dad in a stepfather role? Is it so unthinkable that he could disinherit even your older brother who's not a farmer in favour of a stepchild who possibly is or at least max still be locally based?

SecondRow · 03/08/2017 22:23

Btw, something being common or the norm in no way makes it not misogynistic. Irish society IS misogynistic in many ways.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 22:41

Btw, something being common or the norm in no way makes it not misogynistic

No its the not being misogynistic that makes it not misogynistic. There are things in Irish culture that are, this isn't one of them.

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 22:43

Is it so unthinkable that he could disinherit even your older brother who's not a farmer in favour of a stepchild who possibly is or at least max still be locally based?

You don't know any Mayo farmers, do you?

junebirthdaygirl · 03/08/2017 23:14

Im lrish and shocked at the level of abuse aimed at this woman..lm also a farmers dd and never encountered such a way of talking in my life. This woman has lived with your df for 20 years. She is surely entitled to inherit something if he passes on before her. As for the rubbish about the db inheriting the farm ..are ye living in the 1950s..Seriously stop acting like you are in the middle of a John B Keane play and grow up.

SecondRow · 03/08/2017 23:20

I've seen The Field, does that count?

itstoolateforthisbollox · 03/08/2017 23:20

She is surely entitled to inherit something if he passes on before her

She's not though.

St01c · 03/08/2017 23:51

My Granddad left his farm equally to his dc male and female. That was in 1983. They all got an exactly equal portion of the money.

St01c · 03/08/2017 23:57

We'll agree to disagree itstoolateforthisbollix I have friends whose fathers pulled this weak stunt on their mothers, but OP's level of vitriol towards the OW in her mother's marriage is extreme in my view. 20 years down the line she's publicly posting what I would see as an in-house Barney up on facebook. Irish society is still patriarchal and of course, misogynist. So much hatred for a woman who has wasted 20 years of her life on a man who didn't get divorced so he could marry her is sad. She may not deserve OP's consideration or respect but I can't help it, I just hate to see a woman called a cunt, especially because of something that happened 20 years ago.

abigcupoffuckyou · 03/08/2017 23:59

just hate to see a woman called a cunt, especially because of something that happened 20 years ago

I don't think you've read OP's posts? She called her a cunt because of the horrible way she behaved to her recently, not at all because of what happened 20 years ago.

HorridHenryrule · 04/08/2017 00:12

St01c did you read the whole thread or did you stop at the word cunt. I think your view is very sexist would you feel the same if a woman called a man a cunt. Would you say the woman has a potty mouth.

HorridHenryrule · 04/08/2017 00:26

It weren't 20 years ago it was 1 year ago. The op stated that she has been living on her own with her kids and claiming benefits as a loan parent. If the other woman gets the farm then she won't share with his dd or ds it will go to the ow children. From what the op is posting the ow wants to fall out with her it makes it easier to fuck her over. Op when the time comes you will get your day in court if it goes that far. She will have a lot of explaining to do in regards to her claiming benefits as a loan parent.

Original poster
IdoHaveAName · 04/08/2017 00:54

HorridHenry.
There is not a hope in hell my father would have either signed something over to or willed something to the other woman.

He is a staunch Irish man. The land will pass to my brother.
I'm just wondering whether she has any claim at all? My parents are still not divorced. He has three children.

OP posts:
Original poster
IdoHaveAName · 04/08/2017 01:06

If it's any help, my brother lives abroad, I live abroad and my younger sister lives in the same country but rarely goes home. I was the only one who had anything much to do with my father really until I OWN ALL THIS,
I have had nothing to do with him since until this January when I almost died, I suppose when you get a call to say your daughter is likely to die imminently or however they phrase it, you forget everything.

I was in a coma though so I haven't forgotten anything. I still recall that he supported his woman over his daughter (until I was dying).

OP posts:
BeepBeepMOVE · 04/08/2017 01:09

You sound really bitter and a bit twisted. This happened decades ago. Get over it, you must be over 40 and you sound like a bratty 12 year old. She's your dad's partner of 20 years hardly still the OW.

Original poster
IdoHaveAName · 04/08/2017 01:17

I'm a year older than her when she took a married man with an 18 year old child. OK, technically an adult.
Would I do it?
Would I fuck!

Bitter yes.
Twisted? Have I mentioned torturing her to death or something?

OP posts:
Original poster
IdoHaveAName · 04/08/2017 01:19

I started this thread on the Irish part of this website to see whether she actually could have any claim to any of the house or farm. Not to ask about her relationship. Certainly not to be called bitter and twisted.

OP posts:
londonista · 04/08/2017 08:12

OP you are very funny! Quite a way with words!

Sorry don't have any useful advice but can we go out for some drinks?? 😂

Bluntness100 · 04/08/2017 08:23

OP can be angry is she want

Do you have reading comprehension issues? I asked why, I' didn't state she couldn't be Confused

I'm a year older than her when she took a married man with an 18 year old child

I mean this gently, she didn't take him. You can't take another person. If anything, again, he would have bourne a lot of the responsibility being a much older man going after a nineteen year old female.