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Original poster

Potentially ruined Christmas.

256 replies

FrenchyQ · 17/12/2021 08:25

Dd22 phoned last night to tell us her boss tested positive for covid yesterday ( they even went into work after doing the PCR test). She's supposed to be coming home for Christmas on Tuesday (, she's at uni 100 miles away). She's being hesitant about getting a PCR herself as she knows if it's positive she's gonna have to self isolate.Weve booked her one for this afternoon anyway.
I just feel panicky now about her coming home,myself DH and ds all had covid a month ago and I really don't want it in the house again (as it may be Omicron so we could get it again ).
Leaving her to self isolate down there will be worrysome anyway as she has history of self harming/suicide attempts and if she's alone over Christmas that'll heighten her feelings for that.
I know alot of this is what ifs until she tests positive/negative but it's sending my anxiety through the roof!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Mamamia344 · 17/12/2021 09:42

you won't catch it again if you all had it a month ago - definitely go and get her and have a lovely Christmas together.

Tal45 · 17/12/2021 09:42

It sounds like you don't want her in the house and that you don't even like her. It sounds like she has serious problems with the violence, self harm, suicide attempts, what's at the root of it all? There must be something. She doesn't need a PCR test, she should be doing LFT's everyday and you sound very controlling 'to have booked her one anyway'. You describe her potentially committing suicide as 'worrysome'.

I can't get my head around your attitude to your child who obviously has huge problems that may not even have been identified. If 90 strangers can see how wrong leaving her down there would be why can't her own mother?

Chrispackhamspoodle · 17/12/2021 09:42

I think there is a lot more going on here than her coming home than a Covid Test.You sound like you have a very difficult relationship with your daughter.Do you want her to come home?Is there somewhere else she would prefer to be?Is she getting support for her anger/mental health?

Stuckhere2021 · 17/12/2021 09:43

OP I can see that it sounds like you have a difficult relationship with your daughter but it sounds like you don't "like her" and she sounds troubled. To be fair, most younger students prioritise money in the sense that they don't think of the wider implications for families unless there is an obviously seriously unwell family member - that is my experience as someone who works with students. Its not that they think "I don't care about my family", they just don't think like fully fledged adults do. Of course your daughter could be a complete inconsiderate, narcissistic sociopath - but I doubt it.

Idontbloodyknow · 17/12/2021 09:48

@Tal45

It sounds like you don't want her in the house and that you don't even like her. It sounds like she has serious problems with the violence, self harm, suicide attempts, what's at the root of it all? There must be something. She doesn't need a PCR test, she should be doing LFT's everyday and you sound very controlling 'to have booked her one anyway'. You describe her potentially committing suicide as 'worrysome'.

I can't get my head around your attitude to your child who obviously has huge problems that may not even have been identified. If 90 strangers can see how wrong leaving her down there would be why can't her own mother?

Well exactly sounds like you would rather her be miles away from you no matter what. You are blaming her for everything inventing that she prioritises money over her family wellbeing because she has a job and has to go to work and like most people can't just tell them she's not coming in as would lose it, of course she needs the money good on her for working. People don't just become violent because you are a pushover there are deeper reasons and I am afraid you sound like a very self absorbed selfish person perhaps that is your mh talking. Stop panicking about a barely existent potential scenario that is extremely unlikely and put yourself in your daughters shoes
Itisasecret · 17/12/2021 09:48

Oh my God, I’d go get her! I’ve already told my son if he ends up positive, don’t answer the phone, tell T&T you’re on your way home.

I’d be up there at lighting speed to get him so he’s not on his own. He’s my son! It would be a cold day in hell before I left him in a dingy Uni room on his own at Christmas.

skippy67 · 17/12/2021 09:50

Yeah, you need to go and get her.

Uninterested · 17/12/2021 09:50

Oh dear, what a bad situation. What was the original plan? Were you going to go and collect her?
Id just carry on and do the same thing.

I understand your reluctance to not want to deal with addressing her violence and bad behaviour due to her MH issues but I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do for your sake or hers. Have you had any professional help?

HaaaaaveyoumetTed · 17/12/2021 09:56

You had it a month ago. Your chances of getting it again are slim to none!

Original poster
FrenchyQ · 17/12/2021 09:59

DH has tried calling her multiple times this morning to see what she wants to/intends doing but she's not answering. So there's nothing we can do til then, as he not gonna drive down there without her saying she wants to come home now.

For those asking if she's had professional help for her issues, she's been referred more than once (NHS and private), but never engages with it.

OP posts:
Dontforgetyourbrolly · 17/12/2021 09:59

My child at risk of self harm would trump catching what is essentially a bad cold . Have a word with yourself

MrsMiddleMother · 17/12/2021 10:01

Don't know why you're getting such a hard time op. Why should you go get her? She's an adult ffs not a child, it's not fair on the rest of you if she's got covid and has to isolate at your home or gives it to you all again so you all hate to isolate and suffer.

theSunday · 17/12/2021 10:04

Please don't leave her by herself at Christmas

Rockdown2020 · 17/12/2021 10:11

Please go and get her.

Wnikat · 17/12/2021 10:12

Go and get your kid.

DaisyNGO · 17/12/2021 10:12

Woah
Have you reported the violence to the police?

thedefinitionofmadness · 17/12/2021 10:13

Go and get your girl.

She doesn't need a PCR until she gets a positive LFT

Her boss may not have omicron

Your health anxiety (and OMG I can relate, not to health anxiety but other MH issues) does not trump her needs which are more severe.

Christmas is not ruined.

Disfordarkchocolate · 17/12/2021 10:14

Honestly, I'd go and pick her up. I'd take Covid if I just had it a month ago over worrying about her mental health.

LittleMysSister · 17/12/2021 10:15

Tbh OP it sounds like there's a lot more going on between your daughter and your family than just her potentially having COVID.

If she's being violent and aggressive with you generally then I wouldn't want her home either.

thedefinitionofmadness · 17/12/2021 10:17

@FrenchyQ

She won't go on the train...apparently as her parents we have to go get her(even tho she will travel on the train to see her boyfriend etc). She is refusing to come home as she has work tonight and tomorrow night and is more interested in the money than the well being of her family. I'm not drip feeding on purpose here but we have history of violence against myself when she doesn't get her own way (we got thrown off a flight and escorted out of an airport due to her punching me as she wasn't getting her own way), so if we try and force the situation of her coming home earlier than she wants it will probably not end well for me.
Ok so her problems are a lot more severe than you previously let on and you are clearly at the end of your tether.

Can your DH be the front face of this. You need to take the pressure out of the situation and support her. You'll need to get over your own anxieties to do this. Are you seeking support for yourself?

LizzieSiddal · 17/12/2021 10:17

Gosh what an awful situation. If my 22 year old Dd was violent towards me I wouldn’t want her in the house. You’ve said she’s been referred several times for holo but won’t engage so the ball is well and truly in her court!

PrismGuile · 17/12/2021 10:18

I'd rather get Covid again than have a child kill themselves... wouldn't you? Go get her

glasgowLil · 17/12/2021 10:18

There is no way you should leave her by herself given her mental health history. Go and get her.

glasgowLil · 17/12/2021 10:20

Sorry I missed your update. It sounds like a very difficult situation. Hugs xx

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2021 10:22

I wonder if the recent posters have read all the op’s updates. The situation is quite different to what was described in the op.

Daughter doesn’t want to come home. She wants to go to work. There’s a difficult relationship with the op and the daughter won’t appreciate being scooped up and brought home.

In the light of this new information, I’d respect the daughter’s wishes to stay at uni and work. Deal with a positive test if it comes.

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