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Original poster

Potentially ruined Christmas.

256 replies

FrenchyQ · 17/12/2021 08:25

Dd22 phoned last night to tell us her boss tested positive for covid yesterday ( they even went into work after doing the PCR test). She's supposed to be coming home for Christmas on Tuesday (, she's at uni 100 miles away). She's being hesitant about getting a PCR herself as she knows if it's positive she's gonna have to self isolate.Weve booked her one for this afternoon anyway.
I just feel panicky now about her coming home,myself DH and ds all had covid a month ago and I really don't want it in the house again (as it may be Omicron so we could get it again ).
Leaving her to self isolate down there will be worrysome anyway as she has history of self harming/suicide attempts and if she's alone over Christmas that'll heighten her feelings for that.
I know alot of this is what ifs until she tests positive/negative but it's sending my anxiety through the roof!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
EatSleepRantRepeat · 17/12/2021 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatMattersMost · 17/12/2021 10:24

@FrenchyQ

DH has tried calling her multiple times this morning to see what she wants to/intends doing but she's not answering. So there's nothing we can do til then, as he not gonna drive down there without her saying she wants to come home now.

For those asking if she's had professional help for her issues, she's been referred more than once (NHS and private), but never engages with it.

She's learning her lack of engagement with help from your ambivalent engagement with her.
DoubleShotEspresso · 17/12/2021 10:26

This is a no brainier.

Go get your girl x

MatildaIThink · 17/12/2021 10:28

Either tell he she is welcome, infected or not, or go and get her, stop being an arse.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2021 10:28

She's learning her lack of engagement with help from your ambivalent engagement with her.

That’s a totally unfair comment. You have no idea what the op has gone through with the daughter or how she’s tried to get her help.

It’s clear this is a really complex situation with a lot of back story. It might have been helpful to have at least hinted at that in the op.

Reallybadidea · 17/12/2021 10:29

We're in a similar situation with ds1 who is a close contact. I want him to come straight home now in case he gets stuck at Christmas, but he's saying no. I'm not sure what I'll do if he tests positive because if he's at home then I will have to isolate from work and we're already struggling with staff absences (NHS).

JuergenSchwarzwald · 17/12/2021 10:31

Oh for goodness sake OP she is your daughter.

You won't get covid again so quickly and even if you could, would you really leave your daughter on her own?

Covid really has made some people quite mad.

Angry
JuergenSchwarzwald · 17/12/2021 10:32

Daughter doesn’t want to come home. She wants to go to work. There’s a difficult relationship with the op and the daughter won’t appreciate being scooped up and brought home. In the light of this new information, I’d respect the daughter’s wishes to stay at uni and work

Fair enough. Then she can come home on Tuesday as planned.

Delatron · 17/12/2021 10:32

The plan was to come home Tuesday? So why don’t you speak to her in a few days. She may not want to come home right at this minute as that is changing her plans and she’s committed to working. Unless she’s said she now doesn’t want to come home? It’s a bit unclear. She may not want to leave her boss in the lurch.

Sounds like you’re panicking over Covid and booking her PCR tests that she doesn’t want. If the plan was Tuesday then she’ll have work/boyfriend/ social stuff until then.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/12/2021 10:33

That escalated. You don’t want her home, she doesn’t seem to want to come home.

What’s DH saying?

Delatron · 17/12/2021 10:34

I’m so confused!

Does she want to come home on Tuesday or not?

UpintNorth · 17/12/2021 10:35

Go and get her. She needs you and her family.

Ski4130 · 17/12/2021 10:37

Bring her home.

The fear of her self harming is surely greater than the fear of Covid in the house?

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2021 10:37

@UpintNorth

Go and get her. She needs you and her family.
Are the posters saying this telling the op to go now or on Tuesday as planned?

The daughter doesn’t want picking up now and won’t react well.

Squeezita · 17/12/2021 10:39

She won't go on the train...apparently as her parents we have to go get her(even tho she will travel on the train to see her boyfriend etc).

we have history of violence against myself when she doesn't get her own way

She sounds like a twat. Leave her where she is, she is an adult.

Original poster
FrenchyQ · 17/12/2021 10:40

The plan was for her to come home on the 21st. We wanted her to come home earlier than that but she decided she wanted to work for the week instead, (she works in a nightclub).

OP posts:
Delatron · 17/12/2021 10:44

Ah I see. I think it’s fair enough she wants to work and earn some money. You don’t want the risk of the nightclub I guess? But you’ve just had Covid so risk to you very low.

I’d leave her be. Stick to the original plan. Call her in a few days and see if she wants picking up on Tuesday.

I don’t don’t think at that age I would have wanted to come home to my parents a week early.

Rainbows246 · 17/12/2021 10:44

I’d get her without question.

Squeezita · 17/12/2021 10:45

OP, you're effectively letting an abuser in to your home?

Does your DH not see this?

2bazookas · 17/12/2021 10:45

I think you're unduly pessimistic about the risk to yourselves at home.

In South Africa, among unvaccinated people who have had 2 infections, it appears that previous infection with Delta has provided enough antibodies that a second infection with Omicron is pretty mild. So if you are all vaccinated AND had delta recently, then your antibodies should be high so if you do all get omicron it should be relatively mild.

Compared with the risk to DD's mental health I'd go straight to fetch her home.

Offmyfence · 17/12/2021 10:46

Go get her ASAP

Squeezita · 17/12/2021 10:46

If OP had posted that her 22 year old son was physically violent to her in her own home she would be told not to let him in to the house. Such double standards when it's a daughter.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2021 10:47

Compared with the risk to DD's mental health I'd go straight to fetch her home.

The daughter doesn’t want that.

PurpleDaisies · 17/12/2021 10:47

@Offmyfence

Go get her ASAP
She doesn’t want that!

Are people not reading the thread?

thedefinitionofmadness · 17/12/2021 10:47

@FrenchyQ

The plan was for her to come home on the 21st. We wanted her to come home earlier than that but she decided she wanted to work for the week instead, (she works in a nightclub).
Ah

I think you have to stick with this plan

Ask her to LFT daily

Her work context is going to be a lot safer now restrictions are in place.

If she is positive you collect her nonetheless as agreed, takes a PCR at home. You might have to give up your socialising but if you have as much health anxiety as you say then that's unlikely to be a problem?

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