Needle phobic teen won’t get vax, i’m just finishing chemo

[Notallowedtobeanxious]

I’ve NC for this. I hope I get understanding answers and if you’re an antivaxxer please don’t bother responding.

I have no immune system because of medical treatment. I’m triple vaccinated but it’s highly unlikely to make any difference as what’s left of my immune system won’t react.

My OH works in emergency medicine so comes into contact with covid patients often but is in full PPE so as safe as anyone can be really.

Our 14 year old is needle phobic and refusing to get the vaccine. We have tried talking to them about it, we’ve visited a vaccination centre to show them the procedure and to see others getting it and how they’re all fine and still they refuse.

If I was in good health I’d take the risk and leave them unvaccinated until they were in a better position to cope but I’m not in good health & im terrified.

I know as a parent I should be more mindful of my child’s anxiety but I really wish my family would be mindful of mine. My child worries about an injection lasting one second, I’m worried about dying and leaving my kids without a mother, something I was beginning to believe was less likely thanks to my treatment success so far.

I’m too weak to cope with any kind of infection right now. We don’t live in a house big enough that we can live separately or even for us to isolate individually. I’m terrified but I’m chastised by the rest of my family for trying to speak to my child about it and ask them if we can find a way they may consider getting it done. They’re not antivax, they’d have it if it was delivered any other way.

I feel like an awful parent.

Gosh that is so hard. What does your child say when you explain the potential risks to you?

Hypnotherapy? Apparently it works for some people.

Wow, your family are absolute chunts for chastising you for not wanting to die! Hmm a needle or a mum?? Hard choice. I'm sorry I really feel for you, I hope your chemo goes well xx

@user1477249785

Gosh that is so hard. What does your child say when you explain the potential risks to you?

I get accused of guilting them and then their father gives me a hard time because my child can’t help it.

My child was needle phobic at a similar age. They used self hypnosis (self taught from a Derren Brown book) and listened to music through headphones for the jab. The staff were very understanding and arranged a separate room and no waiting.
Your teenager is old enough to understand the risk to your health and life. Your family are very unreasonable. Would your doctor talk to your teen? Or the MacMillan nurses/specialist nurse?

@shouldistop

Hypnotherapy? Apparently it works for some people.

I have offered this multiple times and they refuse to do it. I don’t know how to persuade them :(

My child worries about an injection lasting one second, I’m worried about dying and leaving my kids without a mother,

Have you said this to them? Brutally and in no uncertain terms?

Their father should know better!

Its not fair that they won't even try to over come their phobia. I agree with pp, tell them that they might be scared of needles but you're scared that you're going to die.

You are not an awful parent. 14 is old enough to have a sense of responsibility towards you.

14 is plenty old enough to hear the unvarnished truth. You must be so disappointed in your whole family. What an absolute shower they are. You must feel as if they don't care about you.

Can you lay it out that they may be motherless in the future? I'd paint the very worst picture and see if they will respond. It's not on. Your DD needs to get over herself.

You aren’t an awful parent at all. Your child has every right to make a decision on whether to have it or not. I’ve had chemo myself so I know the risks but I wouldn’t force any of my family to have it and neither can you. I didn’t want the vaccine either myself and I only had it to protect my elderly mother. You can catch this virus with a vaccination or no vaccination. I was terrified to catch it and I still caught it and was ok. You are protected so your risk is low. Maybe speak to your consultants and see what you can do to prevent you catching it.

Have you had an antibody test?
I did one as part of the cancer care study last week but DD2 came down with covid last week and I am only just out of chemo.
My neutrophils have always been a bit borderline despite pegfilgrastim injections and I didn’t catch it. I’ve been triple jabbed for a while though.

There are many, many infections which can become very serious for you - covid being only one of them.

We have a slightly different situation with dh undergoing chemo, but with two young teens in secondary- 1 dd able to have the vaccine and one is too young - in a very high rate area.

We've explained about what infections dad is vulnerable to, and the different choices we've made with eating out, mixing with people - we've said that as soon as they're home from school they must wash hands straight away, and then change clothes and have a shower. This covers far more risks than just covid and is more helpful.

If they refuse to do basic hygiene, and dp isn't backing this - then you have bigger problems...

CharlotteRose90

What a lot of completely wrong information in your post.

There are many, many infections which can become very serious for you - covid being only one of them.

Definitely, that's why people who live in the household of someone with such a suppressed immune system get offered certain vaccinations.

I don't have any suggestions but you have my complete sympathy. My 17 year old ASD DD has a needle phobia and refuses to get the vaccine or make any attempt at therapy to resolve the issue. She is overweight and has asthma so I'm worried she could get very ill if she caught COVID. Even mentioning it to her causes an argument. Someone did say that they are developing a nasal spray like the flu one. It can't come soon enough for us!

I would move out.

I would let them experience life without you.

Your post has made me cry. I cannot for the life of me understand why a child would put your through this. They are 14. They are not a baby.

Good luck with you health.

@PotteringAlong

My child worries about an injection lasting one second, I’m worried about dying and leaving my kids without a mother,

Have you said this to them? Brutally and in no uncertain terms?

I have and I was told by my OH that it was a very mean thing to say.

Do you have other children who are too young for vaccination, or only the 14 year old?
Ultimately you can't make them have it, but would significant bribery work?

@endofthelinefinally

CharlotteRose90

What a lot of completely wrong information in your post.

Then tell me what I’ve said wrong haha. It’s all the truth.

I think maybe you actually need to be tougher. My DS has ASD and is massively needle phobic he hasn't had the vaccine but we dont need him too. But when he broke his own tooth a couple of years back he had to have numerous needles in his mouth which was incredibly distressing for him but it was either that or he lose his tooth. I pretty much didnt give him a choice took him to the dental hospital gave him gas and air and numbing gel and me and my DP pretty much pinned him down while it went in. It was seconds he found it very hard but he coped. Change tacts tell her its happening and just take her but you would need your DH on board.

@CharlotteRose90

You aren’t an awful parent at all. Your child has every right to make a decision on whether to have it or not. I’ve had chemo myself so I know the risks but I wouldn’t force any of my family to have it and neither can you. I didn’t want the vaccine either myself and I only had it to protect my elderly mother. You can catch this virus with a vaccination or no vaccination. I was terrified to catch it and I still caught it and was ok. You are protected so your risk is low. Maybe speak to your consultants and see what you can do to prevent you catching it.

You really don’t know what you’re talking about.

I assume you’ll be aware different chemotherapeutic medicines have different effects on the body. You “had” chemo past tense, I’m having chemo, my immune system doesn’t get a chance to recover yet. My consultant (who isn’t a person on the internet) has said I’m at extremely high risk despite the vaccine because of my medication. Bully for you, I’m so happy you’re good with taking a risk not only with your own life but with the lives of others, I’m less comfortable with that.

@endofthelinefinally

CharlotteRose90

What a lot of completely wrong information in your post.

Not sure why you are saying my post is wrong when it’s the truth haha.

You can catch covid whether you are vaccinated or not vaccinated that is true.

Op said she is vaccinated so the risks to her if she caught it are lower that is true. Granted her immune system is crap after chemo which is normal she is triple vaccinated which counts and does help . Hence why I said she needs to speak to her consultant about help.