Needle phobic teen won’t get vax, i’m just finishing chemo

[Notallowedtobeanxious]

I’ve NC for this. I hope I get understanding answers and if you’re an antivaxxer please don’t bother responding.

I have no immune system because of medical treatment. I’m triple vaccinated but it’s highly unlikely to make any difference as what’s left of my immune system won’t react.

My OH works in emergency medicine so comes into contact with covid patients often but is in full PPE so as safe as anyone can be really.

Our 14 year old is needle phobic and refusing to get the vaccine. We have tried talking to them about it, we’ve visited a vaccination centre to show them the procedure and to see others getting it and how they’re all fine and still they refuse.

If I was in good health I’d take the risk and leave them unvaccinated until they were in a better position to cope but I’m not in good health & im terrified.

I know as a parent I should be more mindful of my child’s anxiety but I really wish my family would be mindful of mine. My child worries about an injection lasting one second, I’m worried about dying and leaving my kids without a mother, something I was beginning to believe was less likely thanks to my treatment success so far.

I’m too weak to cope with any kind of infection right now. We don’t live in a house big enough that we can live separately or even for us to isolate individually. I’m terrified but I’m chastised by the rest of my family for trying to speak to my child about it and ask them if we can find a way they may consider getting it done. They’re not antivax, they’d have it if it was delivered any other way.

I feel like an awful parent.

I have offered this multiple times and they refuse to do it. I don’t know how to persuade them

Money, toys, treats. Bribery works.

My needle-phobic child with ASD didn’t really hesitate when it came to getting her Covid Vax. She knew her dad had no immunity from his 3 rounds of vaccination because he was part of the study that showed the vaccine doesn’t work for the most vulnerable people. I don’t know of that proof is what did it or if it was just something she got past.

She did say that it was absolutely the easiest shot she has ever had. It is really tiny and quick.

She has to get a flu shot every year because of her own condition and in the pas she has asked us to hold her down for that one so she could get it. Though this last one she did solo. Somehow getting two Covid shots gave her the courage to do it on her own.

One thing you might try is a buzzing toy they make for kids scared of shots. There are a bunch of them. Honestly, I think you could just use an electric toothbrush with a teen. There are also numbing creams. I would research the Available distraction and coping techniques and then see which ones appeal to the teen. (If she were a bit older and had a certain sense of humor, I might even suggest a more personal device could provide the buzzing distraction because the humor of it might help make the moment less tense)

@Unreasonabubble

I would move out.

I would let them experience life without you.

Your post has made me cry. I cannot for the life of me understand why a child would put your through this. They are 14. They are not a baby.

Good luck with you health.

This.

OP
Please do this.

Sorry if this is obvious but she might come across things in life where she needs blood taken or injected - illness herself, pregnancy etc. It is unlikely she is going to get through life without being injected, could it be explained to her that she will need to face this eventually?

Also I’m not sure how it works but could she be sedated or given something to make her relax before getting the jag?

I am quite shocked at her attitude and the not attempting to resolve it knowing your situation.

I've noticed you've not responded to any one suggesting moving out for a while.

But I think this is the most sensible solution.

Even after chemo it's going to take a while for your immune system to get back to a reasonable functioning level. Seasonal illnesses could easily become sepsis.

Your issues aren't just your child, but your partner.

I feel like your partner is put between a rock and a hard place and they really have my sympathy but they absolutely should be with you as a united front because this is your life. You only get the one.

I don't think living with someone who is not united with you on this is the solution.

You need to take responsibility for your own health. At any cost.

I think that the best advice really with a teen. We either find a solution to get past your anxiety or the other option is you shield to protect me. Your choice but it's one or the other.

@CharlotteRose90

You aren’t an awful parent at all. Your child has every right to make a decision on whether to have it or not. I’ve had chemo myself so I know the risks but I wouldn’t force any of my family to have it and neither can you. I didn’t want the vaccine either myself and I only had it to protect my elderly mother. You can catch this virus with a vaccination or no vaccination. I was terrified to catch it and I still caught it and was ok. You are protected so your risk is low. Maybe speak to your consultants and see what you can do to prevent you catching it.

Did you read that she is immunity suppressed? Do you actually have any idea what that means ?🤦‍♀️

@YukoandHiro

This is harsh therapy but do you know any children who have lost a parent? Can you get them to speak to your child about exactly what that was like and how it affects them every day?

Also this.

It might sound harsh but OP it’s literally a life and death situation you.

Well, not very pc but I would be holding my child's arm down while they jabbed it.

Can't believe all the other adults around you don't all think the same.

Not blaming the child of course. But needs must.

Disagreeing with DH on such a massively important matter strikes me as very odd. How's your relationship generally? Does he respect your views? Living with parents who are not in agreement on such huge things must be so confusing.

@DriftingBlue

My needle-phobic child with ASD didn’t really hesitate when it came to getting her Covid Vax. She knew her dad had no immunity from his 3 rounds of vaccination because he was part of the study that showed the vaccine doesn’t work for the most vulnerable people. I don’t know of that proof is what did it or if it was just something she got past.

She did say that it was absolutely the easiest shot she has ever had. It is really tiny and quick.

She has to get a flu shot every year because of her own condition and in the pas she has asked us to hold her down for that one so she could get it. Though this last one she did solo. Somehow getting two Covid shots gave her the courage to do it on her own.

One thing you might try is a buzzing toy they make for kids scared of shots. There are a bunch of them. Honestly, I think you could just use an electric toothbrush with a teen. There are also numbing creams. I would research the Available distraction and coping techniques and then see which ones appeal to the teen. (If she were a bit older and had a certain sense of humor, I might even suggest a more personal device could provide the buzzing distraction because the humor of it might help make the moment less tense)

Thank you for sharing your experience (and everyone else too) I really appreciate it. The buzzing toy thing gave me a giggle because I have a wrong mind(!) but I do wonder if something like that might help. On the occasions we’ve tried to get it no amount of distraction helped and we really need to try something

You are in way, shape or form an awful parent and you’re family need to butt out.
Do you think that your teen having a chat with a MacMillan (or other appropriate organisation) professional could help?

In terms of moving forward can you ask for CAMHS support for your daughter given this situation? It's no joke. I know you said you 'used up' your allocated time (?) but these are new circumstances that need urgent attention, not what you discussed before....

You husband is not on your side, and that is a problem. But is there anybody else around you who could talk to her? A grandparent or a close friend?

The flu vaccine for children is nasal, which has evolved over past 5 years or so from being by injection, so maybe worth contacting someone from the manufacturers?

Would it be worth taking your DC to a vaccine clinic and speaking with one of the vaccinators or are they refusing completely?

@Couchbettato

I've noticed you've not responded to any one suggesting moving out for a while.

But I think this is the most sensible solution.

Even after chemo it's going to take a while for your immune system to get back to a reasonable functioning level. Seasonal illnesses could easily become sepsis.

Your issues aren't just your child, but your partner.

I feel like your partner is put between a rock and a hard place and they really have my sympathy but they absolutely should be with you as a united front because this is your life. You only get the one.

I don't think living with someone who is not united with you on this is the solution.

You need to take responsibility for your own health. At any cost.

I don’t have anywhere to go and we don’t have the funds to afford a second home. If I’m honest I’d love it. A break from family life, tv to myself, toilet smells only coming from me? Sounds like bliss but unless I win tonight’s lottery highly unlikely

Can child go to grandparents?

I just did some searching and the main brand is buzzy4shots. It’s really just an ice pack and something that vibrates in a cute character shape.

@aLittleL1fe

Disagreeing with DH on such a massively important matter strikes me as very odd. How's your relationship generally? Does he respect your views? Living with parents who are not in agreement on such huge things must be so confusing.

This is the only thing we’ve argued about in 20 years. He has suffered anxiety and fear all his life so he says he understands where our child is coming from and he doesn’t want to behave towards them as his mother did towards him. However since reading some of the responses here I’ve had words… loud and angry ones and he’s going to do more to stick up for me, take my side and basically grow a pair. He believed he was keeping the peace but I’ve told him maybe we need to lose it a little and not stay rational and calm, maybe our child needs to see us be frightened and angry about this.

I won’t say what I think of your DC and the hysteria around needles (would it help to say “injection”?)

But I totally sympathise. A very close friend of mine has a terminal blood cancer and is now virtually house bound because they have no immune system to fight off COVID. I am steeling myself for the likelihood that I may never see them alive in the flesh again.

Your DH needs to intervene on your behalf. I find it shocking that he is indulging an irrational hysterical fear. As you say, a one second pin prick against your actual life.

I had my booster yesterday and TBH I didn’t even feel the injection.

@ilovemydogandmrobama2
Apparently a covid nasal spray is in phase 1 clinical trials, but won't be available for a while.

Is there someone else she can stay with while you are going through chemotherapy? If she won't take simple steps to protect you she shouldn't be around you.

She is being exceptionally selfish by not even trying to engage with tactics to help get over her phobia (I'd think a little differently if she'd tried therapy/hypnotherapy etc) But with all due respect your family doesn't revolve around her, who else will be impacted if you weren't around (husband, other children).

Could your DC go to live with a grandparent to keep you safe? (Or until they realise the selfishness of their actions) It’s a tough thing at 14, but many young teens deal with much much more.

[quote trumpisagit]@ilovemydogandmrobama2
Apparently a covid nasal spray is in phase 1 clinical trials, but won't be available for a while.
[/quote]
It’s something we’re keen to find out about as they’ve had the nasal flu jab for a good few years. Even if it is live like the flu jab it’s more affordable for me to go away for a week or two than indefinitely

I wish I could edit the OP to say this.

There is no alternative for either one of us to stay elsewhere. One or other of us moving out is not an option.