Needle phobic teen won’t get vax, i’m just finishing chemo

[Notallowedtobeanxious]

I’ve NC for this. I hope I get understanding answers and if you’re an antivaxxer please don’t bother responding.

I have no immune system because of medical treatment. I’m triple vaccinated but it’s highly unlikely to make any difference as what’s left of my immune system won’t react.

My OH works in emergency medicine so comes into contact with covid patients often but is in full PPE so as safe as anyone can be really.

Our 14 year old is needle phobic and refusing to get the vaccine. We have tried talking to them about it, we’ve visited a vaccination centre to show them the procedure and to see others getting it and how they’re all fine and still they refuse.

If I was in good health I’d take the risk and leave them unvaccinated until they were in a better position to cope but I’m not in good health & im terrified.

I know as a parent I should be more mindful of my child’s anxiety but I really wish my family would be mindful of mine. My child worries about an injection lasting one second, I’m worried about dying and leaving my kids without a mother, something I was beginning to believe was less likely thanks to my treatment success so far.

I’m too weak to cope with any kind of infection right now. We don’t live in a house big enough that we can live separately or even for us to isolate individually. I’m terrified but I’m chastised by the rest of my family for trying to speak to my child about it and ask them if we can find a way they may consider getting it done. They’re not antivax, they’d have it if it was delivered any other way.

I feel like an awful parent.

OP has said she has no/minimal immune response. That is a common side effect of chemo, depending what drugs OP has had. So she may well not be protected at all. I am sure her doctor would reassure her if she did have immunity, but it seems her doctor is saying that her teen should have the vaccine.
We know that if her teen has the vaccine the chances of catching and passing on the virus are very much lower than if teen is not vaccinated, this has been stated by doctors and scientists over and over again in recent weeks.
I agree with pp that OP should ask for antibody testing. At least she would know what level of antibodies she has, if any.

Well said.

I agree, you need to get tough and spell out the possible consequences of you getting ill. In the mean time you might have to insist ds keeps his distance.

@tootiredtospeak no vaccinator is going to vaccinate a 14 year old without their explicit consent.
Be tough, or hold them down, really isn't an option.

@Notallowedtobeanxious this is genuinely awful and your family is being terrible to you. That is so hurtful. It almost feels like they resent you.

Are you able to move out like another poster suggested? Or is your child able to move out to be with other family members?

That kid would be out of my will! (Half joking, half not. 😬)

How bloody awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your kid is being ridiculous. They're 14 ffs, not 4, so are more than old enough to understand the consequences of their actions. I get that people have phobias of various things, I really do, but come on - their Mum could die!

I'd have crawled through a pit of snakes at that age if I'd have thought it would save my loved one's life and I'm bloody terrified of the buggers.

Your whole family needs to step up and get this sorted because, in the nicest possible way, it'll be far too late if you die from Covid. I can't imagine your 14-year-old standing at your graveside saying, "Well it's a pity Mum's dead, but at least I didn't have to get jabbed with a needle!" No, they'd be heartbroken and devastated and riddled with guilt for the rest of their life.

Sending you hugs

As for the "ha ha", CharlotteRose90
This is no laughing matter. I am sure the OP isn't amused.

@Notallowedtobeanxious yes I get you are high risk no one is saying you are not. All I was simply saying is you can’t force your child to have it. I am not taking a risk and never have thanks I’ve had all my jabs. Everyone has the right to make a choice. Maybe take your child for counselling of their fear before you keep pushing them into something. If they won’t have it then one of you needs to move out.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but please don't tell your child that you might die. Your teen already knows that. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop them fearing needles and is more likely to increase their anxiety.

Do you know when they started to fear needles, and if there was anything that triggers it? Is there anything here that can be worked on? As pp have said, could you try hypnotherapy to help them?

Remember this isn't just about helping them to protect you, but about protecting their health in future too. Most of us will need treatment with needles at some time in our lives and so it would be helpful to overcome this.

Is there anything the vaccine centre could offer? I regularly vaccinate needle phobic teens and we do our best to get them in as soon as we can with the minimum of fuss and stress. Pick a quiet time if you can and let the team know at the front door so that they can bypass any queues and take your teen straight to an experienced vaccinator.

Finally, and I'm sure you wouldn't do this, but if your teen struggles don't shout at them. The staff are not going to hold a teen down and need to be sure that the teen as well as their parents are consenting. Keep calm, and if it doesn't happen at that appointment, at least you have an opportunity to bring them back. If someone who is frightened, is shouted at and traumatised they are far less likely to return.

Its not fair, but can you offer a massive bribe just so this is less for you to worry about just now? Would something she really really wanted make her overcome her phobia do you think? This sounds so hard for you to be going through - I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

@Notallowedtobeanxious ignore the antivaxxer who’s goading you and other posters. They aren’t worth it.

@JingsMahBucket
I haven't seen any anti vaxers on this thread.

I don’t know what the people saying “be tougher” would want you to do. They aren’t going to vaccinate a 14 year old who’s been physically dragged there and is saying they don’t want it.

You haven’t said OP, whether they are upset with themselves over this? I have a severe phobia (not needles) that does at times restrict my life and by extension DH’s - I’m not happy about this and wish I was different. Does your child feel similar, do you think - because I could envisage a scenario where someone was very upset at themselves for not being able to be vaccinated in this situation. Or are they just “no, don’t care, not doing it!”
That would alter how I’d handle it.

OP if you are having chemo, it might also be worth asking your consultant if you should be considered for further vaccines, depending upon your chemo schedule.

As you are probably aware, people with proven limited immunity may need further primary doses, so repeating their first and second doses, and then a booster. In other words 5 vaccines in total and not 3.

I actually agree with someone who said they'd move out, for a while.

My dc had so many invasive medical interventions since little, sometimes had to be restrained. But had to do it anyway.

If they can't realise the risk of you getting infected and potentially losing you, maybe they need some reminder the life without you.

I would point out that they may be scared of one jab but you are scared of intensive care and being unable to breathe. I know you have tried and you need to keep plugging away with the calm and short explanation. Ask them if they would have a vaccination to be able to holiday abroad with friends? Something they can perhaps relate to more if they haven't had anyone close already suffer with covid.

Does your teen have a trusted older relative such as a grandparent who they might listen too? Who might take them along if they agree?

2 of mine have needle phobia and both refused at school. One is cev as well and there’s nothing I can do at all

I think if your child won't do this, then they need to go and stay with a grandparent or something, or you move out.

I’m so sorry OP
I would be going ballistic. Losing shit screaming at DS.
I have a phobia that is so strong that I vomit/ faint/ burst into tears if I’m surprised by a photo. I’ve also irl encountered the object of my phobia with my dc and I zoned out and got through it without reacting. Reassure your ds that he will get through it and he has to for you.

OP, I can't advise re the vacccine but it would be useful in the meantime to get everyone in the family some high strength Vit D3, 2000 IUs a day, and a good quality multi-vitamin.

OP in your situation I'd be most furious at your DH. You need his support in this. Saying that you might die is brutal but it's also true. I can understand your DC's phobia but what I can't understand is why they aren't willing to consider ways of overcoming the phobia given the gravity of the situation. I feel so bad for you. On top of everything you are dealing with, this lack of support from those who are supposed to care about you must be really hard.

I have a huge amount of sympathy for your dd, she must feel terrible.

People don’t choose to have phobias, which by definition are irrational, nor do they choose to pit their parents lives at risk if they can help it. This is a 14 year old child, and her phobia isn’t going to feel any less real or any less debilitating because her Mum has had chemotherapy. There are grown adults that struggle to deal with their phobias, and this girl is going to be dealing with that as well as her Mum’s illness during what has already been a difficult time for all teenagers. Making her feel even more guilty that she probably already does (even if she doesn’t show it) could be very damaging for her mental health.

I hope you can find some support for her from somewhere that might help her sort her head out.

This is harsh therapy but do you know any children who have lost a parent? Can you get them to speak to your child about exactly what that was like and how it affects them every day?

I also think ignore your DH and remind your child that if you do contract it through them bringing it in from school and you do die, not only will they live with the bereavement but also a lifetime of guilt over being partially responsible.

I think the hardest thing about this is actually that your partner and you aren't quite on the same page, that must feel so upsetting. You need a solution for the family as a whole. To be honest in your position, I'm not sure that your risk is reduced by all that much having teen vaxxed Vs unvaxxed. Could you focus on no/minimal covid exposures full stop. OK DC14, you don't have to have the vax but this is life or death here so let's get work in from school (if you can get school board but I do know a family who did this very recently while parent was vulnerable and undergoing hardcore chemo) and hunker down all together. Vaccination status issues are circumvented that way?

OP join the Cancer Antibody study at covidcancersurvey.uk — it’ll tell you if you have antibodies. (Not how many or which type, but I found just knowing I had some reassuring.)