Needle phobic teen won’t get vax, i’m just finishing chemo

[Notallowedtobeanxious]

I’ve NC for this. I hope I get understanding answers and if you’re an antivaxxer please don’t bother responding.

I have no immune system because of medical treatment. I’m triple vaccinated but it’s highly unlikely to make any difference as what’s left of my immune system won’t react.

My OH works in emergency medicine so comes into contact with covid patients often but is in full PPE so as safe as anyone can be really.

Our 14 year old is needle phobic and refusing to get the vaccine. We have tried talking to them about it, we’ve visited a vaccination centre to show them the procedure and to see others getting it and how they’re all fine and still they refuse.

If I was in good health I’d take the risk and leave them unvaccinated until they were in a better position to cope but I’m not in good health & im terrified.

I know as a parent I should be more mindful of my child’s anxiety but I really wish my family would be mindful of mine. My child worries about an injection lasting one second, I’m worried about dying and leaving my kids without a mother, something I was beginning to believe was less likely thanks to my treatment success so far.

I’m too weak to cope with any kind of infection right now. We don’t live in a house big enough that we can live separately or even for us to isolate individually. I’m terrified but I’m chastised by the rest of my family for trying to speak to my child about it and ask them if we can find a way they may consider getting it done. They’re not antivax, they’d have it if it was delivered any other way.

I feel like an awful parent.

@MarshaBradyo

This is very difficult but phobias are extreme and your child has an irrational fear over something.

It’s like a stress flight response.

I don’t know the solution as I can see how hard it is for you

Some of these suggestions are hard to read - holding the child down etc

I agree this has been an upsetting thread. And while I feel for the OP there have been many appalling suggestions from other posters. But as you and others have pointed out, HCP don’t assault teens and the OP’s DC can only have it done if they consent to it.

Also so many people here who don’t understand phobias.

My daughter is DESPERATE to have her jab. Hence trying three times so far. She just can’t go through with it in the moment. It’s incredibly traumatic watching her try.

We’re still trying.

Bribery, telling her she’s selfish, or holding her down will. Not. Work.

@Tiredalwaystired

Also so many people here who don’t understand phobias.

My daughter is DESPERATE to have her jab. Hence trying three times so far. She just can’t go through with it in the moment. It’s incredibly traumatic watching her try.

We’re still trying.

Bribery, telling her she’s selfish, or holding her down will. Not. Work.

Refusing to seek help for her phobia is different though. When there's potentially help out there.

@Tiredalwaystired

Also so many people here who don’t understand phobias.

My daughter is DESPERATE to have her jab. Hence trying three times so far. She just can’t go through with it in the moment. It’s incredibly traumatic watching her try.

We’re still trying.

Bribery, telling her she’s selfish, or holding her down will. Not. Work.

The difference is that OPs daughter is completely unwilling to engage with anything that may help her and as a result is a risk to her mum. Sorry but that IS selfish, she won't even consider trying

I cannot for the life of me understand why a child would put your through this. They are 14. They are not a baby.

I agree - your teen is being extremely selfish, way beyond normal teen selfishness. Your OH really needs to stand up and support you on this. Best of luck OP with your treatment

Everyone I know with covid at them moment without exception (and that's quite a few) are vaccinated, their family have ended up catching to too so I'm not sure it's even a huge issue. Your vaccine will hopefully help keep you safe from severe symptoms but it won't stop your dc being infected or transmitting if they catch it, regardless of vaccination status. Personally id not force them

Get a private psychiatrist assessment (you can get a zoom appointment within a week) and ask them to prescribe a one off dose of diazepam to be taken an hour before the appointment.

@liveforsummer

Everyone I know with covid at them moment without exception (and that's quite a few) are vaccinated, their family have ended up catching to too so I'm not sure it's even a huge issue. Your vaccine will hopefully help keep you safe from severe symptoms but it won't stop your dc being infected or transmitting if they catch it, regardless of vaccination status. Personally id not force them

You can have no clue what it's like to have a life threatening disease which is treated by drugs that are highly damaging and make even a minor infection life threatening. Neutropenic sepsis kills cancer patients whose cancer is curable. Vaccine reduces the chance of catching it and that improves the odds for OP considerably.

@liveforsummer

Everyone I know with covid at them moment without exception (and that's quite a few) are vaccinated, their family have ended up catching to too so I'm not sure it's even a huge issue. Your vaccine will hopefully help keep you safe from severe symptoms but it won't stop your dc being infected or transmitting if they catch it, regardless of vaccination status. Personally id not force them

Do you understand how vaccines work and why someone on chemo with a severely suppressed immune system might be worried/at risk?

Your vaccine will hopefully help keep you safe from severe symptoms

Did you even read the thread title, let alone opening post? OP is severely immune suppressed, and her consultants advice is that the jabs may well not have worked at all.

What a tricky position OP, I can totally understand where you are coming from. I wouldn’t be angry at my child for their phobia, but the complete refusal to even try to address it would leave me really disappointed. I have a child with a severe needle phobia too. When he needed a blood test recently, the Dr prescribed sedatives for him. Is that an option your child would consider? Obviously giving your child sedatives isn’t ideal, but it was the only way we were getting the blood test done!

Oh OP, I’m so very sorry for what you’re going through. The two most awful things here are that your husband won’t step up to help and that your dc will not step up to help themselves (& you!!) by seeking therapy for their phobia. They should both be utterly ashamed. Do you really have no relatives, even at a distance, that you could go and stay with? The options really are that dc vaccinates, stays home and isolates with you or one of you moves out. I’m so truly sorry that those who should be your most trusted supporters are letting you down so badly💐

@EllieLucy

Wow talk about victim blaming.

It is not at all the same. Running around with a knife is a crime and police will be involved.

Stop guilt tripping the OP.

I totally recognise that you can't force her to have a vaccination.

But I think given she's not prepared to try anything to even try to treat the phobia that's a point at which is legitimate to start removing privileges - she could choose to go to the GP, or try something to remove the sensation but she won't - it's not the phobia that's selfish, it's the refusal to try anything.

I am really absolutely terrified of heights, but if climbing a ladder to the top of a tall building was what I had to do to keep a relative save you can bet I'd be trying every available option to become able to do that.

I wondered as well, re the snake oil comments from her: would it help if she knew scientifically why tapping or buzzing things will help? I.e. because nerves can generally only process one feeling at once, so if they're being overridden by the buzzing it's very hard to notice the needle. (At least that's my understanding.) It's also worth noting that the needles for this are low waste, so they're super super slim so I literally couldn't feel mine at all (and I really don't like injections the).

@MrsPnut

Thinking about this, I had 5 rounds of chemo in dec/Jan and then started again with a different chemo in May and had 7 rounds before my daughter had the covid jab so my chances of catching covid as she was at secondary school was quite high. I think you are being quite over dramatic, you have had three jabs and your oncologist for all their training will not be very informed about covid.

Nice bit of victim blaming all tied up with a smug boast. Having had chemo and no sense to consider the implications does not give you a free pass to kick a sick person when they're down.

People seem to remember that phobias are a very real, mental health issue. Could they have therapy to have the vaccine? I would be terrified in your situation too.

Have these kids had their really important teenage jabs which cover diptheria, tetanus, polio, various meningitis strains, septicaemia, and HPV which can cause cervical cancer as well as other cancers.
Four jabs in total during years 8 and 9.

How do needle phobics get round these, is there an alternative method?

I think you are being quite over dramatic, you have had three jabs and your oncologist for all their training will not be very informed about covid.

Unlike you presumably? Just because you have had chemo and didn't seem to realise the risk doesn't mean the OP should take any notice of your ridiculous post. Whatever the risk, your daughter didn't catch covid - that doesn't automatically mean the OP's teen won't.

No they haven’t had any other vaccinations because of this phobia but we were told they should be ok from the childhood ones.

We have tried desensitisation to needles so they’ve seen me being injected & injecting myself. They’ve handled my syringes but even at that they panic. I think perhaps diazepam might be an option and we haven’t considered that.

As an update although I did mention previously, thanks to this post I had quite a few angry words with my husband and he’s been told in no uncertain terms he’s to be on my side with this. He agrees and he apologised and explained he was approaching from the anxiety/phobia angle that so many here have rightly picked up on (that our child can’t help themselves) based on his own experience with phobia.

He has messaged a relative who sadly lives hundreds of miles away who works with troubled kids who is an amazing calming influence to discuss this with our teen. This person works with some of the most disturbed and troubled kids in the country and while not a therapist has great professional results so hoping maybe they can get through to the teen. The relative has agreed but it will only be over the phone.

I did more research on phobias last night and the treatment refusal may be an extension of the phobia rather than pigheadedness because they don’t believe they can get rid of the anxiety. I can’t see it being a mental health priority for the nhs so maybe Father Christmas will gift them a psychiatrist appointment (JOKE!!)

For the person who likened my situation to staying at home after being stabbed, well that’s a bit extreme but women do stay in those situations too because families are complicated. I still love my child and worry about the effect all this is having on their mental health, they’ve had to spend the pandemic shielding with a mother they didn’t know if I would survive the illness let alone catch the virus or even the cold. A lot of the responses seem to be about punishing the teen. I have considered at times whether it was the right approach but it’s just not. In the end they are still very young and they’re terrified and cannot help themselves, as a pp said it’s fight or flight for them. Someone earlier
Mentioned speaking to a cancer nurse. We have been waiting to hear back from a teen support service for relatives and this may be the kick up the arse to chase it up.

Thank you to those who have offered support and kindly advice. I do appreciate the time you’ve all taken to respond.

Do you understand how vaccines work and why someone on chemo with a severely suppressed immune system might be worried/at risk?

Yes, but the dd can still catch and transmit covid when vaccinated. Something that is becoming more and more apparent as tine goes on. As I said EVERYONE I know with covid is double or triple jabbed. Anecdotal I know but not unusual I believe. OP's dd getting jabbed will only potentially lessen the severity illness for the dd. It doesn't mean she won't catch covid at all or pass it on to her dm so it's wise to put other things in place regardless of vaccine status

My child was terrified of needles.
Until they ended up with cancer themselves. So many injections, cannulae, blood taking etc. Quickly adjusted, because their life was in danger. Even gave themselves daily heparin shots.

Out of six sessions of chemo, ended up in hospital with neutropaenic sepsis four times.

Your 14 year old would in all likelihood be the same. Whatever others say, they are being selfish it is something they would have to overcome for themselves, but are unwilling to try to overcome for you.

I’d be furious. The fact they’re refusing to even try stuff like hypnotherapy takes it above the issue of needle phobia which maybe they can’t help. But the refusal to try and deal with the phobia is awful.

I agree with previous poster who said they also need to isolate then. They can’t surely go to school when current infection rates are something like 1 in 50. So they have a choice, have the vaccine, isolate or go into foster care.

@SecretKeeper1

Have these kids had their really important teenage jabs which cover diptheria, tetanus, polio, various meningitis strains, septicaemia, and HPV which can cause cervical cancer as well as other cancers. Four jabs in total during years 8 and 9.

How do needle phobics get round these, is there an alternative method?

I wish I knew. We’ve managed to get the first HPV one done somehow but that’s made follow up jabs worse in our case. She’s not had one since. I’m genuinely concerned for my daughter. We’re trying all we can do to crack it.

Notallowedtobeanxious

No they haven’t had any other vaccinations because of this phobia but we were told they should be ok from the childhood ones.“

Sorry, don’t understand what you mean. They’ve had no vaccinations at all?

A 3/6/12 month old baby does not have a needle phobia?

*Sorry, don’t understand what you mean. They’ve had no vaccinations at all?
*
She said should be ok from her baby ones so she's had those. It's there in the sentence you quoted. OP was replying to the poster who was asking about teen vaccines