Needle phobic teen won’t get vax, i’m just finishing chemo

[Notallowedtobeanxious]

I’ve NC for this. I hope I get understanding answers and if you’re an antivaxxer please don’t bother responding.

I have no immune system because of medical treatment. I’m triple vaccinated but it’s highly unlikely to make any difference as what’s left of my immune system won’t react.

My OH works in emergency medicine so comes into contact with covid patients often but is in full PPE so as safe as anyone can be really.

Our 14 year old is needle phobic and refusing to get the vaccine. We have tried talking to them about it, we’ve visited a vaccination centre to show them the procedure and to see others getting it and how they’re all fine and still they refuse.

If I was in good health I’d take the risk and leave them unvaccinated until they were in a better position to cope but I’m not in good health & im terrified.

I know as a parent I should be more mindful of my child’s anxiety but I really wish my family would be mindful of mine. My child worries about an injection lasting one second, I’m worried about dying and leaving my kids without a mother, something I was beginning to believe was less likely thanks to my treatment success so far.

I’m too weak to cope with any kind of infection right now. We don’t live in a house big enough that we can live separately or even for us to isolate individually. I’m terrified but I’m chastised by the rest of my family for trying to speak to my child about it and ask them if we can find a way they may consider getting it done. They’re not antivax, they’d have it if it was delivered any other way.

I feel like an awful parent.

@topcat2014

Well, not very pc but I would be holding my child's arm down while they jabbed it.

Can't believe all the other adults around you don't all think the same.

Not blaming the child of course. But needs must.

A medical professional would not inject a 14yo who was being held down

@rainrainraincamedowndowndown

I actually agree with someone who said they'd move out, for a while.

My dc had so many invasive medical interventions since little, sometimes had to be restrained. But had to do it anyway.

If they can't realise the risk of you getting infected and potentially losing you, maybe they need some reminder the life without you.

This.

Your DP doesn't respect you anyway. And your DD is learning to treat you the same way. Leave them to it.

For a solution try asking the GP for a sedative for DD to take before the injection if it's anxiety causing the problem. Or the numbing skin cream if it's potential pain that's scaring her, can also take paracetamol before injection.

^^ this. Thankfully we have come a long way in terms of children having bodily autonomy if they have capacity.

At 14 they should also have had (or be due) booster vaccinations for diptheria, tetanus and polio (DTP) as well as meningitis - these are usually given in year 9. They’re also offered the HPV jab in years 8&9.

Has your 14 year old had those?

So sorry you're going through this. Suspect more back story about the lack of support from your partner. I would be suggesting your child moves out if they won't co-operate. They are old enough to understand, take responsibility, take help and overcome this phobia.
If they get Covid and ends up in intensive care one single tiny injection will be the least of their worries. Some things in life are not negotiable and this is one of them.

I think your DD needs to go and live with the family (the bit that is chastising you) during the winter virus season (presumably no flu vaccination either, and sniff is contraindicated for household contacts of the severely immune suppressed))

She needs to realise that thus is a serious issue. You will respect her decision to not even attempt to get through her phobia, but she has to respect your extreme vulnerability and understand why you cannot currently live with someone unvaccinated

You need to talk to your consultant about whether you need any jabs repeating, and whether you should have any additional ones (such as the Men ACWY usually given to teens, or the pneumonia usually fir the elderly)

@Notallowedtobeanxious

I wish I could edit the OP to say this.

There is no alternative for either one of us to stay elsewhere. One or other of us moving out is not an option.

So if eg your DP suddenly went crazy started running round with an axe threatening to kill you, you'd stay there and die because moving out isn't an option?

This isn't much different. Nobody is deliberately trying to kill you, but they're not willing to put themselves out to help you stay alive either, which is pretty shitty of them.

Good luck @Notallowedtobeanxious I can hear the desperation in your posts. I hope your DH and family step up to protect you. Your life is valued. You have worth.

Would your daughter consider discussing this situation with a GP and requesting a prescription for a small number of beta blockers, to be taken the night before the vaccination and on the day of the vaccination?

Go to a private doctor or psychiatrist and get a prescription for Xanax. Get your teen to take it an hour before the vaccine. For most people it has virtually no side effects and your house could be on fire and you wouldn't care.

If they're willing to get vaccinated for you and the only thing holding them back is fear then taking a pill is far more effective than faffing around with therapy or CAMHS referrals. It goes without saying that the medication is strictly off limits for any other context however it's the quickest solution for a one-off situation. Even if they need it for the second or booster shots then that's fine. Taking a benzo 3 times won't cause addiction and in this case the trade-off is literally avoiding a potentially fatal infection for you.

(Some) teens are selfish and not emotionally fully developed. She is behaving very selfishly and I don't think it's unreasonable to explain consequences to her, in blunt terms.
And how it makes you feel that neither she nor her father can seemingly tell the difference between a fear and actual fatality.
I'm sorry you're in this OP

Thinking about this, I had 5 rounds of chemo in dec/Jan and then started again with a different chemo in May and had 7 rounds before my daughter had the covid jab so my chances of catching covid as she was at secondary school was quite high.
I think you are being quite over dramatic, you have had three jabs and your oncologist for all their training will not be very informed about covid.

My ASD 19 yr old needle phobic has just had his third booster today, we have to put magic cream on and he buries his head into my chest whilst I hold his hand and they 'stab' him. We try not to let him see the needle At all.

The bloke who did it today said they are hoping to have a nasal booster next year, bloody hope so as the trauma each time .,.....

@ShrinkingViolet9

Would your daughter consider discussing this situation with a GP and requesting a prescription for a small number of beta blockers, to be taken the night before the vaccination and on the day of the vaccination?

I found beta-blockers are mostly placebo. My GP prescribed it to me for severe panic attacks on planes and it did virtually nothing except make me feel odd and headachey. Fast acting sedatives like Xanax or Valium are the only things that have a true medical effect on serious phobias. (In the sense that even if you TRY to panic, it's physically not possible. If you are on beta blockers and suddenly go into a severe panic spiral, it will still be quite unpleasant)

But obviously, they need to be taken within a limited context. If someone has a phobia of leaving the house then it's an extremely bad idea. But for things like getting a vaccine or long-haul flights which are only going to happen once or twice a year on average then it causes significantly less distress then trying to manage the situation with placebos or breathing exercises.

Tell your child in no uncertain terms that they may effectively kill their own mother.

Do not do this FGS she is a child with a very real phobia!
She is not doing it out of malice or because she hates her mum.

Im shocked so many people (apart from DH) don’t understand that she’s not ‘choosing’ to not have the vaccination, it’s her irrational side that’s refusing to let her.

So may times women on MN have spoken about their ridiculous phobias of spiders which they could easily crush with their fingers but you don’t just say get over it just pick the spider up and play with it - because they physically can’t.

The key would be sorting the phobia out first so she’s desensitised enough to be able to get the jab.

Stop focusing on the vaccination (and her being responsible for your death) for a minute and go see a GP about her phobia as this needs to be sorted as it’s something she can’t get away from.
After she’s got some help for her phobia then you can bring up the Covid vaccination again.

Well, not very pc but I would be holding my child's arm down while they jabbed it.

They wouldn’t inject a 14 year old being held down and presumably screaming that they didn’t want it. Plus you’d have to physically wrestle them into the car, stop them getting out, then somehow drag them into the building.

This is a really horrible situation and what makes it worse is it sounds like they don’t really want to be helped to do it. I volunteered at a vaccine centre and there were some very anxious people who came, we let them go in with a family member rather than alone, there was a private room they could lie down in and have it done, so for someone who is scared but wants to have it, there are all sorts of ways they could be helped. Asking for them to have the first appointment of the day so they don’t have to queue up and there are less likely to be any delays would be another example. But getting them to that point of saying “yes I want to but I don’t know how I can because I’m too scared, please help me” is a much bigger hurdle. And given that you’ve said she was being treated for anxiety before, I’m not sure that the really blunt talking that’s being suggested here would help. It would probably just increase the stress around the whole situation. I’d be doing anything possible to get her into therapy, not just for your sake, but for hers.

This is very difficult but phobias are extreme and your child has an irrational fear over something.

It’s like a stress flight response.

I don’t know the solution as I can see how hard it is for you

Some of these suggestions are hard to read - holding the child down etc

If it's all down to needle phobia, can they not offer him some kind of gas to make him delirious as to help him get the injection? Or make he can opt for the new pill vaccine if he's not scared to swallow tablets.

How about bribery? Ask them what they really want and say they can have it after they have had two jabs.

It might be money.

It's worth it!

@WonderfulYou ops teen is refusing help for the phobia

This is obviously really difficult. You have a legitimate fear for your life, your teen has a mental health problem. But they do need to overcome their phobia - for their own benefit when they need health treatment, as most do one day as well as for yours. Your husband definitely needs to step up here.

Your child going into lockdown is an option, asking social services to take them into care is an option. You may not like the options and your child certainly would not but they exist. Let your child know you are considering them. At the moment they are getting rewards for refusing to take any action about their phobia, they get your attention. They cant help the phobia, they can help a refusal to try and overcome it. There need to be unpleasant consequences for that refusal, being grounded outside school would be logical.

Carrageen nasal sprays have shown some promise against covid. Boots dual defence is something your child could have inflicted on them daily - but if you feel this would just strengthen their resolve use it yourself.

If the doc would do it one tab of lorazapam would probably work a treat.

I think if my 14 year old was refusing counselling/treatment for this phobia in what is a life or death situation, I would be grounding them indefinitely and taking away all technology. I understand that a phobia is a terrible thing, but it is the height of selfishness not to address it, given the circumstances, and they really need to have the consequences made crystal clear to them.
My daughter was the same age as yours when her father went through cancer treatment. No, she didn't have a phobia, but if she had, and had refused treatment for it when her dad was so ill and vulnerable, and we'd been in a pandemic situation, she would have been sent to stay with relatives for the duration.

This is slightly off topic but did you know that anyone living in the household of a vulnerable person is entitled to a booster? Don't know how old yourDP is or whether there are other people in the house. My DS(23) had his booster last week.

Parent of needle phobic teen here too. We took her to hypno therapy last week with a third attempt at jab on Sunday. If that doesn’t work, I’ve spoken to a team I know at the local hospital. Their play therapists are experts in distraction techniques and have offered to come and help us. Don’t have the answer just yet myself but these ideas may help you x