Massive family fallouts over covid

[mywombisfittoburst]

My DM and step father went a bit crazy over Covid last year. Very very OTT, very judgey about anyone "breaking the rules" and both live in fear of catching it, seemingly convinced that if they do they will die.

DS is 14 and doesn't want to be vaccinated. I respect his decision. My DM is going crackers about it. Calling me up, ranting at me that I need to change his mind, trying to emotionally blackmail him - eg "what if he gives to me or DGP and one of us dies" "doesn't he care" "he won't be able to come for Xmas" and so on.

We're basically being made to feel like shit about this and I don't know how to deal with it

It’s going to be a bad Winter anyway, I’d probably just expect not to see them. I’ve been quite strict that I’ve only wanted to meet up with family and friends during this whole pandemic that were ok with any risks presented by my family (young DC, DH at work throughout etc) and would act normally - I didn’t want my DC to see family in masks, be told they couldn’t hug or whatever. It was easier not to see people than see them in such a strange way.

If she’s going to be on edge about it, better maybe just to plan a family Easter rather than Christmas? You could transmit the virus to them fully vaccinated and it sounds like they wouldn’t be ok with that in any case (whereas generally when I’ve seen family they’ve said the risks are what they are, they are fine with the risks if it means seeing loved ones etc).

He’d only be offered one vaccine anyway so, whilst it would reduce the chance of him giving it to them a bit it wouldn’t be enough to surely give her comfort from that. Presumably she’ll have had a booster by then too, but if she’s not happy to rely on that then that’s that I think. Just tell her nicely to plan a smaller Christmas this year.

It’s awful that COVID is causing families & friends to fall out over vaccine decisions, life would be so much easier if people respected others choices. The fear is something that can’t be overcome for some.

Your DS has made his choice , if your DM wants to deprive herself of seeing her family, there is nothing you can do about that other than respect her choice and stay away.

I can only speak of my experience, my MIL was absolutely terrified of COVID, shut herself away, refused to see anyone. Became ill, caught COVID during a long spell in hospital, didn’t know she had it, no symptoms whatsoever.

Unfortunately people at home watching MSM are scared and no amount of reasoning seems to help, we really did try to help MIL get things into perspective.

No wonder people’s MH is suffering, really sad to see.

@confuseddotcom090

Does she know the vaccine doesn't stop you getting or transmitting it? For those that had it more than a few weeks ago, you are MORE likely to be infected (UK government data), so what's her thought process?

The PHSE data which apparently showed that vaccinated people in certain groups were more likely to contract the data was fatally flawed because they used the wrong measure of population count which resulted in overestimating the unvaccinated population and hence underestimating their chance of contracting Covid. I don't blame you for believing them because it was, as you say, published by a government source, albeit with a large caveat, but it was a terrible error. Please don't repeat it.

I'll see if I can find a good source to explain the problem - it was a couple of weeks ago now.

I think the pandemic has given older generation a lot of health anxiety.
However they have the fortune maybe not going to workplace or in schools where the infection is spreading so their veiws are slightly skewed and they perceive the unvaccinated as a greater risk.

Surely he just does an LFT before you meet up?

@confuseddotcom090

Does she know the vaccine doesn't stop you getting or transmitting it? For those that had it more than a few weeks ago, you are MORE likely to be infected (UK government data), so what's her thought process?

It does. By quite a margin in pfizer. Not every case but it does stop a certain percentage catching and spreading. Also vaccinated people clear the infection quicker. I'm sick of this crap being spouted like a 'gotcha'

My teen isn’t getting vaccinated. He’s already had it and I’ve watched it rip through schools where the older ones have had the one dose. My son included.

I have concluded, he’s immune anyway and as he’s in the at risk group for myocarditis it’s not worth it.

A very old friend of mine who lives in France went orbital. Calling me an conspiracy antivaxxer the works. Easy for to pontificate when she’s living in low cases/high mitigation and the vaccine can do it’s job.

Another person told me it was my civic duty to fake a swab to force isolation with Covid in the house.

People have lost their minds.

How much protection does one dose (which is all he’d get anyway) give against transmission?

She’s entitled to her opinion and she’s entitled to limit her interaction just to people who have been vaccinated if that’s what she wants to do. She’s not entitled to ring you up and rant about it. I’d just hang up, I’d have no tolerance for “what if he killed one of us!” I think it’s a hideous thing to say to a teenager.

@MrsEricBana

Conversely, as someone who is double jabbed yet has just been very unwell with covid but not hospitalised, I see her point.

Sorry I don't get that reasoning, is that advocating for never seeing each other even if they both get 'double jabbed' then?

I think the pandemic has given older generation a lot of health anxiety.

Health anxiety!?

140,000 people dead in the UK alone and you think it's health anxiety?

Personally, I encouraged my kids to get vaccinated. Less for their sake and more to protect vulnerable members of society such as their grandparents.

I know someone who caught COVID from his teenage son and he almost died despite being double-vaccinated.

Just get him to do a LTf before you go?

That’s what we do with fearful relatives (even though vaccinated, but we all work in schools so they are scared)

Your DS's decision has had a real life impact, DMum and her DH will,nit now be coming for Christmas, and presumably will decline other indoors invitations during the peak winter virus season.

That's an entirely reasonable position, and not necessarily a sign of 'health anxiety' (a stock phrase bandied around when anyone chooses more than the legal bare minimum of precautions)

If really ranting, then yes she temporarily forgot her manners, but that's probably one to let go

@confuseddotcom090

Does she know the vaccine doesn't stop you getting or transmitting it? For those that had it more than a few weeks ago, you are MORE likely to be infected (UK government data), so what's her thought process?

No but it does significantly reduce those risks.

I agree with others she shouldn’t be ranting but yes it’s perfectly fine to want to reduce Cher risk of catching covid.

Does she know the vaccine doesn't stop you getting or transmitting it?

It does. By quite a margin in pfizer. Not every case but it does stop a certain percentage catching and spreading. Also vaccinated people clear the infection quicker. I'm sick of this crap being spouted like a 'gotcha'

Does just one dose give the same protection against transmission? That’s a genuine question, I have no idea.

@confuseddotcom090

Does she know the vaccine doesn't stop you getting or transmitting it? For those that had it more than a few weeks ago, you are MORE likely to be infected (UK government data), so what's her thought process?

Here's the Full Fact response on that misleading story. fullfact.org/health/joe-rogan-alex-berenson-covid-vaccines-phe/ Here's a very good non-paywall FT article which deals with the wider problem of population denominators. amp.ft.com/content/125fbaf8-175a-4e2e-852a-9995ca5176b2?__twitter_impression=true

@SickAndTiredAgain

How much protection does one dose (which is all he’d get anyway) give against transmission?

She’s entitled to her opinion and she’s entitled to limit her interaction just to people who have been vaccinated if that’s what she wants to do. She’s not entitled to ring you up and rant about it. I’d just hang up, I’d have no tolerance for “what if he killed one of us!” I think it’s a hideous thing to say to a teenager.

It’s hideous but understandable after the whole “don’t kill granny” campaign last winter isn’t it?

Remind her that every time they go out they are mixing with people, some of whom aren't vaccinated.
Reassure her that he'll do an lft every time he sees them.

Ask how she'd feel if her grandson had an aneurysm after the vax and died or was permanently disabled- could she live with herself forcing it on him?

She has the same freedom he does, to make their own decisions.

Ask how she'd feel if her grandson had an aneurysm after the vax and died or was permanently disabled- could she live with herself forcing it on him?

So you recommend that OP meetings ranting with more ranting?

I don't think that's going to help.

I recommend not 'ranting' but showing her what the emotional blackmail looks like when it's reversed.

The grandma wants her health needs prioritised over the teenager's. It's no way to make decisions.

I dint think meeting blackmail with blackmail is any improvement on meeting ranting with ranting.

Whatever word you choose, it's just spreading more of the same shit and won't help anything

I'd be very tempted to tell her he's been vaccinated just to shut her up.

I’d be more concerned about having an ignorant child if I were you

@CuriousUnderTheStairs

I'd be very tempted to tell her he's been vaccinated just to shut her up.

I think that would be very wrong.

It's removing from her the option of choosing what risks she wishes to accept.

I would be utterly horrified if someone did that to us

People have lost their minds

People are scared. That’s all. Scared.

@nether
Oh, I know it's wrong to do that, but I'd still be tempted because she sounds like such a pita