Page 5 | Massive family fallouts over covid

mywombisfittoburst · 2021-10-19T22:25:31+00:00

My DM and step father went a bit crazy over Covid last year. Very very OTT, very judgey about anyone "breaking the rules" and both live in fear of catching it, seemingly convinced that if they do they will die. DS is 14 and doesn't want to be vaccinated. I respect his decision. My DM is going crackers about it. Calling me up, ranting at me that I need to change his mind, trying to emotionally blackmail him - eg "what if he gives to me or DGP and one of us dies" "doesn't he care" "he won't be able to come for Xmas" and so on. We're basically being made to feel like shit about this and I don't know how to deal with it [sad]

unsure111 · 20/10/2021 14:28

@NewIdeasToday

Why doesn’t he just get the vaccination? The virus can do long term damage even to kids and teenagers.

Because he decided he doesn't want to and that's HIS decision.

Remmy123 · 20/10/2021 15:08

Absolutely ridiculous.

My mum is mid 70's and haven't judged our decision to hold off.

Your MIL really need to respect yoir son's decision, selfish really isn't a word she should be using.

It's tricky but you just need to stand your ground with her, not much more yuu can do.

Vaccination doesn't even stop transmission otherwise why are rates so high right now!

WitchyNameChange · 20/10/2021 15:14

Ridiculous. If she's been seeing him over the last few months how is he any more of a threat to her now than he was then?

I'd go NC with anyone who tried to manipulate my child into a decision they weren't comfortable with.

Tigerblue · 20/10/2021 15:21

I'm of the opinion that everyone needs to do their best and accept everyone's decision over getting the vaccine, even if they really don't agree. The way they're treating you is unacceptable. I'd stop answering the phone, keep DS away from them and if they turn up on the doorstep, tell them DS is at home and will be staying insitu if they come in and vaccination/covid is off the list of conversations.

tigger1001 · 20/10/2021 15:36

@CodeMode

Dartfordwarblerautumn

Lol. Thanks for the (very basic) lecture. 😂

The point is, the teen has made the decision. His mum supports him. Granny is now ranting and putting a guilt trip on them. That’s unacceptable. That’s all.

Completely agree!

Sugarandtime · 20/10/2021 15:39

@Tigerblue

I'm of the opinion that everyone needs to do their best and accept everyone's decision over getting the vaccine, even if they really don't agree. The way they're treating you is unacceptable. I'd stop answering the phone, keep DS away from them and if they turn up on the doorstep, tell them DS is at home and will be staying insitu if they come in and vaccination/covid is off the list of conversations.

Completely agree

JennieLee · 20/10/2021 16:10

I think there's a difference between a 14 year old refusing an HPV vaccine where that decision will only have an effect when they become sexually active - usually a bit further on at which point the decision can be revisited.

Deciding not to have a Covid vaccination at a time when infections are spreading rapidly and some vulnerable people are still waiting for boosters has a much, much greater impact on others.

Having had a lengthy viral illness, I would not wish long Covid on anyone. Parents of ill teenagers know how hard it is to support them, and how difficult it is when they cannot keep up with their peer group and their studies.

As parents our job is to help young people towards independence and to encourage them out of the self-centredness of adolescence. So it's tricky when as part of that they make decisions that could mean there's a real risky that journey towards being independent could be threatened.

I would hate to be that ill again. It was an absolutely miserable period of my life., when I was almost wholly dependent on others.

The reality of long Covid - and the lack of the help for those who are affected - has got rather pushed to one side in favour or more dramatic news stories.

Bizawit · 20/10/2021 16:21

She's also, frankly, allowed to be disappointed in your son for making the decision that he has, a decision that's going to have an impact on her life.

This kind of attitude is beyond upsetting. No adult is entitled to ownership over what happens to a child’s body. Grandparent or otherwise. End of. And it absolutely does not affect her life. She can refuse to see her grandson if she wants. Her choice and she can take full responsibility for it.

Bizawit · 20/10/2021 16:22

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WitchyNameChange · 20/10/2021 16:24

This kind of attitude is beyond upsetting. No adult is entitled to ownership over what happens to a child’s body. Grandparent or otherwise. End of. And it absolutely does not affect her life. She can refuse to see her grandson if she wants. Her choice and she can take full responsibility for it.

Completely agree with every word of this.

LetsGoBrandon · 20/10/2021 19:06

* "This kind of attitude is beyond upsetting. No adult is entitled to ownership over what happens to a child’s body. Grandparent or otherwise. End of. And it absolutely does not affect her life. She can refuse to see her grandson if she wants. Her choice and she can take full responsibility for it."
*
"Completely agree with every word of this."

As do I . What a horrible, horrible world this is becoming where even families are turning on each other. Anybody would think it was a virus with over 50% likelihood of death. Newsflash, it's not. Not even close. How sad 😢

The most important lesson in this for your son OP is knowing his choices are valid and his body is his own.

itsgettingwierd · 20/10/2021 19:09

They both need to respect each other decisions.

However if cases are high she's right to be vary.

Also does she realise even if vaccinated it can be caught and passed on? The vaccine just reduces the severity in a high number of cases.

moregarlic · 20/10/2021 19:56

Lots of people saying vaccines do lower transmission significantly.

I’m not sure that’s right. According to the government’s own report, rates of covid are higher in the vaccinated population than the non vaccinated population (for everyone aged over 29)?

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1025358/Vaccine-surveillance-report-week-41.pdf

MondeoFan · 20/10/2021 20:00

I have the same problem as you. My parents have gone completely crazy over Covid. Myself and DC haven't been there and they haven't been here for 18 months now. My parents are early 70s with no health conditions.
They have had both jabs as have i. I work with children and one of my children attends school the other college. Due to these reasons we haven't been able to see them.

MsWarrensProfession · 20/10/2021 20:06

[quote moregarlic]Lots of people saying vaccines do lower transmission significantly.

I’m not sure that’s right. According to the government’s own report, rates of covid are higher in the vaccinated population than the non vaccinated population (for everyone aged over 29)?

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1025358/Vaccine-surveillance-report-week-41.pdf[/quote]
That data was indeed reported by the UKHSE but you left off the vital disclaimer at the bottom. In fact that disclaimer should read. "Please ignore the calculated rate for unvaccinated individuals because the use of NIMS data as the population denominator means that the working age population is systematically over counted and hence the estimate of unvaccinated population (calculated as NIMS population minus vaccinated population) is far too high"

See my links above for detailed debunking of those figures.

FflosFfantastig · 20/10/2021 20:10

Tell her it's not up for discussion. What she does with that is up to her. She can call you when she's calmed down. Or not.

Rossetti47 · 20/10/2021 20:25

I understand your mother’s stance, it’s rife in schools and she is at risk seeing him. So for now you shouldn’t meet, it’s that simple.

PurpleOkapi · 20/10/2021 20:37

@thinkhorsesnotzebra

I do not currently have a teenager and it was a while ago that I was one so I am probably a bit out the loop.

However, according to the NHS website at age 14 children are due to have their 3-in-1 teenage booster administered via the school vaccine program.

I am curious to know if everyone gave there teens the right to reject that vaccine or if this autonomy is specific to the Covid vaccine?

It probably wouldn't occur to me to ask their opinion about one that was fully approved and proven safe. But if they strongly objected for reasons that weren't ridiculous, I wouldn't force the issue. I think it's fundamentally misguided, though, to equate a vaccine that's fully approved and proven safe for his age group through decades of use, and that protects against diseases which are statistically reasonably likely to really hurt him, with a covid vaccine that is none of those things.

WitchyNameChange · 20/10/2021 20:45

I am curious to know if everyone gave there teens the right to reject that vaccine or if this autonomy is specific to the Covid vaccine

There is absolutely always a discussion in our house when it comes to medical procedures for our teens. Just as there was when I was a teen, my parents believed in body autonomy, and I've passed that to my DC. Doesn't matter if it's a routine jab or the covid vaccination, their opinions and choices about what is and isn't put into their bodies is paramount.

Remmy123 · 20/10/2021 21:04

I've not questioned my kids other vaccinations because there is historical evidence that they cause no long term harm, we do not have that for the covid jab, so on that basis DS will not get the jab.

WitchyNameChange · 20/10/2021 21:12

To clarify, baby and pre-school jabs are given without question or discussion, obviously. I'm talking specifically about when the DC reach their teens and start forming their own opinions on what they want to put into their own bodies.

tigger1001 · 20/10/2021 21:14

@LetsGoBrandon

* "This kind of attitude is beyond upsetting. No adult is entitled to ownership over what happens to a child’s body. Grandparent or otherwise. End of. And it absolutely does not affect her life. She can refuse to see her grandson if she wants. Her choice and she can take full responsibility for it." * "Completely agree with every word of this."

As do I . What a horrible, horrible world this is becoming where even families are turning on each other. Anybody would think it was a virus with over 50% likelihood of death. Newsflash, it's not. Not even close. How sad 😢

The most important lesson in this for your son OP is knowing his choices are valid and his body is his own.

I agree.

It's very important to me that my children know they have a voice and their opinions are valid. Not just the ones I agree with like some have suggested in this thread. Wouldn't matter to me why he disagrees (either way) but it's his body and his choice as to what goes in it.

I'm very cautious about the covid vaccine for the under 16's. My eldest is keen to have it. We've spoken about the pros and cons/side effects so he can make an informed choice. But ultimately covid made the choice when he tested positive prior to vaccines being available. When his appointment came he couldn't have it as he was still in the 28 day period, and we are struggling to get another appointment. He is still keen, so will try and get to a drop in clinic, however he's less keen on the reported 2+ hour waits that have been reported locally

AliceinBorderland · 21/10/2021 09:11

The effect on a growing body thing is lunacy though. If that's the reason. Plenty of things are questionable for growing bodies.

Pregnant women have had it so fine for a developing foetus and not a 14 yo.

GummyBearWhere · 21/10/2021 09:35

Maybe he needs to learn that him getting vaccinated will protect OTHERS and he should stop being selfish and think only of himself. So what if he thinks he’ll be fine if he gets covid, good for him. But passing covid on to someone immune compromised, or elderly double vaccinated could kill them, but sure tell him as long as he’s happy doing whatever he wants it doesn’t matter that he could have stopped someone else getting sick or dying, that’s all fine.

He’s selfish, the vaccine is not just about me me me me me and what I want, it’s to protect everyone.

WitchyNameChange · 21/10/2021 09:46

@GummyBearWhere

Maybe he needs to learn that him getting vaccinated will protect OTHERS and he should stop being selfish and think only of himself. So what if he thinks he’ll be fine if he gets covid, good for him. But passing covid on to someone immune compromised, or elderly double vaccinated could kill them, but sure tell him as long as he’s happy doing whatever he wants it doesn’t matter that he could have stopped someone else getting sick or dying, that’s all fine.

He’s selfish, the vaccine is not just about me me me me me and what I want, it’s to protect everyone.