Am I going to die :(

[Iwannabelikeyouohh]

My husband has just had a positive LFT.

I’m absolutely petrified. I’m extremely obese with a BMI of 40.

I am fully vaccinated but I have had two different vaccines. 1 AZ and 1 Pfizer.

I feel physically sick with worry. 😓

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@JesusIsAnyNameFree

It was rational to go there, in your position, seeing as your risk is currently very, very low.

This is the part that I cannot get on board with.

I may not be the highest risk category.
But to say I’m very very low risk is just a lie and quite honestly it’s patronising.[/quote]
You've been surrounded with people who have had Covid over the last three weeks, including a baby who needed caring for. You're not dead. You weren't even ill.

When's your Rheumatology appointment?

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I don’t have one yet. I left a message for the Rheumy nurses last week. I had a call back from them Friday.

They have arranged for me to go to the hospital and have a kenalog injection.
It will be one in the bum…. I prefer the ones directly into the joint but I right now it’s my lower back that hurting.
My last MRI showed I had inflammation in my sacroiliac joint.
My CRP and ESR levels were both normal though and I went into remission during pregnancy.

I’ve stayed pretty pain free until a few months ago.
My skin has flared badly and I have had some slight swelling in my thumb as well as the lower back pain.

So now I’m on the list to have a face to fave appointment with the rheumatologist but in the meantime time will have the steroid injection.

They will want me to start Cimzia. That’s what we discussed before pregnancy as that’s one that is safe for breastfeeding and will be safe to continue if I have any more children.

I’ve always been really anxious to take the medication. (Bet you’re not surprised at that)
I don’t like the idea of my immune system being suppressed. But I will have regular blood tests to keep a check on everything.

The im steroids will have a good effect upon your whole system - including your mood, I'm willing to bet.

Biologics can give you your life back when you're on the right one for you. It's not just the absence of pain or stiffness (and that does take a little while to catch up/heal), it's like the cloud is lifting from your life and your immune system goes back to pretty much behaving normally, rather than identifying joints and tendons, etc, as alien substances.

Everything's pretty shit for you right now, isn't it? It's worth taking the shit that can be reduced/removed out of your life.

SI joint inflammation is possibly one of the shittiest joints to be affected in my opinion. Can't walk, can't stand, can't sit, can't lay down, can't do anything without pain or the muscles grabbing in spasm. I also noticed that I felt so unstable/expecting sudden pain that I was anxious just doing normal things, as I was anticipating that pain all the time.

Get that inflammation down and start going swimming - well, standing in the pool and moving a bit - and you'll be in a great position to start looking at strengthening the hip flexors, glutes, abdominal and lower spine muscles, which does make you feel more stable and centred. Which is great for feeling calm.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

I used to love swimming for my joints, but that was after a course of Puva that really cleared my skin.
Since giving birth my skin is awful and I haven’t plucked up the courage to go swimming.

DH has been taking DS alone. 🙁

I did manage to buy some swim leggings though which i planned to wear on our holiday (but had to cancel due to Covid)
I’m sure I’ll feel more confident wearing those for swimming so I will look into maybe a ladies night.
My mum and I used to go a few years ago.

Maybe once --covid f**ks off-- my anxiety lessens I will definitely start up regular swimming again.

Maybe once covid fks off my anxiety lessens

There is absolutely no point in waiting for covid to fuck off as an answer to your anxiety.

A) it isn't going to happen
B) it wouldn't actually help if it did. You'd find some thing else to worry about.

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@NeverDropYourMooncup

I used to love swimming for my joints, but that was after a course of Puva that really cleared my skin.
Since giving birth my skin is awful and I haven’t plucked up the courage to go swimming.

DH has been taking DS alone. 🙁

I did manage to buy some swim leggings though which i planned to wear on our holiday (but had to cancel due to Covid)
I’m sure I’ll feel more confident wearing those for swimming so I will look into maybe a ladies night.
My mum and I used to go a few years ago.

Maybe once --covid f**ks off-- my anxiety lessens I will definitely start up regular swimming again.[/quote]
DP said he felt the same about exposing his body with plaques. Then they changed the pool dress code so he could wear a tri suit instead.

I was more of the opinion that I'm effectively bathing in a mild bleach solution and how can this be a bad thing . I just make a point of showering well and slapping on the emollient/steroid lotions and potions when I get home. I'm pretty sure that it dealt with any random bacteria lurking on my skin as well.

I do prefer wearing my legsuit to a standard costume, as it's more comfortable saves me having to do something about hair as well, but the benefit of actually going and doing it, both physically and mentally, far outweighs any deflections about Covid and skin and time (and everything else you're thinking of to try and get out of it).

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@makelovenotpetrol

I’m not trying to argue with anyone.
PP said I had spent two weeks with DH and DS and not caught Covid so that should reassure me..?!

Why should that reassure me about being in a busy restaurant or bar?

Just because I didn’t catch from my family, doesn’t mean I’m not going to catch it elsewhere!

That’s nothing to do with anxiety, that’s just a matter of fact.

I know people who haven’t caught via household transmission but have them gone on to catch elsewhere.

It would be naive of me to think that since I escaped it this one time, I will escape it every time!![/quote]
If you escaped it in your own home, there's a pretty good chance you won't catch it. Even if you do, you've just had your entire family come down with it, and they are fine. That should reassure you.
If you were that worried, you wouldn't have been to a crowded restaurant surely?
You said at the start of this thread, you would 💯 catch it and die now it was in your house - but you didn't. You were completely wrong. Read back over your posts - you can see you were wrong.
You also said you haven't left hour house since March so couldn't have already caught it - that's not true as you've been back to work, so actually you could have caught it without even knowing; and that would explain why you didn't catch it when your whole family had it.

You contradict yourself constantly, this thread and all the other threads aren't helping you at all. You argue with anyone trying to help, hundreds over these threads have tried to help and you argue with anyone and everyone.

Covid isn't going anywhere ever - you must realise this. It will always be here.

I was the person who said I wouldn't visit a busy pub and bar. I didn't say I wouldn't do it in the OP's position I said I wouldn't do it.

I am old and fat and my vaccinations might be wearing off so a busy bar and restaurant doesn't make sense to me at this time.

I am just surprised that somebody who seems to believe that she is definitely going to catch covid and be seriously ill despite the fact that she has shared her home with two positive cases and seems not to have caught it would go somewhere that actually is quite risky rather than go out somewhere a bit quieter or maybe just do the restaurant but not the bar perhaps.

You also said you haven't left hour house since March so couldn't have already caught it - that's not true as you've been back to work, so actually you could have caught it without even knowing

You contradict yourself constantly

@lynntheyresexpeople

Perhaps you misread what I said. Here’s what I said and it was in reference to a PP who suggested what I had in Feb 2020 could’ve been Covid…

I just don’t see how I could ever have caught it, it was before 14th March 2020.

That was the last date I left my house!!

I was on mat leave with a new baby and stayed in during lockdown except when I went for a walk and it was always alone as we weren’t allowed to meet anyone for a long time.

I didn’t go in supermarkets, restaurants or inside anyone’s homes for the remainder of 2020.

I went back to work March 2020 so of course I have left my house and yes I could’ve caught it, but I have done twice weekly LFT’s since March and find it hard to believe that all of those were wrong.

** I went back to work March 2021

@CarlaH

I am just surprised that somebody who seems to believe that she is definitely going to catch covid and be seriously ill despite the fact that she has shared her home with two positive cases and seems not to have caught it would go somewhere that actually is quite risky rather than go out somewhere a bit quieter or maybe just do the restaurant but not the bar perhaps.

So should I ignore my psychologists advice when she tells me to push myself?
When I told her I didn’t want to go out for my anniversary she told me I must go.
I must challenge myself.

The restaurant is local and never usually busy.

We didn’t have anyone on the table next to us and i wore my mask in and out.

The bar was table service so I didn’t go close to anyone.

It’s just the fact that I was in a room with a lot of other people that has made me anxious.

It’s as I’ve said before. I can’t win on here…

If I say I’m staying in and I’m not going anywhere, I get told I’m very mentally unwell and need help.

I say I’ve been out to a busy restaurant and bar and I then get told I’m not anxious at all…

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

[quote Iwannabelikeyouohh]@CarlaH

I am just surprised that somebody who seems to believe that she is definitely going to catch covid and be seriously ill despite the fact that she has shared her home with two positive cases and seems not to have caught it would go somewhere that actually is quite risky rather than go out somewhere a bit quieter or maybe just do the restaurant but not the bar perhaps.

So should I ignore my psychologists advice when she tells me to push myself?
When I told her I didn’t want to go out for my anniversary she told me I must go.
I must challenge myself.

The restaurant is local and never usually busy.

We didn’t have anyone on the table next to us and i wore my mask in and out.

The bar was table service so I didn’t go close to anyone.

It’s just the fact that I was in a room with a lot of other people that has made me anxious.

It’s as I’ve said before. I can’t win on here…

If I say I’m staying in and I’m not going anywhere, I get told I’m very mentally unwell and need help.

I say I’ve been out to a busy restaurant and bar and I then get told I’m not anxious at all…

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️[/quote]
I would say, OP, that after you consistently arguing back, as you're still doing, and essentially not accepting any of the advice at all that people have given you their time to give, people's good will to keep entertaining you will wane.

a lot of it is attention seeking from an online audience.

It’s ‘reassurance seeking’. It’s part of the anxiety or OCD. It is compulsive and a very hard habit to break. It feels totally frustrating on the receiver end - “I’ve told you fourteen times you’re not at risk! Why are you coming back to say “ah but what about that, what about this” when none of that changes the facts!”, but it’s not coming from a rational place to start with. It isn’t helping the OP, but she isn’t doing it to be annoying.

It’s ‘reassurance seeking’. It’s part of the anxiety or OCD. It is compulsive and a very hard habit to break. It feels totally frustrating on the receiver end - “

I mean, sure, fine, but why are people replying? It's pretty obvious it ain't helping, and it's no one else's responsibility to enable/deal with/resolve this person's emotional issues. Just. Let. It. Go.

@GoldenOmber

a lot of it is attention seeking from an online audience.

It’s ‘reassurance seeking’. It’s part of the anxiety or OCD. It is compulsive and a very hard habit to break. It feels totally frustrating on the receiver end - “I’ve told you fourteen times you’re not at risk! Why are you coming back to say “ah but what about that, what about this” when none of that changes the facts!”, but it’s not coming from a rational place to start with. It isn’t helping the OP, but she isn’t doing it to be annoying.

I suffer from extreme (health) anxiety. Sometimes I can’t control my thoughts, worries and fears, even if they are not rational. HOWEVER when I seek out reassurance and advice from others, I am at least somewhat comforted when people present me with evidence/ statistics/ facts that show me that my fears aren’t rational. They may not stop my thoughts from spinning out of control, but they give me something to hold on to and I am grateful.

Every time anyone gives OP actual evidence based information about her level of risk, she totally ignores the post. Not so much as an acknowledgment. And then she just continues to insist that because she’s obese she’s seriously at risk of dying 🤷🏼‍♀️.

I’m not sure what her motivations are but I’m starting to wonder if her posts really are in good faith..

"I’m not sure what her motivations are but I’m starting to wonder if her posts really are in good faith."

Maybe it's a test to see how stupid we all are. Or a journalist. Or someone wanting to see if they can make a thread last longer than someone else's/another thread. Or none of the above. In any case, I'm pretty sure most of us can find something more rewarding to do with our time. Myself included!

OP - Have you considered showing this thread or any of your others on MN to your psychologist/therapist? They might have some useful comments on what you expect to get from posting here, and how strangers react, and how it makes you think and feel.

You need to play this story out to the end.

What happens if you carry on like this and you DON’T die. (Which statistically is the most likely scenario).

You’ve already said your DH has talked about leaving. Your DS will pick up on this anxiety and it will affect him.

You’re obviously turning to your OCD as a comfort- but it’s your anxiety that’s affecting your life - not covid.

Hi all. We're not sure that this thread is helping anyone much so we'll be closing it in a mo. Thanks to all who have provided help and advice so far.