@Scirocco, I am so very, very sorry!
Having lost people I cared about in my own right (albeit not recently): I think I understand!
The loss is one thing (it hurts, it really does! When, for example, it is a grandparent!) - the awareness of why and how and that it is all horribly and inherently "political" and could have been different is yet another!
I lost one of my English students some 20 years ago - or, as it was later explained: "the army confronted stone throwers"! It just fucking did NOT! I was standing right there: none of my boys threw a single stone that day! But ... even if they had: I would still have to fundamentally disagree with the death penalty for kids throwing stones at tanks. But they did NOT even. Not on that day, anyway (they would sometimes; no, a stone thrown does not endanger the life of some soldier in a tank!)! They shot him nonetheless! He died, having been shot in the head, on a dusty street in front of my eyes! I stroked his head and said it was going to be alright and that the ambulance was coming. Fuck, I was only 20 years old, had never even seen a grandparent die, and I was out of my depth, and I probably let him down so much during his last moments!!! He deserved better! So much better!!!
Later, I lost my favourite aunt (by marriage): she was such a "larger than life" woman. I loved her for how spirited she was (and feared her for her "battle ship" opinions on hair and makeup - I have many a picture of me looking completely gharish because she wanted it that way!). No, she was not shot, she suffered a stroke! An ambulance was called for her and did swiftly arrive, ready to take her for urgent treatment! She passed away at a checkpoint after the ambulance had waited for several hours to enter the city! Bhabek, ya XY! Habibti-t-albi, ya hayati! She was such a total battleship of a woman, and she deserved better!
It is "different" when they do not "just die" but when it would have been avoidable - perhaps deliberate, even! There is not really a way to describe it that will make sense!
I feel for your loss, @Scirocco! A lot! And: if you ever feel you just need to randomly "vent" about "what it is like to have lost someone in Palestine": feel free to DM!