30s TTC: The BESH Palace - where the bar never closes, booze is free, the humour is black and babydust is strictly for snorting through a rolled up 20.

[PollyPoo]

Welcome BESHies to the new palais. Plz to come fill it up plz.

For your delight and delectation I have dragged across the bar and the pit. Along with Mitchell (of course) to grant your every wish (but you will probably have to fight Scorps for him first... good luck with that).

I have even brought the Kylie infused absinthe. Now, who will join me in a Blackhole?

Actually have just done the cigar and yonder the droid approacheth Why two days late? Why? Arse.

That's shit, Aries. I dunno which is psychologically worse; spotting early so you know there was never a chance or cruelly being allowed to get your hopes up by being late.
BTW, are you, in fact, Marina, AquaMarina, out there in the sea? Does your being a mermaid affect your fertility in any way? Do you know if you'd have a fish or a human?

And so on

Oh shitting sodbollocking cuntwanglers, Aries. I'm awful sorry lass.

Aries sorry bout the bastard droid. Sometimes I am almost grateful for my short LP as I rarely get the chance to get my hopes up.

well yesterday was fab - scorps is as sharp and funny as I was expecting, and twice as beautiful. I can't believe the time went so quickly and it was too cruel that the family do was cancelled. We could have stayed out eating and shopping.

well we r at SILs and my PMA is faltering due to conversations about how they r starting ttc no 2 this month and will obviously get duffed quickly, seeing as it worked first time with no1. I went to bed last nite feeling utterly shit, barren and a big fat failure and tried to sob quietly into my pillow so as not to wake Iris. Not the way I wanted to spent my evening after such a scorpalicious afternoon. I knew there was a good reason I'd been avoiding them for the last yr! I must work harder today to get them onto the subject of their wedding plans to avoid smacking someone bursting into snotty sobbing whilst wailing "it's my turn first, where's MY baybee". Cuz apparently it's not a race.

Glad you two had such a nice time anyway. But sorry that turned into such a sad evening, Pollypoops. Sometimes it's as much as you can do not to just thump families (esp in-laws) in the face.

Your imaginative and creative cursing made me smile anyway Headfuck...

"We could have stayed out eating and shopping" - you can see why we got on so well: shared priorities We didn't even chat TTC very much, as we were too busy gabbing about life, love and the universe, etc.

So sorry that SIL is doing your head in MrsScorpette Pol After hearing more about her yesterday, I think you must be an absolute saint to be able to put up with all this shite. Just remember - all this pointless oneupmanship is her issue, her low-selfesteem, so don't let her infect you with the crapness of it all. As we know, you have the perfect child already and will go on to have another perfect child - and perfection, sadly, takes time

Of course, it's easy for me to say this because I'm not having to put up with her bullshit and being made to feel so rubbish. I'd suggest maybe taking her aside to explain how it makes you feel, but it sounds like it wouldn't have any effect (except to maybe make her worse). You're doing the right thing to divert talk onto the wedding topic - it might be boring but at least it's not offensive. Try not to beat her to death with a rolled up wedding magazine... if anyone's looking

OR come back up here and come to my folks' for Easter lunch - my Mum had made Thai green chicken curry (and that woman can cook). Traditional? Nah. Tasty? You betcha! Would spicy food set Iris' tummy probs off again?

Happy Chocozombie* day, my dearest BESHles. May all your chocolatey dreams come true. Group hug!

Thai green chicken curry sounds like excellent easter food . Glad the two of you had fun, wish your SIL hadn't done her best to spoil your day Pol. Scorps says wise things. Will be interesting to see how SIL copes if she doesn't get diffed at the first attempt this time.

Sorry about droid Aries, that's rubbish.

I've been wandering about with a 2 month old (who was v good a didn't cry at all, she even opened her eyes and looked at me) this morning, and fending off the seemingly inevitable questions about broodiness. The questions always seem to come from people who would be inconvenienced if I was on maternity leave, so I'm not sure why they're all so keen.

We survived the baby sitting experience. Have now returned to the in-laws to eat the rest of the day away. Broodiness level is about 2 million.

Big slaps and mini eggs to those in need.

Warning, randomness alert.

Just scrolled to the bottom of the page and noticed that the ads are for Official Muse CD, DVD & Merchandise Giftware, Official T Shirts & more. Which made me wonder whether they're targeted ads, and if so if they follow you around Muser.

I think me mum in law leaves right next to you Aries.

updated my excel temp chart and it makes NO SENSE. Can't see an obvious spike, the CBFM highs and lows don't correlate to any temp changes. So confused! Not sure what to expect when we start again next cycle.

Hilarious. I have just found the first ever BESH thread called something ever-so-sensible like Mid Thirties TTC. It quickly degenerated didn't it? And the thread titles have become ever more deranged.

Now I feel like an utter sad act

Hey Medee, have you spoken to your Doc? I think I'd be inclined to ask for bloods if I were you - go and weep and wail!

Well we've had a good afternoon walking in the peak district, followed by fajitas and cider, all without mention of baybees, hurrah. Best I go to bed now and end the day on a good note.

Hello my lovelies. Have you all had a fab Chocozombie Day? My folks bought me redonkulously expensive (and allergy-safe) luxury Booja Booja ice-cream - which I forgot to take home with me, FFS, and I'm suffering from Oral Allergy Syndrome cos of summat I ate when out with PollTax yesterday (not that kind of 'ate', you sickos). I have moaned about this on FB, so apols to those who stalk me there

I was chatting with my Auntie - the one who couldn't have kids - and I admitted I was TTC and she suddenly unburdened her infertility horribleness (we've never known the true story as you hardly want to bring up the subject over Sunday lunch or whatever, do you?!). After a mc she was given an overenthusiastic D&C which fucked her up and then went through the menobastard at 35 (We'd mistakenly thought it was the fault of her Ex, whose second wife couldn't have kids either, but maybe everyone blamed him because we all hated him!) And she went on to tell me how horrible and tactless and presumptuous and rejecting people are to a childless woman, thus accidentally confirming what I lay awake at night crying about as I imagine what childlessness must be like The saddest thing is that she suddenly blurted out that she was so sorry for barely seeing me and my brother as we were growing up, but said that being her flesh and blood, she could see in us what her kids would've looked like and been like, and it was too much to bear. Much silent, trembly-lipped, red-eyed upper-arm-punching ensued. Then my Gran wanted to play Bingo so we left it (we play with deliberately pisspoor home-made cards and numbered balls and with highly offensive sayings for each number) Being a BESH is so painful at times, but it makes you so in awe of how strong us wimminz can be.

Oh shit, I really must have children. Please now come and beat me into a coma with empty Easter Egg boxes.

Sorry, that was v mememe. Muser, that sounds rubbish and so frustrating. I second seeing the Doc asap. Why does everything have to be hard, aaaarrrrgh

Can I just give you a big unbeshly hug and a grope of the bosoms Scorps? Am not much in the mood for violence. Really feel for your aunt. I do hope you're diffed soon.

I am feeling sad from all the baby talk at my in-laws. Somuch excitement and feeling of baby kicks and it leaves me wanting to know why it's not me. What did I do wrong? I know the answer is nothing. But it's a crappy answer.

Ahem. you is meaning medee scorpacus. And it is shit. I echo the docs call.

Sorry, Muse - you've been through so much shite lately that I must have just presumed it was yet more horror for poor old you! Sounds like you were v brave this avo You know you've done nothing wrong; life is arbitary and shit, at times.

Medee, apologies and much love for this current crapness

I know everyone is as 'wahhh, baybee NOW!' as me, I just like to whine (in lieu of real wine, perchance? Ho ho). Sorry if it seems too self-indulgent at times, y'all.

Not self indulgent Scorps. We're all allowed a good whine here.

We really need a babywin on this thread soon. I think it'll cheer us all up a bit.

Anyone know where Cockdodger is? Is she on holiday this week?

I have only got one remaining damaged tube and absolutely no children

Oh Extreme I'm so so sorry you were here alone last night. My eyes are leaking at the thought of it. anything I say will be woefully inadequate so I will just shut the fuck up and give you massive cuddles and hairstrokes. Come here my darling and snuggle in.

Extreme, I hatehatehate that you're having to go through this. Got the leaky-eyes too. You CAN still get pg with one tube - some women are born with only one and many, many women go on to conceive when they've had one removed. And there is still AC if the all-natural route fails.

Not that this really helps, though. It must be awful to have to deal with having it removed, even if medically it's for the best. It's completely natural to grieve for that and to grieve for your longheld notions of how TTC was supposed to be for you. Life is such a bag of utter cockarsing motherfucking shite

Wish I could be with you in person - I'd hold you and let you cry, blubber, scream, shout; whatever you need to do, whatever helps even a tiny bit. I hope you're getting lots and lots of loving from Mr 'Streme and I hope your folks arrive home soon - you need to be surrounded by love and understanding and to be treated like the queen you are. Am so furious that this crap should befall someone as wonderful as you (and that goes for all the crap everyone else has gone through). Am always here for you, hon

Oh Extreme. There's nothing I can say so I won't try except to say I'm thinking of you, and you're going through utter cack. Did have the thought that maybe your folks would help when they get back and some parent/mummy-love would help, but then I thought that by their very definition, mothers can't help. ie they have successfully had children - us. And if BESHies are in their thirties, then it's unlikely their parents went through had serious fertility issues because they just wouldn't have ended up having kids.

You are welcome to beat me around the head with the computer if this is entirely the wrong thing to have mentioned.

By the way, does anyone else get the sheyets when having droidage? Was that invented purely to make us feel repulsive?

Aries, you raised a good point there - sometimes, things get so bad that it feels like your own mother is 'rubbing it in'! At times, when I feel really hopeless and distraught about the issue and I need to speak to someone, I want my Mum. But then I feel weird about it - almost resentful of her being a mum and having children, even though it's me who is the eldest and made her a mum in the first place! Last night, she hugged me and said 'you're everything I could've asked for in a daughter and more' and my first thought was actually this nauseous panicky 'what if I never get to feel or say that about my own child?', instead of 'awwww, how lovely!' or whatever. This essentially means I'm resentful of myself for being born for making myself sad now - headfuck madness!

PS, I also get the droid shits, as well as getting massive pulsating angry red chin lumps.

'Streme, am here for you all day. Email me if you need a vent. Love ya!