30s TTC: The BESH Palace - where the bar never closes, booze is free, the humour is black and babydust is strictly for snorting through a rolled up 20.

[PollyPoo]

Welcome BESHies to the new palais. Plz to come fill it up plz.

For your delight and delectation I have dragged across the bar and the pit. Along with Mitchell (of course) to grant your every wish (but you will probably have to fight Scorps for him first... good luck with that).

I have even brought the Kylie infused absinthe. Now, who will join me in a Blackhole?

I forgot to say: STREEEEEEEEEEEEEEME! How are you doing, my little pocket pet? So good to see you delurking. Although it would also be good... nay, perfect, to see other humpular lurkers show their beautiful faces, HINT HINT

#my humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps

Glad it put a smile on yer face extreme.

Woop woop! That is it then - no need for such new fangled expensive nonsense as HPTs... Casp and Scorps have spoken. Oh if only it were that simple! Fanks for the input laydeez. I am feeling a bit more zen and a bit less menkul after sleeping through my 'conception CD'. It is so much less annoying when I only have to listen to it on a subconcious level.

Okay okay, I will hold back on the dead birds Soorps. I take it you won't be wanting this badger roadkill either? Damn, I will have to put it back in the freezer for another occasion. Perhaps I can fob it off on HB for her voodoo since we've banned her from using cats.

I have been summoned purely by the power of scorpy - hello, my spiny darling!I would write individual messages of love and support and flowers and puppies and kittens but I suck and would like to leave the office tonight. I do love you all ver', ver' much, though, and am cheered by your general existence.

I watched the Great Ormond Street thingy, with the cardiac surgery and the babies. I would advise that no one else does. It is SO SAD. Wah.

Well hello, this looks like my kind of thread!

Hey Pol, I know another reason why you're clearly with diff - you've been wondering if you really do want a 2nd child. There can be no surer route to a minimum of twins than questioning the ole babyneed

PS The badgers I can cope with, but the pictures of me with the eyes scratched out and 'if I can't have you, no-one can' written across them in your blood are worrying TYF a bit now

Talking of TYF, he got in from work a bit ago and I was telling him about my acu. When I told him she'd said I have a Yin deficiency, he then told me I should get lots of Billy Connolly DVDs, as he is The Big Yin. Is there anything sexier than a man with a clever sense of humour?! I heart him sooooo much it's redonk (TYF, not Billy. Although he is v ace too).

CAMELINA! So glad you are still here - don't be a stranger, my love. I hope you are doing well and getting your PMA on for some primo summertime AC Have also seen the Great Ormond St doc and it is beyond If everyone thought logically about the stress and pain parenthood could potentially entail, everyone would be sterilised at 12! (NB that would still be a bit late for some of the kids round here). Oh, and you do anything but suck

And the first person to say 'that's not what I've heard' gets a kick in the tits from me

PS Hello Fancypants!

Humpy! Bundle!!

I did not, and dare not watch such things - I would not be able to leave the house for a week for the sight of my snot-stained blotchy bug-eyed face would send people running.

I told TG about my strange/possibly exciting chart this month and his response was that it obviously means d'erbs are working. Not that I am clearly duffed. Oh no. He hates my menkulling and is refusing to take part. He actually said I should be a politician as I obviously have such a knack for twisting statistics. The fucker.

(For those interested, FF did a poll of over 100,000 charts. Of those that resulted in a duffing, 12% had a triphasic chart. Of those that did not rssult in a duffing, only 4% had a triphasic chart.)

I'm wondering if fancypants is me, Scorpette - that would have been a much better name, but I think it was taken! Dammit!

As for the GOSH documentary! My DP started working in paeds last week, and so we had to watch it. I cried my eyes out when they put the news that Bryan has passed away up. He was so bright and sweet! I can't see how he can do it?!

Your DP is a paed? BURN HIM! Did you see the latest series of Masterchef? They had to refer to one of the finalists as a 'children's doctor' because if they use the correct term Paediatrician, thickos and loonies write in to complain. And Yep, Fancypants is you

If you fancy joining us, you must be possessing of a humour blacker than molasses and do our questionnaire. The first task is to FIND the questionnaire...

Bon chance!

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to luxuriate in this bundle. Ladies, what are you still doing wearing pants?

Mystified and alarmed at triassic charts. Whatever they mean, hope they signify Good Things Poops. Should I know about such things yet or shall I stick with the original plan to wrestle Husband into bed and away from telly tonight? Have been drinking the grapefruit juice, popping the vits, glugging the cough mixture...what else is there? Oh yes. The shagging

I fear this questionnaire is a myth Scorpette, I refuse to jump through impossible hoops!

Well, on GOSH you notice people in scrubs cowering in the background not allowed to do much? They're junior doctors, and my DP is one of those. Mine is not very inclined towards paeds or O&G as a career, but needs must for the next 4 months. It's certainly serving my purposes because it's making him one broody fella. Please note, BROODY, not HORNY.

I feel at home on this thread already, so you might have a job ousting me. ~~{baby dust}~~ worries me and I thought I'd never find some familiars.

Ahem. Fancy my luverrr, you may have to peruse the previous thread to find The Questionnaire. The thread has the marvellous word buzwamcam in the title I believe.

OK, with the wizardry of google I may have found it:

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes') in order: Tanqueray 10, Hendrick's Bombay Sapphire

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar? My DP is younger than me

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.
   Well if I want to be successful, c is the only option!

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
   a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
   b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.
   I (c) don't know what you're talking about

5. Is R2D2:
   a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
   b) the source of all evil.
   (c) before my time

6. what colour are your walls? White, white, white. Not through choice (but no, I don't live in an institution)

7. Number of pets?
   Cruising for kittens as we speak

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Peter Poselthwaite?! Oh, the shame.

9. Lesbian crush?
   Winona Ryder

10. What are your views on camping?
    It's OK until the condensation falls on your face.

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks
    They sell them on ebay?!

p.s. I've suddenly realised I'm a dunce, and don't qualify for this thread on age grounds.

How old are you? If you don't find the phrase 'Bueller, Bueller, Bueller, Bueller' amusing then you may indeed be too young!

Hello fancy...yes we is old laydees innit....

cam smooooches.

morethanwords are you able to make the rendezvous tomorrow then? Would be soooo good to see you. And yes,do lets try and avoid discussing our dodgy ladybits in front of the nice chap from the burger bar....

poo crossing fingers,casting spells,all that shiz luvver.

scorps acu does not hurt,ya big girlygirlgirlpants. Glad it was positive n all tho...

muse am also awash with ffj and doing nowt about it.maybe your body will helpfully be a few days late with the whole thing next month...

Aries just drink half a bottle of wine (minimum) and then jump him. Is my failsafe updiffer.

eadfuck how's your back m'dear?

lorry ah BUGGER I forgot what I was going to say. And no it wasn't bumsex. Though now I'm thinking about iggy again....

Fry? Fry? Fry?

Scorpette Well I'm not stupid!

ginhag I may be technically too young, but I feel like an old lady! ;)

oh,and fancy...

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

If this sounds to you like I am being all profound off the top of my head then, although obviously you would be right in thinking that is just the sort of terribly wise words you can expect from me (tho usually with more swearing) you probably do not remember the 80s and are therefore a mere slip of a thing...

Oooo world's longest sentence.

If you feel like an old lady I'm sure there's a few here that will be happy to oblige (wink wink etc)

ginhag I know all too well - my DP was diagnosed with cancer three months ago! I'm not old enough for that?!

Pardon my French but (insert name) is so uptight, that if you put a piece of coal up his ass, in two weeks you would have a diamond.

Right I'm stopping. I'm stopping that or I could go on. And on. And on...

FrenchFancy I see from other threads you face a struggle to TTC (though quite unlike that of most BESHs). Do you want to share?

Everyone here has faced/is facing adversity (and facing it with lots of alcohol, black humour, violence and hot girl-on-girl "comfort")

How old are you anyway? trying to do the maths based on when the last film came out and thinking you must be really young to not get that specific R2D2. Though the BESH one bears little relevance anyway...

Christ, what a nightmare, Fancy How are things?