TTC after loss part 6

[Figtree11]

Previous thread created is nearly full so starting a new one. Will try and tag names

I’m CD9 and feeling pretty rubbish. Not sure if I’ve got a bug or if it’s just January! I feel really run down and tired. I started some extra supplements earlier this month to try and give me a bit of a boost. I do hate this time of year. I have awful cramps today though which I assume isn’t cycle related as not much going on but not very nice all the same.

Good luck with anyone still holding out hope for January…officially the longest month of the year, or at least it feels like it!

Thanks for the support and sharing amazing stories everyone. I have been so emotional since the failed MVA on Friday, had my D&C under GA today and already feel a huge amount of closure. Praying less emo from tomorrow too! Know to do this more quickly as it’s the right option for me, if there is a next time.

Will wait for my cycle to return now in good time - sending so much baby dust to everyone for this month ✨✨✨

AF arrived, I’m so fed up!

@Beanie14 I’m currently 11dpo - not sure how I feel. I have had some crampy twinges, but I’m also trying not to symptom spot! I did a test this morning (itnwas negativE) - but I have no idea why as I have never gotten a positive before 12dpo (4 pregnancies - one full term) - the whole ttc journey is huge emotional rollercoaster. I’m sorry AF arrived - it sucks so much!

Of course my sister is now 6 weeks pregnant with her second. With the age gap I wanted when I started all this again 2.5 years ago. Feeling all the feelings!!

@TrulyMiss oh gosh - I’m so sorry - that’s really tough :( so many feelings to grapple with for you

@TrulyMiss i get it! I find myself getting so upset and even angry when others announce a pregnancy which has seemingly been easy or so soon after the last one.
Myself and my partner have had testing and there’s nothing wrong I just don’t get it. It came so easy the first time. We’re now looking at a 4 year age gap if we get pregnant.
My partner keeps telling me it will happen, but I’ve honestly gotten to the point where I just don’t believe it.

@Bellabubble its strange I’ve found that if I’m negative at 10/11 dpo then I know AF will arrive. I really hope AF stays away for you. It is an emotional rollercoaster, people say just don’t stress about it and it’ll happen. But how can you not think about it’s when you have such a short window in the month to time it right.

Hi I was reading this thread right from the beginning and finally got the courage to post. I used coq 10 myisontol. 37 now and was just on my way to give up. But I got my positive still very terrified. I made a new email address as a form of self protection in case stuff goes wrong. PTSD is an understatement!

@Beanie14 I don't believe in it any more either. I basically feel like I'm continuing on so I can tell my future self and my son I did all I could. It's breaking my brain though!

Mix of emotions today.
Ovulating today/yesterday so DTD one last time and just have a gut feeling this is the month. Then utter panic it wont be and almost... angry that it might work? Like deep down i think another loss is all that i have waiting and im almost too scared to see the much-sought double lines

I think whats making it worse is that not only is this my 5th loss, but it was the most dramatic and frightening. The heamorrghing, losing couniousness, the blue lights to hospital and everyone waiting for us to arrive whilst i was in and out. Because of the semi-conciousness everything is in pieces and my memory is all splintered. Really messing with my head

@Beanie14 AF arrived yesterday which I did expect - weirdly I have always just known in my gur when I have been pregnant (probably why I haven’t ever tested early on the times I have been pregnant!) and it’s mixed emotions. I had my MVA back in mid -October, but only got my period back end of Dec, so I think if I had gotten a positive this month, I’d have just had months of anxiety and uncertainty if that makes sense? I’m at least pleased that my cycle is it’s regular length, and hopefully it won’t be too much longer before we fall again.

@DaringlyDizzy that sounds really traumatic! I get what you mean about the wanting a positive but almost not at the same time. I was the same this time round - and I was explaining to my friends last week - even if I get a positive, it almost nothing to me until I get to 12 weeks, then a teeny bit of anxiety is gone (but only a small amount) and this continues pretty much until labour! Losses rob you of the joy of pregnancy. I know people who haven’t had losses can still hate it, be anxious etc - but I feel like it is different when you have experienced loss.

@Bellabubble I'm day 47 since my miscarriage and I would give anything right now for my period or pregnancy sickness! Sickness has started around week 5 with each pregnancy.

@DaringlyDizzy I'm sorry for your losses. The last one sounds scary, have you been able to debrief with anyone, would it help to talk to someone about your experience? In my early 20s I went into anaphylaxis twice in 6 months. The second time it was a 999 call at work with me barely conscious on the floor with my face swelled up and unable to open my eyes. It took time to get over it. Thankfully I had been able to get meds into myself before my consciousness started to reduce so I didn't need to go into hospital as the on site Dr could look after me. Talking through it even just to myself helped

@Superscientist the wait for a period is hard - you get stuck in limbo don’t you! I ended up with a 72day cycle post my MVA in Oct, but I think that it was a mixture of it bejng my 3rd loss and also being 40. Almost like it made recovery harder if that makes sense? I really hope yours comes soon 🤞🏻 Did you try to catch your ovulation this time round or did you decide to wait I cycle? X

@DaringlyDizzy I can only imagine that's very hard to deal with and not surprised it's messing with your head. Would you speak to someone about it? I've been getting therapy for the last two years and it definitely helps. I found someone who deals with fertility issues but also other stuff as well.

@Bellabubble I also feel that way! I'm overwhelmed with fear that I won't get pregnant and fear that I will. Makes me feel completely daft!!

I've never tracked ovulation. We haven't been waiting for my period though just when we feel like it rather than targeting ovulation.
I can't bring myself to do a test. If it's positive I'd rather not know at the moment so staying in limbo for now. I don't want to step back on to the monitoring lack of growth by scans loop just yet.

@Toppstileslover so sorry to read of your MC and hear you’ve had a tough time with the MVA. I lost my first pregnancy as it was a blighted ovum, and was told to rest for 3 months after the D&C, but conceived after that and had a healthy DC. Hope this gives some reassurance. Glad your D&C went well x

@Mummysparrow I hope your surgery went well?

@Joleyjojo I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had an awful time. It’s so much to process and rough on your body too.

Like others I’d recommend the book it starts with the egg? I’ve been following the guidance from this (initially on my own, but been seeing fertility acupuncturists for the last year or so and they follow the principles) and hoping it will make the difference for me. I lost my last pregnancy to triploidy. Also there’s a fertility Accupuncturist called Hannah pern who has a podcast “don’t tell me to felax” and that has tonnes of amazing advice and experts on to help with next steps x

@Melusina123 if it helps, my nutritionist recommended coq10, and she focuses very much on research/efficacy of anything she recommends . It’s also one of the key recommendations in it starts with the egg x

@SnakebitesandSambucas gentle congratulations. I’m the same as you and convinced (all being well at the dating scan) the supplements/vitamins have made the difference, alongside dietary changes. Agree on the PtSD, it’s such a traumatic thing to go through.

bit of a bumper catchup from me!!

@Blueskies4 currently in hospital waiting for the surgery. I am last on the list so not going down until the afternoon which isnt doing well for my ADHD as my anxiety is through the roof 😬 I have to keep reminding myself I am doing this surgery to help me get pregnant but I am tempted to bolt it out of the door

@Mummysparrow ah, hope it goes quickly for you. It’s certainly not nice waiting around for these things. Have you planned a nice tea or something to look forward to (sorry if this sounds unbelievably trivial.) I came out of my D&C wanting a “foot long sub” !!

@Blueskies4 I have ordered chicken curry and rice on the hospital menu but I have been told I won't be back up on the ward until 6 so not entirely sure if I will fancy it 😂
I am going to be here until tomorrow evening unfortunately so I am going to be a bit lonely 🥺

@Mummysparrow ah bless you, hope there’s someone who can bring you nice snacks, it’s never the best having to stay in but hopefully you can get some rest xx

@Mummysparrow hope the surgery goes well. Sometimes it's nice having that brief period of being by yourself post surgery. Means you can meltdown have a cry / sob etc. I found it easier to express my emotions at the hospital than being at home. Post all my d&C's x

@Mummysparrow I hope it all goes as well as possible!

Feeling a bit more positive this week. Trying to prioritise walks and sleeps etc to see if it helps. Think my body tried to ovulate over the weekend so hoping that'll have sorted the cyst and my period will arrive soon...

Thank you 💖 I feel worse than ever after the surgery but know it has just got to pass. I feel so horribly hormonal / emotional! Constantly on the edge of tears.

I tell you what has been really, really annoying me (to the point where I’m about to complain) - Flo! I’ve logged I’ve lost my pregnancy and now it keeps sending me daily updates asking if I’m feeling in the mood?!?!?!?! Read the room?!?!?

@Toppstileslover the emotions are hard to contend with aren’t they, they can really catch you off guard. Hoping you start to feel better soon xx

Thats tone deaf from Flo! Totally get you too.. I use BabyCentre when I’m pregnant to log/track the pregnancy and the only option is for the pregnancy to continue tracking in the app or to ‘delete’ it so it ceases to exist - I messaged them to say you need a miscarriage/pregnancy loss option etc because it’s so sad deleting it x

@Toppstileslover sorry you’re feeling so down, just wanted to sympathise and say I had my surgery last Monday and I’m still struggling with feeling tearful at the drop of a hat, hoping it passes soon.

The doctor recommended I called Tommys to talk about it, I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet as I literally can’t say the words without sobbing at the moment. Would be interested to know if anyone has used this service and how it was?

@Blueskies4 that’s awful. I use my period app to track but I did use pregnancy+ for the ‘your baby is the size of..’ updates and they have a miscarriage option then your home page changes to some articles about loss etc so baby centre have no excuse!

I need to catch up on the thread properly, I’m unfortunately back after a third MC which at least means I’m having some testing done. I’ve also bought ‘it starts with the egg’ after seeing it recommended on here and other threads so plan to start making some changes there as well. At the moment it just feels like it’s never going to happen for us despite not having all the results back yet, so far they’re mostly ‘normal’.. doesn’t help that the due date for my first MMC is coming on the weekend and I foolishly thought when I got pregnant in December ‘at least I’ll be pregnant when 2nd Feb comes’ and here we are a week post surgery for the second MMC..