November 2007- going through, been through or ttc after mc, still positive and still eating cakes

[grinningbee]

Here we are then, if it worked!

A nice new shiney thread to fill up with gorgeous cakes.

I'll start with a gooey sticky pecan pie at got at the W.I market yesterday morning

I am very sorry that you have had to come and join our jolly band of desparardos.

I am not sure about this but I do not think that you would get money back from a private consultant. All that normally happens is you pay for all your blood tests etc and potentially any surgical investigations. Unfortunately most doctors will not conceed that you have a medical reason for MC until you suffer 3 or more. Even then for lots of women the cause is never found.

Where are you? Lots of ladies here are also at the treatmamnt they have recieved. It may be worth finding out if anyone is from same PCT area.
I hope you find solace here with us. We are all very supportive and dont ever feel you have to apologise for your feelings, good or bad

Hope everything goes OK for you today, Lissie, and that you at least get some good quality care and a referral to somewhere that can actually help.

it sounds as though you have had a horrendous time too, Lilypink. I just cant understand why such things keep on happening in the whole vicious circle of mc. It really is as though some doctors etc really don't see what damage mc does to people, and their emotional wellbeing as well as physical.

Sweetkitty, yes, July too, around the 20th as I think I am about 5+3. I was a whopping 10 days late before I summoned the courage to do a test .

I hope all the hours you put in paid off, Ladylush, it would be great to be on another thread with you. When are you likely to be able to test? The irony is, we hardly put in any effort at all this month, so didn't think we had a lot of hope, but it goes to show that there is just no telling when.

Thanks to all who have wished me well, I think there must be no where else where we can all come together to share in each others joys and sorrows, knowing that everone here are closer than rl friends in some ways. I'm very lucky to have found this.

Anyhow, hope you are all OK, catch up in a bit too xx

LissieI am really sorry that you have been bleeding, I have only just posted a congratulations to you on the other thread, I should have checked this thread first. I hope everything goes ok for you today, I have my fingers crossed for you hunxxxxx

hope everyone else is ok, thought I would be able to get on to mumsnet more often once we had this laptop, but eldest son has started using it in bed "playing cartoon network etc.."

I found a big globule of eggwhite cm last night but opk still negative, unsure how long opk should work after first sighting EWCM? I also had vertigo on Friday & Saturday so not sure if that has changed my CM??

All my children are poorly with vomiting and the runs at the moment, my DH brought the bug home from the hospital, I know it can't be helped, but I do worry about the germs that my DH is in contact with..
hope you all a lovely dayxxxxxx

fuck it! appointment this morning was for phlebotomy so have to go back at 10.50 to see doc.but bleeding heavily again (had slowed down) so epu seems inevitable now

ps, im in shropshire!

Lissie I am so Sorry your going through this again. I really hope they get you a proper referal this time.

lissie - am so sorry. How bloody unfair

Lissie xx

in an odd way im actually quite lucky to have made it through 5 mc'c without medial intervention iykwim

Lucky! lucky!
Lissie what you have had to endure would never happen if this was a male problem. I am not a raving feminist(I am a SAHM). Why do women have to suffer so much shit before we get taken seriously.
If we arent being patronised by GPs telling us we are still young??? Like that makes it any easier. We then get told we are getting too old to safely conceive?? I mean WTF.

I would be so at my Gp and specialist if I were in your shoes. They tell us that 3 is the magic number before they will take it seriously. Well how many babies do you have to loss before they actually send you to a doctor who knows what they are talking about??????????
If it is rare for a woman to have more than 3 recurrent Mcs why do we wait so long to get seen??
Answer me that someone.
Bugger I am a bit angry and annoyed for poor Lissie I appear to have jumped on my soapbox.

Well said Ronshar

i agree, ronshar

my dp is just finishing up his medical studies and already has a bit of that old-paradigm, male, wait-and-see, whatever-will-happen, let-nature-take-its-course and not intervene BOLLOX attitude

what is needed is some enlightened and progressive, precautionary thinking on the part of the medical profession on dealing with what is a very very distressing thing that happens to women.

i read somewhere that in china, i think, they have a burial place for miscarried babies where the mum can go and mourn. apparently this can help the depression, sadness and anxiety that can follow. my (female) danish doctor just says "it happened, its common" which i know is true but somehow i end up feeling diminished.

and when you question anything, you get fobbed off. i mean, i understand that sometimes if the foetus is "not viable" - the body just does the natural thing and rejects it. but my mc was at 9 and a bit weeks and that seems a bit late on for that process. now i am coming up to that time again, and i am really pooing it! i mean, if its an undiagnosed blood clotting issue, i could just take aspirin but they would never send me for tests after just 1 mc and my dp explained that in medical school, they teach them not to order too many "unnecessary" tests (financial reasons and so as not to complicate diagnosis).

anyway, here i rant, but i think for those, gutsy, strong women who have repeatedly been through this ordeal, you deserve to know, to the very best of the doctors/medical professions abilities, wtf is going on.

I really dont understand Tjuice. Why do they not take it seriously. If it was cancer or heart disease they would be falling over themselves to find a cure and throwing money at finding the causes of it. Are we just not glamourous enough. Maybe it is because we just get on with it and keep trying. We should make more noise.

Can you ask you DH to find out why we get brushed off?? No pressure.

oh Lissie, Words can't express how I feel for you
Ronshar - v well said.

I'm def still here ladies, I've not had a chance to post for a while but i've been avidly reading. Will post properly when I am at work this eve.

Now i need to go and clean the kitchen. Since i got in from dropping dd off i've bought Boyzone tickets (yay!!!!!!!!!!), folded a bit of laundry and pfaffed. No motivation

cd 23 btw

xxxxxxxxxxx to all

Right reading these posts has given me the strength to make my formal written complaint about how the hospital dealt with my mc, the poor care i recieved and the personal impact it had on me and my recovery.

e.g
Crap doctor telling me that anxiety would make me expel baby from womb
Refusing to scan me when i was bleeding bright red blood
Testing me for chlamydia without my permission
Poor emotional care - just talking over me to each other while i was crying - Leaving me in a room for 2 hours by myself after i had just found out i had a mc
etc.. etc..

And i want to write about the more general things such as providing good emotional care and talking to people about what happens to the remains of their embryo / feotus.

It is no wonder that so many people end up with depression after a mc (or many mc) when this is the type of care received!

I spoke to my friend who is a doctor about writing this letter and she said it is really important that they get this feedback otherwise they will never change the service. She had also worked on the Gyne ward in the past and had never considered that women may want to know what happens to their babies after mc - and she is a lovely person - so sometimes i think the medical profession needs to be reminded of the personal impact!

im so angry! scan on weds at 9am. doctor was shite!
i asked to be referred toadifferent specialist, he wouldnt.
i asked about antibiotics for GBS, gave me some shit about VAGINAL GBS being a risk for newborns (pneumonia) i reminded him that i had UTERINE GBS, which is a risk for developing babies. he said there was no evidence (see here) i emntioned progesterone treatment. he said there was no evidence to support it ) and i mentioned my erratic cycles and suggested that progesterone treatment might help and he tried to tell me that your leutal phase had no impact on your fertility. he must think im stupid. im so so cross.

how fucking DARE he dismiss me like this? i dont care if treatment is experimental or not. at this stage i would dance naked over a frogs corpse at midnight if it meant one of my babies would make it

How dare they Lissie. You should always have the right to a second opinion. I wish I lived nearer to you, is dh with you?
All I can say to everyone else is get writing those letters we should not be treated like this. I work in the Nhs and they are worried about complaints so get writing. After my first ectopic when I was going down to theatre to have my baby and my tube removed I member of staff said to me never mind you can always have another one and I just sat there crying. I wish I had complained about this but never did and thats 2 1/2 years ago now. I know sometimes drs cant always do all the test we want but I kind word can go a long way I alway try and remember this whilst I am at work so way cant they.

why not way!

lissie

i am HORRIFIED, what a crock.
what is the official course of action for complaint in the NHS? I think you need to tell him that was unacceptable and that you will be following up through those channels.

i am so sorry that you have to deal with that, on top of everything else you are going through right now.

lcy - good for you. i also thought that the dr who told you that was a patronising %?3!er. Its just not on that we are dismissed as under-informed, histerical and at the mercy of hormones when in fact, we know more about any of this stuff then they do.
we are what is known as "expert" patients - which to them is just a pain in the arse.

but more than just knowing about causes ,treatment and prevention of mc, we need to know what kind of behaviour and treatment we are entitled to from the medical profession and how to legally/officially address any lack thereof that we have experienced.

Lissie - I cannot believe that you were treated so poorly. I'm just in shock that they would just dismiss you like that. I'm so for you. Are you sure this guy wasn't a podiatrist?

I mean what course of action are they taking? Will you just have to wait for a scan?

I've kicked up some right old stinks about my treatment during miscarriages.

For my mc last january (11 weeks), I miscarried the baby into a gynaecologist' hand, and she put it in a bowl, and left it there next to me for about half an hour. Then gave it to me in a jar to carry to the ward on my lap - a long long journey in a wheelchair. I told her I'd rather not, so she gave it to DP. I stayed in overnight, and in the morning a woman and her newborn baby were put in the bed opposite mine. A week later, I received all my ante-natel care bumph in the post, from the same hospital. I complained about it all, and got a letter and a grovelling phonecall.

My next mc was at 13 weeks, discovered at the nuchal fold scan. Most people were great, but after the erpc I was left in a chair, no-one took any care of me, no nformation about what to expect, anything. And, once more, ante-natal leaflets a week afterwards. Another letter to PALS, and was asked in by lovely matron.

It's not that they're all bastards, it's just it's so routine to them they forget how devastating it is to us. But, as I said in one of my letters, if miscarriages are common enough for us to be treated like inconveniences on a conveyor belt, they're common enough to set up a system for dealing with us properly, and not sending out buggering ante-natal literature.

Lisie i'm so sorry to hear about your teatment today. Is there any chance to you could pay for a private consultation so that you can at least get a prescribtion for long term antibiotics and some cylogest pessaries for you to take in the secind half of your cycle and in pregnancy. I know it will be expensive but after everything you've been thorugh it's worth finding the money so it doesn't happen again.

Herb - I'm so sorry you too were treated so badley during your mc's, good tratment can make things so much easier.

Lissie, so so at your treatment. Sending hugs to you though and hoping they are more helpful to you on Wednesday.

Wheely, glad you are looking into treatment with someone a bit more sympathetic than the doc you saw last week! Not sure why men get so about doing their samples when you look at all the poking and prodding we have to go through!

Kensgirl, couldn't resist offering congrats to you, I always lurk on this thread just to see how you guys are doing.

herby that's horrendous! I was just sick reading that..how barbaric!

I never had anything so bad. We went the chemical route with my mc and I came in two days before with the pill, and passed some clots with pain killers at home and then checked in to hospital for scan and the pessiaries. I had a private room with toilet on the ward below the maternity ward, so no running into babies. The nurse who gave me the first pill told me exactly what to expect physically and emotionally and she even held my hand. They made sure I understood exactly what had happened, and that I had no questions before I swallowed the pill. Everyone waited for me to cry before talking. Nurses came and went removing my internal contents and they were all quick, discreet, and pleasant. There was a huge wall of cards from other women saying thank you for helping me through this awful time.
Because of this I am not afraid to go back.

Right thats it I am going to be sick. I am so so bloody angry. How dare they dismiss us all in such a manor.

LISSIE Phone your hospital switchboard and ask to be put through to the complaints department. When you eventually get through tell them about that shit bag of an excuse of a health care wanker professional. tell them you will go to the local press about the fuck ups with your maternity care, ALL of it not just this one!
Wait and see how fast you get refered out of the hospital because they will be desparate to get rid of you!!!!
I had to do that to get seen by ENT/Allergy specialist!! I am now going to the London Chest hospital in December. After 5 years of waiting. I live in West Sussex. Could they send me further away

Lissie just read your link. Print it off and go stick it up drs nose. That should give him something to think about