Fuck you TTC

[painintheholeSIL]

Today should be day one of my period. No sign. We've been ttc dc2 since summer 2018. I don't have any tests in the house. I'm trying not to symptom spot, I haven't told anyone in real life that we're trying.
Our son is almost 4. I'm desperate to give him a sibling. I adore him. He's amazing.

But I am aching to have another baby. People keep asking when we're going to and we just laugh off the questions. They hurt. Every one of them hurts. I suppose I'm just looking for people who understand.

Every single thread I look at in relation to this ends up full of BFPs and I'm just not in the space where I can read those and not feel devastated.

So Fuck you to TTC.
Fuck you to months off slightly delayed periods
Fuck you to every fucker that asks me every time they see me if I have any news
Fuck you to the whole fucking lot of it.

Anyone care to add theirs?

I'm so tired of it all now, I feel like giving up but still holding on it may stil happen. Everyone around me seems to be pageant or had kids and has no issues getting pregnant!! This is totally shit.

Same here @Minionmoose

I feel. The same as you all :(

Another month and another rant on this thread.

Ovia said my period would start on Saturday - it didn't. Took a test which was negative. Starting to get a little hopeful that maybe i tested too early and my period arrived yesterday - longest cycle in 12 months.

We're just back from a week at Center Parcs which was lovely and DD had a blast but it made me so sad to see the spare bed in her room that we'll likely never need. I think I'm starting to accept that after 21 months trying we're not going to have a second child and then I'm surrounded by so many babies and pregnant women and I feel an actual physical ache to be pregnant.

Fuck you TTC

(I finally registered just for this!)

Fuck you every media and literary portrayal of conception or pregnancy ever.

Fuck you being 40 soon.

Fuck you not being able to just get this done on my own, having to juggle dh's feelings and ed, with actually getting any chance of ever getting a bfp.

Fuck ttc whilst long term unemployed and seeking work in a pandemic so life feels even more fucking empty and overthinking every twinge is even easier.

Fuck you body that feels every fucking thing.

Fuck you period for arriving.

Fuck my age for making every month alternate between is this it or is this the start of perimenopause.

That helped.

@DinkBoo - I'm so glad you joined us- it's very cathartic to have a place to vent and let it out

@BabyMoonPie Thanks for the welcome!

I've been lurking here for aaaaaaaages, definitely in need of catharsis this month and fellow feeling. It sucks that we are here, but it's great to have company.

I’ve finally given up and had to post.

FUCK YOU TTC!!! Another month, another period arrives. This time I was convinced it might actually be the month after my shitty luteal phase extended but no - a BFN! Thanks for the 2 days of hope. The crushing disappointment was just lovely.

Fuck living from one fertile window to the next.

Fuck the doctors that really don’t give a shit about my unimportant secondary infertility. Only it’s everything to me.

Fuck the building pressure of age and an ever increasing gap.

Fuck every1 who says ‘just relax’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!

Fuck a low AMH and a consultant who loves to tell me how low my chances of naturally conceiving really are.

FUCK the arrival of my period. Along with it comes a first clomid cycle and the dread of the crushing disappointment that will almost certainly follow.

I wish this process didn’t make me so utterly miserable. And sound so full of self pity.

Fuck you to seeing this every single fucking month

Fuck my body for being a piece of shit and not doing what it fucking should

Had to join in.

Fuck everyone I know getting pregnant cycle 1

Fuck constant baby chat

Fuck my body not doing the one thing it ducking should

Fuck never a hint of a line. Ever.

Fuck pumping myself full of vitamins and doing everything fucking possible

Fuck TTC

I've posted here before, and wanted to share a podcast/ online book ive found helpful; rosanne Austin - from maybe to baby. Just in case anyone needs a boost of empowerment! Once you get past the American-ness, it's actually really helped me on my darkest points x

Can I join in?

Fuck my period for arriving today, fuck my 2ww ‘symptoms’ including even going off my beloved tea, feeing nauseous etc.

Fuck 6 months of ttc #1 and my great old age of 38+3months. Fuck the fact that because I am so old we need to go straight to tests and clinics because the clock is fucking ticking.

Fuck all the coy pregnancy announcements and ‘look at my bump’ posts and fuck all the people whinging about how hard having kids is - yes, but at least you had some to moan about - (yes ofc legitimate things to grumble about in parenthood but this thread/my whinge is not the place for them).

Fuck poas and getting a stark white ‘no’ every time. Fuck all the supplements I am taking and the things I cannot have because I am ttc/‘might be pregnant’.

There, I fee better, thank you

Fuck you Ashermans.

Fuck you to all the GPs who told me to 'just keep waiting' maybe you are stressed'

Fuck you to the friend who when I actually told her the whole story, advised me to 'just relax' MY INSIDES WERE GLUED TOGETHER. No amount of relaxing was going to fix that.

Fuck you to the same friend who immediately made it a competition by telling me how many miscarriages she has had and then tried to minimise the impact on me by saying 'but I thought you didn't really want children anyway'

Fuck you to the fact that it was my wedding anniversary on Monday and all I could think was 'well that's two years of trying and failing'

I really think I need counselling now. I have shut so many people out of my life and I don't want to be around anyone.

Oh can I join in?TTC number 1- for 18 months.

Fuck having moved to a 3 bed house in a good school area and currently having no use for the size (and bigger mortgage!)

Fuck having not applied for jobs because ‘it would be mean to start and go straight on maternity leave.’

Fuck me for finding it so hard to be happy for other people getting pregnant so easily, I’m turning into a horrible person.

Fuck my lack of willpower when trying to loose a bit of weight to see if that helps and then every month giving up because ‘what’s the point.’

I feel like I’ve wasted the last 2 years, like I’ve got nothing to show for it and I am beyond furious. I can’t settle to do anything or make plans because I think ‘oh well if you get pregnant next month you’ll be this pregnant then.’

I am angry all the time, my poor beautiful husband. Gah. Anyway I feel better now 😂

Just reading through this thread and it made me feel better. A friend at work is going on mat leave and she told me really she'd planned to have her second in August, but her bad luck she's due this month instead! But oh well, she said, you can't plan these things and sometimes it takes a tad longer. 2 months longer than she wanted!!! A whole 2 months!!! I could be having a baby soon by now and I'm not even pregnant yet

TTC defo sucks! I defo feel you @ALuckyEllie on your points. No applying for new jobs and then having to live your life in case you might be pregnant.

Love the thread!

This thread is great. Too many fuck you's to list but:

FUCK YOU to TTC for 5 fucking years and still having hope that this will be the month I get a surprise BFP (can we all just take a moment to laugh at how ridiculous that is!)

I just came back for a look and to say fuck another month of negative opk's.
Fuck everyone who asks me when I'm going to have another.

But I'm so glad I started this thread. It's so cathartic to vent to women who understand and don't offer pointless platitudes.

My SIL is due her 3rd next week and I'm struggling with that. And secretly delighted that we can't visit because of covid.

Also praying that we don't go into full lockdown before my appointment with fertility specialist next month🙈

Followed this thread but not posted before it does appear to have ended but just wandered if anyone on this thread had any success stories I'm still struggling and would like to know if it's still possible!

Also just had a read through of the thread and hope too there has been some success stories for you all 🤞🏻
I’m having a very bluegh week with the whole TTC malarky, can feel my period is on its way and will be entering cycle 7!! X

@PinkRoses1984 @Kate3150 this came into my notifications. I posted here early 2020. I had a 2nd mc in Nov 2020. I got pregnant again in January 2021. I had my baby boy in Oct 2021 when I was 39, after 2 and a half years of TTC.

I know how hard it is. Sending love!

@ChelleF123 congratulations ☺️.

@Kate3150 and @PinkRoses1984 sorry to hear you're struggling. Infertility sucks. @Kate3150 is it cycle 7 of IVF or trying naturally?

I had a baby in 2022 through IVF. Currently in the 2 week wait for my first frozen transfer from the same batch 🤞

@ChelleF123 so sweet of you to reply and congratulations.
That really is lovely news to hear 💛
@CycleGirl20 we have been trying naturally. I’m early 30’s so will just keep going I guess and if we get to the year mark will go to see the Doctor.
Really hope it’s positive for you 💜

@Kate3150 good luck. It took quite a few of my friends until around the 1 year mark, so fingers crossed it happens for you in the next few months

We had a bit of a bumpy road but it did eventually lead to success!
Our daughter was born in June this year after 4 ivf embryo transfers and losing our son (2nd embryo transfer) at 17 weeks and an early miscarriage from our 3rd transfer. Never believed it would happen but we finally have our rainbow.

I said to myself I wouldn’t get stressed about it all, but I felt it was easier to feel like that in the early months but I now I’m very aware of each cycle and the time it is taking.
Fingers crossed for next month and those of you also still trying xx