TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 34 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This a safe place to give and receive support for everyone who has experienced the loss(es) of a pregnancy or baby. Pregnancy and child loss is one of the most difficult things we can experience and it can also be the most lonely time too. I hope you find this thread to be of some comfort.

I have found so much comfort from the lovely ladies on this thread and I’m hoping for lots of BFPs in 2020!

🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧🐧

[Ejb86]

Hi everyone. I'd like to join this thread, didn't post very much on the last one.

I lost twin daughters at 16 weeks back in September. It was a MMC. I had my 4th AF arrive last Friday which was traumatic. This week I would have been giving birth to my babies by section at 34 weeks. I've coped surprisingly well but had hoped I might be pregnant again by now.

I also have a 2yo lb who is keeping me on my toes with the terrible 2s atm.

We're about to enter my next fertile window so will be dtd plenty during that time. I'm desperate to fill that huge gap that exists where my babies should be. I dont want to replace my girls, but I NEED to have a baby.

Keeping my fingers crossed for all of you.

E x

[Avocuddles]

@Mumlili8 Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows.... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/3801729-pregnant-after-loss-and-dreaming-of-rainbows

[JuniperAndRose]

Hi ladies, thank you for the tag @BunnytheBlueWhale

Checking in;
I lost my DD1 in January last year, she was stillborn at 30 weeks and no cause has been found. In September last year I got my BFP but at the 12 week scan we received the terrible news that the baby was very sick. We opted for further tests and received a diagnosis of a chromosomal disorder. Because of the nature of the chromosomal disorder we know that she was also a girl and we named her Gabrielle. DH and I took the heartbreaking decision to end the pregnancy and on 2nd December I had a TFMR.

We are tentatively starting to TTC again but both of us are feeling very raw and devastated. I’m using natural cycles app to track ovulation but I stop temping when I have a confirmed ovulation as I find the temping to be very stressful.

At the moment I think I am 8dpo. On 3dpo I had a bleed of fresh red blood, lighter than a period but heavy enough to need a sanitary towel. Part of my brain is obviously hoping that this might be implantation bleeding even though 3dpo would be way too early. As ever, the rational part of my brain doesn’t really stand a chance against the irrational part of my brain!

I’m also struggling a lot because next week is my DD1’s first birthday. DH and I have both booked the day off work but are not sure how we will mark her birthday.

I’m sending you all my good thoughts for a gentle start to the year and lots of bfps to come x

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

@Avocuddles No problem. I’m sending positive vibes!

@Shefliesonherownwings No worries. I think there will be months when we put more in than others and it’s easy to worry about that but it only takes one time!! I have a friend who lost her DS in the same week I e lost DD. Well, a friend I made through Sands. She got pregnant her first month of trying and has a lovely DS2 now x

@Mumlili8 How many DPO are you? I would have thought it doesn’t matter how faint the lines are as everyone produces hormones at different rates but line progression is a really good sign xx

[tortiecat]

Hi @Timeforanamechangeagain1, sorry I didn't reply to you yesterday - was thinking of you. You are very brave being at work, I know needs must sometimes... is your employer supportive? I know it is easy for me to say but you have been able to fall pregnant twice, even though it took a little while the first time it was still within the 'normal' range of time...I am keeping everything crossed for you. It is hard to cope with post-procedure bleeding (which, in my experience does last longer than the medical professionals tell you it will!) but I do hope that your periods return again asap.

Keeping everything crossed for you@Avocuddles @Mumlili8 @Treaclepie19 @Sunflower1608 xx

[Timeforanamechangeagain1]

Thank you @Tortiecat. I'm doing ok. My manager is generally supportive but asks stupid questions ("can they see a heartbeat at eight weeks?" "Are you sure the placenta wasn't left over from the previous time?" - that sort of thing. She has now said she will be referring me to occupational health (I work for a large public sector employer) because the miscarriages were off the back of some very stressful (unrelated) events that happened last year. As for taking time off, how long do you take? I just feel like I can't sit at home and cry anymore.

To those of you with bfps I truly truly hope it works out for you and to the rest of us I hope all our times comes soon

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

So... maybe I’m irrational but... mouthy secretary (who asked DD’s cause of death in the lift before I had even made it to our floor of the office on my first day back after 6 months mat leave) was just chatting loudly to pregnant lady who sits not far from me who it names and nappies. I gather they are having a girl, which of course she is... It was really winding me up and I waited for a bit and then after about 10-15 mins (starting at about 5 to 5 so they had both clearly given up for the day) I called solicitor and literally said “hi, can you just wrap it up a bit or take it somewhere else?” She kind of laughed and said ok, possibly acknowledging secretary talks a lot. But also this comes again a background (long story) of the partner in her team asking us to be quiet when talking about work to which I suggested he get a grip basically (not in those words)... anyway I’m not sure how best to handle it. Most of the time I just try to block it out and I don’t expect everyone to pussyfoot around me but then chatting loudly for 15 mins is annoying anyway... AIBU?

[Mumlili8]

Hi ladies thank you for all your well wishes. But I caved and count wait until Sunday to test again but the test was practically neg, so I waited 4 hour and repeated the test and negative so I believe its mc number 9. AF due tomorrow. Its going to be a tough weekend. Xx

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

@Mumlili8 Did you use FMU? Could it be a dodgy test? I hope it’s not what you think but if it is then know we are here and be kind to yourself xx

[JuniperAndRose]

@Mumlili8 I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m hoping that it isn’t what you expect but please do post here for support as and when you are ready x

[tortiecat]

@Timeforanamechangeagain1 What daft questions! I would say 'at least she is being supportive' but I won't, in times like this all you hear is 'at least' or 'but' and you just want someone to be supportive and not say silly things. I hope occupational health are helpful (I don't know what they do?) and that there are less stressful - and more joyful - times ahead for you this year. I hope that you have some time to yourself this weekend.

@BunnytheBlueWhale YANBU! They sound worse than thoughtless - it's bad enough being that self-absorbed that you loudly have an extended baby conversation around a lady who has lost a DD full-term, but I am angry on your behalf that when called out on it they didn't apologise?! I'm so sorry. Is there a supportive colleague / boss who might be able to listen to you and have a quiet word, or failing that do you have a decent HR team?

@Mumlili8 - echoing what @JuniperAndRose said xx

@JuniperAndRose your first post on here made me well up - I am so very sorry, what an absolutely hideous year 2019 was for you. I will be thinking of you next week on DD1's birthday (Gabrielle is a beautiful name for DD2, by the way). Sending you all my best x

I'm struggling to keep up with this thread as well as the 'Fit and Healthy Penguins' thread so will read this one but post on the other one in future :)

[MissSparkles81]

Thanks for tagging me in the thread. I have been a bit more active on the healthy penguins thread as finding the whole ttc situation so tough since our mc in November. Like @tmc14 we are also struggling with performance issues and its getting to me. I am entering my fw from today so will be trying but I am not feeling confident at all.

[Shefliesonherownwings]

@Mumlili8 I'm sorry. I really hope it isn't a CP but we are all here for you if it is.

@BunnytheBlueWhale you are definitely not being unreasonable. It's insensitive and also disruptive to behave like that. I'd have felt the same. In glad you told them to take it elsewhere. I can't believe that secretary just out right asked you your DDs cause of death too, talk about a lack of tact and understanding. Could you have a word with the secretary about being a bit more aware?

I've no idea about my ovulation this week. Been using OPKs and saw they were getting stronger but this morning they aren't as strong so I'm wondering if I missed the peak on CD 14 or 15 if it happened in the agternoon or evening. We managed to DTD on CD14 and may do again this weekend so we'll see I guess.

Wishing everyone a good weekend.

[Morganmom]

@BunnytheBlueWhale YANBU I have to endure constant conversations as 4 maybe more women at work are pregnant and expecting. They’ve all had perfect pregnancies. It’s so hard and yes people want to call and ask if I’m okay or ask me at work. And I wish they would not. I know it’s selfish because it’s prob well meaning gesture but I wish no body would bring it up and let me be! No have to endure the conversation and I hate it.

[Morganmom]

Trying not to symptom spotting...but this morning I was convinced my period is coming as I had cramps all over the place but they r a little bit lighter than usual so now I’m thinking maybe implantation cramp? Dunno 8 DPO so it could be one or the other ! I kinda wish if it’s AF to just come cuz my DH wants to take me to brunch tomorrow ! Would luv to drink lots of champagne !!

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

Thanks @tortiecat @Shefliesonherownwings @Morganmom I don’t expect everyone to walk on eggshells and I also don’t really want to draw attention to myself but I sit somewhere that I can either hear them from her desk or in the area near the kitchen as I sit between the two! Pregnant lady was always quite quiet but is clearly not bothered about work now, distracted and excited, which I get, and it makes no difference to me if she does NO WORK but I don’t want to listen to it!

I am friendly with our office head so could speak to her and ask her advice but really I’m not sure I want her to say anything anyway because I feel silly. But it’s probably not silly? But then I worry she’ll turn up with the newborn without warning! I’ve already run into people with newborns twice since I e been back. I nearly sent office head an email saying we need to talk but then remembered “never send an email when you’re angry”!

Maybe need to follow @MrMGE advice about earphones!

I find two threads difficult sometimes too @tortiecat I think they did need to be separate though as not everyone on here wants to talk about fitness or my new DE obsession 😂 but equally sometimes I don’t mind going on there whilst avoiding the TTC / pregnancy chat when I’m getting stressed about it...

@Shefliesonherownwings If your OPKs we’re getting darker and then went to negative then you probably missed your peak if you are testing once a day but that should be enough to give you and indication. I must say I have enjoyed not tracking recently

@Morganmom It’s hard not to symptom spot. Fingers crossed for you 🤞 Could he implantation at 8 days.

@MissSparkles81 I hope you manage to dtd during FW, even once gives you a chance. I think the health and fitness chat is a good distraction

Hope you are ok @Mumlili8

[FloDaffodil]

Hi everyone,

@BunnytheBlueWhale and @Morganmom I really sympathise with you re other people’s pregnancies at work. My colleague is due a few weeks before I would have been and I find it hard to even look at her!

My husband and I have been trying for just over 3 years. First miscarriage in Dec 2017 at 9 weeks after trying for nearly a year. No joy with natural conception in 2018 so started IVF in 2019. Missed miscarriage in May 2019 with medical management at 11 weeks. Early miscarriage at 5 weeks in Sept 2019. Got tested for everything including NK cells and tried the full works (fragmin, aspirin, progesterone, intralipids, steroids, vitamin D etc.) for baby no. 4. Saw heartbeat but missed miscarriage (8wks 3days) so had an MVA three weeks ago. Now waiting for results of genetic testing.

Finding it difficult to know what to do next having exhausted all the possible tests and treatments to prevent miscarriage.

[Morganmom]

@FloDaffodil I’m so sorry you have been through so much. I can’t offer anything except to say use this platform. It feels so much better to just talk about it! Women here are so kind and generous just as listeners!!

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

It is so difficult @FloDaffodil

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a touch time conceiving and for your losses. A MC is awful when the pregnancy was wanted but it must be so heartbreaking for that to happen after trying for some time.

I found this thread after I lost my DD at full term in February 2019 and started TTC again. I then had a an early MC in August.

This is a really lovely group. None of us knows what the future holds but I am hopeful for all of us for 2020 xx

[SunshineCrocodile]

Hi all

Just dropping in to say hi, thanks for the thread @BunnytheBlueWhale. I’ve not posted for a couple of weeks - thought I was coping pretty well with the losses over the past year but have been thrown by having a heavy bleed mid-cycle this month (or a 2 week cycle??) and either way, the mcs coupled with my body not playing ball to even let us TTC has sent me into a bit of a downwards spiral. So I’m lurking but not really posting at the moment.

Wanted to say a tentative congrats to @Avocuddles and others who got their bfps at the back end of the last thread and I’m hopeful for all of you that this is your time.

Welcome to the newer names and sorry that you’re here. It’s a lovely thread though.

[Mumlili9]

Name change again.

Thanks ladies for asking after me, I'm not in a good place right now. I'm trying to decide if we should carry on trying or call it a day. DH says whatever I want but I'm still in the angry stage and hopeless (feeling rather useless and inadequate). So I will linger here for the time being but I probably won't post anything useful for a bit.

Baby dust to you all x

[MrsMGE]

@Mumlili9 Very sorry to hear this.

Completely understand you're taking a break, sorry for calling you out by tagging you. I don't know if you already are under their care/thought about this, but under the circumstances Tommy's specialist RMCs might be able to help. I cannot see how you wouldn't get a referral asap. Perhaps worth giving it a thought whenever you feel ready. Sending you a huge hug xxx

Also thank you Bunny for inviting me to the new thread ❤️ I'll be back on the TTC bandwagon from next month, however without making my life revolve around TTC as this approach is doing me good both physically and mentally. I'll be popping in here occasionally. Lots of love and good luck to you all xxx

[Ejb86]

Ladies tracking ovulation....what systems are you using? I currently have Ovia and Premom. This is my first cycle using OPKs. Premom has suggested I would ovulate today but the OPKs are suggesting otherwise, if anything the line is fainter today than it has been for the past 5 days.

In contrast, Ovia suggests that today is just the start of my fertile window. My cycles are not regular since losing my girls in September, the longest I've had is a 28, but average around 26.

TTC is so confusing!

[Timeforanamechangeagain1]

@Mumlili9 is accessing any counselling an option for you? Whatever you decide to do it sounds like some support in accepting that decision would be useful (I know if we do get to the point of calling it a day I will.need help to accept, probably more than I do right now to cope with the miscarriages, if that makes sense). Would also echo pp that if you have not gone to Tommy's or a RMC you should consider it, it may be that you have nothing to lose at this point? Apologies if you have though and I am so so sorry for what you are going through.

I meanwhile am still spotting red after the d&c. Am so fed up with this.

[BunnytheBlueWhale]

@SunshineCrocodile I’m sorry you’re struggling. It’s hard when our bodies seem to be playing tricks on us. Just do what feels right for you.

@Mumlili9 I’m so sorry. I think maybe don’t make any decisions now just take it cycle by cycle or even day by day. You could take a cycle off and then see how you feel next month.

@MrsMGE You also must just do what’s right for you. I think there will be times when I stay away from this thread too as sometimes I just want to focus on other things.

@Ejb86 I use Ovia but that is only a guide and not based on OPKs. I would expect OPKs to be more accurate. I found Clearblue digital quite easy to use (comes with an app) but a bit expensive of course and I’m not actually tracking with OPKs right now, just going by Ovia and when I usually ovulate.

Hope you’re ok @Timeforanamechangeagain1