Hey all, thought I'd pop by with my story as promised. Thank you all for the info on DHEA. Am seriously considering if this cycle I am out, which is a strong possibility.
First of all though: flotillas - just wow. Ezra is gorgeous and your story about ai strikes a chord for me, more on that in a mo.
Hula, the comment kkmuppet made, feelings of desperation combined with resentment. Oh boy, know exactly what you mean.
And kkmuppet, shouldn't they take responsibility and want this just as much as we do and shouldn't it be the only thing they have on their mind night and day like us? But it's not. End of. Frustrating is not the word!
To everyone else you have all struck a chord with me xx
So me, married at 26 to a wonderful 33 year old man. Lived life to the full, so much so, that combined with the debt an ex left me with, we ended up on the verge of bancruptsy. At this point the issue of children hadn't really been raised. He was not that keen, but not a blanket no, and we left it at that. Fast forward to mid 30's and we were at brass tacks on our arses! So we worked really hard and had 3 jobs each and we enrolled on something called an iva. 6 years later we were finally out of debt, apart from one secured loan which couldn't be counted in the iva and our mortgage. Now I am two months from 40.
So after a couple of months we decide to go for it and nothing really happens, but at this time, I had not been inducted in the ways of opk's, bfp's and bfn's etc, I hadn't even truly worked out when to dtd! (See how fluent I am now!). I hadn't even subscribed to the monthly joy of the Ovia Fertility app!
Naive or what, and I class myself as one of those intelligent blondes!
So out come the Clearblue digital pee on a sticks, down goes all my monthly info onto the Ovia app and dtd becomes a little more scheduled
I got my first bfp in October 2014 and yet again I was so naive. I really thought I had cracked it and I was going to have an actual live baby. No other thoughts even entered my head.
So a little bleeding, no more that a touch of pre af spotting happened and a first v early scan was booked. Bleeding stopped but scan (7weeks) showed nothing. Come back next week they said it could be too early. Scan following week showed little teeny tiny heartbeat but it was there and I saw it!
Larger full on bleed saw me in A&E at 9 weeks but with the weekend I couldn't get another scan for 5 days. Scanned. Nothing there
MMC on Xmas eve. I have never been through something so incredibly painful, both physically and emotionally and it took a long time to get over it, if you ever can.
Efforts then doubled and second bfp the following May - ended up with exactly the same, loss of symptoms, and the af spotting like bleeding starting on exactly (how cruel can fate be) the same day as previously. This time no fasle hope heartbeat just straight to second MMC. This time though choose the surgical option which was undoubtedly the best course of action for me.
Holiday booked for 10 days after hospital and the recuperation week was wonderful just what we both needed. And then we came back. And it was then that my wonderful strong DH fell apart.
He had always suffered with paruresis (shy bladder) but it basically intensified so much that we ended up in A&E as he hadn't been for nearly 36 hours. The docs were brilliant and refused to catheterise him, (best thing they did), as psychologically this would have been the worst thing they could have done.
Then the depression kicked in for him and boy do I mean depression. We didn't dtd for 3 months. There was no inclination, desire or means to do so. However he did manage to get a sperm sample to the hospital in December, he had to do that as because he'd put off so many appointments over the previous 5 months they were going to kick him off! (They came back ok btw!)
So there we were ttc and not doing the one thing you absolutely need to do! So slowly the urge has come back, and now here's the final final final straw, the anti depressants he takes have a very common side effect (more than 1 in 10 people) of ejaculation failure!!!! So now he wants to dtd a little more often but he can't!!!
Last week I had a horrible wobble myself and was very down. I think that this cycle we managed only one go, and it was obviously too late. I didn't even get a positive smiley face on the opk's this month.
I am soon to be 44, and am actually desperate. How many more months can we keep going. I know that older mothers aren't so rare these days, but really and truely, how long can we keep (or not keep) going for.
Flotillas I even bought syringe from the chemist, for times when he hasn't been able to finish to see if he can do it himself, so ai isn't that big a deal for me either, but although he agreed and was with me at the chemist, he then turned round and said he didn't like the idea and that he'd prefer it to be natural well so would I funnily enough. True he's not one of life's (do it youselfers) sorry if tmi, in 18 years of marriage, I've only known him to do it 4 times and 3 of those were practice sessions for the hospital sample one!
So that's my long story, if you got to the end of this, pat yourself on the back, I certainly am going to look for any chocolate in the house, but sadly don't think there is any!
Any comment or suggestions would be so helpful and thank you all, it is certainly easier to vent to girls who know exactly what you're going through. Have a good weekend all and baby dust to everyone (see expert in the lingo now) lol xx