Fabulous forty + ttc and having success!

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Old thread just about finished. Here is a new one... Fx for lots of well earned BFPs for those ttc over forty. We also welcome stories from those who have successfully had their babies over forty and we love hearing back from our graduates.

OMG my post was so long I've made it to a new page, sorry!

Hi, I turned 40 on Wednesday and sadly had a miscarriage the day before. I should have been 8 weeks that day but they never saw anything other than a gestational sac. I'm going to try again though I really hope it happens xx

Oh mumof5maybe, how truely dreadful for you. I do so hope it works out for you. What a horrible time for you. Sending love and hugs xx

Thank you lilymog, I'm ok in myself I just feel exhausted to the point I'm falling asleep during the day xx

Lilymog - wow, what a story and how frustrating for you - how many more obstacles can life throw at you? You are obviously strong and won't give in - as you say, there are loads of stories of older mothers and I am sure there will be some on here too. Thanks for sharing it all. I wonder if OHs can ever really be as committed as we are....

Mumof5maybe - sounds like a really hard time for you. I hope things start to seem easier soon and hope you have lots of love and support around you.

Lilymog - gosh what a journey, so sorry for your losses, how heartbreaking. Your husbands problems must have been so difficult for both of you. The positives are his sperm count is fine and you got pregnant twice in 6 months. Hopefully its just a matter of catching the right egg.
They do say its bad to just time dtd for fertile time and i can imagine it puts alot of pressure on guys to perform but we all do it because its exhausting to dtd every other day all cycle (unless you re fattyfish !!) and when you re in your 40s you just don t feel you have time to just do it when u fancy ! But perhaps if it is adversly affecting your dh then maybe and a more general every few days approach is best. Can he talk to his doc and explain you re ttc to see if there a different antidepressant he can take ? I hope things get easier for you both.

Mumof5 - bigs hugs, no one should have to go through this.

What a saga, Lily! Well done for digging yourself out from under your debt. You've obviously got loads of determination. The MCs are so, so hard, but two pregnancies in six months Means that some things are going right. I really hope that you get your rainbow baby soon.

Mumto5, I'm sorry for your loss. What a rotten birthday present. Hugs.

kk I'm not really sure that my cycles are back to normal, sorry. I hope maybe this month. It took 10 or 11 months for AF to return. The I had months of short cycles, where I was ovulating on cd 18 or 19 in a 26 day cycle. Then I had a couple months of 31 or 32 day cycles, still with late ovulation. But this month I seem to have ovulated cd 14 or 15, so we'll see! DS just turned 18 months.

hula so sorry for the frustration. I hope your talk about it makes you feel better. It seems around here that DH doesn't really want to know where I am in my cycle, as it takes the fun out of things. But why should I have to be in charge? On the other hand, he would love to dtd every day, so in fairness to him, we wouldn't need to know much about my cycle then anyway.

Lily - sounds like things have been rough. Fx your DH is on the mend and soon you will get another BFP - one that sticks!

So sorry mumof. That's so hard. Are you still in pain or has most of the physical side passed? I hope you are feeling ok.

Lilymog, welcome. My goodness, you've been through the wringer haven't you! I'm very sorry for the losses you suffered, they must have been devastating. I hope that you and your dh manage to work through his issues together, you must love each other very much. I've just turned 44 and am ttc number 2. I'm not going to give up just yet and hopefully you won't either .

Mumof5maybe I'm so sorry you're going through this. Many of us have too and are here if you need support. Please look after yourself and take things easy .

(((hugs))) for your loss mumof

and wow lily what an epic post of obstacles. Its a wonder you arent rocking in a corner hunny....testament to how strong you are

Hula - FX your DTD timing wasn't so bad after all. I'd grown so fed up of DP being AWOL at critical times that I'd literally resorted to emailing him a list of dates/times at the start of each cycle. When we still ended up, on occasion, with his, “oh surely tomorrow morning will do attitude”, there were some quite shameless tantrums and tears from me I can tell you! But then it turns out that he's wrapped up all his little soldiers in antibodies to keep them away from me, so all efforts have been a total waste of time in any case, sigh ...

Ababs - I don't know why I thought you were much younger than 44. (Perhaps because it all seems to be in working order for you, it's just taking a little patience.) Although I'm probably at risk of turning into a stereotype who complains how young policeman are these days - when last in London on the tube I did actually wonder why the British Transport Police have taken to employing school children (and how useful will they be in thwarting terrorists, when they’re clearly just dressed up to skive off double maths?)

Welcome to Lilymog and Mumof5 - so very sorry to hear of your sad losses.

Mumof5 - how old are your DCs? Wishing you all the very best for trying again.

Lilymog - sounds like you've fought and won some tough battles on the financial front, but all credit to you for working so hard - it shows you're a planner, with some real determination. It seems that you have a good solid relationship with your DH too. Yes TTC can be a total nightmare, but whilst you have the strength of will, hopefully there's a way. I think Hula said it's still a tremendous positive that you've got pregnant twice within 6 months and also suggested it might help if your DH could talk to his GP about trying a different brand of antidepressants. I think they're both excellent points and I totally agree.

On the issue of AI and the male pride obstacle however, I think it's probably time for some straight talking. Think you should tell DH that of course you'll continue to love and support him, but enough is enough and whilst you have the rest of your lives together to repair your sex life, for now the pot and syringe is just a means to an end. Never mind he'd prefer it to be 'natural', it's not like you have to discuss how you conceived with anyone else, or that your child will have to wear a badge. And really, compared to me and my DP it will be natural - we need an embryologist with a microscope and an ICSI syringe!

Well DP has taken my chickenpoxy child into the park (oh the spots!), armed with strict instructions to steer clear of the playground, so I can have a nice cup of tea all by myself. (Well it's decaf tea, so not that nice, but the peace and quiet is lovely!).

Hope everyone's having a lovely day with their DCs, DMs or both.

Lets hope we all have a/another DC by next Mothers' Day!

Ha Chewy, I wish! I didn't start ttc ds until I was 40 (just). I think my body is just messing with me. It conceived easily last year just to give me hope and now it's shut up shop. Time will tell I suppose but I've never been a patient person. I keep thinking I should be 7 bloody months pregnant now - grrrr. I would love to be pg by my due date but that's looking less likely now.

I'm glad you got some respite today, looking after a sick child is no fun is it? I'm dreading the pox!

Not much relaxation for me today. I cooked lunch for dm and dsd and have just been hoovering and mopping while dh takes ds for a walk. The glamour of it all

Hey ladies hope you all had good weekends.

I m 3 days post very unlikely conception and sooo bored already ......oh and going down with ds' cold as well now, suppose at least we got dtd out the way before that !

Chewy hope your DD is one the mend and an you re starting to see the back of the spots. A friend of mine's 3yo got scarlet fever (aparently it s going around - they get a sore throat, fever then rash), he was fine as got antibiotics quickly but adds another joyful childhood illness to watch out for.

im still here ladies, just having a busily manic fortnight with this and that....once again starting ANOTHER TWW! I swear its only been a week since the last one, they come round so quick!

no need to salute me, comes of having a hubby with a hugely higher sex drive than mine, its been like this for 30 years!!! although mine has caught up somewhat in the last 10 years.

I joke that hes used up his lifetimes quota of spermies already and thats why im not getting preggy!! good job he knows me and loves me #topbanter

ababs I know how you feel - I keep thinking I should only have a few weeks to go! I should be planning maternity leave soon. I've been getting upset again recently because I really hoped I'd be pregnant by the due date too.

Chewy I had two with chicken pox at the same time. I remember taking them to the park when they were off school/ nursery. It was after they had 'scabbed over', so were not contagious. The park was almost empty and the playground was completely empty as it was during school hours. But still I felt like I should have had them dressed in hazmat suits or something. We got some strange looks. But they had been cooped up for days and needed to get out. Except for the spots, they weren't really ill at all. It was quite boring for them... And a pain for me!

Sorry you're not feeling hopeful this month Hula. Good luck anyway!

Fatty good luck too this month. You certainly win the award for trying hardest

Twinkly it sucks doesn't it! I keep trying to tell myself it wasn't meant to be. Hopefully we'll both get lucky (luckier) again soon.

In other news I've stopped taking the DHEA. I wasn't particularly keen before I started, I know, but I had this nagging feeling it wasn't agreeing with me. I was getting slight headaches regularly, feeling much more irritable etc. Nothing really big (or clinically significant) I suppose but although I want a baby I'm not prepared to (potentially) sacrifice my health for it. If I start getting desperate then I can reconsider. Anyway, I'm on cd6 today and I'd say this month my period was pretty much like it was pre pg & miscarriage so that's a relief. Need to dtd cd8 and then eod. I've got my 'old school' sticks to pee on and scrutinise the lines so that will be fun .

I hope everyone else is ok - waves

Hello ladies ☺ Well I am 10 dpo today and just got a bfn on first response 😦 I got af on 12 dpo last month so isn't looking good x

Oh no Beegee, I'm sorry

Beegee - really sorry about your BFN, but then the earliest I've tested a positive myself was 11 dpo - and that was my DD.

Ababs and Twinkly for your angel babies - due dates are particularly hard. And I'm not sure when/if you stop marking time for your potential babies that never made it through. I still think about my MMC and that I ought to have a DS coming up to a year old this month .

Ababs - I seem to remember DHEA giving me headaches in the beginning but they settled reasonably quickly. I'd have had no hesitation in stopping it if they hadn't though. I did ask the IVF consultant about DHEA and she 'pushed it' rather less than I'd expected her to. She said she advises patients to take it in a sort of 'can't do any harm, might do some good' type way, but if they don't tolerate it/perceive any undesirable side effects, then they should stop. Makes sense doesn't it? Anyway, good news your cycles are back to normal, that's got to be positive hasn't it?

Yes, thank you for all the chickenpox commiserations people! She's finally going back to nursery tomorrow, not before time! Spending a whole week with her between home and the park, with no nursery/toddler activities has done my fruit! Hers too I think. I left her in the downstairs cloakroom earlier with a sink of shallow water to finish washing her hands while I grabbed a clean towel from the kitchen (to replace the one she'd stomped on the floor in a puddle of said water). Came back in about a minute to find she'd taken the toilet roll off it's holder, rammed it onto the tap (swan neck mixer type) then wrapped the sink in reams of toilet paper: "look Mummy, it's all cosy." Anyway ...

For anyone interested in immune or lining-related issues, I noticed this article that a lady had kindly posted on the first baby 40+ TTC thread. (BTW, I do wish they'd join us here, but of course, I think I get why some might prefer not to ...)

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-35747199 - re how sufficient uterine stem cells are required in order to help the womb lining renew itself pre-pregnancy and assist in implantation.

No idea what drug treatments are proposed (it doesn't say) but the idea that an endometrial scratch might increase uterine stem cell populations seems interesting. Obviously that procedure is already offered in lots of clinic locations - and at reasonably modest cost - as a tool to try to help embryo's implant in the following cycle. So it seems like they've now explained the mechanism of how/why a scratch works?

Beegee - sorry about the bfn but don't give up hope yet. Isn't that really early to test? Fx for you.

Ababs - I can't say anything but DHEA as I've never taken it but good for you if you feel you've given it a chance. Good luck with the crucial time! I am also about to start poas to check ovulation. Just bought a billion small cheap ones off the internet! No idea if they are better or worse than the ones from Boots. Any ideas anyone?

Chewy and Hula - hope you and yours are recovering well from illnesses.

I am going to 'do a Fatty' this month - or try! FX for you! How many dpo are you? (Sorry if you've said).

Here I am trying to eat lots of kale, Brazil nuts (a man in a health food shop said eat three a day! I will literally do anything people say!), and willing ovulation to be cd16 not cd23. Does anyone have ideas how to regulate this? I usually O late and it's very varied...

Interesting to read the info about immune problems and though I don't know much about it, it's great that there's such a wealth of experience here. Sorry I can't add to it.

Good luck to all of us.

Chewy glad things are back to normal for you with your DD. It does get a bit stir crazy when you can't get out and about with a toddler doesn't it. at the toilet roll incident. Ds loves playing with bubbly water in the sink but he has yet to do that. I'm sorry too that you still think of your mc and what might have been. The club that no one wants to join eh?

Rugby I've never used I/c's before so no idea on quality I'm afraid. What cd are you and how long is your usual cycle length? It must be frustrating to ovulate late and/or inconsistently. I'll be interested to see which day I ovulate since this is the first cycle post mc that I am certain of cd1. Good luck to you for this month. Btw Brazils = selenium = good for implantation apparently so munch away!

Thanks all for the commiserations on the DHEA. I'm not sure I can say I've given it a serious try. I worry that I was looking for excuses to stop and I also worry that I'll live to regret it - what a wuss. Chewy interesting you got headaches too. They seem to have stopped for now but of course the cause could have been anything. Oh well. Wondering if I should up the coq10 to 300mg, I'm currently taking 200mg.

Ababs- thanks for the advice. Sorry about your MC and good that you are clearer this month on dates. My O varies though usually 20ish so I seem to get through a lot of opks. And we get pretty exhausted by the time O gets here! I'm cd14 right now so fx I'll match everything up nicely this month... Wow isn't sex exciting when I put it like that.

Hi All

twinkly and ababs sorry for the approaching due dates. I remember the desperate hope to be pregnant before. and to chewy and everyone else for your losses.

rugby I have been thinking of a Fatty Fishwife Challenge (with your permission to take your name in vain, Fatty) for this coming month, assuming that I'm not pregnant by this weekend. I'm sure I'm out- the back of the neck headache is a giveaway. The terms of the FFC are still coming together in my head, but probably daily sex for the whole month. Anyone care to join? Could we still manage it?!