Fabulous forty + ttc and having success!

[TwinklyMusic]

Old thread just about finished. Here is a new one... Fx for lots of well earned BFPs for those ttc over forty. We also welcome stories from those who have successfully had their babies over forty and we love hearing back from our graduates.

I guess I want to be a mum so much that I would try anything so def would use donor eggs if only way

From what I gather donor eggs are usually from Someone much younger then yourself so the quality and quantity is meant to be better iykwim

Def worth a chat /Consultation

Yes Blondes, that's a big upside.

Blondes, for me that's a huge upside. For one, it may prevent more miscarriages, but more than that, it's a consideration due to my son's death. He died of sepsis, which is the body's over-reaction to bacteria in the bloodstream. If he'd had a normal immune system, he might still be here. But, like me, he had overactive immunity. On the plus side he was rarely ill, and if he was he bounced back very quickly. On the downside, he had a milk allergy, and very bad reactions to vaccines, just like me. Ultimately it may have led to his sudden death. So I'm almost tempted to cut my DNA out of the mix entirely. DH & I have been deliberating over it just this morning.

Morning ladies! If I had the money for IVF I'd have no issues with considering a donor egg.

I couldn't think of a new username that hasn't already been taken so I'm staying as is for now.

I sometimes visit another site (I know shocking, right?) where all the people I've been ttc alongside are all now pregnant (and in their 40s) some on their second (albeit due to very sad miscarriages) - I certainly don't grudge them but I so wish I could join them.

I took this month off from actively trying and instead just haven't prevented. No supplements (except folic acid) and my cm has been more normal than it has for two + years. I'm wondering if the supplements are actually not doing much good.

Amanda please go for a chat. Abroad is much cheaper for donor eggs :/ about half price and means you would only need to fly twice

The people I spoke to about it as DF and I were considering it once out frozen ones were used

Once for consultation and once for transfer

We are lucky that our 5th attempt of own eggs worked but would have considered donor eggs

My friend has used them as well and gave me a lot of info which has gone j to my brain

Anyone else scared to take a pregnancy test when the time comes?! Day 28 of cycle but can't deal with facing the disappointment of not being pregnant. 41, ttc #1 for 7 months. Cycle all over the place although has been 26-28 days for last 4 months. I'd rather just deal with getting my period than do the test and get yet another bfn ... Although at times my cycle runs to 40 days so that's a lot of stressful waiting...

Welcome Mowly75, I'm sorry you're finding it stressful. Ttc your first is so hard, I really feel for you. I was ttc for over a year before I conceived my ds aged 41 (following an unsuccessful IVF attempt) so don't give up hope yet.

Hey Mowly I'm 41 and cd28. Although trying for #4. #1 with new partner. Cycle 1. I really feel pg but got a bfn again this morning on ic. I've bought a frer for tomorrow!

I'm on cd14 today and got a +ve opk this morning so I'll probably ovulate today/tonight sometime. Dtd last night and will do tonight & tomorrow too. I've had a bit more ewcm this month though weirdly I seem to get it alternate days.

Lousylear fingers crossed for you. So cruel that symptoms in the 2ww can go either way. My boobs are already sore.

Bloop interesting about your cm and supplements. I wonder how much we're affecting our bodies natural efforts with supplements. Impossible to know isn't it? Are you in the tww?

Twinkly, how are things your end?

Hi all

Welcome, Mowly. I hope your stay here is short.

The 'symptoms' in the 2ww are indeed cruel. I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that there is zero chance this headache and nausea on cd21 (approx 9-10 dpo) are a sign of anything other than a sick headache! The relentlessly optimistic part of my brain keeps setting me up for a fall. Speaking of the sick headache, is anyone else finding that in your 40s you seem more sensitive to hormones? I'm getting bad headaches around ovulation sometimes and definitely before my period comes. I never used to. What fun aging is!

Hope you get a good one this month, ababs.

I would definitely do donor eggs if I had no children, and might anyway if we could afford it, even though we already have DS. If we did I would never tell the (hopefully) resulting baby that it was a donor egg conception. I don't think that I would feel differently about him or her, but I would hate to add any potential fuel to the teenager 'you don't understand me or love me' fire. Friends of our family adopted a child and then had a surprise conception a few years later. They seemed to treat and love them both the same, to the extent that outsiders can see that, but the adopted child had really difficult teenage years because she was always thinking she was treated differently and that this meant she was loved less. They've come through it now, and they seem to be back on a better relationship, but it was hard on everyone. Of course you must have those conversations with adoptions, but I feel like donor eggs are different and fall under private business. Maybe I'm wrong, though! What do you ladies think?

Pies I don't know. As I understand it, if you use donor eggs here in the uk, at 18 they will have the right to trace the donor. What I don't know is whether you have an obligation to tell them. I would find it hard I think, especially since the donor would be younger and therefore may seem more attractive as a parent? Who knows! I over think everything so am definitely sure I'm over thinking this. I just know that I look at my son and it gives me pride and pleasure that I can see myself in him - it makes him more mine. I wouldn't get that using donor eggs though I know that maternal love is based on a myriad of things. Sigh, it's a hard one.

Funny you should mention headaches, I had one most of the weekend which is rare for me. It's now lifted but I'll keep an eye on my cycle and see if it's related. Best of luck for a bfp for you soon.

Thanks, ababs. There is zero chance that we could afford ivf in the UK, so we'd be venturing out into the less regulated clinics abroad, anyway. I would find it SO hard if my child suddenly had a new 'parent' option to compare me to at age 18! But I guess we'll be getting stuff like 'why can't you be more like Sophie's mum', anyway. It's pretty hard not to overthink these things. It would be a long time before we could afford that ivf option, anyway. Lots of time to contemplate!

Well ladies my AF started yesterday. Gosh where are all these new symptoms coming from? My mind? Ha! I am becoming Psycho ! Anyway, I am a bit quiet toady but I am okay. The good news is that my cycle is regular .

I am all ready for the next one - but will add a lot more mediation as I know the stress of the process is not helping! So nice to have you though!

Good luck to all lovely ladies XXX

Welcome Mowly75 and good luck! Lousy, hopefully your bfn is just because ICs are rubbish and you get something on your Frer!

Pies, we have a strict honesty policy in this family, so I would tell my child when he/she was able to understand. I would see it as my job to raise them with enough love and stability to know that the origin of the egg that started them off is not where their identity lies. Individual choice, I suppose, although I don't know the legalities of it yet. For us though, it's possibly our only chance to be parents again, so we wouldn't hesitate, but we don't have any surviving children to worry about. In terms of seeing ourselves in our children, I loved seeing us in my son, but I was also amazed at his uniqueness. I'm sure that nurture played a huge part in making him who he was. I called him my Force of Nature, as he really could be a mystery to me at times! My dad was adopted, and although it did cause some issues in the horrible teenage years, it hasn't been an issue for him since. I think the 'you don't understand me - I hate you' thing is just standard, and it would happen even if they were bloody clones of you! I guess it's all about the bottom line, and for us, the bottom line is that we just HAVE to have another child, come what may.

Good luck folks - really hoping for some more BFPs! Cd 7 today - ready to start the CB digi OPKs tomorrow. I seem to ov sometime around cd13 these days.

Used my frer this lunchtime. Still bfn. Think I'll leave tomorrow and test Wednesday. Feel pg! Although AF due tomorrow. So who knows.

Good luck Lousylear!

Abroad donor eggs are confidential and no one would ever know apart from the clinic and yourself

They don't even inform your own doctor unless you agree

That's why my friend went abroad. Plus cheaper

Plus people say you can't afford ivf. I admit it was a struggle. We are far from rich tho both DF and I work

But we saved like crazy. Did double shifts /overtime etc Took out a loan and put on credit cards - which was horrible when paying off when failed

But I had to give it a go as otherwise would have always wondered and yearned

We tried the adoption route but as DF smokes (outside only) we were refused and told DF had to be smoke free for 2yrs - this means no electronic /vapours /patches etc - he was 48 and even if gave up ASAP he wouidnt have been under 50 and that was their cut off to adopt an under 5

They do lung and nicotine tests to check

I understand they want children to go into a healthy environment as possibly but seems harsh to say no vapours even outside

Sorry for waffle

Thanks, All. I've only just started thinking about the donor egg route, as for some ridiculous reason I think deep down I thought the natural conception route would work. Maybe because it already did once in my 40s. So my thinking isn't very clear yet.

I think though, Amanda, that you are totally right. I don't really care at all if the tiny little egg that produces my hoped for future child comes from me or not. It is such a small aspect of who he or she would eventually become, and far less important than how we would raise them. Although I do sometimes say of my DS that I hope he has his father's lovely calm temperament instead of my more volatile one, I don't really think that is down to biology! Or at least, not heritable biology. I guess my instinctive feeling that I wouldn't want to tell them (or anyone) about the eggs is down to wanting to spare them worrying about something that is so unimportant. But that is quite an old fashioned 'I know what you should worry about' way to approach parenting. And it's not very reflective of how we actually try to parent our DS! Lots to think about.

I didn't know that about adoption, Blondes. I knew about the age limits for younger children, but not the vaping. DH vapes, as do I when not ttc. Having worked with children in care, I find that really pathetic. The harm they come to not having a stable family home must far outweigh the harm of dad nipping out back for the odd vape. Bloody stupid.

Sorry about the bfn Lousy. Fingers crossed for Wednesday.

Pies, it's definitely worth thinking about. Funny the different things that bother us! I'm more bothered about how DH produces the 'deposit' necessary for IVF! I really don't like the idea that the sex act that makes our child will be between DH, a plastic pot, and some random porn star! I suppose I'll get over it - as long as he performs I guess I shouldn't care! The origin of the egg is neither here nor there for me! My little boy had a crazy temper and no patience at all, and he was LOUD!!! DH & I are so quiet and calm, we didn't know what had hit us! No idea where that came from! The house seems deafeningly quiet without him. So no, I don't think the biological starting block is what makes a person at all. It just sparks life, and the rest is a mystery.

Sorry everyone. I didn't mean to sound down about donor eggs, I'm really not. I guess I'm just thinking out loud, there's a lot to consider.

no need to applogize, we all have diff thoughts :)

you can help wank your man then take striaght to clinic , tucked in your jeans to keep body temp if 20/30 mins away, if you feel happier like that

Can I ask an related question re sore breasts. They're getting more painful in the LP and have been sore ever since I had my mc in Jan. Before that I hadn't had sore breasts since Dd was born 7y ago. It's definitely not a preg sign. Anyway I've been trying to find out what causes them and there's a theory that if they're sore at the sides it's due to progesterone by if they're sore on top or at front it's estrogen dominance. This seems a bit woo for me as I can't find decent evidence to support this. Does anyone here know if placement of pain is relevant?

I just find it really odd that a few mm could be difference between ovulation related and anovulatory aches. Fwiw they hurt all over. Sides, nips the lot :(

Oh and hello Mowly!

*unrelated duh

It's sucks amanda no pun intended lol

Boobs - been sore for weeks. DF said I complained before we knew ivf worked that boobs were sore

Few weeks ago I went to non under wire bras - my old /normal
Bras dug in and hurt

They feel tender and nipples highly sensitive