Fabulous forty + ttc and having success!

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Old thread just about finished. Here is a new one... Fx for lots of well earned BFPs for those ttc over forty. We also welcome stories from those who have successfully had their babies over forty and we love hearing back from our graduates.

Arghh just lost my post. Back later.

Thanks so much ladies for the warm welcomes.

I ve read through the previous thread and it does seem life s is a bit more complicated for those of us trying over 40 but i think we are often stronger and better able to catch those curveballs and keep going.

Kkmuppet - so sorry to hear of all you ve gone through and the loss of your precious daughter. I can t imagine how impossibly awful that must have been. I hope you have lots of support around you. I have been on an immune thread for some while where quite alot of women have had multiple losses (often after no problem with their first child). Have you had immune issues looked into ? Don t feel you have to go into it if you don t want to, just wanted to share any info that i might have that could help if you did.

Begee and wotsits - relationship pressures really complicate this ttc malarky. It s so difficult to be on exactly the same page and men definetly think differently about these things. Wotsits hope your oh comes round to your way of thinking.

My ds caught me unaware today when he asked why we didn t have a baby in our family (like his friend does), just breaks you heart when they come out with things like that. Anyone feeling the age pressure is not just ours but the ever widening age gap ? (he s already 4.5) Tho i guess any age gap is better than none but it s hard to keep the belief that it will happen one day .....

hula thanks x I think there are pros and cons with all age gaps and I think you can over think it. My ds #1 was 4.5 when ds#2 was born, which was fine and now they are 14 and 10 so how it will be with a new baby I am not sure x

Hi everyone. I love the reports of trends for women in their 40s in the past... Really heartening.

Thanks for the new thread. Not sure I ever said thanks for your story, Ababs. It is really interesting and also gives me hope. I have - luckily - had a better response from my GP so far.

By way of re-intro - I'm 40, ttc #1, been trying for 6months. Currently doing tests and most back normal. Next task - getting OH to do his...

Hi All

May I join? I'm inspired by the new thread to de-lurk and admit that we are (kind of) ttc.

I'm so sorry for the sadnesses at the end of the last thread. I've been reading for a little while. I'm on my phone so can't really name check everyone, but I hope everyone's journeys get easier. KK I'm so heartbroken for the loss of your beautiful daughter at nearly term. What an absolute nightmare.

By way of introduction, I am 43 and was on this thread back in 2013 when I was ttc #1. After a miscarriage, he was born in 2014, when I was 42. It was all pretty easy, really.

After the m/c I started taking dhea and coq10. I've no idea if they helped at all, but the next time I got pregnant it went much better! I'm still breastfeeding my 18 mo old, so no hormones right now. I don't want to wean him before he is ready to chase the next hypothetical baby.

We are ttc, in that we've been having unprotected sex since AF returned at 11 months postpartum, but I think I've only started ovulating pretty recently, and my cycle has been a bit all over the place. Last month I was cruelly 4 days late, and started to hope, but bfn.

Sorry for the essay! But people frequently ask about supplements and are sceptical about dhea, so I wanted to report my positive experience. If I weren't breastfeeding now, I'd be taking 25gx3 again, as I'm convinced it helped.

wotsits the heart wants what it wants, so I'm not questioning at all the urge to go it alone if your OH is not on board. But were you thinking you were ttc this whole year, and he wasn't? You must be less openly obsessed than I was the last time we were ttc!

Pies can I ask what dhea and Q10 are and do? I've just been taking standard ttc supplements till now but I am now thinking I should consider others.

kk really sorry about the loss of your DD. Life's very cruel sometimes.

fridge I can't remember all the details, but they are both supposed to help with egg quality. Dhea is a hormone. I think at the time, one or two people on the thread had been advised to start it while waiting for their first appt with a fertility clinic up north. I read up on it on the Center for Human Reproduction in New York's page. They think it might reduce miscarriage rates, too. As I could barely get off my sofa, since I was so broken by my miscarriage, I had a real what the hell attitude about it. You might want to be more cautious!

Coq10, I think, is something all bodies make, but maybe less as we age. It helps the mitochondria and with cell division, if I recall correctly. It's been a while, though.

Welcome rugby and pies ☺
Well I am cd17 today. We went out last night and I did an opk before I went to bed at 3 am and got my static smiley ☺, did a cheapy Internet one at 10 this morning and it agrees, with a strong positive. Dtd Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and now today so I am hoping we are covered. Don't see dp until Tuesday after today, so maybe try and muster late tonight?? 😑 x

Afternoon ladies,

Good work Beegee, sounds like you ve got your bases well covered.....

I m cd 7, usually ov day 12 and dh is away mon to fri next week (typical!) so he s on orders for tomorrow morning and the minute he steps off the plane fri ! (Which will be day 12). Don t think we ll have much chance of catching the egg but nothing else we can do. A small part of me is welcoming not having to dtd everyday for 4 days as after 2.5 years it gets a bit trying (i think i read on here of a lady, who when they got too knackered with it all, got her dh to produce in a pot and she took it from there! ....have to say that has its attractions but too chicken to suggest to dh ...!)

Hello pies. Interesting to hear of your positive dhea story. I tried it a couple of months ago (just 25mg) and ended up with an 18 day cycle so don t think it agreed with me but i am sensitive to hormones (i had no period for 2yrs when bfeeding ds).

I can really understand not wanting to wean your ds early as i was in the same situation. Sometimes just cutting back a bit can help your cycles (esp at night). My periods returned when i stopped night feeding him when he was 2 (was still feeding about 3x per day) but had a later ov and short luteal phase (so 28 day cycle by day 18/19 for ov). By dropping to just one feed in the eve my luteal phase got back to 12/13 days and i got preg 3 months later (miscarried but we think that s likely due to immune issues). So if you re already cycling maybe just try reducing night feeds to help your cycles. It is tricky with supplements etc when bfeeding as i was also worried not to take anything that may pass to him in the milk.

Good luck Rugby with getting your dh to do the test but definetly worth chasing him as you don t want to be wasting time if he has issues.

Thanks for starting the new thread Twinkly. Surely that earns you some TTC bonus points? After all, the lovely Grizzer started the last thread, and has since had her little boy at what, 42/43? I hope they’re both doing well.

Hmm, I don't much fancy posting my age any more. I’m sure I moaned about it enough on the last thread and did me no good! So I’ll say that after much faffing about – despite knowing for many, many years it was desperately what I wanted - I came pretty late to TTC. Somehow conceived DD first cycle at 43.3. She was born at 38+2 and is now 2.6. Fell pregnant on 45th birthday but MMC at 10 weeks having seen heartbeat on early scan. Was trying again naturally last year but Thyroid (diagnosed underactive some years ago) was unstable so had lots of months off.

Recently found out that DP and I are allergic to each other at a cellular level (DP has high level of anti-sperm antibodies) which would be hilarious if we weren’t TTC. As it is, we’d only be able to conceive with ICSI, so all our efforts via DTD were always guaranteed to be a complete waste of time.

Flotillas – I do so like your style, maybe your positivity helped produce your beautiful little boy – how is Ezra? I wish I were as optimistic as you, but many thanks for your kind encouragement!

Just catching up with the end of the previous thread – more of the highs and lows of TTC.

Sofiaspaghetti – I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough break hope you’re recovering OK from the D&C.

Greenlizard – Congratulations on your DS, he’s super-cute and does indeed look like he’s a very cheeky happy little boy. Many congratulations on your recent BFP ! If you used both blasts, presumably it could easily be twins then? It’s super exciting – with a son like your DS, it’s totally understandable that you’d be motivated to ‘rescue your potential children from the freezer’. So your scan is three weeks as of last Thursday 25th? It’s weird that after all the effort of treatment you now have nothing to do but wait – and look after yourself, nice and calm!

Wotsits – OMG, what a shock revelation from your DP! I hope you can maintain some kind of ongoing dialogue with him; I wonder if you keep talking (now and again) he'll come round? It seems likely he might, given that he’d previously said that he was sad he’d never had DCs. Perhaps you can just reassure him on the age thing – plenty of older dad examples, look at Simon Cowell FFS! But still, I’d be tempted to put a time limit on this negotiation, at least in your own mind. Apologies if I’m mistaken, but if it’s the case that you + TTC a child (or children) comes as a package (in just the same way as if you already had DCs) then he needs to know that it’s absolutely non-negotiable. And if he’s not come round in, say, a few months, I’d call it a day, because if you resent him not letting you try for a child it may well split you up anyway. Then why on earth not go it alone? Seriously, my contingency plan was donor sperm from a USA sperm bank (as you can be really quite specific about characteristics) shipped to somewhere like Denmark for IUI/IVF treatment, where they don’t insist on open donor like UK.

Joey – great to hear you are moving forward with TTC post IVF. How old is your DS?

Hula2 – Sympathies for your DS asking for a baby sibling – my heart seems to break on a daily basis as DD does this a LOT. And sorry hear about your immune issues, but it is very interesting, nonetheless. Mind me asking how you found out?

After my miscarriage I saw Dr S in Epsom and had a raft of blood tests. These showed raised Natural Killer Cells, so I was recommended steroids (Prednisolone 25mg) from ovulation, then discontinue if negative HPT at 10 days, otherwise take for 12 weeks then wean off. I was nervous about the Pred, so I went to Prof Brosens/Quenby at Coventry for endometrial biopsy. That said NKCs were normal, so I haven’t thought about it much since. Perhaps I should.

ABabs – Are you 10DPO? Good news please!!!

Fatty - hoping cycle 30/31 will be the charm (it's got 3's in it anyway)!

Welcome and bags of good luck to all the newbies. Any one else lurking - would be lovely to hear from you too.

Hi everyone. Thanks for the welcomes and encouraging stories. And glad there are so many of us to support each other. Sounds like so many of you have been going through a lot and it seems like a strong bunch of people on here. Thank you for sharing.

Ababs and KK - how is the tww going?

Beegee - good luck now you've done everything you can. And I agree, the relationship side of this is so hard. I honestly think the OHs have no idea how much this takes over our brains.

By the way, thought I'd share what my acupuncturist told me (I am not seeing him anymore as I can't afford it! But saw him for about 3 months)... He said diet is really important (as I am sure we all know!). But mostly he said I should give up sugar as it wasn't helping my thrush and also as it would affect my ovulation. weirdly, after giving up sugar really well and diligently after xmas (it was VERY hard as I have a sweet tooth) I ovulated on cd16 whereas it's been cd19 or cd20 since I've been charting. Don't know if it's related. So I am trying to do it this month too - but soooo difficult. bleugh i dunno anyway.

Someone above (sorry can't see as on phone) said their OH was away at crucial time. Completely sympathise with that too. Mine keeps being away at the wrong time but hoping I'll catch him this month! Cd5 at the moment though....

Good luck everyone.

And thank you Hula. I will chase OH. He keeps saying he's too busy to phone to get an appointment but I do the same job as him and I've found time for three trips to the blood tests dept and two GP appointments!! He said he'll call tomorrow.... Small steps

Chewy sadly I'm only 9dpo, I got ahead of myself the other day! I've had a bit more cramping this evening but I had some last month too and was not pg then so not expecting much this time. I haven't got any tests and hoping not to cave and get any unless AF is late. Have you made a plan for the ICSI yet?

Welcome fridgedoor, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you get lucky again soon.

Welcome too iatesomeofthepies. I fell pg last year while I was still bf my 19mo ds though my periods had been back to normal for some time. Good luck getting your bfp.

Hello to everyone else. It's great to see the thread so busy, even if it is a thread we all want to graduate!

Hi Chewy - sorry you re struggling with your dh s immune issues. I think there is still so much unknown in the immune world that often there are more questions than answers. I also went to Dr S after my mc as i seem to find it so damn hard to fall pregnant i didn t want to be missing a possible 'cause'. Also had loads of bloods which found raised nk cells and borderline cytokines. I also felt uncomfortable about the whole meds but in the end, out of desparation, gave them all a try, two rounds of humira for the cytokines (mine went up after the first and you don t test after the second) pred after ov and 6mns of superov. One month even chucked in an intralipid before ov and progesterone after, still bfn (except a poss chemical on month 5). I m done with meds while ttc but if i get preg and then i ll have a major dilemma (still nervous about the pred etc) but think i ll prob take them all (pred, intralipids, progesterone and aspirin...) as if i didn t and miscarried i d always blame not taking them... It s very difficult as so much is still not known. Strangely the quickest i ever concieved was while breastfeeding (took just 3 mns after periods finally returned at 24mns post partum) and i also seemed to be forever gets colds so maybe that was suppressing my immune system ?

Sorry to hear your DD also asks about a sibling alot. I just tried to be vaguely truthful and say we d all like one but it wasn t something we could make happen but maybe one day it would (sounds pretty useless i know but so hard to know what to say to a 4 year old).

Thanks for the welcomes!

Hula and Chewy that must be sad when your dcs ask for a sibling. DS is still largely preverbal, but I'm sure we'll get there, too. Fingers crossed that we'll all have one for them soon.

Thanks for the encouraging ttc while still breastfeeding stories, Hula and Ababs. I can't help but feel that I've really stacked the deck against myself. Also, DS feeds several times every night, so he is in fact sleeping in between me and DH right now. It might even be ovulation day (though I doubt it, as today is cd14 and it's been more like 18/19) and he's really cramping our style!

Rugby no sugar, in addition to everything else?! I haven't even given up my glass of wine at the weekends

Hula - that's really interesting. I was stupidly freaked out by the amount of meds - now that you mention it, I think there was an intralipid infusion mentioned too. I'm far less bothered by the thought of Prednisolone these days, partly because DP keeps getting prescribed ever stronger short courses of it for his as-yet-unknown allergies (long story).

Would you consider going to the implantation clinic at Coventry for a second opinion? Downside is it would mean a month off TTC as you have the biopsy after ovulation and you have to know you couldn't be pregnant. But it is nowhere near as expensive as their research part-subsidises the costs. I was very impressed by them I have to say. Please PM me if you want the details.

On the other hand, I was still left not being 100% sure I made the right decision. I had genetic testing for my miscarriage and (months later when the results appeared) it turned out that unfortunately there was a genetic reason. Impossible to know whether anything else might've been going on simultaneously though.

There's a lovely lady JassS who posted on the old thread. I hope she wouldn't mind me saying that she seems to fall pregnant almost ridiculously easily, but sadly has had chemicals and losses in double figures. She knows lots about immune issues and theories on whether endometrium is selective about implantation etc. I don't know whether she's following any immune protocol at the moment. JassS if you're reading, hope you're OK - and the snow has been good to you!

IAteSomeofthePies - my DD watched a TV documentary on pandas over Christmas and her requests for a baby panda got me off the hook for a while. We're back to wanting a baby brother now though, which probably shares about equal likelihood with the panda.

Hi everyone, this new thread has just popped up on the Active forum, and I thought I'd say hi. I used to be regular on here, and many names here are still familiar! Wishing you all a sticky BFP as soon as possible. Don't give up hope - it's bloody hard sometimes, but it can happen. I had DS at 39, and we started try again shortly after I had turned 40. It was anything but easy, I had 4 miscarriages in a row and was just about to give up. But I'm now looking down on my beautiful DD who was born at the end of December, 2 weeks before I turned 44!

Just wanted to share my story in the hope that it can give encouragement and reassurance. I often felt like I was barking up the wrong tree - but it is possible.
After my 4th mc, I had a long chat with an obstetric consultant, and he was very encouraging - one of the reasons we decided to keep trying. I also threw a lot of money at supplements! I will never know if it really helped, but I think that taking CoQ10 and DHEA helped me getting that 'good' egg...

Wishing you all the best of luck!

Wow - what a lot of new joiners on here. I'm pretty new too so let's all hope together for some good news coming this way soon.
I put my stats on the old thread, but just to keep current:
Me: 45. I have a ds (conceived naturally when I was 41) who will turn 4 next month. DH: 42
Been ttc #2 for nearly 3 years. 2 failed rounds of IVF. Just trying naturally now.
I'm very interested in the discussion about immunity. I am very concerned about the fact that in nearly 3 years of trying, I have not had anything that is remotely like a bfp. I've not had any chemicals (that I know of), no mcs or early losses. Now, I'm not for a minute saying that I want this, or wish it on anyone on here, but many of you do seem to have fallen pg but not been able to progress with it. I haven't even managed that step and I'm just wondering if there is anything else going on that I could check for? Like chewy I have also had the NK cells test with Quenby and Brosens. That didn't come back with anything untoward. I also had the whole range of tests before my IVF and also numerous scans, so presumably they would have picked up anything from that??
I just can't help feeling it strange that I've not had anything - I think the most exciting I've got to is af being 1 day late!! I'm not a pg tester as af is always so punctual, so I don't know if I've had any chemicals, but surely even those would delay your period by more than one day?? I can't think what else I could get tested??
Anyway, CD 10 here. Got a couple of dtds in over the weekend. Going to try and do eod this week and see what energy we still have by the weekend!!
Oh - Fridge if you want to read up on supplements, then I would recommend 'It Starts with the Egg'. It makes a very compelling case for various supplements and the reasons why. It's well worth a read. I got mine from Amazon.

Oh Joey it's maddening isn't it!

I'm still confused about the immune thing myself. I don't fully understand why I should've had a positive result for high NKC's from the (eye-wateringly expensive) blood tests that Dr S did, yet the endometrial biopsy from Profs Brosens & Quenby said NKC 's were fine. I did tell Prof Brosens about the blood results, but they're quite firm that it's the tests from the local environment, i.e. the endometrium, that are more relevant. I don't know who to believe. Would you consider having the blood tests?

As for other tests, were you ever checked for basic mechanical issues - i.e. blocked fallopian tubes? In various IVF consultations no one has EVER mentioned this to me, because of course it's irrelevant if you're considering IVF (in contrast to IUI). I don't know how common it is to happen to one or both tubes after you've conceived naturally, but perhaps you might consider either an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) or HyCoSy (e.g. - here -) if you haven't had one already? I had the HyCoSy actually and the procedure was fine (found nothing to 'fix' there either).

Another thing that occurs to me is whether your DH has had a full sperm analysis? DP self-referred as a private patient to our local NHS hospital last July. The SA looked fine, but we never realised until just recently that they hadn't tested for antibodies - which in fact are really high. (It was bizarre because there was a space on the results pro-forma for antibodies results, with reference ranges filled out etc, which made it look like he'd returned a 'normal' result, but in fact they'd simply stopped running the test for everyone. Aaargh!) It just means that even if I were 25 we'd never stand an earthly chance of conceiving naturally; fertilisation just won't happen.

What was your take away from "It Starts with the Egg"? Are you taking DHEA, CoenzymeQ10, etc. I'm sorry if you've mentioned this already, I'm losing it track.

Hi Chewy - urgh yes it's a minefield isn't it?? I have had blood tests as part of the IVF but they mainly seemed to focus on the FSH and AMH. I'm pretty sure that they didn't test for NKCs, as they offer that test themselves (for additional cost!!). As I'd already had it at Coventry, I didn't have it again with the IVF. I've not had any of the blocked tubes/HyCoSy tests. I think I will do a bit of research and prepare a list of questions for when I go for my follow-up appointment at the clinic. Hopefully they can give me a steer on other options as we're not going to be doing any more IVF.
DH had his sperm tested as part of the IVF and came out with 'top marks' as he likes to put it (and don't we get to hear about it!!). I can't see that there is an issue there, as his sperm managed to fertilise pretty much every egg that we retrieved during the IVF, but again I will ask at my appointment. It seems to me (in my totally non-medical head) that I'm having an implantation problem. I've proved that I still have some eggs, and they are happy to be fertilised and develop into nice little embryos, but I can't keep hold of them. I don't know what the solution to that is - swallow some superglue??!! Where and when did your dp get the sperm test that showed up this antibody problem?

Anyway, my take on the 'Egg' book: I didn't really buy into the stuff that she goes on about not using plastic containers because of the chemicals. I did a quick recce of our house and products and realised I would barely be able to use anything if I eliminated all plastic containers and I haven't got the time (or be arssed to do that!!). With the supplements I am currently taking Vitamins D and E which she strongly recommends. I'm also taking Coenzyme Q10. I did have DHEA, but I ran out and never got round to ordering anymore. Maybe I should get some more. It's an interesting read if nothing else and you can pick and choose what you want to believe!
I think I will also ask the clinic about supplements. I'm also starting accupuncture again next week, so I'll have a chat with her. My view on the supplements is that I don't mind taking them, and I don't seem to have any side effects (macca root seemed to shorten my cycles so I stopped that), but it's just a case of how long do you persist with them? I tend to go through a madly enthusiastic phase for a couple of months, then nothing happens, I start to run out and can't be bothered to order any more!!
On top of all that, I generally eat fairly healthily, do quite a bit of exercise and I have really cut back on the wine. I've also tried the other extreme by the way, of doing nothing but that didn't work either!!!

Joey - Yes of course you must be right on the antisperm antibody thing! If you've had fertilisation from ordinary IVF it won't be that, whereas in contrast, we were told that ICSI was the only way as ordinary IVF wouldn't work. The IVF clinic repeated DP's sperm analysis, but included the MAR (mixed agglutination reaction) test that he hadn't had done before.

I've no idea how common it is, but if you did have one/two blocked tubes, could that perhaps explain how you get fertilisation with IVF but not recently naturally?

Other than that, supplements for egg quality are probably the thing for all of us - maybe you could re-try the DHEA?

I hope someone else might come along with info on implantation/immune issues to help you - it's certainly intriguing but I'm afraid I really know very little about it.

I hope everyone is having a good day. I've had a very challenging one with ds. It has made me question more than once why I'm trying for another... 10dpo today. I've had a bit of dizziness which has made me wonder but I know these things can be psychosomatic. I was convinced I had it last month too.

Joey, please get your tubes checked; I, too, was ttc for yonks with no sniff of a bfp when I had a lap & dye that revealed a blocked tube (I had previously fallen pregnant easily when 40 but had a mmc). I got pregnant this year using coenzyme q10 (400mg per day; DH took 300mg), brazil nuts & maca root. I'm also the 'lady' who insisted on her DH masturbating during her fertile window every other day and then squirting the semen up via a syringe. That's how I got my baby son, Ezra, born 5 wks ago.

Chewy, love, it's Heartbreak Hotel round these parts with Ezra having been diagnosed with severe reflux and my 23 month-old doing a rather uncanny impersonation of Linda from The Exorcist. I'm too bloody old for all this ...

Here's my little DIY artificially-inseminated boy (doing a little mincing)...