Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows (thread2)

[townsender]

Time for a new thread, a sad welcome to any newcomers.

Introducing myself:
Name: Town?
Age: 34
Angel: DD 'G' born Feb14 at 27w by EMCS, lived 12 days (oxygen starvation at birth due to cord prolapse)?
Other DC: none?
TTC/Rainbow: TTC since Nov14, currently incubating a pea

Thanks for all the good wishes

Town you have an amazing memory I am on two weeks holiday only did Friday night for a sneaky bit of extra cash.

The hospital said they won't book anymore scans for me as they are happy and I think the thing on my ovary is meant to be there it's called a corpus luteam and produces progesterone. Wasn't explained like that but that's how she's written it in the report. The sonographer said ii should see my GP as she might want to refer me for another scan before 12 weeks if the bleeding doesn't stop.

Went to mums for dinner and managed not to tell her hoping to get her to come to the 12 week scan with me, fx it should be around Mother's Day and would hopefully be a nice treat for her!!

I had agreed to do another extra shift tomorrow but cancelled Saturday morning as I want to take it easy while I have the chance so feeling a bit guilty as they are really short staffed!!

Gotta take my DH to work at 5:30 every day this week and apart from that I'll be resting and having some nice leisurely walks. And obviously doing the ridiculous amount of housework that has built up over a crazy weekend. The fun never stops in our house!!

Kayleigh hope you enjoy half term

Feeling a bit sad as I think we may have missed my fertile window this month. I don't want to put too much pressure on my DH by jumping his bones every day though.

town Glad your lunch with parents went well. Can imagine not telling them was difficult.
Lake so pleased your scan went well, hoping you have a lovely relaxed holiday and try to get past this awful stressful time.
Flambola know how you feel about missing the fertile window, my AF turned up Sun and I was gutted. Hopefully we'll get our bfp next month!

EllieandAnna - Yep, fingers crossed! I'm kidding of wishing the weeks away now. I actually can't wait for AF so I can get trying again.

I hope everyone is ok. I'm starting counselling in a couple of weeks which I'm a bit apprehensive about. I don't think I've really dealt with what happened and have instead focussed on trying to get pregnant.

Hi everyone,

town and lake so pleased to hear your pregnancies are going ok despite bleeding. It is so scary, it makes you feel sick with fear. My bleeding with this pregnancy stopped at 8 weeks and the doc said that early first tri bleeding is usually to do with blood vessels physically mashing together - not anything wrong with the baby. Half of all women who have bleeding go on to have normal pregnancies, not that stats mean much when you've been on the crap side of them already.

town so sorry to hear of your little one's birthday. The 'cloud of sorrow' - I totally felt that when you wrote it. That's a really good way to express the feeling.

lake I had to tell my work about this pregnancy at 5 weeks because of the bleeding, because they wanted me to do a lot of foreign travel and I was terrified I would miscarry in a loo on the plane . It wasn't what I'd chosen, but it did at least mean that they were understanding if I needed to leave early. I know that's tricky with shifts though.

flambola welcome and I'm so sorry for your terrible loss of your little boy James. My son who died last January on the evening of the day he was born at 39 +3 was also a little James. We were going to call him Jimmy as a nickname. It's a lovely name. . I bet your little Jim was gorgeous.

madem hope you can catch the golden egg. Glad your cycles are back and wishing this to be a short TTC period for you. Hope you're ok.

cake that's terrible about your poor DH. I think it really is a massive fear for men whose wives or partners have been through what we have - one minute everything is fine, the next they are totally helpless while we are lying in theatre out cold with doctors rushing around operating and their child is dying. It's horrific. My DH was terrified I would die too.

ATM sending love and luck for your upcoming CS.

apple welcome and I'm so sorry you find yourself here. The women on this thread are amazing.

betty thinking of you. Hope you're recovering from your awful trauma - I know your little girl's birthday is coming up.

littletulip waves to you, hope all is quiet in a good way and steady with your pregnancy.

Hope everyone else is doing as well as they possibly can. February is a terrible month at the best of times. I've felt a little sad because it's coming up to the due date of the baby I would have had if my summer rainbow pregnancy hadn't miscarried. One of my friends who got pregnant at the same time as me just had her little girl. Weird to think I could have had a rainbow in my arms now - it's not like James's birthday last month, but I feel sad nonetheless.

Everything else seems ok with me. My 20 week scan is next week - am extremely nervous but really looking forward to being nominally halfway there.

lake it seems they've explained the situation with your ovary very well to you, which is good. Are you going to go and see your gp as they've suggested? I hope you've been getting plenty of rest (aside from taking your DH to work at the un-godly hour of 5:30)

flambola i too used to almost drive myself nuts about missing my window (and drove my best friend almost nuts in the process-gosh i'm lucky to have that woman) and in the end the rainbow happened when i was least expecting it to. I'm keeping everything crossed for you, and i hope your counselling goes as well as it can

critter sending you hugs and hoping all goes well at your scan next week

So how do you stop driving yourself mental about pregnancy, wondering at 6 weeks if it would be too early for a heartbeat in a scan, hoping you don't miscarry and every other little thing and big thing that continually keeps popping into your head? BUY A HOUSE!!!!

Well that's what I'm trying anyway. Exchanged contract today on a holiday house for us that is a complete wreck and needs lots of TLC, updating, you name it, it needs it! I'm excited and nervous about it all, just in time to go back to work next week... Stress what stress

Eek! I think we may be ever so slightly a little mad.

Hope everyone is feeling as well as they can be x x (please tell me I'm not mad!)

AFM I feel as sick as a dog and the only thing stopping it is food intake, will be size of bus soon if only thing that works is eating continuously x

Kayleigh I spoke to the GP surgery and they suggested the midwife can refer me for scans so they didn't think an appointment would be necessary as I see her on Wednesday.

Vicky if you figure it out let me know!! I think because we've had a bad outcome it makes it worse. I joined the October antenatal group on here and a lot of people are very stressed about lack of symptoms and general pregnancy worries. It made me feel better to see women who have had normal pregnancies are just as worried!!

Flambola good luck I'll keep everything crossed this is your month

Good luck for next week critter

Well my mum guessed that I'm pregnant she said that I looked pregnant last week, I really hope it's not true and it's some mothers intuition. I'm trying to cut out biscuits for the pregnancy as they are my biggest downfall once I start I eat 5 in one go and I'd really like to not gain too much weight this time. Been enjoying my time off work and just relaxin at home, going for walks and visiting my mum, been lovely really don't want to go back to work next week though!!

Hello ladies..
I've not been on this thread for a
little while but have caught up on the last few pages

critter good luck for your scan next week - hope all goes well!

Excellent news lake about a little heartbeat after your bleeding..must have been reassuring to see!

Yay for the exchanging of contracts vicky you're not mad! Keeping busy will help the days fly by!

Flambola I hope that you find counselling helpful. In the first 4 months after losing my dd I was obsessed with having another baby straight away but ttc wasn't wise as I'd had an EMCS.. But as I came out of that phase I felt okay with not being pregnant, but looked forward to the day DH agreed to ttc #3. I don't know how long it has been since you lost your little one (I shall have to scroll back) but it's definitely a process..

So, I found out yesterday that I am pregnant! Period's isn't due until Sunday so I'm still very early days, but I'm all for celebrating the good & dealing with the bad if/when the time comes.
We began ttc in Jan so it happened super fast for us as our dd took 10 months to conceive..

It was a very different experience to finding out about my first two pregnancies.. I was really nervous when I got those bfps, but I felt so calm and excited with this one. I definitely feel pregnant, lots of cramping and nausea has reared it's ugly head even earlier this time.. But in this very moment I feel pure joy.

I'm holding my dd's urn (taking a moment to reflect) - without her I wouldn't be having this baby. My new rebel of a kitten and cat are snuggled asleep. My son is tucked up. My DH is next to me. And I'm pregnant.

I hope I get my 2015 baby! Due 1st November but will be an October baby because of early CS :)

Thinking of you tomorrow ATM x

Congratulations winter. glad your feeling calm x

lake love that your mum guessed you're pregnant, the only person who guessed with me was a friend on New Year's Eve who raised an eyebrow when he clocked i was drinking fanta with no spirit mixed in and promptly pulled me into a massive bear hug . How did your mu take it?

vicky i'd have to agree with winter in that the new house will keep you busy. I don't think you're mad, i'm actually sort of doing the same thing as now the plastering in the kitchens done i've been going through things and doing a spring clean, which i'm intending on carrying on throughout the house once the dc's are back at school next week.

winter congratulations! Glad you're feeling calm and excited, and that it didn't take you long to get to this point.

Hello, may I join you here?

Me: Viking

Age: 38

Angel: DD stillborn at 40 + 4 in October 2014, ostensibly due to nuchal cord x 3.

Other DC: none

TTC: since November 2014

I'd love to know if any of you can recommend private clinics in London where I could get a fertility workup & be tested for autoimmune / blood clotting disorders that might have played a part in DD's death. GP refuses to refer.

Welcome Viking sorry to hear that your dd was stillborn

Hoping you get a bfp quickly.. Xx

Welcome Viking, sorry you find yourself here hope you get your BFP quickly. Am not from London so have no idea about your question but when I lost my daughter the consultant was going to test me for blood clotting etc but I got pg too quickly to have the tests, could you ask your consultant? X

ATM it was today wasn't it? (Sorry if it wasn't!) If so hope everything has gone/goes smoothly and your recovering well with your rainbow x

Viking welcome sorry for your loss. I'd second Ducky and suggest you get in touch with your consultant they may be able to recommend someone you could see privately.

ATM good luck for today hope everything went smoothly and you are recovering well.

Winter so pleased you are relaxed and positive got to be a good start.

Kayleigh good news the kitchen is finished sounds like you are keeping yourself busy!

AFM my mum seems OK she's understandably anxious about us going through the whole thing again but she's very excited already talking about getting back on with some of the knitting she was doing for E.

Thanks, Ducky & Lake. Having no joy whatsoever with NHS I'm afraid - consultant said there was 'no point' testing me for those things, even though he'd managed to lose the placenta & cord so couldn't say for certain whether there were any clots. Will keep trying private avenues.

That's awful Viking! Could you possibly change gps and find a more understanding one? I thought it was standard they test you for them things.

Does anyone have any idea about AF after birth if formula feeding? I was bleeding for around 6 weeks after ds, then stopped for 2 weeks then when I wiped I had stringy red blood which I assumed was AF starting, it stopped in the afternoon. It's now almost 11 weeks since giving birth and earlier I wiped and had stringy red blood again, now nothing. I'm a bit worried it could be a bad sign? It doesn't seem like AF

Hi everyone - would it be OK for me to join this thread too?

I'm so sorry to read about your losses. My little boy was stillborn just before Christmas. Yet to have my follow up appointment with a consultant but they were pretty sure at the time that he died due to a concealed placental abruption. The appointment has finally been set for the beginning of March so should hopefully know more then.

Me: Redsky

Age: 37

Angel: DS, A., stillborn at 36 weeks in December 2014

Other DC: DS age 6, DD age 3

TTC: not yet, but hopefully in the near future...

Viking - I haven't used them personally and am not sure what other services/tests they provide, but I heard good things about the fetal medicine centre in London when I was researching harmony tests last year. Might be worth a look?

redsky that is terrible. I'm so sorry, your poor little boy. Just before Christmas too, how awful. Your loss is still really fresh, I found the two month mark really hard because you're still reeling but people are starting to 'go back to normal' around you. Tight hug. I hope your consultant has some answers. Did they do tests on the placenta and cord?

viking first of all, a sad welcome and I am so sorry about your awful loss of your precious baby girl. Second - that is absolutely shocking. I am so sorry that you have been treated this way. I cannot believe they lost the placenta and the cord - that's unbelievable. The way that you're treated by medical staff makes such a difference to the whole terrible experience (it's beyond shitty no matter what, but even more awful if you are not treated with professionalism and kindness).

kayleigh so happy to hear that your pregnancy is going ok my lovely. Is the 12 week scan in sight for you yet?

ducky my period was weird post partum - obviously I wasn't formula feeding but I also wasn't breastfeeding so I'd assume it's the same. I think they take a while to settle. Your hormones are probably still all over the place.

vicky early pregnancy is terrifying and after a loss it is all the more so. I'd say eating to stave off nausea is a good thing! Whatever works to make you feel a little better.

winter massive congratulations and I'm so glad you're so calm. Long may it continue! Pets are so helpful aren't they, we got a dog in October, 9 months after J died and just before I got pregnant again and he is the joy of my life, I love him so much.

Oh also - I was going to say - my blood tests came back normal for clotting disorders, even though there appeared to be a small clot in the cord insertion (they think my baby died after a velamentous cord insertion rupture caused us both to haemorrhage). Sometimes they just don't find anything. My mum had a stillbirth too at nearly 37 weeks pregnant back in the 70s, so losing full-term baby boys seems to be a crappy family tradition, but the doctors have no idea whether there's any genetic link. I guess there's still tonnes that we just don't know about pregnancy.

redsky - I hope you get some answers. We haven't had the results from our pm yet, but at the time they said it looks like placental abruption too. I feel a bit in limbo atm, not knowing.

I'm doing a fun run in Sefton Park for SANDS in August. Anyone else done any fundraising? I haven't actually used their services yet though!

Hello Viking.

Welcome redsky, it's an awful thing to have to go through anyway, let alone at Christmas we seemed to have a lot of people joining recently, it's so sad

Hello folks,

A very sad welcome to viking and Red, I am so sorry to hear of your losses, and especially around Christmas time. Heartbreaking for you both.

Viking, that's terrible that your GP won't refer you. Could you ask to be referred for a 'preconception clinic' instead, to get a referral back to your consultant? Then it will be up to the consultant to decide on the right tests for you.
For the private route, I have not used them before but I am booked in to the FMC for Harmony test, which comes with 2 scans, and my first is next Saturday. I mainly picked them because they were cheapest …. but I've also heard good reports about them. I will report back next Saturday if you like!

Red, I'm glad you've got a date for your consultants meeting, and its not long off now. Hopefully you'll get some answers, or at least some reassurance about what they can do next time and TTC.

Flambola I did a half marathon raising money for Bliss back in October. I totally recommend it as therapy, it ticked so many boxes for me – exercise to lose baby weight, fresh air, something to focus on to get me through maternity leave and get me fit for TTC, plus raising money for a really good cause in memory of my little girl. I was amazed at how generous people were.
I've also not used SANDs much, but I'm tempted to try their local group for people pregnant with rainbows. Just need to get to 12 weeks... Or I might decide that you lovely MN ladies are enough to keep me sane!

Ducky, my first AF was 2 months after I'd given birth, but I remember the consultant said between 2 and 5 months so I wouldn't worry too much. Then I had a 45 day gap between first AF and second AF!

Winter Hooray Hooray Hooray!!! Another rainbow on its way. Glad you're feeling calm, you are such a positive person, lovely to see.

Waves to everyone else.

Tomorrow it'll be a year ago since G died, and we're going to the cemetery. I don't know how I feel about it as at the moment I just feel nauseous and tired. I'm so glad I'm pg with our rainbow for this milestone, but I want tomorrow to be just for her, so hoping I won't feel too ill.

town sending you love & strength for tomorrow

Will be thinking of you tomorrow town x