Mums of angels! wishing, carrying and holding rainbows.

[fanjodisfunction]

May this thread bring us luck and lots of support through the journey of life after the death of our little ones.

blizy hugs to you. Balloon release sounds fab, wonder if they do that down here.

Well I didn't get an interview for that job! Can I be kicked anymore in the gut this year?

I wish I could skip the whole month of June this year. I'm only 2 weeks behind in this pregnancy than I was with Sterre last year. :( I will be 18,5 weeks on her first birthday and that is probably the same gestation that she died... My scan in 2 weeks will be difficult as well, cause this baby will be the same size as she was when born. I have to work on Sterre's birthday but feel like I can't, think I might have to take a day off...

blue I would defo take the day off work, i'm sure your work would understand.

fan they probably do the ballon release. Sorry about the interview.

wtw That sounds like a good idea, Katy will get the best of two worlds that way. I think we will have a 4d scan too nxt time around, we didn't have one with Zoe.

Blue definitely take the day off - that's an order! The parallels are hard - I'm just 4 weeks difference than I was this time last year (Erin was due 05/10/11 this little one is due 05/09/12)

Blizy a balloon release does sound lovely. Will keep my eye out for anything down here Fan sorry about the interview The job market is so fierce at the moment xx

blue take Sterres birthday off, you will feel better. They can't make you work and if they won't give it to you (don't see why they wouldn't when you explain) then just call in sick that day. I'm so glad I had Fi's birthday off.

I'll ask them today. DH doesn't work on Wednesdays and it would be nice if we could spend the day together. Would probably keep DD1 home as well and do something nice with her.

wtw I'd like a 3D or 4D scan as well, but DH is not too keen... just waiting till a discount comes up anywhere to book one.

For me Blue if someone could 100% guarantee me that everything would be fine I probably wouldn't have one done but it feels like a chance to see her alive and moving and I don't want to pass that up. I would so dearly love a memory of Erin like a dvd showing her alive. They're not cheap though £130 ours is costing

Hello all, been lurking for a little while, as I was becoming quite paranoid about saying anything here before today's scan (sorry, whatever). So much fear, I have to push it down and almost pretend I am not pg. DH feels the same way. Not exactly logical... but anyway, I can now report that we saw the baby wriggling around, and heard its heartbeat again. And we both cried (again). All the measurements look in normal ranges, although now of course I am worried about results of the nuchal test. Think each scan will be a hurdle , and worrying will be the pattern. The sonographer declared most confidently that the baby was 12+5, which made me giggle, as I know for sure it is 12+3, and the DD has now moved to 7 Dec. As we drove away from the hospital, we saw a huge Mia cloud kiss in the sky, and so I thanked her for looking after us all.

blue yes, I agree, definitely take off Sterre's birthday. I hope you can find some time and space in June to help you find ways to celebrate your love for her.

whatever know precisely what you mean about wanting that 100% guarantee... it's so hard when you have been on the wrong side of probability.

blizy that balloon release sounds lovely.

fan, chin up, my lovely, and hold onto those dreams of babies, kittens and new jobs. They will all happen for you.

green those dark comedy moments do occur - you are grateful for the friendship which provides the impetus, but they are so weird when they happen. But take your time with ttc, if you don't feel it's quite the right time for you. And guilt is definitely one of the more over-rated emotions, I think.

amyboo we are here for those moments when you can't be positive in RL and need an outlet. If you were positive all the time, I would worry that you weren't dealing with things... not that I am a professional counsellor or anything.

(((((Miasmummy)))) so pleased that you saw your gorgeous wriggling bean today. Another hurdle hurdled Honestly it doesn't feel that long ago I was having my 12 week scan and now here I am at nearly 27 weeks! One day at a time honey you'll get there. For today though just revel in the positive scan xxxx

Hope you got your day off sorted Blue

Mias how lovely for baby wriggles!

I did ask the day off today and it was fine! I said it was Sterre's birthday and I just wanted to have a gentle day not having to shout at children at afterschool club.

wtw yes exactly why I would like one! DH says it all looks too real and finds it slightly scary!

Making a vegetable curry now, too tired though after the afternoon shouting but felt like it! :)

Miasmummy congratulations on your scan. I agree that every scan and milestone is scary but that's a huge hurdle you've passed so for now try to enjoy it.

Blue I'm glad that you got the day off.

I'm feeling lots of kicks right now and they seem to coincide with when I'm feeling pretty down. I think it's my wee one trying to sort me out.

Hiya

So have decided to TTC this month, having lost my little 3 year old in March. All other times I have fallen pregnant in the first month but feel very differently now and worry that on top of everything else I will be unable to get pregnant.

If I did end up pregnant this month I worked out it would be due in Feb, with the anniversary in March. Don't think I could bare a baby born in March, so if nothing happens this month will miss a month and then go again. If it happens straight away there will be 18 months between baby and DS3. I only had 20 months between DS1 and 2 so this will feel very similar.

Although so down and upset I do have a flicker of excitement about having another baby. Have also popped over to the bereavement thread as well, its nice to have people that understand the emotions that go along with all this isn't it.

xxxxxx

Welcome Twinkle xxx
Good luck.
Blue I had Georgie's bday off last year ( in fact was 1 st day of mat leave!) & will have it off this year. Ant can t but we ll go to her special place & out for tea.
Mia glad your scan went well... Cx
Love & hugs to all .....
I too was running parallel with both my pregnancies bar about 4 weeks .. Georgie's due date was 1 st October , Phebs 5 th November. Though in the end our Georgie went over & Obviously I had Phebs early so in fact only a year & 8 days between them. I found I was constantly comparing dates , incredibly difficult but so worth the stress & pressure in the end... ( also, all the worry during pg will be forgotten when you get there)
Hugs to all who need them xxxx

Welcome twinkle, sorry to hear about your little boy. I have ttc for just over a year now, my first child (zoe) was sadly stillborn at 41 weeks on feb last year. The girls here are fab for advice and holding when it's needed. I wish you a short ttc journey.

blue I am glad you got the day off for Sterre's birthday.x

mias Fab news, a nice wriggly bean!

WTW... I don't do FB (only person on the planet who Doesn't, I know it)! Too many dodgy relatives! Thanks though!

Cheese&g's ...sorry I was dense about your dates. I find that I have a few to mark too....the date Merryn was born, the date she died, the date she was meant to arrive ( the section had been planned in for ages) and her due date. It's too much really, but I can't just 'forget' them. Maybe over the years it will be only her birthday and the day she died that we will remember, I don't know.

Fan... Sorry your having a crappy time. I'm not looking forward to getting back into the ttc cycle. We've always been quite quick, but I'm 39 now and we had two MCs before Merryn, so not sure how it will go. I hate how it takes over life...

Blizy... The ballon release sounds like a lovely idea, but so hard too. I guess 15mths doesn't sound like anything in this journey we are on, anaversarries are hard.

Blue... I'm glad you can take Sterre's birthday off. You are being so brave, I can see why scans and timings being similar would be terrifying though. Hope you enjoyed your curry!

Mia'sMummy... Great news on the scan! I think you and DH deserved a few tears, it's just so overwhelming. I'm glad you got a kiss from your little girl too!

Twinkle... I know what you mean about not wanting dates to clash... We are going to start trying soon, but I don't want to have another baby in April, that's for Merryn and I would compare dates all the way through. It will be tough anyway I know but that would be too much! You might get lucky this month though!!

Off to bed now... Knackered.

Hello ladies,
So sorry not to have been about for so long......we moved house at the end of May and had no internet connection until the 16th of this month!! I have tried several times to read through and catch up with the happenings of the thread since then but been so busy that it never actually happens!! Finally made it through tonight.......hello to all of the ladies who have joined since I have been away, so sad that there are so many of you.
fan so very sorry that so much awfulness has come your way during my short absence, you are such a strong and brave woman.
wtw fab news about your baby girl
angel great news that you have been able to take a reduction in your hours and that Phebs is doing well and settled at nursery

Really hope that all of the rainbow babies are doing well and that the rainbows to be are behaving for their mummies. Samuel is now almost 11 weeks and a right little chubster......he was 9lb13 at 9 weeks and is now sleeping from 2030/2100 until 0600/0630. thank goodness that he is as life is so hetic with so much to do at the new house. The baby weight is so slow to come off so now I will be joining you ladies on the slimming wagon!!
Hope things are good for you too and that Maia is blooming.
Take care all xx

Hi Razz glad all s well with you? Samuel sounds like he's doing well... Slimming world extra easy : fabulous... I ve now lost 17 lbs & want a 1 lb a week off (16) weeks to my holiday then that ll be nearly 2.5 stone...
Morning all xxx
So tired , 2 more days then 4 days off thank god... Xxxxx

razz so glad Samuel is doing so well.

angel you and everyone else, can't wait!

twinkle so sorry you find yourself here, but welcome. My daughter Ophelia was stillborn 13 months ago. Good luck on your ttc journey, and I hope you find the support you need on this thread.

I want to go back to bed! I've got no motivation. But alas I have to go to work just thinking of the money

twinkle, green and amyboo - so sorry that you are all here with us.

TTC after what we have all been through is such a rollercoaster, and my feelings change regularly - I veer massively between not feeling in any way shape or form strong enough to cope with either TTC or an actual pregnancy (should that ever happen), to being absolutely desparate to get a BFP and to be able to hold another baby in my arms. It's so hard to try to cope with it all.

My baby girl, Constance (shortened to Nancy) was born by EMCS on 29th December 2011 after I had felt reduced movements, she was 37 + 4. Sadly, she had apparently been starved of oxygen for some time due to blood clots in the placenta and was not only very small (4lb 15.5oz) but it had caused massive problems for her little organs. They transferred her to LGI Neo-natal intensive care unit and did all they could, but we had to take her off the machines & ventilator, and she died in our arms when she was just 2 days old. I am still finding it just so hard to cope without her. Life isn't as it should be, and it is even harder because all of our friends now are either expecting their first babies or have had them, and we should be like them too.

We have now been TTC for 3 months - had to wait for the results back from the consultant first.

The ladies on here are a massive support - it's important to have people you can be completely honest with, who have also all been through this terrible experience too.

So sorry to read all these sad stories. Until I lost Thomas I really didn't realise how many people are affected by similar problems.

ellypoo Have they said anything further about the bloodclots in your placenta? The only thing they found in Thomas' autopsy was blood clots in my placenta, so have said I will get regular medication in any future pregnancy to prevent clots. He was much smaller than DS1 who was a whopping 10lb 3oz when born a 39 weeks, and I was much smaller too... So, I'm wondering if that would have been a sign. i think I might ask my doctor about it next time I see him.

I'm trying not to focus too much on "what ifs" at the moment, as af is due in a week and I'm secretly praying I'm already pregnant again. Stupid I know, as I'm bound to be disappointed. I've decided to throw myself into decorating our new house to try and take my mind off everything.

amy you know what they say: 'new house, new baby' we moved into here in December and I conceived in February :)

Here's hoping! We moved in two days after I found out Thomas had died/two days before he was born, so it'd be nice to have the happiness here that we had envisaged....

Am I justified in taking an afternoon nap now I'm nearly 27 weeks?! Zzzzz am feeling very sleepy!

Whatever- you never, ever have to justify an afternoon nap!

WTW - def, go for it!

blue - I hope that is true, we have our house on the market & hopefully moving soon, so that would be great if it works!!

amy - the consultant did some tests on me for things like thrombophilia but they have come back clear, so they have just advised taking a low dose aspirin daily during the next pregnancy. Nancy was really small, and I had a tiny bump however the measurements were absolutely spot on every time the mw measured, so I don't know how that could happen, although I did put a lot of weight on during my pg so maybe I put it on as steadily as a baby would have grown but who knows. They did say that she was so small because of the clots though.