Mums of angels! wishing, carrying and holding rainbows.

[fanjodisfunction]

May this thread bring us luck and lots of support through the journey of life after the death of our little ones.

Shakey please don't feel bad. You've given Rose the very best start. I only managed 12 weeks of b/f K before switching to bottles. In hindsight it was definitely the right thing to do.

Orion so glad all is looking well. A little girl How do you feel?

Thanks for the welcome. It's nice to see that so may of you have gone on to get pregnant again after what you've been through.

I was feeling quite positive about everything, but it's so hard to be positive all the time. People think I'm being strong but I'm not really. Just had my best friend and her DH and DS round for the afternoon and I strongly suspect she's pregnant again. So when she left I cried. Feel pathetic, but am so upset. I should be cuddling my little Thomas but now I have to be all positive about my friend's pregnancy when I just feel like screaming how unfair it all is :-( Picked a fight with DH too just cos I'm feeling sad. Sigh.

Welcome Amyboo so sorry xxx
My DD was stillborn at 41 weeks on 10/10/10 Georgie. I ve since had my 2 nd dd ; Phoebe on 18/10/11.you ll get a load of support here from all of us who know exactly what you re going through. Xxx
Orion glad all went ok with your scan... A little girl ... Fabulous...
Hi all; hope everyone's well?
Had a fab weekend been visiting my folks , taken Phebs to her first theme park... Just too hot for her.. She s been quite grizzly because of the heat so as nice as it is I ll be pleased when the temp drops a little.
Love to all xxx
Oh Shakey I stopped breastfeeding at about 4 months. She'd always been breast & bottle fed right from being in hospital.. Then I just couldn g keep up with her so in the end I had to switch to all bottle. It's just 1 of those things & at the end of the day as long as they re getting enough calories/ nutrition what does it matter? Xxx

amyboo dont beat yourself up over your reaction, its totally normal to feel that its so unfair. And thats because it is. But well done you for having your friends over and their DC. That must have been tough. It will get easier, as in your still feel the pain but you will be able to carry it better. You will be able to smile when your friends tell you they are pregnant, and smile when you see a new born, you will think of Thomas but it will not feel like a train hitting you.

angel hopefully this cooler weather they are predicting for the rest of the week will help Phebs out. (and you)

green how are you doing?

count hows things?

amyboo your reaction is perfectly understandable. It won't always be this hard.
Thanks for all the comments ladies. I've discovered that I'm delighted to be having a girl and I'd be the same if it turned out to be a girl. I really, truly just want a healthy baby.

We've told one or two more people today and obviously things are becoming to obvious to anyone I bump into. Not telling anyone the sex till the birth (except you lovely ladies here)

I meant I'd feel the same if it turned out to be a boy. Oops Freudian?

Hi everyone...

Amyboo... Glad you found your way to this thread, but obviously so so sorry you need to. These ladies have already helped me hugely, and it's a safe place to be when you need to talk.

I have had a full on WE with Inlaws, which has been good in some ways but I am knackered. They are the only people other than hospital staff and our undertakers who ever saw Merryn, so I feel we will always have that memory with them now. They also seem to expect me to be back to it I think..

Today I went for coffee with DP and the lady next to me in line said ' shouldn't you sit down in your condition in this heat love'? I almost dissolved. I didn't think I still looked pregnant, but I do still have a tummy I guess, and I find myself holding it still without thinking before I remember she's gone. I couldn't answer her and had to leave. Bugger but this is hard.

My oldest boys school play was tonight. I was hugged by so many mums. It was lovely that they acknowledged things. Hard though.

Anyway, I will try and read back through posts to catch up, but for now must go and pretend to feel social......

Well today I Have my consultant appt where we will find out how soon we can ttc. Keep your fingers crossed for me that it's soon. I'm trying not to think about the other things we will discuss....

I'm out all day but WILL catch up this evening. Enjoy the sunshine ladies.

Miss you my Merryn. Xxx

Good luck today Green hope the meeting is as positive as possible xx

good luck green, I hope you get the news you wish for.x

green good luck, hope you get the news you wish for.

Good luck green

Hi everyone, just back from a lovely relaxing holiday which was very very much needed. Unfortunately AF arrived while we were away, which was not good :(

Anyway, haven't fully caught up yet, and will read all and post properly later - so sorry to say that there seems to be a few more ladies here now, so sorry that you have had to join us - there are so many lovely ladies on here who have provided me with so much support since we lost our daughter on 31st December 2011 when she was 2 days old.

See you later x

ellypoo glad you had a good holiday. boooooooooooo for AF arriving.

Thanks for all the well wishes everyone!

Well, our consultant meeting is done. She went over what happened with Merryn, and told us that the odds of another baby developing an SCT (the tumour merryn had), were 1-40000. Merryn was just very very unlucky. She also thought my severe preeclampsia was caused by Mirror syndrome, (where my body went into multiple organ failure mimicking merryns distress), and that I shouldn't get that again. The upshot is that we can start trying again this month if we want....she didn't seem to think pregnancy after c section this quickly was an issue either, which I'm confused by..... The only sting was that on the way out the nurse checked my BP and it was 141/90.. Much higher than the pre preg readings.

I was expecting at least 6month wait, maybe a year, so to be told we can start now has really thrown me. Merryns due date isnt until the 6th.... And I'm also having to admit how scared I am. Being told the 'good' news followed by the worry of the high BP really reminded me of the feelings I had of being out of control all through the pregnancy, I don't know if I can cope with getting on another roller coaster yet.... But I'm not getting any younger, I desperately want another baby, and everyone keeps saying this is a really fertile time.... I'm a bit all over the place. And I feel guilty, of course.

green the consultant meeting sounds like it went well. I wouldn't worry about your raised bp just yet, the stress could have made it that high, I've had the same happen myself so many times. If you want to go ahead and try again (I did right away, I couldn't wait even though I was terrified of what could happen) then do it. I wouldn't think on it too much personally. I'll join you for the 6th, Scarlett died on the 2nd which makes it 18 months on Sat and then was born on the 6th. Hugs xx

Green all your emotions are totally normal & unfortunately we know where you re coming from. At my review of Georgie's pm results ( 8 weeks after she had died) my consultant told me to go for it!!! You ll know when the time's right for you. Bloody stupid taking your bp today , obvious it was going to be raised any stress affects a bp like that ( I m a nurse) so common sense prevails today's bp was a blip. Don t worry about it. Xxx
Elly glad you had a good holiday. Cx
Orion congrats on your girl xxx girls rock!!!
Fan Phebs is getting back in to her normal routine , ta... She's sleeping better again now the weather is cooling. Love the heat but crap for work & our boiling hot uniforms..
Hi all ; hope you re all well? Wr re good just busy , at work & nursery etc... Roll on the long weekend xxxx

Welcome back Elly glad you had a good holiday. Sorry AF showed up x

Green totally understand the conflicting emotions. We were told at Erin's pm that they had never ever seen cancerous tumours like it and couldn't find another case in the world like it. We felt like the unluckiest people on the planet. Positive news re ttc though - see how you feel in a few weeks once Merryn's due date has passed. At least you know you don't have a medical restriction to factor in. Once this baby is born I will have had 2 sections in less than 12 months and no-one seems too concerned. Re the blood pressure - agree that the stressful situation today must have contributed. I hope you're sleeping now what a draining day today must have been.

I've pooped just got in from an evening work event! Got a 4d scan booked for Saturday I can't wait

WTW...I hate that you understand this, but I'm so glad you do too... IYSWIM? I guess it's good that it has little chance of happening again, but our poor little girls!

A 4d scan sounds amazing... You must be excited? Can't wait to hear how that goes!

AngelGeorgie... Thanks for the medical angle on the BP, I'm hoping it's just a blip! (but I'm seeing the doc on thurs anyway so I'll get him to check again)!
Glad your Phebs is sleeping better... My DP ended up on the couch last night because of the heat... Hope it lasts till the WE though!

Cheese&G... I know what you mean about the mix of needing to try and terror. I've already worked out that our first slot for 'trying' would be about the 20th next month... I can't see me leaving it any longer if I'm honest! (had wanted to loose my tummy fat first though)!
I got a bit muddled by your dates about the 6th... Explain again for me? Your Scarlett died on the 2nd, I understood that but tell me again how the 6th fits for you, (sorry if I'm being dim) it would be good to have company on that date for sure.... I can't predict how we will find it. It should have been so happy.

Fan... How are you? Got those kittens yet?!? Can't wait to hear about them!

Ellypoo... Glad you had a good holiday... Sorry about AF.... Assuming you are trying? Or was it just unwelcome on holiday? I don't know your story, but I'm sorry about your little girl. Do you share her name? It would be nice to hear about her?

Orion... Yeh for a girl!! Glad its all going well!!

Amyboo... It's so hard when people are pregnant / have newborns isn't it? I want to feel happy, but I just tear up! I had a bit of a dark comedy moment yesterday where a mum from school came and hugged me, and another parent had stopped behind me with a buggy and a baby. I could feel the mum hugging me trying to wave them off while stage whispering 'get the baby out of here!' it did make me laugh tbh!!

Wave to everyone I've missed!!!

I know what you mean Green. The only comfort I took from the rarity is the chances of it happening again are so so slim. Strangely I worry about so much in this pregnancy but honestly I don't worry that this baby will have cancer as it's been really drummed in to me by the professionals that it was a 1 in a million thing. If you're on fbook pm me your name and I'll add you. My name is stupidly common so no good searching for me! x

Whatever I hope you enjoy the scan, we had one with Ella and it was lovely.

Green Scarlett died on the 2nd but wasn't born until the 6th, I mark both dates as it feels right to.

Hope everyone has a good day.

green I'm struggling a little today, I think its beacuse I'm not doing much but also I want this weekend to be here now so I can get on with swi for the ov zone. Its sad isn't it when your life revolves around your cycle! I'm waiting for the kitten lady to get in touch about when we can see them and pick the ones we want.

Sometimes I can't believe how unbeleivably shit my life is, people probably think all this death we have experieneced is a bit careless! I do hope it turns around soon.

Ahh fan- sorry your not having a good day,. X

Cheese- I mark both of Zoe's days too, the 26th when she died and the 28th she was born.

Wtw- how exciting about the 4d scan, are you taking Katy?

I had a bit of an off day on Monday, it was 15 months since Zoe was born. God it still hurts as much as it did on that day.

I am going to the sands balloon release in Glasgow on Saturday. Zoe's balloon will be included this year.

Hope you are all having a peaceful day. X

Fan Blizy Cheese Green ((((hugs)))) anniversaries and remember days are so hard.

We have decided not to take Katie Blizy we thought a lot about it but I think it's best for her to have some grandma time and then we will show her the dvd when we get home. Im quite excited never had one before so not sure what to expect!