Just MC and ready to try again? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling or settle yourself down in our padded cell. All welcome! (Part 19)

[Poppyjen]

Another new thread for some more serious metalling - we really are a chatty lot!

Here's to making it through the WTF cycle(s), metalling* like a teenager from the early '90s in the 2WW, BFP colds and other classic symptom spotting and hiding in the (nice and comfy) padded cell post BFP

If you have miscarried and are ready to TTC again, come and join us!

• For those currently wondering what our mosh pit antics have to do with ttc post MC, a fabulous typo in an earlier thread resulted in "mentalling" becoming known as "Metalling" - a far more fitting expression I am sure you will agree!

Welcome!

Hi Peeps,

Thankfully my scan is at 8.45am (managed to get it changed from 3.30pm) so at least I don't have all day to wait! Thank you all for your words of support - it really does mean a lot x

I found out recently that another friend just lost her baby at 10 weeks. She's a paramedic and I'd bumped into her at the hospital when I was visiting my granny. She told us she was 9 weeks pregnant and was really happy so must have lost the baby shortly after. I am still amazed at how horribly common it all is. Our DS's are quite close in age.

jaffa it seems be a constantly journey of shit scaredness! My cycles took ages and ages to get back to 'normal' but acupuncture really helped and then I had a crap FSH level from a blood test (12.7) which is not good at all and deemed pre-menopausal (am 39 so guess understandable). I am constantly going to the loo and knicker checking and staring at the toilet paper! Not sure whether or not a doppler would be a good thing for me!

mseltoe , bauble, far I have very low tolerance level too at the moment for any pregnant women who moan! There are hundreds of women who would give anything to be in their shoes!! Thankfully there aren't any pregnant women at my work (that I know of).

leedy you've had that chest infections for ages (or does it just feel like ages in MN world?) hope it's starting to get better and you feel fighting fit soon for some festive SWI!

martha this thread really wasn't the same without you! It's so fab to have you back!!

blue hope all goes well at your 16w appt tomorrow and the MW whips out the doppler for you! I recorded DS's heartbeat onto my phone at my 16w appt (it's still there now) so he could hear it!

Just watched Jamie Oliver's Xmas cooking thing and am drooling over the jerked ham sandwich!

Thanks pie TBH I am feeling pretty nervous about the appointment tomorrow, yes I am waaay past the point I MC'd before and scan all fine at 8 and 12 weeks but I think having been through an MC just makes you nervous whenever you go to have a check done...part of me really wants the MW to offer to find the HB, part of me doesn't want to risk it in case she can't find it IYSWIM...DH will be at work so I'll be on my own as well. Am sure it'll be fine but the nerves are really sinking in at the moment...probably why I'm still up as am v tired but DH at work til v late and don't want to end up mulling it all over in my head trying to get to sleep for ages before he gets back...not that I think I'll manage to wait up for him as he won't be home til gone midnight by the time he's got a bus etc.

jaffa as you can see I'm not in 'relaxed mode' yet at all and I totally understand where you're coming from re. TTC and being pregnant again, it does all feel pretty scary just the thought of putting yourself in that position again, but hang in there if you can and try to enjoy the TTC.

Ok, eyes drooping a bit, maybe a little splurge has helped a bit so maybe a last bit of surfing and then sleep...night all!

Yes losing babies takes your innocence for sure. I have a close friend who lost her young DD shortly after birth unexplained, there is no safe place, safe time, safe stage - any of the time, even when they are out (or running about) and that type of realisation is the most horrible thing. That quotation about motherhood being commitment to forever having your heart walking round outside your body is right - it's a horribly vulnerable feeling.

Of course hanging out with other people who have MCed might not be the best for your mental health either, though I find this thread helpful (although I know I don't comment individually as much as I should) Especially when pregnant I imagine having people hanging around who MCed at your stage is unsettling - or course we know it makes no difference to outcomes, rationally, but always being reminded of what can happen probably isn't good.

Personally I find it hard (Selfishly of course) to hear when other people find their 'safe' spot because I thought mine were 'safe' and of course they weren't. But I know you can't compare the stage of loss, there will always be those earlier and always those later and all we can do is pull together.

Sorry I'm a bit drunk. Sorry.

Good luck BlueCrane for the morning. Everything crossed for you.

Good luck Blue! x

MsEltoe drunk or whatever your post was very moving. And i can echo everything you have said, particularly this:

That quotation about motherhood being commitment to forever having your heart walking round outside your body is right - it's a horribly vulnerable feeling

Hope you are feeling OK this morning, here have a cheeky breakfast muffin and a with some to cheer you up x

And a MAHOOSIVE bags of good luck for blue today, i shall be checking for updates!

pie you made me blub at my desk! thank you for that - i did miss you guys when i was away which is why i jumped back in when i saw the thread on my active convos. twas Karma!

just a quickie as i have a meeting to go to but just wanted to apologise for my bitter and twisted rant yesterday as we all know i am going through phases at the moment, sometimes i am bouncing off the walls but other days i want to avoid any babies or preggo women like the plague

anyway, hope you are all having a good morning - oo i really fancy a now

oh and pie good luck for monday too!

Hello all all blood results ok, blood pressure, urine etc all fine...then MW says causally 'right we'll listen to the HB then' at which point my HB must've raised in a crazy fashion thinking 'aarrgghh not sure I can deal with this' but thankfully she found beany's HB beating away pretty quickly which was such a relief! Just wish DH could've been there to hear it too - he was at work. So, all seems well at the moment

mseltoe and marthas rant away...this is the pace for it and it's important to get it out and not bottle it up. I agree that I think there's never a 'safe place' to reach though I guess there has to be a point where (if possible) we let go of the worry and try to enjoy the stage we're at, which of course will be a totally different time and place for everyone!

Once again I seem to be having a confused moment as I keep thinking it's Friday already...this happened last week too

oh blue that is WONDERFUL news. Crikey i remember the first time i ever heard DS's HB, god it was amazing.

Aww blue I feel a bit teary too! I can remember it well :) Did you manage to record it on your phone or anything?

I am stressing today as my boss has asked me to facilitate a big meeting on Monday afternoon, holy crap what if my scan is bad news. I know that facilitating a meeting will then be the least of my worries but it's one thing I could do without having to think about for Monday!

Thanks marthas and pie unfortunately I didn't record it as brain was just trying to cope with the thought of actually hearing it so had left my phone on the table way away from the bed and only after I'd left did I think about how I could then have played it to DH...d'oh!

pie is there anyway you could chat to your manager about the scan on Monday and that it might be a bit much or have you not told them yet/they wouldn't understand anyway? I know my brain would've been mush trying to prepare for something like that before/after my scan this time around.

Yay for blue

pie thinking of you lots, good luck on Monday!

blue brill! Very happy for you!

Lots of deep and moving posts on here. Nice that we have a place to vent/share/etc.

Nothing new to report except for lots of timely BDing. Fingers crossed

Ah Blue that's so lovely. You must have been beaming (glowing?!) all day!

Pie good luck for Monday, I'll be thinking of you. And good luck for your meeting also

I'm beginning to think of myself of an accidental trail-blazer at work now. Myself and another woman are both still bf-ing our toddlers and reference to this is now much more "normal" than I imagine it is in most other offices and today I found out that my team have all been wanting to ask more about what happened to me, and a couple actually have started. Not in a nosey/gossipy way, but genuine concern and letting me know that I could talk and be quite open if I wanted to. I didn't tell them what had happened at the time, my boss did; I wanted them to know but couldn't say the words I am still struggling to say what happened (text and MN doesn't count!) But I can talk around it, and about feelings etc and about "when I was pregnant" which is nice to help me remember my little one.

Anyway, I don't know what topics of conversation we'll move onto next in the office- its amazing we get any work done at all In saying that, I'm off Christmas shopping tomorrow... Anybody need anything picking up whilst I'm braving the crowds??

hi all, I'm new here. Just thinking about TTC after missed miscarriage last month and marking my place.

bauble don't worry, I don't think I've divulged so far. Here goes...

BFP early oct, day before ds first birthday. Had the most straight forward pregnancy and birth was ds I suppose I was complacent...I don't know. I just thought second pregnancies are different. Working full time, racing round after ds, I was actually quite pleased that morning sickness stopped so early. I'd had the smallest bit of brown discharge-not even blood-on the Sunday, but had dismissed it as nothing. It happened again at work on the Monday am so I rang midwife thinking they'd tell me to stop being so ridiculous and wasting their time. Of course, they said go to a&e but it was probably "something & nothing" Dp picked me up and after waiting hours between a&e and the early pregnancy unit, I got in with consultant for a scan. He couldn't find a HB. But I knew. It was too quiet for too long. I'd had 3 scans with ds and it was never so quiet. In that moment, I just wanted to go home. Ds was with my mum and had been all day (she looks after him whilst I'm at work) and the thought that he needed me and I was here not cooking his tea,not bathing him, putting him to bed. Anyway, we then had to wait some more, 2nd scan in antenatal to confirm. I asked to see the screen this time. Baby had died at 8+6 and I should have been 11+5. It was so still,quite peaceful actually. Very different to ds scan.

Booked in for ERPC the following day and it was the best decision to choose this as my biggest fear was being alone with ds when something happened. No fuss, no complications, just in and out of hospital the same day. Found some relief in my general anesthetic and not thinking about anything for a while.

We hadn't told many people and I've found telling those that didn't know I was pregnant completely awful. I've found great comfort in reading how others have moved on from this terrible place and had successful pregnancies.

Sorry, that's quite a long post! Bit like therapy this MN lark!

newton MN can be very therapeutic in being a place where you can organise your thoughts into one place and share your story...glad you felt you could do it! I had an erpc too but waited 2 weeks from the first scan when it looked as though things weren't right but that was just to check there wasn't any chance of something being missed on the scan - I was upposed to be 12w and it had all stopped around 6w but with no spotting before the scan at all I have had some good conversations with people at work and a girl here MC'd at 8 weeks a couple of months ago so it was good she felt she could chat to me that I'd understand - MC really is one of the great unspoken subjects!

tasmanian welcome, so sorry you find yourself on this thread but find a spot on the comfy sofa and make yourself at home - these ladies are fab!!

bauble I'm still a bit all over the place TBH - the whole things seems quite surreal...amazing, but surreal. I'm hoping that after the 20w scan on 3rd Jan (I'll actually be 19w then) that I will start to relax more and think of 'it' in more 'real' terms! It's funny though, I can focus on buying things that are needed for a LO but struggling to piece together that the LO in question is actually inside me IYSWIM?! Does that make any sense...

bauble will you then be off over Christmas or do you have to work inbetween Christmas and NY? Your mention of going back to work has reminded me of IQ I wonder how she's getting on back at work this week????

Ooo bauble I'm slight jealous of your lie-ins! 6 is when we are up. Tis very dark and cold this time of year!

tasmanian Welcome to the thread, sorry you are finding yourself in this place.

Does anybody know what tests are run following ERPC? I've had a letter today from the hospital saying the "tissue" was normal and benign. I've no idea and don't want to google just yet, but part of me thought if there was something wrong with the baby, I'd have been comforted (right word,probably not.) slightly, as of it wasn't for this world. Now I'm thinking is it something I've done,or something that may effect future pregnancies. Separate to this, I'd requested the scan pictures to put in a memory box. I've paid an admin fee and the process falls into requesting medical records. I've had a another letter today asking for a further £10 due to the amount of photocopying involve for my file. TBH I only want the scan pics (as wasn't expecting letter 1 to arrive) but thought my whole file might give me more info re testing. Has anybody else gone through this? I'm in two mind whether to call and just ask for scan pics, or send the extra money and get the whole thing. Not that it's the money thats the issue obviously!!

Just wondering whether I should start another thread about this. What do you think ladies?

Think my new years resolution should be to write shorter posts......

blue thanks for the mince pies....where's the mulled wine?!

newton I think they do some tests with regards to molar pregnancies, hence the benign comment. It's nothing you've done and is very very unlikely to affect future pregnancies.

I haven't had an early MC only two later ones and the processes are different, I am waiting for post mortem results and I know they are looking for chromosomal abnormality, genetic conditions, structural abnormality and signs of pathology/infection. Also at the baby's genitals in case a genetic abnormality is linked to the child's sex, as that has implications for future pregnancies. Also at the placenta and blood vessels of the cord.

I don't know how much of that applies to an earlier MC. I read that at around 9 weeks of pregnancy the placenta begins to take over, perhaps a loss around that stage could be to do with that crossover process, just something that didn't quite attach properly somewhere, for no reason other than nature isn't perfect.

Im sorry if I went into too much detail. I don't know what's appropriate to say any more. Sorry.

Hi all,

Got BFP on the 12th of October and MC on the 1st of December. It was my first pregnancy and absolutely heartbreaking. Well, it is heartbreaking still but I'm getting the mood swings from hell. One minute I'll be fine, next crying and the next going totally psycho and wanting to kill everyone.

Got a call from the hospital on Friday and was told that it was completely safe to start TTC again. Only problem with getting a BFP before a first AF is that it's tricky to calculate dates but to be honest, I would be so chuffed to get pregnant so quick that dates can go to hell.

Is everyone finding TTC a bit well, weird. Not unpleasant or anything but DH and I had so much crap going on lately (aside from MC) that our place has a bit of wake like atmosphere going on...