Just MC and ready to try again? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Jump in the mosh pit for some serious metalling or settle yourself down in our padded cell. All welcome! (Part 19)

[Poppyjen]

Another new thread for some more serious metalling - we really are a chatty lot!

Here's to making it through the WTF cycle(s), metalling* like a teenager from the early '90s in the 2WW, BFP colds and other classic symptom spotting and hiding in the (nice and comfy) padded cell post BFP

If you have miscarried and are ready to TTC again, come and join us!

• For those currently wondering what our mosh pit antics have to do with ttc post MC, a fabulous typo in an earlier thread resulted in "mentalling" becoming known as "Metalling" - a far more fitting expression I am sure you will agree!

Welcome!

missC Calm yeself. Nothing good is going to come of panicking. Feet up, cold drink and something sugary/stodgy (delete as appropriate) Aches and pains, draggy and stretchy are totally normal in pregnancy and you know that (stern voice) Have a lovely chat with your mw tomorrow and she will not only say the same, but prod and poke you and extract blood

Miss C please don't stress (easy to say I know) but keep those positive vibes going to your baby. I've got a over my slight bit of metalling after the cramps on Monday just because stressing certainly isn't going to help.

Shall we hold hands to support each other through every twinge?! I know I could do with it xx

I am so crap at being pregnant. I'll hold anyones hand but I seem to have pregnancy cooties so you're best off staying away.

DD's teacher is going off on maternity leave tomorrow, her baby is due the day before mini-toe should have been. I didn't actually know that until today (don't judge but I noticed she was pregnant when I was about 10 weeks or so and pretty much assumed she'd be off on mat leave any time, never occured to me she was the same as me, but my dodgy backwards tilted uterus hides babies so I tend to assume anyone with a visible bump is about to drop) DD made her a card for the new baby. BAM. Urghhhh.

Right I know there's nothing to be done. Thankyou for the stern voice and doritos and wise words. Off to eat something with many calories. Maybe I'm starving it bloody unlikely

missc hoping that you ate something suitably restorative after your last post and are now feeling a bit calmer (an a lot fuller of course). I can't imagine how stressed out I'm going to get about every twinge and how much time I'll spend on knicker inspections if I ever get pg again.

Had a very wobbly day today, the first one really since the ERPC 4 weeks ago today. Not sure what set it off, maybe AF hormones. Fuck knows. Actually, I do know. Firstly, I'm tired from not sleeping due to hacking cough that is making me gag. Secondly my lovely boss (who has 4 children, and has been through 2 mcs and a still birth so is well versed in what I am going through), asked me how I was feeling. It's so stupid. I burst into tears. He asked me what he could do to help. There's nothing really. I wanted to joke and say he could help me get pregnant, but that would be a bit weird! All I can think about is getting pg again, which is hardly healthy (though, on the upside, for the first time in my adult life something has superseded my preoccupation with weight / food). But I know that if I do get pg I like you, missc and madabout, will be on tenterhooks. And it kills me to see pregnant women, or hear about them. I know I'm not the only one. I should be having a 20 week scan later in the month, and getting fatter, not thinner. Not felt this shit since christmas.

Sorry, that was all very me me me.

MissCoffee, I may not be the best person to say this right now, but try to stay calm. Hopefully, you are just having an attack of panics that will be over tomorrow. Maybe you could talk about it to the MW, or if you are really scared or being fobbed off, would you be able to phone your dungaree consultant? She might not be able to talk to you straight away, but you are on her radar now and would get back to you somehow. Although the information you got from your meeting about Mini-toe was scary, try to pull something good out of it by bringing in as much help as you need. You do not have to fret away on your own. xxx

Manda I have been thinking about you. It must be so hard to go through such a traumatic experience and then have to try to make sense of it when pregnant again. I hope you get some sleep and find some peace.

Martha, I am so sorry that you are feeling down too. I completely get it. I have quite a few dark moments right now when I wonder whether I want to keep putting myself through it. It is not rational, but I keep thinking I had my shitty time with my miscarriage at 17 weeks, and that if things were fair, that would be it. But here we are again. And I will keep trying, but there is a part of me that feels like I am taking my heart out ready for another stamping on. For some lucky people, they never need to do this, put their breast plate on, and gather all their courage to TTC. They never know about the various strains it puts on couples, (thinking of a few of you on here recently), or the sleepless nights, or mental knicker checking, or that weird thing you get when people ask how many children have you got , and you want to say 3, but have to say 1. They don't know the horrible jealous lurch you have to get the better of and feel ashamed of when yet another person announces that they are pregnant (yep, I got one of those on Tuesday, 24hrs after miscarriage). They look forward to scans. And I do not know why some people are lucky and some are not, but I do think it changes those who have had to go though this, and gives them another perspective. I know it has changed how I feel about my DD. I love her just as much as before, but now I am so much more aware of how precious she is, and how lucky I am to have her. I am thinking about the lady in my choir who remembered my due date, months after my miscarriage. Or my GP, who I saw today, who told me she had a miscarriage, how horrible it is to go through, and rubbed my back as I was leaving and said look after yourself. She knows. All of you lovely ladies on here know. And it would be better not to, but that bit cannot be changed.

I am sorry if this is a bit waffly or trite, I am feeling quite emotional today. I have not been very well, and had to call in the cavalry AKA, the in-laws, to come and look after DD. I am still bleeding quite a lot, and cavorting around after a 2 year old is not really what the doctor ordered. Yesterday, I started to get this horrible dragging feeling, a bit like cystitis, and I think I have either got retained products or an infection. So the lovely GP has got me in hand with antibiotics.

I really should be off to bed now, but wanted to say hello, and that I am alright, or at least will be soon.

x-post with Bonzo. Big hugs to you too. x

Morning all - sorry for my lack of posting but I have spent the past couple of days paranoid about going into early labour - I'm still getting sporadic contractions but as I've had no waters, no consistent pain and no bleeding their happy for me to stay home and monitor it.

So where do I start - Manda, martha, missc, bonzo, Jaffa and anyone else feeling fragile at the moment: there just aren't any words that I can say that will help you get through the situations that your in at the moment. CP/MC/MMC, TTC and then actually conceiving brings up such a range of emotions. Many of which are negative because of the 'taint' of your previous loss. You look at everything and everyone with your not so innocent eyes and you can see problems that most women haven't even thought of. Life can be terribly cruel and the whole TTC period of my life felt like that. Even though I was lucky (well very bloody lucky) to conceive right away after my MC I still remember all those months when DH and I first started down this road and I was soooo innocent in thinking that I would just stop taking my pill and we would be pg and it would all be fine. Then those months of getting AF and wondering what was wrong with me or hating myself and my body for 'letting me down' or feeling guilty that I was a disappointment to DH as I wasn't falling pg whilst so many of our friends were. Then you have all those terrible bitter and angry feelings towards other pg women - you know its mean but you just can't help it. And when it is someone close to you it makes you feel worse because one part of you is happy for them but then there is another part of you that wishes you never had to speak to or see them again and then plastering that 'everything is ok' smile on your face whilst you feel like your coming apart at the seams shows you that your not ok but you feel as if you have no where to turn because "really who wants to hear you 'go on'" about your problems!!! You feel that you should 'be strong' and just cope with it all. But then really this is not a situation you cope with - for me TTC was something I endured, most of the time I was a basket case and the only person who knew was me. Then I MC'd and I found all of you and in a way it changed my life. I have never had a group of friends that I could be so honest and open with - people that understood where I was coming from and didn't judge me for being bitter or jealous but just supported me. Ladies who have been there with me through my BFP, early bleeding, scans, emergency hospital ect!!

So what am I trying to say with all my waffling - well firstly how much I appreciate all of you and secondly don't forget that we are all here to listen no matter what the circumstances, no matter how strange or bad you feel, no matter what crazy notions come in to your head or no matter how dark this part of your journey may be!!!!

My life has become somewhat brighter as my friend and I have finally had a chat about why she was so distant - I was right that it was about me being pregnant and her fertility problems. She was scared to tell me because she thought that I wouldn't want to be friends anymore if I knew that she wanted to distance herself from the pregnancy at the moment. I explained that I thought that was a very sensible thing if it would help her begin to deal with her emotions but made it clear that we were friends before all this TTC stuff so I hoped that when she felt ready she would come to me and talk to me about it. We have agreed that we will be in contact but not discuss anything baby related and I would only visit when she was ready. I think being on this thread and knowing some of the problems all of you have faced made it really easy for me to explain to her that I fully supported her decision and tried to reassure her that things with us would be ok so there was no need to worry about hurting my feelings or offending me when she said she was bitter about me 'carrying around this special thing inside me, whilst she was having to come to terms with possibly never being pregnant'. We both agreed that talking it through made things seem a lot lighter and so I'm hoping that in time (at least 6 months) we will get back to where we used to be and that she will be pleased when I ask her to be godmother.

OMG I've just looked at the time and realised I'm massively running late - better get myself ready otherwise I shall be 'staying behind' at work!!! Oh well only today and Monday to go and I am no longer a working woman until April 2013!!!!

Hoping all of you are ok - how is friday treating you????

missc how did your booking appointment go???

As it's nearly the end of the week I feel we should celebrate with some krispy Kreme's and luxury hot chocolate.......... !!!

Oh jaffa you shouldn't have to support me, now. Thank you. And IQ I'm glad things are improving with your friend. Honesty is just so essential with stuff like this - gets stuff out, it's never good to keep the bad inside.

Booking was vaguely interesting. Very young student so didn't get tutted at age-wise in comparison (or more likely I've acquired a few more wrinkles since last booking in) and a midwife I've never seen before who seemed nice - this is good. Risk factors gone over and over, I told her I really need a good phone number to call if something starts to go wrong, she gave me her number but she only works two days a week, I'm reliant on the useless office in the meantime, the one I sat ringing for hour after hour bleeding last time. But there's nothing to be done I suppose.

Notes have fancied-up since last time. I have a ring binder, and you can tell there have been budget cuts, barely any other mucking about,just the info and no fannying around with Emma's Patronising Diary and the like, thank fuck.

Student MW was a bit at my history, don't think she's been doing the job very long. Main MW came out with something very like 'well it's terrifying just being pregnant when you look at all the things that can go wrong, so it's even worse we you add in additional risk factors' when I told her I was anxious. Hmm, yeah, thanks for that.

Of course the main problem is they can't do anything. And I can't do anything. If it'll be okay, it will, and if it won't it won't........that's what is so frustrating. They pretty much confirmed that they'll do sweet FA about my hips falling to bits, knew that anyway, so called into the alternative centre n my way home and made an appointment with a chiro (not 100% that's the way forward but she specialises in pregnant pelvises apparently)

Right I'm off to put on a very tight black dress and go and meet my uni friends at a swanky bar in the city.

No really I am!

And jaffa I'm glad you're being looked after by GP and relatives, let them take the weight off and get yourself some TLC. Thinking of you x

Hi all, hope the weekend is treating you well. Just back from the supermarket,which was relatively quiet for a Saturday actually.

I visited the mw on thurs. I'd tried to get a proper appointment on Wednesday but "policy" for your first appointment is drop in clinic. Cue me sat with a room full of pregnant bellies from 1pm until 2:45. I was an absolute quivering wreck by the time I went in. I know I am pregnant, but apart from the fact that it doesn't seem real, and won't for a few weeks yet, it still hurts to see big bumps Anyway, 2 new mw since last time... Theyre a bit "old school" but actually seemed much better than the previous one who was a bit too ditsy/easy going for my liking. I'm glad I've got experience on my side this time. Not a terribly exciting appointment, booking in will be done at home at 8 weeks, so another 2 to go. I'm only looking as far as 12weeks at the moment.

Nothing else really going on here, but the thread is so quiet today....I thought I'd try to tempt you all out with some

hi Newton, the florentines were too much temptation so here I am.

Glad your appointment went ok, I get what you mean aboout big bumps though, same with tiny babies.

I'm eagerly awaiting the chance to have an early scan at the EPU which they told me last time they can do at 7 weeks if everything is ok until then. That's just under two weeks away which seems like an eternity .

Not even told my GP yet, don't see the point as he'll just contact the midwives and put them in touch with me. Don't fancy making an appointment for my booking until I've at least had a scan. They don't book you until the dating scan anyway so there's no rush.

I too am focusing on 12 weeks, get a feeling it's going to be a looooonnngggg wait. Got a short break in Center Parcs to look forward to that should helps things along. No rapids for me this time though!

Just how old are you, lady?

What's occuring, duck?

I've had another mini-meltdown today... and I've countered it by booking us in for dinner at Chez Bruce on wednesday (michelin star restaurant but I managed to get a £29.50pp/3 course deal from top table so I'm happy to splurge knowing it won't really be costing splurge money, y'know?). I think, I mean, I can't guarantee it... but maybe I'll get my hair done before then. Two years is freaking ridiculous, isn't it?

FLorentines? They're too dry for my liking (although I have heartburn just now so not really wanting anything...). Or have I only eaten rubbsih ones?

manly thump on the shoulder*

Mad we are off to center parcs in may. We booked it for around what would have been the due date for the baby we lost in November. It's a while off yet, but still, something to look forward to!

Mw said to me they did not scan any earlier, so I will have to wait until 12 weeks. Hopeful that I will be ok until then. I think in a way I am glad, as mmc was at 11 weeks so an early scan wouldn't really reassure me. I hope your new 2ww passes quickly and that you are feeling ok, with enough symptoms to keep you happy and sane!

yeah I see what you mean Newton about an early scan not reassuring you, both of my mmcs were earlier than 7 weeks so I think it will reassure me. Symptoms are increasing though which is obviously a good thing.

Have you been to CPs before, if not let me know if you'd like some tips.

By the way - anyone know how to get 'bold' on when usIng the ipad mumsnet app? can't put anyone's name in bold at the mo.

evening ladies

i have the whole house to myself tonight i have domino's pizza, mint baileys hot chocolate and a DVD to share if anyone's interested

DH has gone the pub with his friend and DD is staying at my mums so its me and the dog on the couch tonight

i tested again 2 days ago (not with FMU but still) BFN but there are still alot of symptoms that seem to have no rational explaination hey ho...could be worse i suppose.

i hope everyone is enjoying the weekend

Hello,
I wonder if I could come and hide here for a while? I've had 3 losses (one end of 1st trimester, two 6/7 weeks), two DC and I'm now in early stages of pregnancy again. Paranoid as anything. Had serial beta hcgs which started very low, doubled okay. One scan at 7w with HB seen last Friday. Early days, and braced for it to all go tits up at any minute.

< sits down behind a potted yucca tree in the corner >

Frozen - that all sounds promising to me, keep your chin up and send that baby your best positive vibes x

frozen I'm guessing you put that yucca there yourself? I don't recall there being a yucca..

Seriously, so far things sound good for you. DId you have any testing at all to try and give any clues as to why you had three losses?

Anyway, we're here to hand hold or slap you encourage positivity, whichever you feel most in need of.

Well, I now have DS2's cold. Gah! And for the last few days, I have tacycardia - resting hb is 120, and all I need to do is walk to the bedroom and back and it rises to 140. Not good. DF is making me go to the dr tomorrow. I suspect I'm probably anemic/fighting infection (the cold emerging last night seems to confirm this) as I'm pretty breathless at times too (when just sitting, doing nada).

And the snow is hardly helping my mood I hates the snow!

I need hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows. Naturally, I'm all out of milk, whipped cream and marshmallows. And I am NOT risking walking to the shop and back in this treacherous weather/my weak breathless state. I guess I have to wait for DF to be done with his day (he has his DD this weekend. They spend half the time here and half the time at his mums) and bring me stuff in... he did already take me out to breakfast earlier but I made the mistake of having tea and orange juice with my fry up. What was I thinking?!

hello

i am back from my spa break. didn't go swimming in the end as only one person in our group got in the pool and she looked freezing so i hung around the edge with the other girls!

i still haven't had a smiley face with those bloody clearblue opks. i am on my second pack now. cd 21 today i think. will carry on swi anyway!

Hello all,

Loads of hugsjaffa, misscoffe, manda...ah sod it, let's have a group hug, we are all having a bit of a difficult time.

I just want to say that I do find 'Feeling Good' by Dr Burns really helpful, it's one of those books I keep going back to when I'm feeling low. I would recommend it to anyone who is struggling but not feeling like going down the meds and/or therapy roue

I am a bit of a mess at the moment to be honest. CD 11 for me so should get on with some proper TTC this week but I just feel like crying all the time and the old anxiety is back... I try to concentrate on what a lovely time I had a few days ago and and how close DH and I right now and generally good things in life but this bloody blues just won't lift!

Hi frozen good to see you among the foliage.

Being about 5 years old at heart, I went sledging today, which was excellent. Sadly it's back to work tomorrow ( so envious of IQ right now). Just wanted to say hi though and send my best to everyone who has been having troubles.

I've got an initial ''open day" to go to at the IVF clinic on Tuesday, so will probably check in after that.

Thank you for the welcome
Madabout - good point: attempting positive vibes, might have to settle for stemming the tide of cynicism and dread at first!
Manda - yes, it's my travelling yucca . We had some limited testing (chromosomes, genetic clotting factors) and nothing came up. I take 75mg aspirin, progesterone, high dose folic acid & b vitamins on a "can't hurt, might help" basis. I think I'll mostly be needing slaps
Tiago - sledging sounds brilliant. Oddly enough (given my nickname) we only had 2cm of snow.

I'm going to take some time to learn everyone's back-story so please humour me. My current pregnancy looks okay-ish on paper but I know exactly how much faith to have in my body in this situation (none). Want to send sympathetic thoughts to anyone having a rough time right now: this whole loss thing can be really, really brutal.

welcome frozen sorry for your losses and good luck with your current preg

we have a sort of crib list further down the thread if you fancy putting your stats on