Mothers of Angel Babies United - wishing for, some of us pg with and some of us holding our Rainbow babies

[Bluetinkerbell]

Here we go again!
lots of love to all our angel babies! xxx

just checked it was a 37 day cycle before, so definitely way too early for AF...

Oooh Blue could be Are you still going to test around 15th? Fx so tightly for you.

Melmal glad you are feeling positive. You are so right, our angels would want it.I am trying too. Every time I feel the panic coming I have been trying to tell myself there is no point panicking, what will be will be and stressing about it isn't going to help anyone. Bloody hard though xx

Ciwi I know it's a bit different but with dd1 I was induced the day after my due date. I had a sudden blood pressure spike and as I was past my due date they asked if I wanted to be induced. It was fine I had 2 pessaries. About 2 hrs after the 2nd one I started having mild contractions. Exactly 12 hours later I pushed her out. It was a really good labour. Of course I hadn't lost a child then but just wanted to share a positive induction story. Definite c-section for me again this time (fx all being well) as there will be less than an year since emcs with Erin. When are you due?

Juggling thank you Katie is still absolutely loving school. She is such a lovely happy little girl. Not telling her about this pregnancy until we absolutely can't hide it. I'm so scared of building her hopes up and crushing them again. I think she will start to worry when we do have to tell her. Sadly I won't be able to 100% say it won't happen again. I feel like I ought to prepare her for another loss just in case.

Fan hope you are feeling a bit better.

Thank you all so much for your support about work. It is so appreciated xxx

Dear whatever - you write such lovely things to everyone !

Just thinking that I'm not sure about you saying you think Katie might start to worry when you tell her about this pregnancy - I think, knowing just a little about her personality, and how resilient children can be, she might be quite excited ! I don't think there's any particular need to prepare her for the possibility of loss - sadly, like you, she will already have that at the back of her mind. I think she'll need as much reassurance and encouragement as you can muster. Let her help you get excited for your new baby together ? Maybe a counsellor could help you think through what you might say to Katie ? I think you are a wonderfully brave person - try to draw on those reserves and not be scared ! Life is scary, but it can also be wonderful x

I've missed so much in just a few days! Have to keep up more! I've been freaking out sooo much lately, had a really awful day where I just thought I was going to lose my mind. Haven't felt like that in ages and I didn't like the way I felt at all. I think I'm going to ask about going in twice a week soon, the weekly appointments seem like forever between them now.

I'm so scared of something going wrong this time, I really want her out here with us. We've bought some more baby things and I bought some things for hospital today, I'm kind of hoping that the more I buy the less chance something will go wrong...that's silly I know but I can't help it. My mum and dad have bought us a few things too. I'm paying attention to every kick and movement and really noticing the times when she's quiet. Slowly driving myself mad!

Had a lovely morning though today and met Ratherbeonthepiste when she brought me my blanket that MNetters made for me, it's really beautiful and have some photos up on a thank you thread I started in arts and crafts. OVerwhelmed by it all.

Too no idea on my iron levels yet, they haven't retested (maybe Tuesday when I'm there) and I completely forgot to remind them yesterday. That's exactly how I feel about her being born, it feels all on me at the moment and it's such a lot of pressure. I just cannot wait until she is born. I'm glad you got your elcs date, must be a huge relief.

My dh is still seeing a counsellor, he struggles a lot. He has lots of health problems as well as trying to deal with Scarlett's death and now this baby so it's really hard on him. The past few weeks have been particularly bad. His counsellor wasn't working over christmas and I've noticed a big difference in him not having the sessions, he still really needs them.

whatever Scarlett's birthday was Dec 6th so I have a few months between which feels ok but at the time it seemed to take forever to get pregnant. I think it was 6/7 months for us but felt like so much longer. My dcs are worried about something happening to this baby, more so my eldest who is almost 10 as she understands a lot more. My youngest is 5 on Wednesday and he gives me kisses, kisses my tummy and then blows kisses to Scarlett in heaven :) he remembers and so does my middle son. They are very aware of death now and of what could happen but they are also happy and excited about this baby being born. Being children they are a lot different to us adults I think.

Trickle congrats on your BfP!

fanjo I hope you're feeling a bit better today, none of it is easy is it? Every "special" date is hard :(

ciwi I also want what's best for the baby but I feel that that will be being outside of me, they cannot tell me that she'll be safe and well in me and at least (even if a bit early) outside she can be looked after and monitored. That's the way I look at it at least!

Spilt Freya sounds adorable :) I cannot wait to be in your position!

razz hope you don't have GD, I found out that I do but it's not been so bad, the insulin has been a pain but am kind of used to it now. I hope the weeks fly by for you, I'm hoping the final few go quickly for me too!

Angel I remember thinking the same about that glucose drink with Scarlett, I didn't take the GTT this time as they had me testing my blood at 13 weeks.

Shakey I couldn't wait until 40 weeks, I really don't want to even get to 37 as that's when we lost Scarlett. I'm counting down the days/weeks now.

blue it could be implantation? That would make sense I think, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Blue I'm praying it's implantation bleeding xxx

Oh Cheese I think you must be in the hardest bit now. I guess it must feel a bit like 'so near yet so far'. I can totally understand you wanting her born before 37 weeks. What has your consultant said? Mine did say when I had follow up meeting (before I was pregnant) that she would do steroid injections from 32 weeks just in case I really really couldn't hang on until 37 weeks. Although I guess it could be different if you are being induced as could be harder to start you off early. Keep taking it one day at a time. I think going in twice a week is an excellent idea. Do whatever you need to to get through these few weeks. I hope your dh can get back to his counselling. I wish my dp would speak to someone.

Thank you for the insight in to how your dc's are coping. When did you tell them?

I'm not 100% sure yet but think it's AF...
specially after realising what date ot was yesterday! Both with DD1 and Sterre my LMP started on 7th January. Don't know whether to laugh or to cry. This can't be coincidence

Morning ladies......moving fast again I see.
cheese great to hear from you, how lovely to be given a blanket, will try to find the thank you thread so I can have a peep at it. Keep breathing deeply, you are almost there, having lots of monitoring and very wise (sadly) about any changes. Maybe you could ask for daily monitoring in that final week or even admission if doable.....anything that would help just a little to get you through.
whatever I also have two children and delayed telling them about this pregnancy until it could no longer be hidden. With it being my 4th I was only able to last until 18 weeks and as they are 10 and 8 they couldnt be fobbed off any longer. Thankfully we had been given the all clear by then that the baby did not have the condition we lost Thomas to. However, like the rest of the ladies on here I am so aware of the many things that can still go wrong but my children can't live through a pregnancy like that. They are both really excited, sometimes my youngest will mention something about this baby dying and I just tell her that at the moment it is healthy and kicking mummy lots. There is just no easy way.
ciwi I am so happy that everything is going so well for you with your baby boy. Have you decided on a final name yet?? Think so far we are still the only representatives for team blue!!!
blue, that is a bit spooky, the exact last date for both your girls. I still hope that it is implantation followed by a bfp.

Had my own little freak out yesterday. Had had a funny shivering episode during the night. When I woke I dipped my urine (cut sugar from diet and wanted to see if it made a difference). No sugar but +protein. Visited my mum at tea time and as she has a bp monitor thought I would have a go. Well, it came up as 162/99!! My usual is low at 120/60. Went home (with bp monitor ) and checked again.....still high. Called delivery unit who sent a mw out. Strangely, when she dipped the wee the only thing it showed was sugar!! I had been lying down for an hour with my feet up and my bp had gone down to 133/80. She listened to baby. When I went to bed it was 127/78. This morning it is 129/81. Stupidly, I dont feel that reassured!!!
Going to take it easy today....should maybe stay away from dip sticks and bp monitors!!!

Razz mmm... I ' d say step away from the bp monitor but I wouldn t/ didn t!!! Try & rest & call the MW s as often as you want that's what they re here for. Xxx
Cheese so nearly there. If you want to be admitted the week before then do!!! You remember I was ok until the week before (36 weeks) when I finished work then was at hospital virtually every day( some were scheduled appts!!) in the end I went in for a trace every day for the last 5 days before my section date.it is so incredibly difficult & you ve no choice but to go through it but you re nearly there.no words of wisdom: just hang in there every day gone is another day closer to meeting your baby & when you do all this anguish will be forgotten, not Scarlett but this pregnancy. I don t think about my pg now really but at the time it felt like it would never end. Take care xx
Blue odd!!! Still hoping for implanation bleeding for you xxx
Love to all. Xxx Phebs is good 2 nd lot of vaccinations this week time is flying by. She ll be 12 weeks on Tuesday she's growing out of her clothes like there's no tomorrow. Love her, love her, love her xxx

blue That is really spooky! If not this month, then I really hope you het that bfp next month!

razz Stay well clear of the monitors I think it could do more harm than good. But if you need to call the midwife anytime!

angel wow 12 weeks already!

hope you are all ok x

overheard! Luckily they sent me straight for a scan and all was well but I didn't announce my pregnancy unil weeks later. I was showing early though so people did guess, my neighbour guessed when I was around 9 weeks!

Dh's counselling is back on this Thursday so that is good, much welcomed as it really does help him. To be honest, at first he was very against counselling and didn't want to talk to anyone at all but I did push him a but and went to the gp with him also and they put him on a waiting list. We were given their number too and I called them up to explain the situation, they put him to the top of the list and started within about a month of waiting which was pretty good. He was (and still is) on anti depressants which have taken the edge off for him as he wasn't coping at all and had started self harming and talking about worse so I think I was pushing him for the right reasons. I'm glad I did because it's helped him so much. He does have down days and times and is nowhere near his "usual" self (but then will any of of ever be?!) but he's a lot better than he was. Sorry for epic post!

blue If it is AF then maybe it's a sign? I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. I remember feeling absolutely desperate every time AF showed up and I wasn't pregnant yet again but it will happen. (hugs)

razz I think I'll be needing a lot of monitoring soon, I'm really starting to worry and become so paranoid about everything. I have a 4d scan booked for tomorrow which I'm looking forward to, we thought it would help and also create some more memories. Ctg again on Tuesday but then nothing for a week so I'll have to see how I feel. How is your bp looking now? Must have worried you so much. I have a home monitor too and do keep track of mine just in case, it's all so worrying. Do get lots of rest!

angel are you glad you had a section? I'm still tempted to ask for one just so I can have the reassurance of having her out and here with us without all the inducing, drips, monitoring etc. I know a section requires drips and monitoring but not in the same way. I'm scared that being induced will bring back Scarlett's birth too. She was transverse last time and breech before so it might not be an option anyway but still! Wow 12 weeks! That has flown by :)

whatever I think I'll ask about steroids just in case too. I was going to wait longer to tell the children about being pregnant again but ended up telling them just before my 12 week scan as we had a car accident and I had to tell the paramedics and they

Oops, the above on this post should be at the top of my last one! Managed to cut it off somehow :S

Thanks cheese, she's gorgeous and I feel so so lucky to have her. Her smile is the best thing in my world.
Your blanket sounds lovely, I believe there's some skilled seamstresses on MN! I agree with the others to go in for monitoring as often as you need it. Also agree with angel that, even if you don't believe it now, once your baby girl is here the memories of the stress and fear of this pg will become very vague and distant. Enjoy your 4d scan, I bet that will be amazing!

blue fingers crossed for you xx

whatever I know the work guilt - it's a horrible uncomfortable feeling. But you have to let that bit go - imagine if it was your colleague in your position, you wouldn't be thinking they were skiving at all would you? You're much better off taking your time to get your head round this new pregnancy and resting and making the most of some more time with Katie. Work will still be there in Feb. You need to look after you.

ciwi I went into labour naturally. Started contracting at 39+6 and she finally was born at 40+2. I was induced with Bobbie, as most of us were I think with our angel babies. My experience was that my body was very sensitive to the induction drugs - I only had the pessaries and was labouring within the hour and Bobbie was born about 2-3 hours later. On the other hand with the natural labour I seemed to be a slow burner... it took frigging days, and by the end I would have bitten the hand off of anyone who could have got it speeded up and over with. It's a very personal choice. What's your gut feeling? I felt that since Bobbie's death was earlier in the pg (20 weeks) and the result of an infection then there was no reason why a natural labour at term should be higher risk than for any normal first time mum, and hence I felt it was safest for Freya and me. Also I was keen to keep interventions to a minimum (only if safe to do so though!) as I felt that was right for me. Your labour will progress best where you feel safest, as it is a hormonal process. So for me, to minimise stress etc I wanted to be in control, have the gradual build up in contractions that you get naturally, be active, use the pool etc, and only move onto a more medicalised way of things if needed.
Looking back, actually all the early labour with Freya was very manageable whereas Bobbie's the contractions hit very strongly straightaway which was scary. I coped up to about 8cm before needing pain relief but from there on it was awful, and it's this end part that I'm struggling to get my head round still. It was just such a shocking level of pain for so long. I think I got stuck in transition because I was going out of my mind with pain for 4.5 hours (8cm to 10cm). I may even have been fully dilated for a number of those hours, as I was in the pool and hence not examined during that time, but my full bladder stopped F descending and hence no urge to push. If I'd managed to pee I suspect she would have been born a couple of hours sooner.
Note to all: pee constantly in labour!!
Pushing was also fine really. Crowning was sheer agony, but then it was over.

I think also I was scared of induction because of the mental association there was for me. I didn't want to feel like I was reliving Bobbie's birth. In the end maybe that was part of why I opted for the MW maternity unit and not the hospital (change of heart at 4am in established labour: DH "so where am I driving you to?!"), - different place entirely and I was scared of being in the hospital.

It definitely is AF that showed up here yesterday :( feeling very sad but maybe it's Sterre wanting me to have a rainbow baby on the anniversary of her due date...

blue huge hugs. I really hope the timing of things is a very good sign for you. xxx

Oh Blue huge hugs. It must be so hard xx

Forgot to say thank you Split I hadn't thought about what would I think if it were my colleague or member of staff. I'd be thinking 'fecking hell she's very brave! How can I make the next 9 months easier on her' So I'm hoping that's what they will think too!

Cheese you've spurred me on to having another try to get dp to counselling. Hope you are feeling a bit better today xx

I did another test today as I don't feel remotely pregnant. No symptoms at all except a little dizzy. Still very definitely positive but I keep thinking that there's not going to be anything there when I go for my 8 week scan Didn't even enter my head with Katie or Erin that all wouldn't be absolutely fine.

spilt thanks for sharing your story, I thought you had lost bobbie earlier on in pregnancy so thought it would be useful to hear how you managed later on. I Lost Ciaran at 24 weeks due to pre eclampsia so I am happy that I have got this far in some ways. I would love to go into labour naturally and have a 'normal' experience but I am worried about the risk of late onset pre eclampsia so I think I need to see what the consultant advises really. Of course I could get pe between now and 37 weeks in which case the decision would be taken out of my hands.
whatever the early days of pregnancy are always stressful I think, when is your scan?
cheese my friend who I met through sands lost her baby at 36 weeks and her consultant has said he will induce her before 36 weeks this time so she doesn't have to go through the same stage. Do you think your consultant would do the same?
blue sorry if it is af, it is a weird coincidence that the lmp for your first 2 pregnancies is the same date though. Fx for you this month x
Hi to everyone else, I have got a scan tomorrow followed by consultant appointment on tue, hoping to speak to the consultant about a plan then.

So sorry blue, I hope you are feeling ok :(

whatever - I feel like that too - I 'felt' pregnant with Sproglet and I just don't right now, and I woke up with low abdominal pains last night - but it was just cramps from my pelvis realigning I think. I mean I can barely move without my girdle belt thing so I have to be pregnant - but I'm half conviced my body is playing tricks on me. Maybe it's just a bit too scary to believe, becasue that is going to mean a lot of worry, just like everyone else on the thread who is further along, though there weren't any problems for me till 42 weeks - so they mentioned induction at 40 maybe 38 weeks, thats a discussion to be had later with the consultant.

I really feel for all of you who are further along with your pregnancies, I can just about imagine the stress and anxiety and I wish I could help take it away xx

ciwi - good luck at your appt

Tomorrow I go see wheelchair services, I'm praying for a powered chair, but they are like hens teeth on the NHS, and the criteria seems to be impossible to match to :S

thanks ladies... it has really thrown me this time, as most of you know I have quite long cycles, so AF coming through on CD32 was a real shocker!
Yes it is really strange that the LMP of my two pregnancies was 7th of January! Although for this cycle for the CBFM today is CD1 and not yesterday, so actually it is 8th January, still if I get pregnant this cycle, due date will be close to DD1's birthday and Sterre's due date. I don't know how I will cope with that, with scans being around similar times too... well that all is assuming something will happen this month...

Hi ladies - can't say much as putting kids to bed but just wanted to say whatever and trickle I dont feel pg either. My boobs aren't sore, ive had no nausea and I don't feel it. I was also convinced it was all in my head - but the 6 wk scan i had showed a heartbeat and a yolk sac. I'm now trying to be positive even though I can't help but feel that something's wrong. I guess it's 'normal' for us.
Also thought that maybe its because I've been pg so recently so my body's used to the hormones - just a theory.
Blue - really sorry to hear that. It's just shit.

I second that August, I was awake all last night thinking that maybe I'm just getting fat and not actually pregnant! It's a long time between 12 and 20 wk scans. I have been feeling quickenings though (although sometimes I think it's wind) and as we all know, we're likely to be anxious and terrified through it all.
Blue I so hope that this is a sign for you. This babies due date was the same as Ruby's but our consultant changed it to the day before. Scan times are all fairly similar and I have to say that they're awful anyway going for a scan and I tend not to think about what happened and link them iykwim. Everything crossed all the same though x

8 week scan is on 25th January Ciwi so just over 2 weeks to get through. Hope your scan goes well tomorrow and you get a plan you are comfortable with.

August and Trickle it's so nice to be going through these early stages with people who totally understand the anxieties. The ladies on the Sept 2012 thread are all really really lovely but are already discussing prams and Moses baskets. I am so not there yet! Fx you get a powered chair Trickle sounds like it will definitely make things easier for you xx

Blue sorry xxx as u know I had Phoebe just 8 days after Georgie's birthday so there was only a year & month difference in the conception dates.so hope it happens for you very soon xx
Spilt know what you mean Phoebe's grin
& chuckles make my heart swell every time. She's so totally adorable & even more precious. I think we appreciate our babies more as we ve been on the other awful,awful side xx
Ciwi good luck with your scan & plan. ( oh it rhymes!!!)
Cheese I loved having a planned section no stress whatsoever. As I ve mentioned my stress was the week leading up to the big day. On the actual day it didn t even enter my head I was having surgery as I was so focussed on seeing Phoebe. For me the thought of another vaginal delivery didn t bother me it was the thought " that no way was I going over 40 weeks again". & waiting for labour to begin. I hated that bit but in the end it was a no brained for many reasons for me it seemed to be the safest way to have Phebs & don t forget I had Group Strep B all through my pg so there was no way I was risking passing it to Phebs via vaginal delivery. ( we both had a shed load of antibiotics preventively but Pheb' s blood cultures were negative when tested) .Georgie died at 41 weeks so I requested a section at 37 weeks my consultant wanted me to wait to 38 weeks so wr compromised on 37,3 weeks!!! I also had 2 steriod injections 3&4 days before my section.
Recovery was totally fine I was out & about 4 days after I had Phebs ( section day ; Tuesday, home from hospital : Friday & out Saturday) . Post op care was appalling as I documented on here and I got a wound infection ( what a surprise??) but I just treated myself with a week of antibiotics. However, all in all to me was the quickest , safest & least stressful way of ensuring my Phebs was delivered.
Hope everyone else is ok? Xxx

Morning all
blue really sorry that it turned out to be af . However, it does seem there is a slight trend that many of our rainbow babies are due on/around the same time as our angels. This baby, like mel, is also due on the same day as I delivered Thomas though the scan department kindly put the day before on my notes and my consultant has agreed to section me at 37 weeks. Like others, I hope that this is a good omen for you.
whatever, trickle and august, my symptoms this time were also almost not there compared to my previous pregnancies. Could very well be that bodies are more prepared........
Good luck today ciwi
angel, can I ask how often and when they checked you for the grp b strep? I also tested positive after Thomas was delivered but mw has told me she wont test until 34 weeks. It is also part of the reason I feel more secure about the section as my labours have never lasted as long as the 4 hours pre delivery suggested for antibiotics.
Hope everyone else is well