Mothers of Angel Babies United - wishing for, some of us pg with and some of us holding our Rainbow babies

[Bluetinkerbell]

Here we go again!
lots of love to all our angel babies! xxx

Thanks girls, I'm still feeling it this morning. I'm sitting in the work car park crying. I'm going to try and pull myself together and get into work, because I know that I shall be worse if I don't.
I think it might be because I am still not pg and also I have nothing to look forward to at the moment, we have moved into our long awaited flat and now well there's just nothing.
I'm so glad we all found each other on here, but sometimes it gets me down that there are so many of us!

Oh fan ((hugs)) I hope your day gets better. I know what you mean with nothing to look forward to. For months I had my wedding to focus on and like you now there is nothing. I really hope we get our bfp's soon. I was hoping to be pg before Zoe's birthday in February but I really doubt that willl happen now.

angel Lovely words adn good luck with the job hunting. x

Oh Fan I hope you are feeling a little better. Would it be possible to plan something nice to do? A weekend awaIy maybe. I know it won't change anything but it might give you a wee something to look forward to xx

Hospital called. 8 wk scan on 25th Jan. Staggeringly efficient! Feeling all over the place.

thanks blizy and whatever

blizy youve got it so right, it is my birthday on monday, but I m not really looking forward to it. A few days ago I was, I love this time of year usually as its christmas one week then new year and then its my birthday so lots of presents and parties and going out, but this year I just dont care.
I really hope it happens to us soon blizy I really do, its just so unfair that we have waited so long, my DH keeps telling me off for saying that but I just cant help it.

My father in law is running a 10k race next weekend in memory of Ophelia and we are collecting money for it. It will then be given to SANDS in her name. Ive just bought a collection tin and I have lots of information on SANDS with me, just got to make up the tin and then I can place it somewhere in the office and hope that people here donate.

Hi everyone,
Sorry I havent been on much lately, I have been checking in to see how you are all getting on but havent posted as I havent really had much to say. This year was our second christmas without Ciaran and although there were some tears it was much easier than last year and I actually enjoyed a lot of it. Not rubbing it in for those who had a tough time but I just wanted to let you all know that the first of everything is always the hardest and next year will be better x
fan I really feel for you and have definately been where you are now. Although I fell pregnant within 3 months of losing Ciaran I also miscarried (at 10 weeks) and it plummeted me right back down again. I then found a good holistic therapist who also acts like a bit of a councellor to me too, she helped me to focus on things that I can enjoy and that I have control over (hobbies, going out with friends, even book a little holiday or do something fun with the OH). She was also helping me with my cycle and to get my body healthy and strong for another pregnancy so I think it helped me to think I was doing something to help a healthy pregnancy too. I still see her now and I honestly believe that she has played a big part in me getting to 30 weeks (tommorrow) without losing my mind. I hope you start to feel better soon x
I hope all you ladies waiting for bfp's get them very soon x
Sorry not to name check but there is too much to catch up on, I am thinking of you all a lot x

I am miles behind, have just read pages to catch up.

Arf at your mummy brain angel. If it makes you feel better my totally lost the plot moment came about 2 weeks ago...
I saw a light through the catflap and instead of correctly thinking, oh that's next door's security light, I honestly though, oh look, the cats have a torch now FFS!

Welcome to trickle and whatever and welcome to Sproglet and Erin too. And congratulations on both of your BFPs!

too and cheese I can't believe how far through you both are. I remember that wishing for the birth so vividly, and thinking at least when she's out, if I'm worried I can just feel her chest and know she's alive. I hate to say it but for me the fear is still so real. I don't dare believe we'll get to keep her and watch her like a hawk. I do sometimes wonder what it would feel like if Freya was our first, whether i would be just as paranoid or not.

She's now 19 weeks + and we are having loads of firsts - she started rolling front to back a couple of days ago, the increasing dexterity is fascinating, and today.... total miracle: put nearly asleep baby in cot and she WENT TO SLEEP. My legs went all jittery in excited disbelief and I phoned my dad to tell him . Dad asked if that meant DH could come back to our bed (he's had the spare room single mattress on the floor and me and DD have the bed) and I said, no I am going to have 5ft all to myself at least once . Moot point anyway as I'm only working on the cot for daytime naps just now, can't face the extra faff and effort at 3am.

We hit 4 month sleep regression like a truck. Perfect wake once a night baby vanished. 3 weeks ish of waking every 45mins to 1.5 hours 1.5 hours felt good . Then a stinking cold so she slept badly because she was so bunged up, but last night was a vast improvement. Fingers crossed for tonight.

And the house is on the market now. Gah. Trying to keep it tidy...

I've been having a bit of a rough patch. Lots of unprocessed upset from Freya's birth, which I just can't move on from and DH found me in tears about on Christmas day, and special Christmas extra grief for Bobbie. I feel such a numpty and even a fraud for being so upset by Freya's birth - it wasn't like there were complications (other than excessive length!) and I had great care, but still feel quite traumatised by the experience. Maybe because after having Bobbie I expected it to be a piece of piss - knew what to expect contraction wise, body has had a go at this before, not in shock after being told baby has died. Don't know.

I watched OBEM nervously last night. I soooo wanted to have more children but can't imagine confronting pg and birth again. Doesn't help that I am in piles hell and hence have a constant reminder of birth.

fan big hugs to you, I hope the day has got easier.

august yey for a bean on your scan!

sorry for bonkers length post

Spilt hi. Saw one born last night & was in floods of tears over the baby boy who they had to resuscitate ... Reminded me of my Georgie ( though of course the outcome was totally different)
Hi Mel & *Ciwi^ good to hear from you both xxxx take care xxx
Fan totally echo what Blitzy said ( know who you are now!!!) the only way I got through last ( earl) year was by having something booked every month. Superbreaks do really cheap breaks , particularly at this time of year. It helped pass the time. Didn t replace my need for ttc but just gave me something to look foreward to every month. Wr got spa breaks with 2 nights of diner thrown in for about £120 each. Helped me a lot , then when I got pg it gave me another focus to help time pass. Xxxx

you girls never cease to amaze me with your support.

I have taken your advice and feel alittle better at the moment, ciwi you are right that is a goal that I could acheive, to get my body back to a point where Im happy and healthy and ready for conception, not saying that Im going to put ttc on the back burner but Im going to concentrate on getting healthy. angel I will look into booking something like that to look forward to, DH has booked a place on the Loch Ness marathon so I could look into that, and maybe something inbetween.

spilt so good to hear from you and to hear Freya is doing so well, brave of you to watch OBEM I couldnt bring myself to watch it and glad I didnt if they resused a baby. With my state of mind last night i think that would have pushed me over the edge.

Waves everyone else, sorry not to name check, but thank you all for being there.

Hello, hello!

I have a section date! 9th March, at 37 weeks exactly! I am so relieved - no argument, the consultant asked if we wanted to book the section now or leave it until next time, and I said now, please. She said right, I think we were discussing 37 weeks, when would that be? I said 9 March and that was good for her because she doesn't have a clinic that day and can do the section herself, so it is all booked! Only 9 weeks away, eek. Scan was also good - Bean has grown the perfect amount and is still on the same centile and is estimated to weigh 2lb 8 already.

Angel, your advice really helped - I went in ready to fight my corner and although I didn't have to in the end, it was your example I was thinking of. Thank you.

Fan, sorry you're going through such a rough patch. How did you get on at work in the end - did you go in?

I watched OBEM last night too and both DH and I cried at both the births, and panicked at the baby having to be resuscitated. God, I hope Bean doesn't need anything like that at birth or I will probably lose it and start shrieking.

Spilt, lovely to hear from you! You poor thing at Christmas - I'm not surprised that Freya's birth replays itself in your head too. I still replay bits of Thea's birth every day, and anything similar would bring it all back, I expect. Could you get any counselling or anything to help you through the next wee while? at the cats having a torch.

Ciwi, my lovely, how wonderful to hear from you! Glad to hear you're doing well. Have you got a plan for birth yet? I can't remember if you were electing for a section or being induced early or what.

Trickle, congratulations! Hurray for you! So pleased.

Much love to all the ttcers - am sending out sperm-meets-egg vibes like crazy for you all.

Hurrah for section date Too Now you have something concrete to work towards. Dd1 is 3rd March. It's a lovely time of year for a birthday.

Fan glad you're feeling a little better. I love planning trips and nice things to do is half the fun for me.

Thank you for the lovely welcome Split I too had to at the cat with a torch. Sorry you're having a hard time processing Thea's birth. It must be so hard and conflicting once your rainbow baby is actually here. Do people assume it takes away all of the hurt?

Well I've now told my mum and my sister and both were lovely and supportive. They were getting a bit ahead of themselves though and I was fighting panic and had to say please stop because it might not work out again. I can only do this one day at a time.

hello ladies
My goodness, it has been busy on here, I think two pages have past since I was last here, so much to read.
Welcome to whatever and trickle and huge congratulations for you bfp's.
fan Im so sorry you are feeling so low, I really understand where you are coming from. The advice you have been given from the others is very good. Don't be hard on yourself.
cheese and ciwi I have serious envy issues at the fact you are both hitting the 30 weeks mark!! Of course I am also seriously delighted for the pair of you.
too fantastic news that you have your section date booked, you must have a mixture of excitment and nerves, I no I do.
I still have my fingers crossed for blue, blitzy and fan, would just be magical if you could all fall this month.
august lovely that you had a good scan
mel sorry you are feeling stressed, we do all understand, we find each other when we need to.
Hello angel and spilt, glad the baby girls are doing so well and that you are both enjoying so much happiness alongside the lower moments.

Gosh, I apologise if I have missed anyone.................
Things good here, fab having dh home, he is back for good by the way .
Had mw appt yesterday and showing ++glucose in urine so now have to have a gtt........just when everything was sailing along nicely. Tested at home today with sticks from work and there was none so hopefully just a one off.
take care all.

Hurray Too not long!!! Great you ve got a date without having a fight to get it. It ll be here before you know it eek... Xxx
Fan glad you re feeling a little perkier. It helped for me . I also returned to the gym & tried to become a little healthier whilst ttc. I think it's anything you can do that you can have control over as when ttc I often felt I ' d done everything I should ( swi at correct times etc...)& yet still not got pg.so , I found it empowering to take back some control!!!!
Razz hi . With Phoebe I had a GTT ( my consultant wanted me to have every test possible) & after everyone telling me the drink was awful it was actually fine. Baseline glucose blood test, sweet drink then 2 hours later repeat bloods. Worst thing I found was not being able to drink ( bar sips for tablets) from the night before. Xx
Phone call from the nursery today they ve got a place for Phoebe from 10 th April & we re to attend for some " settling in" sessions march. OMG I m not ready to leave her for 7-7.5 hours a day. I became slightly panic stricken until I decided a: it's 3 months away & not to think about it yet!!!! Ie: adopt the burying my head in the sand approach!!!!!

Fan, sorry you're having a tough time, I've spent the last two years concentrating on my rehab (which yeah it's a little different - but it's still a get fit thing). I don't know what I'd have done without it, I swim and do pilates - can do the pilates at home. I find exercise keeps away the demons and raises my mood and pilates gets all those wobbly muscles less wobbly (don't expect miracles lol)
Too, congratulations on your date, your Dr sounds really good
Razz - Fx you get a normal test

Hoping everyone gets what they have been waiting for soon and thanks for all the lovelly messages xx

wow this thread moves fast welcome whatever and trickle and congrats on the bfp's

razz hope the test comes back normal, i had a gtt test and was ok and this week my test showed glucose so could just be a one off as was gone when saw consultant two days later.

fan sorry you have been feeling low, when i was ttc and feeling at my lowest i was doing zumba which i found fantastic and did help get me out and made me stop dwelling on things for an hour or two.

too wow 9 weeks thats not far off, i have been told they will discuss induction date at 36 weeks (in 3 weeks time) and will usually be at 40 weeks or even before!

we had a nice xmas and new year we sent chinese lanterns up on new year with messages for grace. had a scan wednesdayy day and all measurements looking good but she has long legs and i think is allergic to my right side as been lying on my left for ages.

Thank you Razz and Shakey

Angel dd1 went to nursery at 7 months old 3 days a week. It was really hard at first but the key is a nursery you have total confidence in. Take your time choosing and do lots of visits at different times of day so you can really get a feel for how the day is structured. Dd1 stayed at her nursery right the way through pre-school up until she left for primary school. She adored it there and I think the staff genuinely cared about the children. The right nursery setting can definitely have a positive influence. Big hugs though because it is hard xx

Been to GP's this morning. Completely fell apart. He took one look at me and signed me off work for a month. I feel so so guilty about it. They have been really good to me and I feel so bad that I'm now not going back until February and then will (hopefully) be gone again in July/August.

How did life ever get this complicated.

wtw please don't feel guilty! ((hugs)) you do whatever you have to do to get through this...

It's about time the world was good to you whatever - don't ever feel guilty, you've been through hell. You need time to adjust to good news as well as taking one day at a time following the loss of Erin. Will be nice to spend a bit more time with Katy while she settles into Reception. Is she still enjoying things there ?

Sorry to all for nosing in on your thread - I just got drawn in by the beautiful thread title and then was so pleased to see that whatever was here and to see news of her BFP !

Love to you all x

Whatever don t worry about work. I love my colleagues & work have been there a long time & they ve been there every step of the way. I returned last March on phased return , which took 6 weeks then went on mat leave on 7 th October!!! We ve already got a place at the nursey in my trust. Looked round it when we choose it for Georgie not been back yet. Got 3 " settling in" sessions of an hour in March. Take care xxxx
Hi all xxxx

whatever dont feel guilty, the doctor thought it was best and you have to just go with it. It will probably help, I think too got signed off after she found out she was pg. It will give you time to get your head round things.

shakey wow your so far along now.

Whatever take this time for you and relax and try and have no stresses. I know it's easier said than done, but think about you for a bit. Work will still be there when you're ready for it and nothing will have changed at it x

Morning everyone,
whatever I echo what the others have said, work is not important at all, your health and baby's health is much more important x
too I am either going to go into labour naturally or be induced (unless I get pre eclampsia then it will probably be c section) I don't have a date yet but I see the consultant on Tuesday so might ask him then. I am only just now believing that I might get to term! It's great that you have a date, something to focus on x
razz I understand the I felt like that with angel and spilt, in the nicest way possible of course, I wanted to be where they were if that makes sense. I do feel better for reaching 30 weeks but still not convinced things will all be ok, I think I will worry till he is born and beyond!
spilt did you get induced or go into labour naturally? I can't remember and I am trying to decide what would be best for both me and the baby. Consultant has basically said I can be induced if I want and that he doesn't want me to go over. I need to ask him about the risks though because obviously I want to do the least risky thing for the baby.
mel how are you?
fan hope you are feeling a bit better x
Hi to everyone else, off out shopping in a bit and for some lunch with my friend, hope everyone has a nice weekend x

Hey Ciwi I'm actually feeling better. That's me 16+6 and I'm trying to be positive about everything. We've even looked at prams and furniture (check us out!!!) I think I gave myself a shake the other day and told myself to get out of this slump. This baby needs me to be healthy and happy, and Ruby certainly wouldn't be wanting a moping mummy. I know that every one of us will have down days but I'm glad that I can come on here and moan or try and support others. Love reading about baby Freya and Phoebe though. Gives me a bit of light at the end of that tunnel.
Hi everyone, hope you're all doing ok xx

Hello all, haven't been on in a while. Escaped the festive season, and it was the right thing to do. Still plenty of tears and smiles for Mia while we were away, but we managed to enjoy ourselves too, which surprised me a bit. Determined to be a little more positive this year, and for me, that involves not looking too far ahead, exercising, and putting some structure into my life. One day at a time.

aaah I'm slightly freaking out here... I'm CD32, about 6DPO... My average cycles are 42-44 days. When going to the toilet after wiping I had some blood and some brownish discharge. It's too early for my period... although 2 periods ago, I had a 34 day cycle... could it be an implantation bleed?

I don't know what to hope for now... AF or implantation bleed. I really don't fancy another pregnancy with bleeds... it will freak me out big time :(