Mothers of Angel Babies United - wishing for, some of us pg with and some of us holding our Rainbow babies

[Bluetinkerbell]

Here we go again!
lots of love to all our angel babies! xxx

Hi ladies. I lost track a bit but have just had a little read - so much going on!
I've had a really bad day today, well emotionally. Its the 12th of the month and Jacob would be 5 months old today. I've barely stopped crying all day. I went for an appointment with the consultant at the hospital and i had such vivid flashbacks, of sitting outside the hospital in a wheelchair in the middle of the night after the birth with one of the dear nurses, having a cup of tea and a biscuit because I'd been scared by myself in the room. So vivid. I could barely speak when I got to reception and then sobbed in the waiting room surrounded by pg ladies. Loon alert.
I know it sounds bad but I could barely worry about this baby today, I just felt such a longing for my boy and almost resentment that this is the way things are. What a horrible thing to say.
I did get scanned again though. Which was nice but it's the second time now I've genuinely expected them to say I'm sorry there's no heartbeat. I want to be positive but, like razz said, it's self defence. I feel detached and daren't even think about an actual baby.
I also watched OBEM on catch up just to torture myself further. And cried my heart out.
Sorry for the self-indulgent post everyone. I just know you all understand and nobody in RL does. It's quite lonely, this grief.
It's also bloody hormones making me so weepy and pathetic.

Oh August I could have written your post. Huge hugs my lovely. I know exactly how you feel - I promise you're not alone. It's bloody awful isn't it. I've found myself feeling worse since I found out I was pregnant. I think it's because I feel I should have a reason to be happy now but I'm not. It still hurts just as much. I think it's made me realise there is no magic cure or way around this. 5 months feels like a lifetime and only a heartbeat all at the same time. Erin will be 5 months the day of my 8 week scan.

We can do this August one day at a time. I just wanted to let you know I understand completely and I'm glad the scan was positive xxx

Some of us are having bad times arent we, heres hoping today is a little better. I find myself usually ok when around babies, I have a little smile to myself and think of Ophelia but currently I havnt cried yet, well I nearly did when I saw one of the NCT babies, they didnt see me, I ended up standing outside of Sainsburys in a kind of daze untill their car drove off. He was the first nct baby I had seen and it was a total shock. Im glad they didnt see me, because I must have looked like a right loon standing there!

CD28 today, and no sign as of yet, been feeling a bit tired, but I usually do before AF anyway. I also have a bit of a headache and Ive been a scatter brain all week, getting peoples names wrong, directions wrong and having no clue I have done it till they call me up on it.

Has anyone heard from Dachs?

Hi all,
I think a lot of us worry about looking like a loon, when strangers ask if this baby is my first I often think I must look like I am unsure when I am really thinking do I want to tell you my whole story.
august those days are tough arent they? I still have days like that and especially over christmas I got upset thinking about how upset I was last year
fan I have everything crossed for you this month, it must be hard seeing other nct babies, I never went to classes last time and dont want to go this time round either, i get cross when people just assume things will be ok. I have also been thinking about dachs, hope she is ok.
I have had a little flip out this morning, managed to convince myself that the baby wasnt moving as much as normal so I stayed in bed to monitor him and thankfully he is moving fine. It did mean that I was late for work though but I have an understanding boss. cant wait to finish work now, I really feel like I need to concentrate on my baby now and not work!

ciwi so glad you have an understanding boss.

I wish to be honest that I never went to the classes as I never learnt anything I couldnt have read from a book really, the only good bit of them was the breastfeeding class. I am still in touch through facebook with most of the mums off NCT but this family I have not for some reason, so it was a shook to see them, where as the other mums have been emailing me occasionally and also I have seen their little ones grow on facebook pictures.

Im feeling very AF at the moment, got a bit of a stomach ache, and I feel tetchy.

I have sent Dachs a pm so hoping I will hear back from her, but if she reads this, Im thinking of you as we all are, hope you are doing well.

Dachs is fine. We re in a group together & she posts on there.
Seen HV today Pheb's now 14 lb,2 oz. All good though HV crap they don t do anything & we re not seeing them again for another 4-5 months!!!
Hi all : hope everyone is well? Xx

angel thats good to hear about dachs and about your Phoebes weight.

whatever
fan I feel the same about the yoga classes I went to. I'm actually scared of bumping into any of the other ladies. I saw one with her baby in a sling whilst out for a walk the other day and I just panicked and turned to walk the other way. I think it's a fear of having to explain. I just stopped going so none of them know what happened.
I have friends with babies and, as you say, it's fine. I actually love seeing them. They're not my baby and are a bit younger than he would be.
Hi Angel, Pheb's doing so well! Yay!
Hi fan scatterbrain is interesting... And I had a massive headache when I got my bfp. Not saying anything but.... You know :)
ciwi how long til mat leave?
Thank you all for being there btw

Ah, cheese. Are you in for transfusion? Thinking of you.

august I saw a girl from yoga a few weeks after Ophelia died and she quickly turned into a shop. But I later found out from one of the other mums Im still in contact with, that there was something wrong with every baby that was born from that yoga class, the lady who avoided me her son had cistic fibrosis, another has a blood disorder, another has a hole in the heart and a murmer, and another one has something wrong with her eyes, also I was the only one who ended up having a natural birth, all the others were c-sections. Which is kind of strange considering yoga is supposed to help bring the baby into alignment so that c-section should be avoided. I beleive the yoga teacher does not teach anymore, I think our class has put her off.

Fan you've just changed my mind about the yoga classes I was planning on going to. I'll stick to the walking and swimming thanks

oh no I didnt mean to do that, sometimes I get carried away with my stories. I really enjoyed my yoga classes, my teacher taught me more about childbirth than any person I have met. But I must admit I wouldnt do another class, I just wouldnt want to tempt fate, and also I was in labour during my last class, so would just bring back bad memories.

Hello

Sorry I haven't been around for ages. Been having a real nightmare with my boss at work and haven't had the energy to be around on MN - basically making my life a complete misery and got signed off with stress before Christmas. Have been back at work this week and said boss has basically said i can't take my mat leave when i want and that i won't be paid for my sick leave as i circumvented protocol and told HR rather than her that I was going to be off sick (yeah, because i'd really call you and tell you that I've been signed off sick because of you and your bullying tactics...)

I haven't had a chance to read back yet, but i hope you're all well.

DinkyDachs is a girl and since we've reached viability this week we've been brave enough to decorate the nursery. I hope we are not tempting fate.

I'll read back and catch up with all your news this weekend

Oh goodness Fan where was that? That teacher must think she is cursed! I did antenatal aquarobics at Holbrook last time I quite enjoyed it.

Feeling pretty wiped out in the early evenings at the moment but otherwise fine.

How did it go today Cheese?

Hope everyone else is well xx

Dachs Hey, waves! Cant beleive your boss, really makes me want to come up there and punch them for you, my DH has just said he will take them to the cleaners for you, lol! Unbeleiveable that you have to go through this. It makes me so angry.
Really good to hear from you.

whatever it was in your home town, cant remember what the business was called.

cheese thinking of you

whatever i might keep that in mind for next time im pg, holbrook is only down the road.

Quick update as I'm exhausted. Saw consultant and agreed with her plan for iron infusions. Have to go labour ward on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for the iron via iv, call on the morning to see what timd to go in but will take a good few hours. Just hoping for no reactions to it.

Had a ctg today and she's still happy in there which is good, took a while though as she was moving about so much.

Soooo tired, just got back from dd1's swimming lesson so having a cuppa and a rest now.

Glad you have a plan Cheese and that your little lady is happy in there.

My midwife told me about them Fan they were good. Hopefully AF will not show and we can go together

Yeh team pink Dachs congrats xx
cheese it's another step closer to meeting your baby & another way you re providing & taking care of her xxx

Quickly posting from on my phone! We need a new thread very quickly! Who can do it?

I can but don't want to overstep as a newbie

I took the liberty of starting a new thread here just in case this one got too full to post a link.

Won't be offended if someone else would rather start, I can request that be deleted x

Great title by the way

Thanks wtw don't worry about being a newbie ! X