Mothers of Angel Babies United - wishing for, some of us pg with and some of us holding our Rainbow babies

[Bluetinkerbell]

Here we go again!
lots of love to all our angel babies! xxx

Fan- new name is play on mine, Dh and dd's names. I'm glad the house is coming together and you and Dh are ok. It is so stressful moving, Dh and I nearly split when we moved into our house 5 years ago!

Blue- I'm glad your mum realised she upset you. It is so hard to be happy for other people when they have what you want.

blue I hate it when we are told that we 'have to' do things. I resent being this at the best of times, let alone now when I m just trying to get through the day, so very glad your mum realised that it wasn't the most tactful thing to say.

fan what a horrible experience for you. I really hope someone else went over the lady and suggested that she could be more sensitive. God, I would have either screamed at me or burst into tears at hearing all that.

Ok. A question, which perhaps might be a little TMI... Can anyone here SWI without crying and thinking of their baby? It sounds silly, but right now, it's really hard, and I am sure that my poor DH is finding it tough, although he is very understanding.

Mia very true! we don't have to do anything... I hate expectations!

fan that's horrible! it doesn't matter how old the baby was... they still need to bury it :(

Oh miasmum . I can only answer for myself and we are all so very different. I never found SWI difficult but me and dh had been having sex again before we decided to ttc again. This was at my instigation as I just wanted to feel as close as humanly possible.......I can remember thinking after the first time that I was awful, how could I think of sex after loosing my baby only 4 weeks before. However, my need was as I said purely emotive and not for pleasure. Our ttc kind of evolved from dtd, dh just stopped withdrawing, we were so very lucky as in I never used ov sticks or charting, he was back for 10 days in the summer and I concieved then. It is still such very early days for you and your loss is so tremendous, maybe focus on the intimacy side for a while without thinking about the ttc part. Obviously, I hope I haven't spoken out of turn or said anything to offend, just didnt want to not answer and wanted to offer my support xx
blue Im glad your mum called and realised why you just might be upset.
Hi blizy hope you are doing ok.

Miasmummy oh hun, I have never had this either, I like razz just wanted to be a close as possible to my DH so sex just came back naturally for us. Maybe you have to ask the question are you ready to try again? Im sorry mia but I dont really know your story about your baby, Im sorry if you have posted it on this thread and I have missed it. I would like to say though that I dont think its weird or strange that sex would effect you in this way, during labour I had the feeling of having sex (this was during the pushing stage) and also well sex gets us pg so I can totally see how it would upset you. Have you had any counselling? Do you think this might help you with this situation? Is it putting you and your dh off of sex? Sorry for all the questions.

miasmummy I just read your other thread, I see that its a slightly different situation to mine. I ve just seen Mias picture on your profile she was beautiful what a georgeous smile, and hair. Im sorry if I upset you with all the questions above.

Mia I remember wanting to have sex ASAP after Georgie so we could make a start on getting our relationship back to some degree of normality. Obviously there's so many emotions involved with sex at the best of times let alone what we be been through.
Love to all xxx
blue recieved your card, thanks xxx

Spilt thanks for u re lovely Xmas card. Xxxxx

miasmum that happened to me the first few times after, I think it was the intimacy and the feeling of moving forward, of things continuing in spite of our pain. I think if you start to cry then just cry. Like Angel said, it's so emotional and you're sharing your grief with DH. There's no right or wrong. X
Thanks for the birthday messages everyone. I had a nice day with friends :)
Saw the midwife this morning, I was so nervous about seeing her but she just gave me a huge hug and was super nice about everything. I still don't feel pg though, no nausea or tiredness like I've had in all my pregnancies (so far) so I used the 2nd CBD test this afternoon. It was still a bfp
Can I just ask those of you who've been prescribed aspirin, when do you start taking it? MW wasn't sure!
Hi fan, too, blizy, blue, razz, cheese, angel, Mel, count, ciwi and spilt. * on the iPad is too fiddly so from now on I'm only bolding names if I can be arsed

Thank you for the lovely cards angel, blue, cheese
I realised that I was a numpty and forgot to put our last name on the list so you've all been addressing them differently

cheese boo for still being poorly your poor thing.

august happy belated birthday

miasmummy I also struggled with sex for a while and it made me cry. I lost my baby in pregnancy and sex just made me think of her, and being pregnant and it really made me ache. That association did pass after a few weeks though for me.

I've been struggling to post as we are currently going through the joy that is 4 month sleep regression. My wonderful sleep-for-5-or-6-hours-solid-a-night baby has vanished and I am a bleary eyed knackered mess. Loads of feeding and night wakings. And Freya is grumpy as hell and very clingy, which is apparently normal as there is so much developmental stuff going on just now, and it's really stressful for them. But on the flipside there's been loads of firsts as well and it's sooo cute to see her work out how to hold things and bring them to her mouth, discover the christmas tree, almost laugh etc. Just wish she'd remember how to sleep!

Love to all xxxx

Oh Miasmum, , have found your other thread and it is such a sad sad story. She was so beautiful. I think you're in a slightly different situation because Mia's death didn't occur during pregnancy. For me, losing Thea a few hours before she was born made me absolutely determined to conceive again. As we had to wait 11 weeks for the results of her post-mortem we had quite a lot of time to think about sex and conception and to start having sex again without the pressure of ttc. What we found instead that once we had the go-ahead to ttc, it was DH who suddenly couldn't perform under the stress of the situation. I was having counselling at the time and I did try to talk it out (it is incredibly weird to talk about your sex problems to a motherly-looking woman in her mid-fifties!). What did help was to talk about my feelings about ttc with the counsellor. I was able to articulate my guilt, my anger at all those well-meaning people who said I should wait, and my longing for my baby. Me going to the counsellor also helped relieve DH's mind about me, at least partially. At the time, he was on anti-depressants but I refused to take them because I didn't want to be on any medication while ttc, and I think he felt like he was taking the easy way out.

I'm rambling a bit - I hope there's something useful in that for you! Wishing you and DH all the best and I hope you conceive again quickly and have an easy, low-risk pregnancy.

Fan, so sorry you had to hear that from your colleague. What a bitch, though! Did she not realise you could hear her, quite apart from the inappropriateness of her questions in the first place?

Blue, how did NPower know that? How bizarre. You poor thing. Hope you get through your sister's announcement and associated family rejoicing okay. Your BFP will follow quickly, I'm sure!

August, I was prescribed aspirin at my first consultant appt, which I think was at about 8 weeks or thereabouts. I was trying to remember when I'm supposed to stop taking it! I think it's at 34 weeks but I'm not positive. Not for a while yet, anyway.

Cheese, hope both you and DH start to feel better soon. You deserve a good long run of good health!

Spilt, hope Freya gets over this hiccup soon and starts to sleep properly again!

Okay, I am very, very sorry everyone, but I have totally failed to do Christmas cards. I haven't managed to do any except some that I bought tonight to be hand-delivered to people at work. I suck... I have now missed the last mailing day before Christmas. Somehow I didn't realise this at the weekend - it still seemed like ages until Christmas then!

August I was on Aspirin for both my pregnancies with Georgie I started at about 10 weeks at my first consultant review & took it up to 36 weeks. With Phoebe I started it at 6 weeks and took to the day before my section at 37 weeks. I never had a reason for taking it , it was prescribed as a placebo effect.
Love to all xxx

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences. It's been really helpful, and your questions were all fine. Not sure if I am normal or not, but I guess that's ok.

I do desperately want another child(ren), and as I am 41 and Mia was our only child, I feel that time is running out. I guess it is one way that I can possibly try and take control (hah!) of my life again, as I am so off-course at the moment. I feel that another child will give me something to hope for again. Finally, and most importantly, my DH and I both loved being parents, and would love to have that experience as part of our lives again. I am not sure if any or all of these can be considered legitimate reasons. Maybe it is all of this which makes me cry. Maybe it's just because we made Mia out of love, and it is so hard to want her, yet want another baby, at the same time.

Mia all you say I can relate to. I was approaching 40 when I had Georgie & 6 weeks off my 41st when I had Phoebe. So, yes I did worry I would start the menopause or run out of time but , unfortunately, there's nothing any of us can do about stopping time. If you can try worrying only over what you can control. This helped me as I was finding I was wasting precious time & engery worrying over things I had / have no control over. I also worried about " was I trying to replace Georgie?" but again in time I found I can love both my girls equally : differently of course ad Georgie isn t here but equally. In my experience it seems all you re experiencing is normal & I m afraid the only thing that helped me was time. I was told that over & over this time last year & I never believed it for 2 minute s but it really does. It didn t remove the pain but I just better ways to cope & hopefully , focus on the positives. ( not that you ll be able to see that yet)
Take care of each other xxxxx

Oh, you are still parents. All be it different I ve classed myself as a mum since Oct 10 th 2010.No one can take that away from you both xxxx

Memories of a special little one at christmas

Why were you taken?
It doesn't seem fair
and now there's a pain
that is so hard to bear.
Especially at Christmas,
a time of the year
which is all about families
but memories are clear.
And the fact is, little one, these pictures of you
Do provide consolation and help getting through.
You made everyone smile, you were as bright as the sun.
Simply bursting with love, giving laughter and fun.
So although there is sadness that we aren't together
The love you provided will live on forever.

For all of our precious Angel babies this Christmas. x

Hi Girls, sorry i have been away for so long, been struggling with xmas coming and what should have been Grace's first. i am now 31 wks and everything looks good so far. will try to catch up with everyones posts later as off shopping yet again, i am sure there cant be that much left for me to buy then i remember something i have forgotten!

Does heaven have a Christmas tree
For the little girls and boys
Too far away for Santas sleigh
To reach with treats and toys
A tree thats hung with moonbeams,
Stars and shining angel hair
For the precious little children
Who live in heavens care
And are you filled with wonder
at the branches all aglow
with the tears of those who miss you
on this earth far down below
for we hope and pray you?re playing
with the angels having fun
but please don?t forget we love you
Happy Christmas, Little One xx

Oh god Shakey & Blizy both of your poems are lovely , had me in tears thinking of my lovely Georgie.God bless all our angels have a wonderful Christmas darlings all your mummies & daddies miss you terribly xxxxx

Well said Angel x

Hello people, how are you all coping with the run-up to Christmas? We've both been a bit emotional recently - both of us cried at a) Eloise at the Plaza because the prince's father said that although he had lost his wife, he hadn't lost the most precious gift she had given him and b) Hook, because of the Lost Boys. Went to buy Thea a Christmas bouquet today and DH started to well up in the florist, so I had to take over. We got some lovely red, pink and cream roses, with some pale pink gerberas and dark green leaves, and we'll take them down to her on Christmas Day. I'm so glad we're just going to be on our own - couldn't have coped with anyone else being around and wanting to come to the cemetery.

Shakey, wow, 31 weeks! I'm 26 weeks now and it feels like it's taking forever.

Angel, totally right, we are all mothers already.

Hope everyone is doing okay at the moment

Merry Christmas to everyone.

I got a little upset today thinking of Ophelia, but im still quite excited about christmas, my dh and I love christmas, it will just be a little bitter sweet.

I hope you all have the christmas that is best for you.
I wish a BFP to all us who are waiting and also for the safe arrival of the rainbow babies.

Morning, been so busy lately and still trying to get rid of this bloody virus! Scan yesterday morning showed all was fine, had all checks done and she's not stopped kicking which is great! Long day yesterday as picked up dh's brother from London and then went to Devon to drop presents off for Christmas with his mum and sisters. It took about 2 and a half hours to drive a few miles through London, literaly! We didn't get home until about 4am last night but it was all worth it.

Took my mind of things and now preparing for Christmas when the kids are back in a couple of hours. Hope the cards I sent out arrived, thanks for the cards I received

28 weeks today! We're going to see Scarlett tomorrow with some flowers, need to pop out and get some fresh ones today.

cheese Im glad all is well with bump.

I would like to wish you all a very peaceful and merry Christmas. I hope our wishes of bfp's and screaming babies is granted for us in the comming new year. Merry Christmas to all of our Angel babies, Love to you all and love to our babies. xxx

Ick ick ick, just found a dead mouse under the bedside cabinet in the spare room! Don't know how long it's been there - think it's a bit whiffy but have a cold so can't smell very well. Can't bring myself to touch it - will make DH do it when he comes back from walking the dog.

Cheese, yay for a great scan! Sounds like a long day yesterday, glad you enjoyed it. I hope you get over your virus soon - must be awful. Have a lovely Christmas.

Blizy has it right - wishing you all what she said.

Hello to all you lovely ladies

MERRY CHRISTMAS Wishing you all the best day that you can have xx

Really busy here, children very excited. I met DH off the plane last night which was quite emotional but totally wonderful, fantastic to have my family back together again. Children were thrilled to see him this morning, they had no idea he was coming home.

blizy and shakey the poems were lovely, thank you for sharing xx