30s TTC: Back to school at BESHory Towers. For spiffing gels who've been TTC since before rationing ended and find conception harder than Double Latin, chiz . What ho!

[Scorpette]

Come along, we haven't got all day. Pop off your blazers and straw boaters for a mo and listen up. As Head Girl, I think you ought to know that my dear chum Darrell Rivers tells me that we're really letting the side down with our lack of baybee-winning. To that end, instead of prep and lacrosse, we'll be TTC. I know some of us are losing hope that we'll ever win the Motherhood Cup for our house, but chins up and think of England! We don't won't to end up like the bitter, childless, dried-up old spinsters running this place, do w... oh, hello Matron! Yes, yes, we're going now...

Super! We've been given the attic dorm - bagsy the bed by the window, what! We won't be disturbed when we're enjoying midnight feasts, unbridled lesbianism, pillow fights and sneaking in fellows from the nearby boy's school for some ghastly dreadfulness.

So let's pop some Joyce Grenfell on the gramophone and crack open the tuck boxes! Mater's made me a huge ginger cake and oooh, I see someone's brought pontefract cakes! Yummo! Humbugs, sherbet, elderflower fizz, eccles cakes, a whole slab of choccy - what a simply smashing haul! Hmmm, this ginger beer smells suspiciously gin-like...

Oh yes

So sorry about non diffage aries & salts xx

(to those of you who don't know I am heads PESH friend who outed herself on a different thread recently. And I think you are all far too cool for school.)

My friend had a baby who she called Florence Mabel a couple of years ago. I was aghast at the time but it doesn't sound so unusual now. I still wouldn't inflict it on a kid.

Hi Mrs I don't akshurrly know I am not diffed. I am merely trying to pretend like I think I'm not, in order to guarantee I am. Like hanging out washing make it rain. You see? Tis an unusal form of 2WOOFLing....

Ooh. Yeah. Again proving your coolness. Like lighting a fag to make the bus come innit.

HeadGirl am I allowed to grope your friend, she just called me cool....

Yeah, but I am the worlds worst apostrophe user. You'll soon tire of me.

Oh, Mrs you do pay excellent attention, now don't you?

I'm sure Head won't mind if I give you a teensy-weensy fumble cuddle

By the way, could I just say that I properly heart Richard Dawkins.

OY! Hands off both Dawky and sexy MrsFC - I saw 'em both first

So, lurky friend of HB, you reveal yourself at last But can you handle... THE BESHTIONNAIRE???!!!

Get to it, noob (of sorts)!

PS Phwoooooooargh!

just popping in to confirm trees are brown with green bits at the top and are sometimes covered in moss. To utterly exhausted from unaccustomed (but very very enjoyable) exercise to say much more.

nite nite (seriously i am going to bed at 9.15, pathetic)

ps - hello mrsfrenchconnection pls to do BESHtionnaire (re)entry exam, i will be more sociable tomorrow.

pps - chinese burns and bramble schnapps for the rest of you lovely BESHes.

I dislike Dawkins intensely. He makes me wish I had a faith so I could be proper-offended by him. His use of religious imagery & rhetoric in The Selfish Gene totally undercuts his point. Give me Stephen Jay Gould any day.

Plus, Dawkins is a major source of evolutionary psychology. Which is bollocks, as any fule kno.

Hello, MrsFC!

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Of course! But my drink of choice since giving up the really bad stuff in 2008 was vodka & red bull.

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   I wouldn't call him a YF, but he is three years younger than me at 36. He acts about 10 years older than me though...

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

C, but I have been known to give in to b when he's been REALLY good....

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

A. Ask head. I am a shameless encourager.

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

b. I've always been scared of blood

6. what colour are your walls?
   grubby with fingerprints from the 7 year old boy

7. Number of pets?
   The boy child had a goldfish. It died after two week.

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Simon Groom. I think it was his parents farm in Yorkshire. And his height. I am 5'10"

9. Lesbian crush?
   All the BESH's. But mainly head of course.

10. What are your views on camping?
    At GAY in the Astoria. Nowhere else.

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

I didn't even mess with ebay. I used 4 (count em, 4!) FR sticks a month for 16 months. Not counting the ov sticks & £60 on a CBFM...

So basically my story is this. I was married & had a boy in 2003. Then split up with H in 2005. The FC & I started trying in Jan 2009. I had a mc in May and another one in Aug. And then nothing. I was so full of guilt & worry that I wouldnt be able to give the FC a child, it broke my heard. We tried everything. Sex every day for five days before ov, giving up smoking and drinking, reflexology (he wouldn't try needles - he was VERY suspicious of where the needles went!), we both had all the tests, nothing.

I came to the Palais & joined back in Feb, but another BFN just broke my heart & I couldnt bear to discuss it with anyone. So I didn't come back.

I sank & sank, and then one day I sat in my garden & thought 'this is ridiculous. You are 40 this year MrsFC, and you have wasted over a year on this, even neglecting the one beautiful child you DO have'. So I sat down & worked what out the very worst things in the world were that could happen to me. And NOT having another child was about 5th. FIFTH! That was NOT enough for me to waste another year. So I pulled up my socks and restarted my life. I joined slimmers world, reduced my working days to three and started running again. I felt better than I'd done in forever.

BFP the very next month...

Finally - FC? The Fat Controller!

So I know I'm a PESH really, but I feel like I know you all, so I wondered if I could sometimes come cop a feel?

Oh yeah - I was Sally. A bit dull, but I can't play thunderous tunes on the piano and the outdoor pool seemed a bit cold.

I have read all the Narnia books though and wanted Puzzle the donkey for my pet.

You have a lovely story MrsFC, I like a happy ending.

You iz ace MrsFC. Well done for everything

I have just come back early from the pub. I'm in just too big and sad a mood to be there amongst happy, normal people. I'm sliding into the Pit I think. Chuck me down some nice things to eat and drink, would you? Ta.

But Im still bitter and evil, honestly! Please don't let that make you think I can't join your house! I really really want to sleep in the attic tonight!

Have some more Baked Alaska Ben & Jerrys. Marshmallowy White chocolatey goodness. Eat it from the pot with a tablespoon. Wallow in the gloom and hiss at those who pass.

I hate Richard Dawkins. I spent my entire youth with frothing fundamentalist evangelicals and I have no desire to speak to another one. Give me Kierkegaarde.

I love MrsFC.

And I love all BESHes.

I have no energy for any more and besides, I need to concentrate on the Marple denouement...

BESHies I have hair crisis.

I am going to a hairdresser who is not my normal hairdresser (because she had no appts in time for me going back to actual skool tomoz) and i am scared I'll say 'Oh do whatever you like' and out with a mohawk....However, the real question is 'to fringe or not to fringe?' i have very think slightly wavy/frizzy hair just below shoulder length.....

what to do?

But Richard Dawkins isn't a frothing fundamentalist Atheist. He's just got that image in the media because he's the first Atheist to fully and wholeheartedly express Atheist views on tv, etc., without apology or trying to sugar-coat things to make them more palatable. I'm just as strident as him in my Atheism. I really get v angry about people saying he goes overboard; frankly, when we live in a society that favours people who believe in fairy stories over people who are sensible, logical and rely on provable facts, he doesn't go far enough. How come believers talking about their beliefs is completely normal and acceptable but Atheists talking about theirs is being OTT?

He only comes across as strident because we are used, as a society, to religious belief and talking about religious belief as being portrayed as normal and right and having truth and giving people certain rights to do and say certain things and when someone comes along and points out that belief is not a truth or fact or privilege to do and say anything and is not fair on the rest of society, we're not used to it and have a kneejerk reaction to dislike this person who's challenging the status quo. I get pig-sick of people talking about their religious belief all the time and everyone seeing that as perfectly acceptable and normal and yet when an Atheist expresses their opinions nor more or less strongly, they're the one who are being OTT and over-intense? To an Atheist, hearing people speak about religious belief is pretty scary because it sounds so mental and impossible to believe. And if Atheists do get overbearing it's only out of frustration that people still believe nonsense and treat Atheists like the weird ones with the minority views! Dawkins, like all Atheists, can prove what he thinks is right - and yet it's treated like a niche view. That would make anyone strident!

The majority of Brits are non-religious and yet religious belief is privileged. People should be able to believe whatever they want, but fact, logic and provable things should be the baseline for everything, not superstition. The point is, if religion was private and not constantly made such a big part of a society that has, on the whole, rejected it, people like Dawkins wouldn't need to have much of a public profile or go on about things. We need people like him to get things to change: it is unacceptable that we live in modern times and yet rationality and logic is seen as the weird belief system. I personally want all religion to be removed from all schools, all ceremonies and procedures (is ridiculous that people still swear on the Bible in court, for example), and beyond. Baseless, archaic and irrelevant superstition is not the way people should be taught to think about things.

Rant over. Note to other BESHes: do not get me talking about religion at a BESHmeet

Sorry, I just get really wound-up by Dawkins-bashing. To me, his opinions are, and should be, the norm.

I will slink off now. I've only had 5 hours sleep and am a bit hysterical.

PS Salty, I have wavy hair and a fringe. You need some straighteners if you're going to make that move. :)

Well said Scorpy...obviously, when I said 'I heart Richard Dawkins' that is exactly what I meant....

I do not have straightenrs. I don't even blow dry my hair...I like to rock the 'just rolled out of bed' look....no to fringe then....

I shouldn't rant, though, Salty - hardly disproves my protestations that Atheists aren't OTT

If I don't used straighteners on my fringe I look like a feral child from a hard-hitting 60s documentary about poverty. The rest of it stays wavy, mind. I can't be arsed with too much faffing.

Aw Mrs FC that is so lovely, hurrah for the unexpected BFP :) Not hurrah for the 4 x FR sticks a month, crikey.

Salty I vote for the mohican. But then my hair always looks shit, don't take any styling tips from me

Arial Where is the Pit this month? I cannot find it and am feeling a serious need to swan-dive into it having tested this morning in the interests of my sanity and getting the fully-expected BFN. Am still mightily depressed by it even though I knew what it would be.

More depressing because I am convinced it is 95% down to the Old Fella being constantly too tired to shag and so I make all this effort and not take anti-histamines or painkillers or drink lovely booze and all he has to do is this one thing - well, you lot know the drill.

I think I am going to go away for a bit and regroup (read: buy a CBFM and feed husband tonnes of zinc/viagra)

I don't like to hear anyone say, "I am right, and anyone who disagrees with me is not only wrong, but furthermore stupid, and probably dangerous." It frightens me. I also do not like to see people ridiculed. I am now so accustomed to having my (admittedly deeply conflicted!!!) faith called a 'baseless, archaic and irrelevant superstition', that I am beyond being hurt. However, very many people are not. I would not dream of marching up to an atheist and denouncing their world-view, and would like to think that the same courtesy could be extended...

Owler dear, I am sorry about the BFN, is Droid due yet though? hmm? I'm sure Scorps will give you better directions, but I think the Pit is just to the left past the refectory, for ease of chucking cakes in... Hope you're ok chuck

Scorps I don't want to look like a feral child, I'll get muddled up with the childrens at work....