We're All Going To IBESHA: Last minute budget holiday fun for 30s TTC. Pack your string bikini and your oversized shades and get on board.

[Saladbomb]

Last call for flight SWI101 to Shagaluff. Sangria laced with folic acid on tape. Fake tanned Club reps will be dishing out the 2 for 1 cocktails, dressed in nothing but the most miniscule budgie smugglers. The pit will be manned by sleazy but virile Spanish waiters to provide your every need. Lets see the summer out in BESHley style, IE: starting a bar fight, drinking the place dry and falling over in a heap at the end of the night.

Fanks again, luvverly slags laydeez. Am feeling a bit better today (mucho tears before bedtime last night). I has a plan. Here is my plan: I currently have a different GP to TYF. So I'm going to lose a stone (or more) then at Xmas, swap my GP and I'm going to go and ask for a referral and say we started TTC Jan. 09 (making it 2 yrs). When they say the notes say Jul, I'll say the GP made a mistake. They made a mistake when I was having a lap cos someone presumed I have heavy periods and they kept putting that on my notes, so I'm going to use the fact that Docs make presumptions about facts and dates to my advantage. It does sound totally believable that people would make a new year's resolution to start TTC and no-one can disprove we didn't start in Jan 09 instead of Jul 09, so is our sliver of hope at the mo.

Boo to Salad's droid. When will that beeping fucker learn? Please to enjoy a motorboat in my plentiful buzzwams before they slim down?

Yay to Tarty's good news! Sep 9th is marked with a gold star in the BESH calendar - the nation wil be thick with candle smoke from the night of the 8th onwards. :) Saltyballs is right - we don't resent good news at all. Every time people get good news reminds us all that although it never feels like it, it is more likely that we'll all eventually have a baybee than not do.
GagaRelex, great tips, fankooverrmuch. But I ain't living in Ram Town, boooo (I thought all people from that county hated that city?!).

Great tips on pooing through and into various places. It won't be dog muck I'm posting through their letterboxes, mind - I am a seasoned Inappropriate Shitter: Ye Olde BESHles will remember my story of how my Mum got me to poo in a bitch's handbag (who had been really nasty about me) when I was very young See, with parentage like that, how can anyone deny me a baybee?!

Am afraid HB will prolly be head girl of BESHory Towers - it is the job she was born to do, after all (and I'm scared of what she'd do if she wasn't ). Perhaps we should hold a contest where the gels have write a little essay as to why they should be HG?! Am planning much grooviness for our back to school fred

And all I ask is first pick of everyone's tuck box (take that how you like )

Scorps that sounds like a cunning plan, except not like when Baldrick has a cunning plan, like a cunning plan that is so cunning, it will work.

Of course HeadGirl will be Head Girl. I can't wait for new thread.....

Dahlinks, I am still here, and reading every word, but owing to The Events of Yesterday did very little work and am now paying for it.

I have however started a http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1029644-How-long-did-it-take-you-to-conceive?msgid=21058763 thread wondering how long it took folk to get pregnant, because I only seem to hear of anguish or insta-diffs, and nothing in between.

It's fascinating. Some lasses took 18 months for first, then 1 month for the second. Others had 4 years of AC treatment then found themselves diffed by surprise for their second. I feel IMMENSELY cheered somehow and hope it does the same for mah BESHes.

Try again!

Blimey that is interesting HB...

I wonder why, though....why is it so different, even between pregnancies in the same person....

Good fred, HB. My cousin had several rounds of IVF, after trying for yeeears, to have her first child and then went on to have 2 more DDs, getting pg virtually straight away with both.

It's just fascinating SaltyDarling, I'm riveted. Did you see the lady that was told she couldn't have children...and eleven years later, at 45, found her self diffed???

I just think it's given some real perspective, for me at least.

Whoa thass brilliant for her Score! I just wanted to set a broader picture because for me at least, it's so easy to feel despondent when all you ever hear is fucking instadiffs (my sisters and cousins, and only 'mum' friend until recently, being good case in point). But actually, it's a fucking mysterious business, and does take time, and there is no reason - giong by that fred - why we won't all have exhausting quantities of children in a few years' time...

I know....11 years.....pffft.....

It is difficult isn't it, to keep in perspective, because of the whole cyclical nature of the beast - in that there is a natural rhythm to the menkul, which is very difficult to step off. So in actual fact it isn't 'a year' or '2 year' it is 12 consecutive disappointments, or '24 failures' or...well, you get the idea....

I don't know how you chill the fuck out (CTFO?)

oh fuckit. I can't catch up. Nearly a whole thread since I went away, and who the fuck are all these people??? (says gin in her usual kindly and welcoming manner )

I am all lost.

Am sorry you had such downright SHITTY news scorps. I suggest pooing in a paperbag, putting on their doorstep, setting alight to said paper bag, ringing bell and running away. Then their first reaction is to stamp in your poo. Hoorah.

Wish I actually had some useful advice though :( It is bastard unfair luvver (which btw only works properly, in a westcountry accent, if you spell it like that. Trufax.)

So, where am I? What happened? etc.

I totally get the idea Salts. And it really hit home this month when the OM got very tearful at another babyfail, and said he hated being 'put through the ringer' month after month (in some ways he wants a child even more than me, I sometimes think ).

CTFO! Brilliant! And...nope, no idea. Have you noticed how often people get diffed when a) they've given up, b) they've gone on holiday and were having non-TTC funshagging, or c) had just left a job they hated, that sort of thing?! I fucking HATE that 'just relax' mantra (ARE YOU LISTENING, MUM?!?!?!?!!!!) but ... you can kind of see where it comes from...!

GIIIIIIN!!!!! Hello luvva! I am so happy to see you! Was the hollibobs lovely? (Why am I saying hollibobs these days? Anyone? Anyone?!)

No news from me - am enjoying a droid and a Twix...

GIN!!!!! Dives on Gin, remembers about jellybean then hangs onto lag looking up longingly....

HB I think in many ways it would be easier if you had no idea about ovulation, if it wasn't monthly, if you just had to keep shagging until you got diffed. But in so many ways, laydeez have been primed for the monthly menkul since puberty - except then it was waiting each month for ghastly period pains....so we are hardwired, sort of. Then we drag our mates along with us....

EAD!!! yes it was very lovely ta. Slept a lot and read 5 books...marvellous :)

BAH to droid and YUM to twix. Sorry the TTC bastardy is taking its toll on you and lovely Mr B.

salt you can still dive on me, I am regularly used as a trampoline/climbing frame at home :)

Oooh, sounds utter bliss. Oh we're orl right rilly - the OM was having a really tough time at work too so I think it was the last straw.

Salty I think you're right. And don't even get me started on the whole 'moon' and 'tides' thing. Like the whole world operates on one gigantic menstrual cycle...

I meant leg, clearly...

Brilliant! Dives back on top of Gin

ead knowing his work that was prob something very stressful. Hope you're both okay. I will catch up with you proper-like as soon as poss by other ways and means.

btw I expect all newbs to formally present themselves to me at their earliest convenience [haughty old lady emoticon]

Afternoon mi lady Gin, as said newb I am demonstrating my utmost respect for your longevity of BESHment and proffering gifts of cake and virtual wine (no alcohol so fine for the baybee) whilst offering a handshake / rabbit punch / flash of tits to cover all bases.

Oh SaltCellar so you feel my pain? I planned to have gold star chicken and salad for lunch but when I got to the canteen some chips and lashing of blue cheese dressing jumped on by mistake. Am noshing my way through now and have chocolate raisins for afters. I think the only real way to deal with it though is to make a hair of the dog plan for the earliest possible time I can sneak away from-- after work

I do feel your pain Truffley...although as I said yesterday, clearly my hangover yesterday was actually symptoms

mmmmmm....blue cheese dressing.....I have a yearning for some french mustard today, not sure what to have it on though...

But I think I would struggle to delude myself get my hopes up on that front. No droid (ever?!?) no babybee making eggs - n'est pas?

Oh Trrific I'm sorry, that was muchos insensitive of me. Pliz to punch me in face.

'lo haglets. I am back. Finally. The dead-mouse smell is very very faint and almost gone, hoorah!

Ginner welcome back! Holiday sounds bliss, I bet Mooch was glad to see you back though.

Cannot believe I have missed so much but mainly THE CUNTING BASTARD PCT for my our fabulous Scorps. Words fail me. Fucking cock-mongering bastards. Grrrr. I hope you and TYF are having a lovely day together and I am liking The Plan. I SOOOOO want you to win your baybee without any fucking help so you can stick two fingers to medical profession. And I am muchly liking Gin's idea of setting fire to bag of poo - can I come and help?

Sorry to all the recently droided, that sucks ass.

Fishslaps and tequila slammers for all.

Gin is a PESH, but we keep her chained to the palace wall for our sport

Lovely to see you back and ta muchly for your kindness, moy luverrrrr Am going on an all-spicy food diet to make the doorstep-pooing particularly noxious...

TYF has a headache. No cinema. Am going shopping to cheer myself up. Oh wait, I'm fat and have no cash

ChocolateSaltyBalls absolutely no offence taken, was mocking myself really so will offer snog rather than slap.

Hmmm sporting PESH, sounds interesting