We're All Going To IBESHA: Last minute budget holiday fun for 30s TTC. Pack your string bikini and your oversized shades and get on board.

[Saladbomb]

Last call for flight SWI101 to Shagaluff. Sangria laced with folic acid on tape. Fake tanned Club reps will be dishing out the 2 for 1 cocktails, dressed in nothing but the most miniscule budgie smugglers. The pit will be manned by sleazy but virile Spanish waiters to provide your every need. Lets see the summer out in BESHley style, IE: starting a bar fight, drinking the place dry and falling over in a heap at the end of the night.

Yeah that way we can smuggle loads of gear out to Ibeefa - oh I see what you mean Tart. Does the fun never end? When does your cycle start? Silent but deadly dildocamming eh? I had two at once last time - that was some game I can tell you.

I like your thinking wizenedteats. [grin} Not reeeeaaaalllly - although I know plenty of people who have, was discussing the other day funnily enough.

Started today . Think it's because I know what's coming this time.......

2 dildocams at once - bloody hell love. Perhaps not polite to think of what came to mind then but the words fanny and bucket are involved .

Oops - sorry maybe that a was bit much. Wasn't sure what you meant and came over a bit insensitive

Haha! No not at once that would be a bit much! Just one nurse having a go and then having to call in nurse number two as my ovaries were hiding! Only one dildocam at a time please! Hope all goes ok this time, let us know how you are getting on won't you.

First day today Cinco? That qualifies for a wee lighting of the BESHcandle and no mistake. Keep us posted innit blud. Especially if you're going to pepper your updates with filth

Big yey for LG and an ickle candle for CT. Not back to work. In a bright pink tang top.

Phew - relieved I've not completely offended y'all. Just testing your boundaries ;)

Ta very much for kind words and candle. Need all the help I can get. Not supposed to be teary on day bloody 5, god help me post basting

Where's Gin? I want Gin. Sounds like all went well yesterday but need details.

Congratulations LadyGG

CT, remind me, is this IUI? Sounds to me like a definite reason to be teary. I can slap you round the face with this lovely piece of salmon if that would help....

In the meantime can someone slap me. I'm 3DPO and 2WOOFLing already - had sensitive nipples the other night and despite being fully aware that there's no reasons why I should get any symptoms this soon was wondering. I'm tired of ttc taking up all my mental and emotional energy and too much else ending up taking a back seat. And I'm full of a cold (in August - who gets colds in August?) and all I want to do is sleep so I'm grumpy as well. TH should probably consider himself lucky that I'm out most nights this week so he won't have to put up with me. (That makes it sound like I have a social life, not really true!)

cinco there are no boundaries in the Palais. None that I've ever found yet anyway . Have you had a BESH fish slap yet? Ah well, here's one anyway.

Ladies, I have a confession. I spent valuable t'interweb time over in Fertility Friend. That'll teach me. My "all over the shop" temperatures apparently could mean I don't ov or I'm late oving, & should continue to SWI. Also it advised I may have more stability with temps if I take them vaginally. Hey ho. I'm sure the boyf would love to be woken each morning by alarm, kiss good morning & shove a thermometer up me fango. Oh, the glamour.............

On t'other matters VIVA BESHSPANIA is comic genius. I can't believe we didn't think of this idea before. Its amazing. Now, pass me the baby oil, I want to frazzle deepen my tan.

Cinco have this rotting pile of fish innards. Tis what I specialise in.

Congrats to Gaga!

Note to self: must find time for teh Secs if I want to join the tail end of the MSDP.

"Oh we're off to sunny sunny Shagaluf, oh VEEEEEEVA Beshpania...!"

This morning the old fella jumped me unexpectedly and THEN later I remember I'd booked a massage for this lunchtime - today is going excellently, am now eagerly awaiting hat-trick type thing (e.g. premium bond win or something of that ilk.)

Cinco I am not actually sure it's possible to offend people in here. I'd assumed she'd inserted the second dildocam into another orifice but I am mighty thankful we were both wrong and I obviously need to wash my mind out with soap, tut.

Re. Foolish tanning. I used to know a woman who used to rub carrot oil all over herself then go on sunbeds. She fucking glowed in the dark, I tell you.

Ocarina - 3DPO symptom spotting = wheelbarrow of fish heading your way. As we are in IBESHA they may even be fresh, you never know your luck.

Owlbeaks I'll ask for that service next time in your honour. And get thee a lottery ticket sharpish.

aha, found you!

Does anyone know where our lass Salty is by the way?

is she still on holiday? Same question goes for Lyra

Both on holiday I think.

Ah yes, you're right of course. Must start paying attention in class. Meanwhile, I have passed a cheery day looking at the sugary, tedious, fatuous FB status updates of people I know who have babies . But seriously. Can we have general BESH agreement that when we graduate to FESH status, we will not pepper the internet with hourly observations along the lines of, 'Shelley is so pwoud of her ickle wickle poppet for doing fwee ickle precious poos in her special new potty! Mummy luvs her wickle angel LOL x x x' etc. etc.

So Head do we have permission to add rude comments if you ever post statuses even remotely like those ones? In the meantime you could always hide them I guess.

TH has always threatened that if we have kids he will photographically record the contents of their nappies and set up a 'poo blog'. Thinking about it, maybe such promised cruelty is why we've not got any kids, the universe is out to protect them even before they're conceived.

Hello!!!! missed me, BESHies??

I shall now retire to catch up on BESHnews....

Salty!! Let me embrace you to my bikini clad bosom. Fancy a flaming sambuca followed by a yard of sangria?

I hear you Head and join you in the embittered sneering. Obviously apart from people I know and like of course. It's some slaaaaaaag from school who winds me up - I didn't like her when we were 15 so quite why I accepted her friends request I have no idea And her 1 year old daughter looks just like her.

Thanks for co-sneerage Aries (And OxyContin, if you hear me make any remarks even vaguely along the lines please do feel free to euthanise me and adopt my offspring into a safer environment ).

I have been obsessing over relation of mine. She is also immensely fat to the extent that her face resembles an unbaked bun with currants pressed into the pallid dough for eyes. Given that I too struggle with my weight (not as much as the suspension on the 254 to Aldgate, phnar phnar), I live in mortal terror of transforming overnight into a lumpen leaking twee-machine for whom the sole pinnacle of human achievement is making £24.56 at a car boot sale and spending the resulting profit on tickets to see Mamma fucking Mia.

HELL'S BELLS I'm in a bad mood. Who wants some?!

God I love some good old fashioned snobbery. This woman is a relation?

oh fukkit....I can't read it all....

I believe congrats to LadyGG and everyone else is basically ok?

Pliz to punch me if I've missed anything big.

Can I have York's notes??

So, guess wo turned up on day 2 of the hollibob? Fucking Droid. Beeping bloody bastard.

This lead to some hysteria on my part and some confusion on Mr S's part.

Dubrovnik is, however, ace.

Loving the new fred. Vah, vah classy.....

I'm not a snob! I bought my kettle in Argos!