We're All Going To IBESHA: Last minute budget holiday fun for 30s TTC. Pack your string bikini and your oversized shades and get on board.

[Saladbomb]

Last call for flight SWI101 to Shagaluff. Sangria laced with folic acid on tape. Fake tanned Club reps will be dishing out the 2 for 1 cocktails, dressed in nothing but the most miniscule budgie smugglers. The pit will be manned by sleazy but virile Spanish waiters to provide your every need. Lets see the summer out in BESHley style, IE: starting a bar fight, drinking the place dry and falling over in a heap at the end of the night.

I have carved a candle into the shape of a cervix and have lit if for you Scorps it isn't a scented one, that would've been wierd

Oh God. I am leaking tears and snot. Just spoke to Sis and I could hear AriesNeph snuggling and snuffling down the phone and apparently he's started smiling and everything. And they're on their way to the parents' for the weekend so there will be more baby talk.

I'm just tired

Poor you, that is really tough - such a difficult mix of horrid and loving emotions.

Rie would some erotiviolence help?

BESH BUNDLE FOR ARIES!!!!!! No words, just erotiviolence

I will try to maintain a good balance between sensible 'n' mature and emoshunnul with the Doc. Trouble is, when I start to get upset about babyfail, I start wailing stuff like 'I'll kill myself if I can't be a mother!', which might be how I genuinely (and melodramatically) feel but possibly doesn't give a great impression of my mental state and ability to cope with AC...

Laterz, bitchezzz!

So sorry Ariel . It's such a hard conflicting mess to deal with.

Lucks a-plenty for the appt Score - the power of the BESH goes with you!

Good luck today TartyFarty hope it all goes ok. Don't know if you've gone yet but good luck also to Scorps. Dr. probably won't do much except go over if you are having regular sex and stuff, and they might organise blootests like chlamydia/FSH/LH etc, but I think you've already had these. Try to get out of them rough timescales if you can (ie. how long waiting times are for appointments). Rest of stuff you'll sort out at your first clinic appointment.

Bloodtests obviously. I think by this point we all feel a bit blue/bloo.

AriesBUNDLE

Why the evil droid thinks it should be allowed to not only crush hopes every month but also inflict pain I'm not sure. Hope the pain is going and you get more sleep. Can you just avoid talking to the parents until nephew is such old news that they've found other things to go on about? Or is that not likely to happen for another 18 years?

at the 18 years comment.

Just back from 2nd needling appointment, she took one look at my chart and went 'hmm yes that does look pretty conclusive' (as in: no diffage this month) she gave me extra chill out needles so i am feeling pretty zen about the whole thing. I also think lovely lunch with the boy at favourite sushi restaurant helped. Feeling a bit sleepy tho and feel like I need a nap But the boy has bought DJ Hero so not sure that will be possible.

aries hope you can avoid too much nephew love from your folks, or at least you are over droid before you have to deal with it.

scorps just tell the GP you have been trying for over 12 months, should get instant referral. Or go green and demand a stolen baby, that should also do the trick.

Well, that went well. And by 'well', I mean 'FUCKING NIGHTMARE'. Basically, I ain't ever going to get any AC help on the NHS. Yeah, you read that right. Let me explain:

I go into room. Doc - who knows why I'm coming cos they sent me the letter asking me to come in now they've got the info of the consultant who did my lap - looks like she's bricking herself. Not promising. She then tells me that the new Government have changed the PCT rules about AC. And that because the county I live in was just about the most generous in the UK, they've had their wrists slapped and been made to be super-strict. The new rules - and I dunno if they are just for my area or the whole of the UK, because I was crying so much I didn't think to ask - are that they will only see you after you've been trying officially for TWO years. That would mean that we would only be eligible in July 2011, which would be before my 39th birthday. BUT! The PCT trust for this county has also introduced rules as to certain diseases and conditions which preclude you from getting AC. And mine's one of them. I would have to prove that I've not been ill for 3 years - which would make me over 39 and therefore illegible age-wise. AND she weighed me and my bastard BMI is a teeny fraction over 30 so am illegible for referral cos of that AND there was some other reason about me being too old but I can't even remember that.

All of these new rules have been rushed in by the new Government. The BESHDoc actually told me that she's been having to tell so many women over 35 that she can't refer them, who she would've been able to happily send off only a few months ago, that she's been going home and crying at night! But why should Cameron, fathering 4 kids and Clegg, dad of 3, give a living shit about other, non-rich, less fertile peeps?! BESH, never vote for either of these parties again! (not that I would do anyway, but still)

There has been mucho crying and ranting. Not just me, but TYF and also my parents, as I had combined the appointment with seeing them (they live round the corner from the surgery). The wonderful, darling, stupid things, they started Googling prices of AC stuff and telling me they'd find a way to help us. But they're retired and not rich. TYF's parents are mega-rich but tighter than a gnat's chuff and the sort that would make us feel like they co-owned an IVF-win baybee, IYKWIM. And MIL would tell all 8000 of his relatives, even if sworn to secrecy, if we so much as hinted at the topic. And I haven't got a job. TYF is so upset that he didn't even tell me that Astrology is a load of bollocks when I yelled angrily 'No-one says no to Scorpios!' (we're both Scorps). That, for him, speaks volumes

Please make room for me in the pit. I may be there quite a while. Me and my fat, gross, infertile, too-old body.

Sorry this is a bit hysterical. I think you can appreciate why. Please for loving, no violence?

Oh Scorps. The bastards. The utter bastards. I am actually sobbing here on your behalf. Fucking fucking cunts.

Scorps dear, I am so sorry. I am so on your behalf.

Is there absolutely nothing your Dr. can do.

Fucking hell. Just fucking Hell. I don't know what to say - I'm in tears. I can't actually quite absorb it. I'll just have to join the hug for now and come back later when I've thought about it. For now I'm just raging. Darling Score: this will not be the end. IT WILL NOT.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXx

FUCKING BASTARDS! oh fucking hell scorps i am so so sorry, really upset for you. (and i really wish I could take back that last post, I wouldn't have said it if I had had any idea) I wish there was more I could do. massive loving unBESHly but totally deserved endless hug.

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Just first thoughts, and sorry if they're really fucking stupid questions:

1. re trying for two years. Who says the official start date of trying was July 2009? they cannot prove that you didn't start earlier. Is it formally on record that you have stated (more than once)that you didn't start then?

1. re proving healthy for 3 years. Surely the start date from that would not be this month but retrospective? When were you last treated for your condition?

1. Re PCT policies. Worth finding out what the qualification rules are in ajoining counties/PCTs?

Sorry sorry. Realise these are damnfool questions but can't bear not to try.

Giant fucking bollocks. I have no words other than incredibly and for you. Wish there was something we could do..tis making me teary too, hugs and hairstrokes my love xxx

Sorry, I mean formally on record that you stated that you did't start earlier than then.

I don't know if this would help at all but I recently signed a petition regarding the postcode lottery of IVF treatment. Got some poor excuse of a response from the coalition Tory government which essentially said it's up to each PCT how they use the money allocated...and that any issues should be taken up directly with them.

I found the petition link when looking at infertility network and funding issues and they've got a whole section about appealing PCT decisions on fertility treatment<a class="break-all" href="//www.www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/FundingforFertility/?ID=6260" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here ....might be worth a go? They have example letters that can be used to help you. Could also be worth getting in touch with your MP (Labour around your way I think?) to join in your appeal?

Yeah, it's formally on my medical record that we started Summer 09. Doc actually said she wouldn't have an issue with amending her notes but she couldn't touch the hospital notes, so is no use there.

Was last seen by Doc for health probs only a few months ago, so that avenue is fucked.

As for finding out about rival PCTs, I haven't looked, but is v good point to get cracking on. but I might leave it till the morning as I am so sad and so drained that my mind is fucked. Is a struggle to be coherent here.

Have I not been saying ever since I've been TTC that I had a nagging feeling something weird would stop me having a baby? I can't stop feeling that me and TYF love each other SO much and are SO compatible and would be SUCH good parents that we've used up all our luck. I realise this is absolute bollocks, but I can't shake it off.

Oh yeah, the other reason why we can't get a referral earlier, is that all my tests and so on are good and have been given the Unexplained Infertility diagnosis. I can see why they would want to prioritise wimminz with proven fertility probs but fuck those bitches! I need my baby more than them!

(Seriously, for my mental health, I really do!)

THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT. Am trying to be positive - there's no reason why I can't get pg naturally and we could probably afford the more fancy tests and some IUI if needed and if we save up, etc. And as my 38th birthday is 8 weeks tomorrow (start saving and planning now , cos it's Lyra's b-day too, although she's younger), I had already planned to do big 8 week weight loss blitz, so am going to focus on that.

The irony is that tonight was a planned TTC night (CD12). TYF has taken tomorrow off for us to be together and so we can have a sexy time then (and go see Scott Pilgrim). He's such a sweetheart.

Am watching The God Delusion to cheer myself up. Richard Dawkins never fails to make everything better.

My poor poor Scorpalina. Like the others I am crying with frustration and rage on your behalf. I would pay for you myself if I could. Absolute fucking fucking shit.

If you can bear to, have a think about what Head has suggested. Who knows how long you have been trying - is it on record? How close to do you live to another PCT and do the government's belief in "choice" (Ha!) apply here?

We're with you all the way - you know that don't you. Much love xx

Sorry -x posts. Ignore the above questions.

Scorps you are so amazing. I really mean that - you are so positive, and so strong. I'm just glad that your man person is worthy of you, I don't think I could bear it if he was horrid!

As you say, a natural pregnancy can very well happen - if anyone deserves it, you do. You can have my turn this month if you like?

I have lit an enormous candle carved in the image of the delightful Mr Dawkins. I've given him angel wings, just to fuck with his head.

Scorps you amazing resilient lady! Treat yourself and TYF kindly tonight, have an amazing day tomorrow and then look at other PCTs over the weekend or on Monday.

As to that nagging feeling of the luck running out, I know how you feel (I have always felt so blessed that maybe this is the one thing I don't get to have) but it is utter bollocks. You said it yourself, you will make amazing parents and therefore deserve a baybee more not less. Is fuzzy logic to think otherwise. I second HB IT WILL HAPPEN. mucho amor chica.

Oh Scorpette, that's devastating news. I'm so sorry. Life can be bloody unfair sometimes. I've no useful suggestions but am thinking of you and willing this to be your month...How about lying to ILs about why you need the money!?

Sorry for BFN Salad but impressed with your zen-ness!