Step daughter and new born

[Worriedmom98]

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

Ok and?? This is like banging my head against a brick wall here cause people can't get their heads round a simple fact. It's her step daughter, who has another parent she can stay with to keep baby safe. Not rocket science and not cruel

Will you not have a second child together until the first one has left home, in case the first one brings back a sickness bug in the second one's first year of life?? If so, then maybe you have a point, if not then you don't. That's his kid, it's as much his responsibility to parent them when they are sick as it is their mum's.

It's bonkers. It's like the girl will totally be abandoned. She has TWO parents, TWO homes. Both are fine. Ignore the fact that she probably doesn't want to move anywhere if she's feeling dog rough herself.

I find it very telling that the first line of your OP comments on how he pays her 'plenty' each month. HE'S HER FATHER.

Agree and as op said she just wants to be with her friends and boyfriend anyway. As we all did at that age. Maybe she's more mature than a lot of these posters and can see the sense herself in staying away.

The girl is 15. At that age I'd have insisted on staying at home when ill.

My stepdaughter is 11 and I know that even she would see the sense in this!

Imagine being 15 , feeling ill and being kept woken up numerous times through the night no doubt by a new born baby....

Anyone with sickness bug should stay at home and not go round passing it on to everyone, l wouldn't expect her to be able to go anywhere until it stops. Posters saying that DH should take her out with vomiting and diarrhea are ridiculous. Ignore the ex with her demand for extra money, SD can come to you another time to make up for the lost weekend

Bit of both I suspect. Some seem to be applying common sense by recognising the age of the SC. By 15 I was working and quite capable of understanding why a tiny baby may be vulnerable. Lots of blended families get along quite well, especially with teens who want to do their own thing anyway. Rigidity from either parent is rarely a good solution.

I get your thinking but ultimately if she was your kids you’d have no choice. It’s not fair to stop her coming tho d and sends all sorts of wrong messages to the step daughter. I say this as a step mum who’s been through all this. She part of your family your home is her home you just have to get on with it

Grrr! As a single mother myself you do not get to pick and choose when to have the child just because they are sick! It’s so unfair that it always falls to the mother. What would you do if she wasn’t your stepchild and was YOUR child? Banish her? Ridiculous! Plenty of newborns have older siblings that get sick, because kids get sick… a lot. Something you will come to learn very fast! That being said if you are breastfeeding the baby should be building an immune system thanks to that but also will build an immune system regardless as they pick up bugs as they will. So yes, YABU

But you're both missing the point, there IS a choice here.

But posters saying SD should stay at home aren’t understanding that dads house IS her home as well!

Dont you think it needs to be SDs decision though?

Just say you hate your step child, it's easier! I really don't understand why people like you get with men who already have children. I get you don't want your child getting ill, but it's clearly not about that as you mentioned money twice!

No. Why would it be ? She’s infectious with a D&V bug which could possibly prove serious or even fatal for the baby. She’s old enough to appreciate that and if explained properly alongside plans to make up the time I don’t think it’s a problem.

FFS !! I completely get why the money was mentioned - it was to pre-empt the inevitable questions about how much maintenance was payable. Some posters have even criticised the EOW arrangement without any knowledge of why it’s in place or who wanted it. Of course OP doesn’t hate her step child - it’s baffling why you would think that based on the information given here.

If she’d old enough to understand, she’s old enough to decide IMO…

It would be her decision because as has been pointed out however many times before now, she has two homes.

I’m saying DS should stay at home, have been from the start. I understand completely that dad’s house is her home as well. But that is not the issue. It’s that she’s sick - vomiting and diarrhoea. Why would her mum insist that she get out of a sick bed and travel while she feels rough, just because it’s dad’s weekend ? And why would OP and her DH agree to have her when she poses such a risk to a newborn baby ? I’m a step mum and have a daughter of a similar age. If I had a new born and my daughter took ill while at her dads’ with something that could potentially seriously affect the baby then I 100% would insist on her staying with her dad until she was no longer infectious. And he would 100% agree. Because we’re not morons and we understand how easy it is to spread these viruses and how damaging they can be.

It’s not her child at risk, so it’s not her decision to make. It’s the parents of the baby who decide. That’s the difference between being a child and being an adult.

Imagine being 15, feeling ill and being kicked out of your own bed in your mum’s house and made to travel to dads’ house just because it’s his weekend.

I’m not saying anybody should insist she move - just that it should be her own decision.

I’m also a SM to a teenage girl and my DS has step-parents. I also have a toddler, as does my ex - husband!

There’s a choice here. They can either take the risk of exposing a seven week old baby to a potentially lethal D&V virus, or they can take the sensible and recommended infection control methods and ask the mother to keep the DD at home until she’s well enough to be around the baby. Just because other people have to suck it up, doesn’t mean OP has to if there’s a sensible alternative.

Wanting to be with your Mum when you're not well makes me wonder why Mum was happy to send her with a sickness bug. Poor thing.

Of course the sensible thing would be to have isolated her and have her Mum spoil her whilst preventing giving the bug to you or the newborn.