Step daughter and new born

[Worriedmom98]

Wanting peoples opinions, I have a 7 week old and my partner has a daughter to his ex partner who he pays plenty a month for - on our weekend to have her she’s come down with a sickness bug ( mother hadn’t informed us it was my step daughter that told us). I do not want me or my new born getting if can be prevented, with that my partner rang her and explained both of our worry’s this is the first time in 5 years we’ve ever had to do this, she proceeds to call him a sh*t dad and that we have to tell her ourselves “we don’t want her” and that she can’t believe we’re not having her. I understand she isn’t gonna be thrilled about our baby but do people not have any regard over a new borns health? she is now asking for an additional money of £20 to feed her for that evening meal and for meals the day after. I don’t want the argument but I also don’t want to put my new born at risk of a sickness bug if it can be prevented

I'm not a clinician or a scientist, but I thought newborns got good protection from the mother's own immune system through maternal antibodies passing through the placenta, and through breast ilk if breastfeeding.

Something that far too many posters on this thread seem to be lacking.

Some of the stupid and uneducated posts from the hard of thinking just beggars belief.

I'm not surprised the OP has left the thread.

OP - "should I risk exposing my tiny baby to D and V?"

Majority of posters - "yes"

I have no words.

if this was a thread about SD mother sending her while having d&v and the new born getting sick or worse hospitalised because of it which is very possible MN would have a very different out look and wouldn’t then be telling OP to just “get on with it”

OP may very well see the maintenance paid as plenty, but the other parent doesn’t get the luxury to cap the figure for their children per month regardless. If the children need something the main parent has to find a way of providing this whether they can afford it or not!

But it’s NOT being dealt with “sensitively” by mum from the OP, who has the most time with SD. We don’t know the reasons mum views SD as being not wanted, but SD may already feel ostracised based on the OP, rightly - or wrongly! The situation is far from perfect but it must be centred on both of the children in the family.

In my opinion, OPs husband must handle it with SD, with the knowledge mum will present it as “you aren’t wanted this weekend”. SD at 15 so would probably appreciate a frank conversation, with dad, about the pros and cons - explain the very real risks to her baby (half) sister. All of the facts about infection control that the “morons” on this thread apparently don’t understand.

Ultimately if dad and OP want SD to view herself as having two homes, she needs to be welcome at both! It’s not the same as guidelines not to go to work or school?! These are her immediate family members (mum and dad!). Give her the choice!

Surely NHSguidance should be followed- it’s not a case of preference it’s clinical advice!

I likewise missed three weekends at my Dads, Step-mums and half sisters because she had chicken pox when I was doing my GCSEs because I couldn’t risk being unwell.

My Dad actually caught chickenpox from my half sister which is why it was three weeks.

It’s sensible to follow NHS guidance, and this demonstrates that it’s nothing a preference of family but a medical decision

But the NHS guidance says stay at home - limit contact - don’t go to work or school.

All do which could be followed in this instance if the SD has two homes and is sensible with handwashing, keeping a reasonable distance from baby.

Consider whether both of your parents agreed that it was in your best interests to stay at your mothers. In this individual case the mum is clearly pushing a different narrative from OP which is where the trouble lies.

It’s like no-one on here lives in the real world and as never had to rearrange a plan with their own family member or friend due to an illness… but because the narrative is the wicked step mum it’s not okay to do that and should run the risk of their new born getting ill just to please the SD and mums feelings

Yes the guidance states:

Stay off school or work until you've not been sick or had diarrhoea for at least 2 days.
If you have a high temperature or do not feel well enough to do your normal activities, try to stay at home and avoid contact with other people until you feel better.

I highlight the ‘stay at home and avoid contact with other people until you feel better’

A newborn baby must fall within that guidance!

There is a chance that the Stepdaughter could have Norovirus which is particularly dangerous for newborns!

Only a hateful parent would consider sending an infected child to a family with a newborn baby in it! I add that the mum also insisted on having money to look after her own sick daughter!

Anyone with a soul wouldn’t behave like that…

If a child is sick then they need to be isolated and looked after wherever they have the illness! To want to spread it around is disgraceful!

www.gov.uk/government/news/ukhsa-warns-of-potential-second-norovirus-wave

I think in this situation it’s right that she doesn’t come over this weekend. It’s also absolutely not the same as a resident child being ill, and I hate this being used as an excuse for ill people being around tiny babies,

I can't believe some of these nasty posts. YANBU at all. You have a tiny, vulnerable baby. You're also post partum and healing, the last thing either of you need is a sickness bug. People saying 'well if she lived with you full time you couldn't just turf her out', well the simple fact is she doesn't, she has somewhere else she can stay until she is better so it would make complete sense for her to stay there. She's also 15, not a young child so presumably old enough to understand and given that she has told you herself, reasonable enough to also want to avoid passing her illness to you all. Have her and her dad rearrange for when she is better!

I think this should come down to how SD is feeling and what SD wants to do, if she is feeling well enough and wants to spend time with her DF and sibling then she should be able to. If she’s feeling poorly and would prefer to stay at home then that should also be facilitated. What was the sickness bug a 24hour thing?

What about what SM wants to do for her child? There’s 2 children here and just because one is a step and god forbid that a step child’s feelings are hurt there’s still 2 children here and a 7 week old trumps that for me in this situation

I did say anything about the SC’s feelings. At the end of the day kids are sick and they get over it. If they are being sick they probably would prefer to stay home. It all comes across a bit PFB if SM doesn’t want SC to come over because she was sick earlier in the week.

Yeah course they do, but would you walk into a room with d&v just because you can get over it or would you avoid it if possible? Why should the SD get to decide when clearly the SM doesn’t want that for her own child? Should a child over rule a mother? Does your child over rule you? Or again is it just because she’s a step mum and her wants and needs don’t need to be met for her own child?

I 100% agree. If you’ve read any of my previous posts you’d see this. I have said right from the start DSC mum should be sent the £20 regardless of what OP thinks of this. OP herself has said that they would be making up for the missed weekend. I don’t think DSC mum should be out of pocket for this.

my point from my post is that sad as it is that there is perceived pettiness over money here perhaps both households are struggling financially and both should be given grace for that

This is posted on children’s health . Bugs ( such as noro) are exceptionally contagious and particularly bad for babies. As another poster alluded to , why put the baby at risk when there is no actual need to ? 15 year old would have been absolutely fine at mums .

Also people saying kids get bugs all the time , I never did when i got to a certain age. I wouldn’t dream of spreading a vomit bug to a baby .

You are actually wrong , the correct answer is the original poster is not unreasonable to protect their 7 week old from this bug .
I would banish anyone away from my 7 week old who had a bug.

it’s only because she is a step parent we have these ridiculous views . Everyone knows stomach bugs are terrible and everyone knows a 7 week old is vulnerable.

I can’t imagine any normal 15 year old would feel ostracised . Everyone knows if you are puking people will want to stay away and you should not spread it.

From what you've said about the mother wanting £20 'to feed her', it's clear there is a rather bitter relationship with your husband and I'd be protecting all the children from that, rather than a few germs. As PP have said, babies come into homes full of other children all the time. It's right now, your SD needs to feel extremely wanted.

if you’d of educated your self on d&v around babies then you’d soon come to realise it’s more then a “few germs” those few germs can leave long term effects or even worse lethal.. and you think that’s less important then feeling wanted? For one weekend? Your all barking

Then the person really at fault in this situation is the mum who is being utterly selfish and irresponsible. More interested in shipping her dd out for the weekend than she is about the wellbeing of a tiny baby. She could easily explain to her dd that it is safer for her to be at home while she recovers but she is probably feeding the ‘you aren’t wanted’ rhetoric which is disgraceful.

The op and her dh could also offer a different weekend in place of this one once she’s recovered.

There shouldn’t be any choice to be made. It’s absolute madness to expose a newborn baby to a sickness bug when there is another option. Absolutely mind blown that posters think this is ok. I’m certain it’s to do with the stepparent element.

Please go and educate yourself on infection control!

The vulnerable baby's health is more important than the feelings of a 15 year old.

And stop with the whataboutery. It's irrelevant.

Right come on let’s not be dramatic no-one is saying that in fact it’s been referred to as a sickness bug which could have been sick once two days earlier, if the child is well now they are well and shouldn’t be restricted access to their DF or sibling just because SM is being PFB. As I said if they are sick they aren’t going to want to leave home anyway and they should be made to.

Are you not reading the same thread as me? OP has said her SD is sick and doesn’t want her new born getting sick either. Look at the facts instead of making stories up in your head, that she “might be better now” your trying to down play a illness thats being exposed to a new born the only dramatics here is that no-one can comprehend SD misses out on a weekend that OP has said will make up..

I mean more in general terms, it would be great for everybody if they could cap a month figure to support the children. It irritates me when one parent states it’s plenty or all they can afford when the they don’t cover anywhere close of 50% of their own children’s costs. Then there is always a step parent not far away from this supporting this or trying to give less all of the time for the step child’s maintenance.