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Reveal the most disgusting thing your child has ever done to win £100 Argos voucher and more!

241 replies

EmilyMumsnet · 15/06/2015 12:30

We all know that children can be the most delightful, innocent little angels - charming, sweet and pure. They can also sometimes be the most disgusting creatures to ever walk this earth. Every mother has seen their child do something outright revolting at least once, if not repeatedly.

We're asking you to dredge up these horror stories for the chance to win copies of Dirty Bertie: Jackpot! An expert in all things yukky, there’s nothing Bertie likes more than to be surrounded by worms, fleas, bogeys, burps and suspicious smells... And if his enthusiastic young readers are anything to go by, he’s not alone!

Tell us the most disgusting thing your child has ever done for the chance to win one of 6 copies of the book. The most utterly disgusting story will also win the poster a £100 Argos voucher!

This competition is now closed. Winners will be contacted shortly

This competition is sponsored by Little Tiger

Reveal the most disgusting thing your child has ever done to win £100 Argos voucher and more!
OP posts:
Freyathecatt · 16/06/2015 04:18

We're doing baby led weaning with my 8month old daughter and she had enthusiastically gummed on some carrot and other vegetable sticks for lunch. As I was lifting her out of the high chair she vomited up an unpleasant mix of milk and lumps of veggies. I gingerly carried her through to the living room where I passed her over to my mum (who was fortunately visiting) to clean up. I walked back into the kitchen just in time to see my gluttonous two year old putting a lump of regurgitated carrot into his mouth and chewing. I shouted, "No!" in revulsion, he pulled a disgusted face and trotted to the living room for a swig of water.

Maybe he won't eat food off the floor anymore... Doubt it.

alison1808 · 16/06/2015 08:48

As a baby, my son managed to projectile vomit straight into my mouth as I was chatting to my husband - who nearly threw up himself as it was absolutely disgusting!!

BigRedDebby · 16/06/2015 09:12

Oh , where to begin...
My eldest dd frequently ate dirt from the garden. She would have her back to me and I would shout"Are you eating dirt again?" "no" she would say and turn around to display the mud coating her mouth and face.
She was also an expert poo painter if you didn't get to her quick enough in the morning. Her cot would make any historical resident of Bedlam proud.
When dd2 was about 6mths old I had stripped her off on the changing mat, and left her to air her bum whilst I turned the shower on for dd1. When I returned she had poo'd, rolled in it, and was producing a fine attempt at breast stroke across the floor. I picked her up( at arms length!) and carried her through to the bathroom to put her in the shower with her 3yr old sister. Dd1 saw poo coated dd2 coming towards her and shot out of the shower sideways pulling the shower rail and curtain down.
So I am stood with poo coated dd2 at arms length, dd1 is sat shrieking on the loo whilst water rains down upon us all from the now uncontained shower..... And the doorbell rings.....

shitebag · 16/06/2015 09:35

Not my kids but my brother.

When he was 3 he came across the box of tamppons in the bathroom, cue the "mummy what's this?", my Mum told him that ladies used them when they had sore bellies which he seemed happy with and off he went to play.

A few weeks later he was complaining of a sore stomach because he had diarrhoea, he went off to the toilet for another go and we suddenly heard " ow, ow, ooya" then my brother runs through stark naked with shit covered hands and tells my Mum he used one of her plasters and his belly was still sore and so was his bum was sore too.

We were confused about the 'plaster' until he turned to walk out the room and we spotted the little white string dangling between his arse cheeks... My mum called him over, pulled the string and sure enough out came a shit covered tampon along with a rather interesting puddle that had been jammed in.

He had shoved the whole thing, applicator and all up his arse to fix his stomach!

He's 21 now and I still threaten to tell his mates if he noises me up :o

InMySpareTime · 16/06/2015 10:02

DS used to hunt snails when he was very young. He'd crawl/toddle up to a bunch of snails and point at one. A while later, he'd find that exact one (to this day I have no idea how he kept track, but it was always the one he'd pointed at!) and eat it with a look of pure joy.
The first time, I fished out some bits of shell from his mouth, but after a while I took the pragmatic view that it was a way to get greens (that the snails ate) and calcium (shell) into his otherwise limited diet.
After a year or so he lost interest in snail hunting anyway.

InMySpareTime · 16/06/2015 10:06

DD (I'm coming out as a really negligent mother here, but thought it warranted a separate post) once got up early and climbed on furniture to reach the tub of vapour rub.
I woke to the overpowering scent of menthol and eucalyptus, and found her looking pleased with herself, all greasy and slicked with vapour rub. She'd wedged it into her ears, up her nose, and (given the streaming tear tracks down her face) got a good bit into her eyes too.
It took weeks to get it all off, and given the state of her nappies in the following days she must have eaten a lot of the tub too.

katiewalters · 16/06/2015 10:15

when my son was nearly 3. he told me he had made me a drink of water. I should have been suspicious as he didn't normally bring me drinks, but i thought maybe his dad had given it him to give me. I had a sip and it tasted a bit funny but I just drank more, thought maybe the tap hadn't ran for very long, as it wasn't that cold either. Later on in the day my son had gone to the toilet, I went to check on him as he was taking quite a while. I found him with a cup in the toilet, scooping the toilet water into the cup. I was like what are you doing, and he said I was making you another drink of water as you liked it so much. I wanted to vomit when I realised I had drunk toilet water! Hes 6 now, and if he brought me some water now, I would think twice before I drank it!

Pyjamaface · 16/06/2015 10:28

Hmmm its either:

The dirty protest on Fathers Day 2010. I woke up to find DS, the cot, the walls, the floor etc covered in poop. He had even got it in his ears. I had to stop and think for a bit about where to start

Or

When he was 2, playing in the garden and suddenly stopped and, with full unblinking eye contact, ate a snail. I was quick, but not quick enough, to stop him and he was most upset as I tried to get as much as I could out of his mouth

He also used to like taking his nappy off in the morning and peeing out of the bars of his cot. The first you knew about it was when you stepped in it......my child is somewhat gross Grin

Missymoomoo1979 · 16/06/2015 10:42

Ds 2 is 9. He loves spaghetti. He was eating it one day when he sneezed and out of his nostril came a long piece of spaghetti. He thought it was highly amusing Grin

Emrob86 · 16/06/2015 10:45

It's not that bad really but my daughter had some kind of stomach bug and threw up all over her bed in the dark and I didn't see how bad it was and lifted her up and she smeared it all over my hair and face...

It was really smelly vomit...

Pumpeedo · 16/06/2015 10:51

DS1 was about 3 years old when he brought through a little seed and asked me if we could plant it. I took the little seed from him and remarked how exciting it would be to see what sort of plant it would be. I asked where he'd found it and he replied that he'd picked it out of his bottom. It was a seeded batch loaf seed that had passed through his system and was now perched on my hand. Yuk.

sallyst123 · 16/06/2015 13:25

The most disgusting habit my dd has Is picking her nose, examining the findings on the end of her finger before quite happily eating it.
It's vile really turns my stomach & makes me question my ability to cook when she will very happily eat bogies but eating a nice freshly cooked dinner is a trauma to her!!!

SayThisOnlyOnce · 16/06/2015 13:31

Blimey if your post wasn't blue EmilyMN I'd think you were the famous poo troll!!

I think the most disgusting thing DS has done is telling me he's going to vote Tory when he grows up Wink

LadyDeadpool · 16/06/2015 13:55

We discovered DDs bogey wall, a wall upon which she had been wiping copious amounts of bogeys over a lengthy period of time just last year. She's 12.

stayathomegardener · 16/06/2015 13:55

We were sat in the garden unexpectedly negotiating the purchase of some land with a rival buyer and DD then 4 came over asking for the loo, not wishing to disturb the delicate negotiations I indicated she should have a wee behind the trampoline, she looked rather surprised but trotted dutifully off.
As negotiagations continues I could see over the shoulder of the rival buyer that it was not a wee but a poo. I and indeed DD then watched in horror on my part and facination on hers as the dog then proceeded to eat it.

DD is now a lovely 16, the dog is still with us and rival buyer bought the land.

eteo · 16/06/2015 14:42

My 3 year old daughter poo in swimming pool! The swimming teacher had to scoop up all her rabbit poo. Yes, tiny little ones as he had to put it in the toilet paper.
Oh.. Then a kid puke in the same pool soon after he cleaned it all up.

Smooshface · 16/06/2015 14:44

DD 18 months old found a slug in the house and tried to eat it. Had to fish it out of her mouth. Still makes me queasy thinking about it!

harlina123 · 16/06/2015 14:53

The most disgusting thing my child did she was crawling round a tree and when she came back round had a dog pooh in her hand x

mapmyface · 16/06/2015 15:14

Driving home from my mothers one day with ds aged 3.5 and dd aged 2. Dd unknowingly to me had some dog poo on her shoes and had been holding her feet in her hands so was covered in dog poo too. When ds noticed he stated to retch which made me retch too. Ds was then sick all over the back of the car. When I managed to get home I had two children to clean up and the car to disinfect. Worst day ever

MrsMarigold · 16/06/2015 15:21

We went to france when DD was 2, she pooed in her cot smeared it everywhere and ate it. The cot was borrowed from the (childless) people who owned the gite who were appalled especially because they had beening cooing over how cute and angelic she looked.

Tabby33 · 17/06/2015 10:39

Hello,

my boy is only 1.5 years old and so far has eaten mud, worms and even tried a cigarette butt (yes this makes me sound like an awful parent, but believe me he is fast!). He loves rubbing the mud in his hair! Don't ask why?!

We regularly have to grab him before he eats the dogs food and he then drops it in the dogs water and tries to eat it again! Gross!!

I think I am going to have my hands full with this little boy!

Usernamesarehard · 17/06/2015 10:41

I'm afraid my ds2 ate his own poo age 1.... Blush

PositiveAttitude · 17/06/2015 10:58

DD3 was happily playing when she was about 3 years old. She suddenly vomited all over the carpet, she looked at the pile of puke, and noticed an undigested sweet, she said, "Oh my favourite" and picked it up and started eating it for the second time!

nerysw · 17/06/2015 19:43

Ah, the joys of parenthood. My two have covered me in sick, had a poo in the bath, eaten cat food, put my stuff down the toilet, drank so much bathwater they threw up (copiously), covered each other head to toe in mud and much more. I'm hardened to it now.

babyowl · 18/06/2015 12:46

On the way out the door to nursery, I noticed dd (then under 2) smelling slightly "minty" when I picked her up seconds after locking our front door. Checked her mouth & fished out a USED piece of chewing gum that someone had thrown down our stairwell.

If that doesn't make you cringe enough, whilst playing with a friend in a small park (both kids aged 5), the two of them picked up a used needle.

Am surprised Disney or similar haven't come out with some public service good manners/hygiene guide as I'm always pointing out that Disney princesses do not wipe their noses with their forearms/ or wipe dirty food hands under the table!