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Reveal the most disgusting thing your child has ever done to win £100 Argos voucher and more!

241 replies

EmilyMumsnet · 15/06/2015 12:30

We all know that children can be the most delightful, innocent little angels - charming, sweet and pure. They can also sometimes be the most disgusting creatures to ever walk this earth. Every mother has seen their child do something outright revolting at least once, if not repeatedly.

We're asking you to dredge up these horror stories for the chance to win copies of Dirty Bertie: Jackpot! An expert in all things yukky, there’s nothing Bertie likes more than to be surrounded by worms, fleas, bogeys, burps and suspicious smells... And if his enthusiastic young readers are anything to go by, he’s not alone!

Tell us the most disgusting thing your child has ever done for the chance to win one of 6 copies of the book. The most utterly disgusting story will also win the poster a £100 Argos voucher!

This competition is now closed. Winners will be contacted shortly

This competition is sponsored by Little Tiger

Reveal the most disgusting thing your child has ever done to win £100 Argos voucher and more!
OP posts:
MrsNextDoor · 15/06/2015 13:44

When my niece was almost 3, she used to spend a lot of time at our house when her Mum was working...she loved our garden and I'd watch her play whilst I sat on the patio....one day I went into the sitting room to answer the phone...I could see her through the open French Windows though...as she happily grubbed about in the earth.

I watched her while I spoke on the phone briefly and then noticed she'd been quiet for some time...and very still. I went out to investigate...it was only a few steps...and there she was, covered in fox poo and ants. Shock

She'd basically found a fox's "doings" and was "catching ants" with it by dint of pressing their poor little bodies into the foxy nuggets. [blech] I had to disinfect her and was so worried she'd get some sort of infection.

InAndOfMyself · 15/06/2015 17:04

My son had bad reflux when he was a newborn and had a bad habit of puking down my shirt, never his father's. Somehow he always managed to swivel his head in such a way that it went straight down my shirt and pooled in my bra. He also waited until I was holding him to puke.

I once had just stepped out of the shower, after a puking incident, and had changed into a clean bra and shirt. I picked my son up and, you guessed it, right down my shirt into the bra.

Bless.

NorbertDentressangle · 15/06/2015 17:13

When DS was crawling age he ate some cat sick

(Disclaimer - this did NOT happen on my watch!! DP was in charge, hadn't noticed the elderly cat had come in and thrown up and it was only when DS went suspiciously quiet that he realised what had happened)

sallyc06 · 15/06/2015 17:15

I left my double pushchair by the veg shop door and when I came out, a bite was taken out of every apple in the display, needless to say I walked away innocently!!

babybarrister · 15/06/2015 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sjonlegs · 15/06/2015 17:22

I can remember my son having a 'dirty protest' with the Metanium! Anyone who doesn't know this bright yellow bottom healer won't understand exactly how difficult it is to get off and the fact that it soaks into clothes, carpets, curtains, etc ... that was an expensive day ... and I remember there were a few tears shed ... mine for certain!

BearAusten · 15/06/2015 17:24

My son had an unfortunate habit of licking bus and train windows when he was smaller. Although we tried to prevent him, sometimes we just were not quick enough. Result a lot of colds, but strangely enough no diarrhoea and sickness.

ChocolateBreakfastBalls · 15/06/2015 17:29

When DS1 was about 18 months old, he learned how to remove his nappies. He also shared a room with 6 month old DS2 at this stage.

One day, I woke up in the morning to total silence. Total silence despite having a toddler and a baby. Needless to say I was somewhat apprehensive.

Luckily, when I went to get them they were both fine. They were also covered from head to two with the contents of DS1's nappy. Yes, not only had he decorated himself with poo, he'd also shared this joy with his baby brother. And also the bed, cot, walls, carpet, curtains...

I very nearly quit parenting that day.

Sparrow03 · 15/06/2015 18:14

My middle daughter used to enjoy licking random items (trolleys, windows etc) and she also enjoyed taking her shoes off in the car. One day when she was about 2, she had gone quiet in the car coming come from nursery. When we got home, I found she had combined these two things and was licking something Off the bottom of her shoe which looked like dirty brown gummy stuff with bits of grass, dirt, crumbs and glitter stuck to it. Amazingly she was fine. She wasn't allowed shoes in the car for months after that.

WowOoo · 15/06/2015 18:16

I once picked Ds up after he'd eaten apple pie with ice cream. We were at a rare family gathering. I held him aloft and he was sick all over my face.
I'm missing from the photos after this as I was attempting to clean myself up in the toilets. If only I'd brought spare clothes for myself!

JasperDamerel · 15/06/2015 18:24

When my son was around 7 months old, and confidently cruising, his big sister still needed some help wiping her bottom after a poo. One day, I heard a voice from upstairs calling, "MUMMY! WIPE MY BOTTOM!". So I went upstairs with DS under one arm, and set him down on the bathroom floor. DD hopped down from the loo and bent over for ease of access. While I was wiping I looked up and saw DS. He had made his way to the toilet, and was standing, holding himself up by the bowl with one hand, and using the other hand to scoop up a handful of his sister's poo and eat it. I felt queasy, but he suffered no ill effects, and has grown up to be fairly clean.

CMOTDibbler · 15/06/2015 18:32

Not my ds, but years ago dh and I babysat his nephew and niece for an entire weekend.

In the course of this weekend dnephew, despite frequent reminders/instructions to go to the loo was found rolling his tricycle through a puddle of wee to make patterns on the path.

At teatime day1, they had fishfingers and spaghetti hoops. Later I noticed dnephew eating something. Spaghetti hoops in fact. Closer inspection revealed a dungaree pocket full of them that he had sucked the sauce off and put away for later. Lovely.

MooseyMoo · 15/06/2015 18:59

My DD went through a phase of removing her nappy at nap or bedtime when she woke up. I felt very clever putting her sleeping bag on backwards at night and making sure I went up immediately when I heard her wake from her afternoon nap.

One afternoon, I was late getting to her and and she had not whipped off her nappy. Phew. Then I registered the pleased look on her face and the chocolate smeared up her arms, wall, cot bars and mattress. And then I realised with horror that it was not chocolate. She had stuck her hand in her nappy, grabbed some of her poo and smeared it gleefully everywhere. I didn't know where to begin with that clean up.

pennwood · 15/06/2015 19:07

When my daughter was young she showed an interest in gardening which we encouraged until we found her eating the worms she had dug up!

favouritebooks · 15/06/2015 19:42

When my daughter was a teenage she thought I had chocolate buttons in the fridge and ate them, but when I told her they were my dogs chocolate buttons she ate, my daughter thought I was having a laugh with her. But I wasn't.

tsonlyme · 15/06/2015 19:46

When dd was a toddler she disappeared upstairs and went quiet which of course is the harbinger of doom. I found her in the bathroom dipping a flannel in the loo then sucking on it. Bleurgh.

monkeyfacegrace · 15/06/2015 19:50

Dd was about 2. I'd left her in the paddling pool while popping into the kitchen for a drink. I came back just as she'd had a poo in there. The night before, she'd eaten sweetcorn. So, floating in the pool, was poo and sweetcorn. Which to my horror she started to re-eat before I could scream no!

buffersandbumpers · 15/06/2015 19:54

I came down the stairs, ready to take DD1 (14months) to the childminder, to find DD1 brushing her hair with the loo brush.

Hoppinggreen · 15/06/2015 21:10

After a restless night with my 2 year old I was having a crafty lie on the sofa with him watching TV. He was sitting next to me " stroking" my hair until I realised he was actually picking his nose and wiping it on my head!!

grecka · 15/06/2015 21:24

My then 4 year old son tried our dog's biscuit! And he liked them!

addictedtosugar · 15/06/2015 21:29

I have fished out a half chewed snail from DS2's mouth. He complained, and demanded it back. He was about 18 months at the time.

lolapops1 · 15/06/2015 21:32

About 16 months old we were in the garden playing,just lounging about,turns out child had eaten a slug,didn't realise til nappy change time where it looked like an undigested grape had came through but no it was half a slug that had to be pulled out.
Makes me sick everytime I see them.

ShatnersBassoon · 15/06/2015 21:37

My eldest brought a chrysalis he'd found in his sandpit into the kitchen. I was panicked by something insecty in the house, and worried that he'd destroyed what was within so I quickly took it from his hand to tuck away safely somewhere outside. It was a sand-coated cat turd.

hanliying · 15/06/2015 21:54

Pick her nose and then put the finger in the mouth

barricade · 16/06/2015 04:03

Too many utterly disgusting misadventures .....

  1. As a 1-year-old, placing his hands down his nappy after he's done a 'do-do' and then proceeding to 'paint' a wall-mural with what he extracted ...
  2. As a 2-year-old, sticking a long-lost but recently-discovered-under-the-sofa pacifier (dummy) in his mouth before we could grab it off him to first wash it (the pacifier had a candy-floss like coating ... and I think it was moving ... 'nuff sed!) ...
  3. And now, nearing 3 years-old, he got hold of the toilet brush and proceeded to ...

... actually, I better stop there, before I become Envy and have you all join me!!

(P.S. that green-faced icon is supposed to represent me 'sick' not 'envious')