Why did you choose not to have children

[hotcoffeebeans]

Hi everyone just a random question really.
If you have never had kids by choice not because of anything else but you chose not to have any.
What was it that made you decide that motherhood was not for you.

Me three, from the age of about 15. DM was an emotionally distant parent, so I never had the experience of a close mother/child bond.

I’m a lesbian and I forgot to have any

Instant aversion therapy, in my case. I had to leave the room and it was 'nope, no way. Not ever.'

Ha ha same. Been annoyed at getting periods, even when I've told my body it's a pointless exercise.

I’ve never had the urge, and as a lesbian I’ve never had to worry about it happening by accident.

It’s not that I don’t like kids, but as a previous poster said, the ‘good’ bits of parenting don’t attract me any more than the ‘bad’ ones. I couldn’t stand sharing my home with anyone, whoever they were. Also I have a phobia about messy eating, although it’s much more under control than it was.

My initial instinct when I see anyone with kids is to feel sorry for them, though obviously I’d never say anything like that since they presumably made the choice and are happy.

Cats are a whole other matter. What maternal instincts I have are fully channelled into cat fostering.

Parenthood just looks hideous to me, I can’t believe so many people aspire to it but each to their own

Like @EmpressaurusOfCats I’m a thoroughly devoted cat mum though

Not sure if I did choose not to have children... More that a choice became apparent over time. Like some PPs I had a difficult childhood, and never wanted that for anyone else. I have very aged parents who are a constant low-level worry, and I don't want anyone to feel like that on my account. The world is going to shit.

I do have stepchildren (grown up now, but around since they were very young) and a husband I love. I try to be a good person and a supportive friend. If it was a choice, it was the right one for me, and hasn't impacted anyone else negatively. So as someone said up-thread somewhere, I'm treading lightly.

The screeching noise that children make physically hurts me (possibly autistic)

Interesting. It hadn't occurred to me that there might be people who don't find it painful.

When I was a child, I decided I didn't want children, or indeed to get married. I never saw a reason to change my mind. Happily single and child free.

I tend to think you should actively choose to have children, not just drift into it. So to me asking why I don't have children seems odd, because clearly I never saw enough reason to actively choose to have them. But I gather a lot of the world doesn't think like that.

Wasn't anyone here scared/physically repulsed at the thought of pregnancy and birth? For many years I used to almost faint when having blood tests, had a pretty bad blood/injury/hospital phobia. So I feel that the choice was pretty much taken away from me. I was convinced I would have had a breakdown if I'd been forced to be pregnant and give birth!
I'm also horrified at the thought of something growing inside like an alien 😆.

I do feel a bit sad now because my parents are dead and I have no siblings. But that's a lot of drudgery to endure for 18+ years just to guarantee I'd have someone to visit when I'm old.

I suffered depression and anxiety in my 30's and couldn't even manage myself. Plus the fact that I love my independence and freedom, like to do things spontaneously, find family films and stuff beyond tedious and don't enjoy the company of kids!

I’m sorry about your phobia. To be honest none of that was a factor for me, I just don’t want children HOWEVER, having to grow a whole human and having it inside me and having to birth it (😱) is one of the many reasons I’m really glad I’ve never wanted children because if I wanted children I’d obviously have had them and so would’ve had to go through all of that and it all sounds scary, painful and/or invasive.

I do have a long list of reasons I’m glad I don’t want children though including school runs, the amount of questions toddlers ask and play dates!

Simple really. I don’t like them.

Can't afford the childcare and I'm not prepared to put myself under the stress of finding a way to "make it work". I can just about keep myself alive and sometimes I even thrive. That wouldn't happen with children.

I have never been able to tolerate the sound of a baby crying, which I suspect is part of being autistic. I also feel nauseated at the thought of being pregnant in the same way that I was nauseated when I caught threadworms.

ETA: @PandoraRocks pregnancy phobia is actually pretty close to how I feel.

For me it’s not just the birth but reading how women end up with tears, incontinence and prolapses from giving birth and the response is basically <shrug>.

Also:

• Symphysiotomies in Ireland.
• The "husband stitch" everywhere.

I knew from a young age I didn't want a life where I was tied to or dependent on a man. Motherhood to me seemed like drudgery, being trapped and financially precarious. Now I know plenty of women for whom motherhood is none of those things but I still wouldn't want to swap places with them.

Wanted them
Never met anyone
Can't afford a child

That's it really. Child free by circumstance

Never wanted to have a baby. Also hated the idea of a 'thing' growing inside my body. Had no normal family background so had no idea I was meant to do this, - i.e. get married, have babies. I had an abortion in my 20s and never regretted it (got pregnant because condom failed and then morning after pill failed).

So I don't feel I am childless not by choice, but now at this point I am childfree partly by choice.

We're part of an interesting subset OP that doesn't get discussed. Not everyone is mourning the babies they didn't have or smug about their childfree lives (comment based on judgy SM posts, please don't take offence!)

I decided not to go down the route of IVF after finding out I would have trouble conceiving naturally. So I am not childless not by choice or childfree by choice. I don't know what the outcome of any IVF treatment would have been. But I am to a point comfortable with my decision. I'd seen relationships ruined and the trauma IVF can cause, hence my choice. But I still get grumpy as fuck when I see a baby bump.

I've often found that the most initially reluctant parents actually make great parents . The people you think will be great parents actually are not . The thing is no one knows until it happens to them . If people don't want kids then they shouldn't be condemned for their decision. My brother and his wife didn't want them so he had a vasectomy. If people ask when they are going to have kids they just say we can't have them without saying why . It usually shuts other people up .

I've never wanted them.
Not a maternal bone in my body.
The thought of being pregnant is beyond repulsive.
I don't like children. They're irritating AF
It really is beyond my comprehension that anyone chooses to have them
Life changing and not in a good way
People with kids do nothing but complain about them
Asked GP if I could get sterilised at 18
Finally got myself sterilised at 30
Best decision of my life
U.K.. 62 yo ✊

Quite the opposite I'd say. It's totally selfish wanting to bring kids into this shit hole of a world

Not mother hood for me but father hood.
I was far too irresponsible in many ways.at times I struggled to look after myself let alone a child and being a dependable partner to anyone.
So younger me in a way would have been a dodged bullet.