Why did you choose not to have children

[hotcoffeebeans]

Hi everyone just a random question really.
If you have never had kids by choice not because of anything else but you chose not to have any.
What was it that made you decide that motherhood was not for you.

Same. Why is it so bad to dislike children? Unless they're your own/have an emotional connection to there's not much in common you can have with them. My 5 year old goddaughter is great but only in really small doses but I love her. Other than that I find her irritating, she's spoilt and doesn't understand the concept of 'no you can't have/do that' due to her parenting.

Doesn't define me or say anything about me as a person at all.

Never felt the urge or maternal and had a selfish, lazy cycle mad husband who wouldn't have been any help at all, he would have been the second child.

I like to please myself and be spontaneous, not wildly spontaneous as in I think I'll go skydiving today but ooh a £5 discount at Hobbycraft has just landed in my inbox I'm going now type of spontaneous. I like my sleep and peace to do what I want to do.

I wouldn't have liked a boy as I've no interest in watching sport and standing in the freezing cold watching a football or rugby match.

People used to say I'd be a great Mum because I like craft and baking cakes 🙄.

However I'm extremely happy being an Auntie to my niece and I pick and choose what I want to do with her and I get to give her back.

Why on earth should we do that? Why should we pretend that we want what they've got, but can't have it?

I don't have strong views on cleaning up shit, afterall I clean up after my dog multiple times a day.
But to the 'someone else's child will be cleaning up your shit when you're old' trope:

• not all old people become incontinent and need care
• anyone who works in a care home will be doing so through choice and in exchange for payment

My mother says that about babies and even admitted that I was fed, clean and had the occasional song sung to me was all she could manage. I am the same with babies too.

Toddlers no way, all that repetitive let's pretend play and obsessions about tv programmes, Tellytubbies, Peppa Pig at al on a loop would send me potty.

I really like children and when I was young I always said I would have some.

Met DH and we talked it over. We both agreed that the world was a pretty shit place to bring children into. We were also worried that it would change or even end our marriage.

44 years on and we are both so glad we chose not to have any. The world is even shitter than it was then and future generations are facing a pretty bleak life. We are also still very happy and very much in love. Good chance that would not be true if we had had children

I think you've missed the point of the thread.

Same for me. Then I had step children who I absolutely love and it's been a joy to be a parent whilst not having kids I know that makes no sense really but I think it's made being a step parent much easier for me and the kids

For me being a step parent seems worse than being a parent - thank god for feminism and living in a developed country where we can all make our own informed decisions, which benefits us and children.

DS 2 doesn't want children neither do many of his friends. He is late 20s. I doubt he'll change his mind or have it changed by anyone else.
He can see how hard it is and not at all interested.

Never wanted them. Never played with baby dolls when I was small, and didn't enjoy the company of other children.

I don't like poo or sick, and can't stand the thought of being pregnant and giving birth.

I also really dislike noise.

I just tell them I've been sterilised. That shuts the fkers up

I'm not saying my kids are great / family life is good. Most of the time it's the opposite. Lots have said they didn't have kids because they don't like them. I'm just saying you can have kids if you dislike them.

Anyway sorry I know this thread isn't for parents.

It seems like a very weird thing to do though. Also risky, since once you’ve got them you’re stuck with them.

@EmpressaurusOfCats

I only came to the conclusion once I was surrounded by their friends.

I think I’ll stick with cats. Not that I have any objection to kids in small doses, but I know I like living with cats.

If you’d known beforehand that you disliked kids, would you have become a parent? It’s a very personal question I know but since you’re on this thread I think it’s a valid one.

Because I was never around them. My brother and sister are early 40s. They don't have kids.

I do have 2 cats. Now the 10 month old cat is the worst out of all the 4. 😂😂

This is an odd thing to say and I can't imagine anyone using it in any context. "You can have a dog if you dislike dogs". "You can move to Spain even if you dislike heat." "You can eat mushrooms even if you dislike them."

Of course you can, but why on earth would you? On the vague hope yours were the exception?

I'm just saying you can have kids if you dislike them

That strikes me as very hard on the DC. Are you under the impression that they won't pick up the dislike? because DM wasn't that maternal or fulfilled by being a mother and all three of us were well aware of that as we grew up. And she was so surprised when she found out we'd known all along.

Your point of view is interesting, @seller2456

And the history of women must be full of others with exactly the same perspective

Other people's children was also a reason for me, to be honest. I can imagine nature making you love your own but you're now totally exposed to all the other horrors (unless you moved to a lighthouse I suppose).

I can imagine that there were millions of women over millennia who didn't like children (their own or other people's) but who were forced into unwilling maternity (and very often suffered and died for it). I'm so grateful that we now have the choice.

Me too. And I think a fair few who still have them because That's What You Do and fear of being judged if they don't.

My neighbours grandchildren are here to stay for the week.

So far - screaming, ball over several times a day, crying, gate slamming, sweet wrappers over fence and some kind of musical toy repeatedly blaring the same tune over and over again. My normally pristine and serene neighbour has aged a year in a week and is counting the days. Even her dog looks sick to the teeth with it all.

So, so glad I didn't have children. Especially when I think that now I could well be knee deep in grandchildren.

I think this is a fair point.

Before I had kids I liked things my way and I mostly could. OH was quite relaxed and didn't mind say me choosing the restaurants, films etc more often. After that I was surprised how much I ended up waiting to do things like eat, or holding my tongue because its not appropriate to discuss x in from of kids and things like no hobby time, not staying out late.

I have really adapted, more than I expected and I think its for me because im an older mum so I had time to do if my way. But some people don't or they just don't like it. And I think its awful when people end up resentful towards their kids like I had hobby time, my house was tidy before you etc...

I think it depends how much you want kids vs how much you enjoy the freedom in your life.