Why did you choose not to have children

[hotcoffeebeans]

Hi everyone just a random question really.
If you have never had kids by choice not because of anything else but you chose not to have any.
What was it that made you decide that motherhood was not for you.

Oh I completely agree, animals are innocent and full of compassion, I would save an animal over a human every single time.

For me it was a horrendous upbringing that ensured I never wanted children, both my sisters became mothers and on a whole have done a great job, but for me no.

Luckily the man I went on to marry was already a father so I never had to deal with his "need" to be a father

I did beg to be sterilised but of course that was never "allowed" and then when I was being advised to have one in my 30's , it kind of threw me a curve ball. Up till then it was my decision, then suddenly that was being taken away. However those feelings only lasted a wee while.

When I hit menopause I got broody - hormones are a bastard at times. Again it was fleeting.

During menopause I did spend time reflecting and thought to myself Id have been a good mum and perhaps I should have gone ahead, but the truth is, it would have been a 5 minute wonder and Id have been as uncaring as my own mother is to me

Im a grandmother to our three grandchildren, one of whom I did bring up for his first 3 years, but Im so glad they arent mine, that I can just dip in and out. I love it when they are here, but dont cost them a thought when they arent

I don’t want children or pets so if I’m not being talked into one I’m being talked into the other. I like children and animals but only other peoples, I wouldn’t have my own. I didn’t choose to be childfree, I was just born that way.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ditto!

My parents (who are very much children are everything) put me off. My mum was not bad, nor was she particularly good. neither did not do much with us and had (still does) an obvious favouritism to boys/sons. My dad liked me until I was 11 and then went on about when I was younger and ‘a nice little thing.’ I got left at home whilst my dad & brother went off for evenings doing stuff.

happycolahappychildren, no more or less than anyone else I suppose. I think it would be much worse to have a partner leave if you do have children tbh, in most cases they don't step up, and often women have to deal with a child's perception that their father has left them too.

DH and I have been married for nearly 30 years, rock solid throughout. I made it very clear to him early in our relationship that children wouldn't be on the cards.

We have seen the relationships of many friends and family flounder, often following the arrival of children. From the outside it just looks as if a bomb gets launched into the middle of a relationship and some never recover. Of my child free friends there seem to be 2 categories. Those, like me, who are in long term relationships, or those who have never really been interested in maintaining a relationship - they have fwb, or are resolutely single. All appear to love their lives.

Can't be arsed.

Truth? While the idea of a mini me sounded cute, I just didn't want to be a parent. Which is kinda crucial when you have kids! 🤷‍♀️

Never with the right person at the right time. Right person but wrong time - wrong man but right time. So never happened. No regrets.

Never wanted them. Never "maternal" as a child. Never played with baby dolls, or played shop keeper etc.

I suspect I'm autistic.

Parents were good in many ways, but always openly said they regretted having children.

I honestly can't understand why anyone would want a child. It's almost like asking "don't you want a horse" and then ppl talking about a deep desire for a horse. Saying you're selfish for not wanting to care for Animals. Yes, there is something in theory that seems it could be fun. But I've never wanted one, and then thinking about keeping one/practicalities is so much work. This times 100,000,000,000.

Why would I want a "child" that needs 24/attention? Who, for most of their life is an "adult", and we know "adult" life is completely f*ed up. Cost of living. Climate change. War. Migration crisis etc etc etc. No one thinks about birthing an adult or what it means to care for a child 24/7. I have so many friends who complain about having to take care of their own kids ("I had to collect them from school, and then they didn't want to go to bed" etc.)

I have a long-term partner who is on the same page.

I 'wanted' children in a default setting kind of way but had mostly on-and-off relationships until meeting DH in my mid-30s.

He didn't want them particularly, though I probably could have swayed it if sufficiently motivated.

Instead I sort of felt relieved that someone else's decision had put it to rest and got on with a life that catered to our own interests, which I enjoy.

I'm very quiet and introverted and children would have meant a big adjustment.

My mother had for years been warning me about the drudgery of motherhood (we're close and I've always felt loved and wanted but my dad was a nightmare and my mother did everything) but rang me when I was 40 and said if we wanted kids we'd better crack on 😀

As a teenager I had a much older friend who said that it was okay to make decisions and regret them, which was novel to me.

I'm a little worried about old age but not moreso than being worried about anything else. This old age loneliness problem we have as a society affects parents as well as non-parents.

🤣 potatoes 🥔. I used to think that before I had them. Kittens and puppies are ridiculously cute.

Tbh I much prefer to rest my cheek on a dog’s head than a baby’s head!

Or my beautiful and soft-furred cat!

Ditto, but cats for me. I never touch babies at all. I can't even fake enthusiasm or interest in them.

Mental health. I had written a fairly long post explaining it all, then scrapped it because I realised I was leaning in to the tendency to try to justify my decision! I don't think anyone should have to.

It is hard sometimes and I do wonder how I would feel about it if my upbringing had been happier and more stable. I think I've made the right choice though as I can't see a scenario where I would cope very well.

I didn’t have children because I don’t want to be a parent.

People often tell me I should have a baby but I’m not just having a baby, I’m becoming a parent. To a baby, a toddler, a child, a teen, an adult. For the rest of my life no matter who my child is, no matter what my child is, no matter the adult they become, I’m their parent. I don’t want to do that and how selfish and unfair would I be if I had a baby when I don’t want to be a parent.

There is NOTHING selfish in ones decision not to have children.
Only parents who regret having their entire lives changed from the moment of conception will say that!
Next times someone tells you it is selfish, ask them to outline exactly how they came to that decision!

I knew from a very young age that I never wanted them and am still very much content with that decision now at 41. I don’t enjoy being around them for long, and I love having the freedom (physically and financially) to live the life I want to. ☺️

Same here, also bad childhood.

Most of the reasons already given.
Plus I feel too selfish to have a seriously ill child that I would have to care for 24/7....though of course I'd have done it if I had too.
And so many people I know have children with issues and endless struggles, it never seems like a beautiful idea to me. I shall probably get roasted for this.

This is exactly my reason. I feel that many people will readily answer the question 'do I want a baby' without giving a second thought to the question 'do I want to be a parent', when that's probably the most important one...

I have a chronic health condition and always exhausted. I would not be able to function with sleepless nights on top of it.

I like the freedom of travelling abroad or moving to another country without consulting anyone else.

I'd be too worried that I'd pass on my mental health condition

It just generally doesn't appeal to me and looks like hard work.