Why did you choose not to have children

[hotcoffeebeans]

Hi everyone just a random question really.
If you have never had kids by choice not because of anything else but you chose not to have any.
What was it that made you decide that motherhood was not for you.

I agree. I wanted children but couldn’t have them. Joining Mumsnet was a total game changer with regard to changing my mindset about being childless.

For women, risking your life for a child more or less starts at giving birth, doesn’t it?

No, it starts at conception, or even before, because the sex act comes with STI risks and pregnancy is dangerous.

Good point.

It was like knowing I was straight - it wasn't a decision I consciously made, I just knew.
I don't find them cute at all.
I have misophonia and high pitched noises hurt.
I don't want the responsibility.
I don't want to be left 'holding the baby'.
Birth injuries? No thank you.
I inherited rheumatoid arthritis. There is no way on God's green earth that I'm putting someone else through it.
I was also a young carer. Because of RA. Again, I will not make someone else go through that.

Neither had I! @Yazzi it's also very relevant here in Australia where lifeguards are (or were when I was growing up) such s thing.

Ah well, the attempted persuasion didn't work on either score. :)

For example: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5051764-hannah-barnes-article-on-traumatic-birth

Like many others here, it wasn’t a decision I actively had to make. I simply never ever wanted them.
If I do actively think about it, there’s absolutely nothing that I’ve seen or experienced or heard that makes me doubt myself even the tiniest bit. None of it is remotely appealing to me.

Apart from a brief blip around 30, I never wanted them. It wasn't an active decision it was just...there. Like moving to Birmingham or retraining as a scaffolder, I'm sure it's for some people but just not something in which I was interested.

You can't put them in kennels, so holidays would be an issue!
Seriously, never been maternal, ever. Requested hysterectomy at 22, didn't get it until early 30s because "I would change my mind" (male docs, natch!)
Have 2 godchildren i love dearly, but still haven't changed my mind about having my own!

I found out I had fertility issues in my late 20s.

I was offered IVF but had zero motivation to go through something like that.

A friend went through something similar at the same time, she said that finding out she had fertility issues only confirmed just how much she desperately wanted babies, so I knew I felt completely different.

I do get the odd pang of 'what if?' but 99% of the time I think thank goodness I'm childfree.

I never felt the need for children and what id have to give up for them.
What i earn is mine.
Its the noise the cost the everything.
So much responsibility.
And i love doing what i want without a care in the world.
I always saw it as giving up my life to care for another.

I wanted children very much. The only men I had sex with, including my husband, were adamant that they didn’t. I didn’t feel resourceful enough to be a single mother. Not all childless people choose to be childless, though I suppose that I did make that choice. It wasn’t a choice that I made willingly

I think it’s to your credit that you didn’t settle for a less than ideal man to have children with and end up in a bad relationship with a man who is a useless father and partner, as so many women seem to.

I never wanted them and knew from a young age. I even tried to get my tubes tied but no doctor would do it for a woman who hadn't had a child, so fucking presumptive. I've also told any man I was in a serious relationship with that if they wanted kids I wasn't the girl for them. Like a lot of people here I am also not maternal, not in the slightest, however when I would tell my mom that she would say I disagree, I've seen the way you are with animals you have so much love to give. Which is true, I would gladly sleep on the floor all night to comfort an ailing animal or pet but will also easily ignore a crying baby without a second thought. I can give all of the love in the world to animals but I just can't give the same to people. Anybody else feel that way?

I think that's why people make the distinction between childless and child free. Childless people are those who wanted children but didn't have them for whatever reason, they feel like their life is now less BC there aren't children in it, child free people like myself never wanted children and feel that they are free to live the life they want without the burden of parenthood.

Me @Childfreecatlady.

I have slept on the floor next to ill or dying cats and dogs and even a hen, and have infinite patience and love for them, and clean up their various messes without a second thought.

I find the thought of the whole business of looking after a human infant totally repugnant. The howling and shrieking. The stink. The vomit. The plastic container of urine and faeces strapped to their bottoms.

Also the fact that nearly all babies look like potatoes whereas other species are infinitely cuter.

There I 've said it!

I’ll pick up a baby if it’s crying (only babies of people I know obviously!) but I wouldn’t say it’s instinctive or I love cuddling babies, it’s more a practical thing. Eg mum is on the loo, cooking, busy doing something else.

I always knew I didn't want to bear children and was always honest with the men in my life. All of whom were initially very happy with that situation but it always changed. I also always felt I couldn't have children, and as it turned out it's not quite the case but near enough to make it difficult and medically it would be unwise if I did. I don't dislike children and have worked with them which I enjoyed, it was the some of the parents that drove me nuts. I have also never ruled out stepchildren as a possibility.

However I've ben midwife and nursemaid to hundred of animals through my work and at home with pets. This morning my DDD (dear duckling daughter) who is 1 told me off for not greeting her in the correct manner i.e. I was walking in the other direction. She hasn't spoken to me since but she will get over it in a few days.

Totally agree!

Human infants leave me indifferent at best. I want nothing to do with them. I can't even fake a smile when other women are cooing over one. And no, I would not pick one up if it was crying. Wouldn't occur to me to do so (and since it's a stranger's child, wouldn't seem remotely appropriate even if I thought of it).

@MarkingBad do ducks get the sulks? Love it! (I have zero experience with birds.)

@MarkingBad @Childfreecatlady I disagree with the idea that we humans are superior beings. We're not, we're destroying the planet. If I had the choice to save a drowning human child or a cat, I'd save the cat

And I find human infants revolting.

Oh goodness yes, like a teenager who have had their phone taken away. And like a teen she'll get over it eventually if I don't respond to her controlling behaviour.

One drake we had that got a talking to from me because he was biting all the others trying to walk past spent weeks not talking to me. 7 days after the incident he came running up for a treat, stopped, seemed to recall he wasn't speaking to me and stomped off, he did that daily for ages, took weeks for him to get over being talked to sternly.

😂😂😂